Buttsecks
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
aka what to do when you hook up with an ex (permission not necessary)
Buttsecks (German: der Arschfick) describes the action of one person inserting their buttocks inside another person's rectum. To human knowledge, this feat has never been achieved without loss of life; hence, buttsecksing is often associated with necrophilia and dead rats.
Moar commonly, "buttsecks" refers to the act of anal sex, which does not kill people but instead turns them gay. Faggots regularly engage in buttsecks with each other, but straight men must remain vigilant for the ever-present threat of surprise buttsecks. You can try to pressure your girlfriend into having anal, too, but then you'll turn her gay which will result in definite anti-lulz.
Most guys who say they like to fuck girls in the ass are actually hiding the fact that they are faggots.
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History of the Phrase
Anal
Pertaining to or relating to the anus.
In the general sense, it refers to sex wherein the anus is penetrated repeatedly to bring pleasure and/or orgasm.
In other usage, it can also be a pejorative meaning excessively strict or by the book. This is a foreshortening of anal retentive, one of the two anal-stage forms of Freudian psychosexual functional fixedness. According to Freud, anal retentives derive their primary physical pleasure from holding back bowel movements and are commonly associated with overly neat, organized, controlling, or rigidly structured personalities. What's ironic about the use of "anal" in the pejorative sense is that it could just as easily apply to the other functional fixedness, anal expulsive. Anal expulsives are said to derive pleasure from the act of defecating and are characterized by disorganized, haphazard, messy, and intuitive personalities.
Example of the sexual sense: Last night, we had anal sex, meaning, Last night, he put his penis into my anus.
Example of the pejorative sense: He was incredibly anal about making sure we used condoms, meaning, He was incredibly insistent that we use condoms.
TL;DR
Fucking a girl in the ass.
Sex
What two people do when they are actually in the same room as each other. Please note this very rarely happens on the internets, as most of us are afraid to venture out into the real world. (For more information, see sex.)
Timeline of Anal Sex
- 2039 BC - The Greeks discover anal sex. General consensus relegates it to the province of cheating husbands and impressionable young boys. (Note: "relegate" might not be the correct word, as these two demographic groups held most of the political power in ancient Greece.)
- 50 AD - The catholic church discovers how to avoid God's wrath
- 1809 - Humphry Davy, an English fag, performs modern anal sex for the first time. Davy connected two wires to a battery and attached a charcoal strip between his butt cheeks. The charged carbon glowed, creating the first illuminated prostate.
- 1820 - Warren De la Rue enclosed a platinum coil in an evacuated sphincter and passed an electric current through it. His dildo design worked but the cost of the precious metal platinum made this an impossible invention for wide-spread use.
- 1835 - James Bowman Lindsay demonstrated constant insertion of dicks to anuses using a prototype lightbulb.
- 1850 - Edward Shepard invented a way to get fucked in the ass using a charcoal filament. Joseph Wilson Swan started working with carbonized paper filaments the same year.
- 1854 - Henricg Globel, a German watchmaker, loses his watch in some guy's ass.
- 1875 - Herman Sprengel invented the mercury vacuum pump, making it possible maintain an erection inside an ass for long periods of time.
- 1875 - Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans are the first people to simultaneously penetrate a third man's ass.
- 1878 - Sir Joseph Wilson Swan (1828-1914), an English physicist, was the first person to convince his girlfriend to take it in the pooper. All prior men resorted to the oops technique.
- 1879 - Thomas Alva Edison invented a carbon filament that burned in his anal wall for forty hours. He continued to improved his invention until it could last for over 1,200 hours using a bamboo-derived ointment.
- 1906 - The General Electric Company were the first to patent a method of having anal sex.
- 1922 - In Soviet Russia, Anal sex discovers you.
- 1925 - Anal sex discovered to lower pregnancy rates.
- 1945 - Adolf Hitler discovers that chugging cyanide and shooting himself in the ass is quite invigorating, even if you die later. This is considered the beginning of comedic anal sex.
- 1984 - Doctor Emmett Brown discovers "Space-age" anal sex by vigorously rubbing a flux capacitor between his butt cheeks at 88mph while Marty McFly masturbates near his face and whips him.
- 1991 - Philips invented a way to ram one's ass for 60,000 hours. This is the anal sex we know today.
- 1994 - Richard Simmons discovers "the hamster technique" and then is rushed to the hospital.
- 1996 Spacemoose declared, "It doesn't hurt, it's just like taking a big dump"
- 2001 Anal bombs are inserted resulting in the buttrape of WTC and major butthurt for both bible bashers and filthy sand dwelling a-rags.
