From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Thomas Young Galloway, AKA "Tyg" or "Old Ego Trip", is a self-professed net.god and attention whore who, during the early days of Usenet, became a shining example of just why some people should never be allowed access to a computer, much less one that's been networked in any way, shape or form. Had he not cut his faggot teeth on Usenet, he'd have probably been one of the founders of Wikifaggotry over on TOW. However, he's so fucking gay that not even the Wikinazis will let him play their little Wikifag games. Which is why he now works for Google as a janitor, staff gigolo and technologist.
Much of Tyg's early years are somewhat of a mystery. Mostly because he's embarassed as all get out of having been born to two inbred hillbillies living in the Appalachian ghetto section of the northeastern US. Wouldn't you if you were in his shoes? However, some investigative work has uncovered some facts about the "man" and the "myth" behind the obvious mess.
When Tyg discovered the differences between men and women isn't clear. In fact, most people aren't sure that he's completely got a clue as to why there's differentiation of the sexes. According to Tyg's father, Goober Galloway, he tried giving Tyg the talk about the "birds and the bees", but this only led to him becoming more confused. Goober even attempted to use visual aids, but Tyg used the one year subscriptions to Playboy and Penthouse for toilet paper and birdcage lining.
However, there is a story that circulates most comic book conventions about how Tyg determined the difference between milking a cow and milking a bull. The problem with the story is that each telling differs in the amount of time it took for the Galloway klan to discover which of the two was the source of the milk Tyg was bringing to the dinner table each morning. Some claim it was only a matter of weeks, others claim they didn't figure out Tyg had been milking the family bull until his 14th birthday. Regardless of the time, the core of the story still remains highly accurate, and is further validated by the fact that Tyg's mom, Eudora Mulch Galloway became pregnant from drinking the "milk" and gave birth to not one, but four calves.
Tyg Discovers Comic Books
Growing up in Appalachia wasn't