- 2003 Tony Eveready accomplishes "nuts in da ass, dick in da pussy," and then proclaims "BOOYA"
- 2005 Erica engages in anal sex and loves it! She then follows this with some Ass to Mouth.
Variations
The Drink
"Buttsex" is also the name of a coffee based shooter.
Ingredients:
- 2 fl oz Espresso (preferred) or strong black coffee
- 1 fl oz Vodka
- 1 fl oz Triple sec
- 1/3 fl oz lemon or lime juice
Mixing instructions: Start with the coffee, preferably espresso. Add in the vodka, triple sec and lemon juice and stir. Top with whipped cream.
Lube
People will use anything to lubricate the anal orifice before penetration. As always, wisdom on this spews forth from ED IRC :
<@Sheneequa> vaseline was used for buttsecks in the 20's <@NeoLobster> <b>eppigy:</b> according to gay mailing lists, the best lube for anal, next to cum, is a mixture of crisco shortening and astroglide <That_one_guy13) mayo was used by a girl who had called my doctors office, she didn't clean it out and somehow found herself getting orgasms constantly. Sure enough maggots had hatched 73 hours later, keep away from the food items!
After-effects
There are many after-effects to anal sex, most of which are pleasurable. It is sex, you know. Sex is good.
However, some theorize that anal sex is much like spinach, in that if it's forced on you as a small child you will have a hard time enjoying it later in life. Also, if a young girl lets too many men with big cocks fuck out her anus, she can get permanently loosened out back there. This can be used to positive effect for scat porn, as shit will invariably just slip out. When she is forced to purchase Depends for her affliction, she will be widely regarded as a cheap slut, while the men who are responsible for her anal stretchery will be considered studs.
Butthurt
How you feel after a nice long session of dry anal rape. Your ass is pwned. On-line, the term is used metaphorically as a complete mockery to someone whining. It's also a preemptive put down when delivering harsh comments to someone you expect will lash back.
Felching
When the woman's partner busts a nut in her ass then sucks it back out.
Cumfart
After one cums in their partners ass, their partner proceeds to fart. This usually ends up causing a bit of a splatter, and sometimes a neat sound effect. Sometimes Smoothie companies will gather the cum spillage and add it to their smoothies. It is known that the combination of the bodies gas and cum yields a very potent liquid with many health benefits.
Pregnancy
It is possible to become pregnant through buttsecks; this is referred to as butt pregnancy. Unlike in normal pregnancies, the fetus is gestated in the bowel rather than the womb, where it feasts on shit for the nine months leading up to it's "birth," a horrifying event in which the spawn is, in an instant, propelled out of the host's colon in a volcanic display of flame, entrails, and shit. This event is known as a Rectal Womb Explosion. The shit often seeps through the underdeveloped skin, giving the skin a shittish color, and this factor of bowel children is suggested as the possible cause of niggers. Ass children are proven to be the origin of Down Syndrome, Republicans and miscarriage.
Anal Sex and Drama
un_popular once got herself into a lot of Ljdrama after writing about letting her boyfriend put it in the ass. See LJdrama article #516.
Demonstrations
Always a first-date question. No exceptions.
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 High speed net connection |
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 Lol wut? |
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 Getting to first base. Preparation is the key |
 Cumming in the ass might result in an egg yolk effect. |
 from which movie is this picture? send your answer to: tasoku@hotmail.com for the lulz. |
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 4chan buttsecks |
 Claudia Thorn getting assfucked by a guy whose name she doesn't know because she's a whore. |
Miscellanea
 It is a well-know fact that Lindsay Lohan loves sodomy. |
 Uncontrollable rectal spasming may occur. |
 Lol. Bugsex buttsex! |
 Zangief from Street Fighter II performing anal sex. |
 lol bubba has been penetrated |
 Space Moose declares the buttsecks is "like taking a big dump" |
 Anal rape is a growing industry |
 Buttsecks is only gay if you cuddle afterward. |
 HE WANTS MOAR! |
 Dorian Thorn enjoys buttsecks with cucumbers... |
 ...and bananas... |
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 Damn straight |
 Even animals do it. Also counts as bestiality |
Related Articles
- Ass Rape
- Quentin Hubbard
- Poop.mov
- HTS-Noob from totse, who inserted a Highlighter into his ass.
- Samwell
- Fitlads
- Shock sites
- Stick it in her pooper
- Technical virgin
External Links
- Anal Accommodation Guide - If you didn't know, well now you do]
- Buttsex? In my Bible? It's moar likely than you think!
- Anal Sex Q&A
- How To Have Anal Sex
- Jameth's LiveJournal
- The admins of this site are experts of this practice, not unlike the Japanese
- How to train for first time buttsecks
- Video from brutaldildos.com...
- Surprise Buttsecks!!! @YTMND
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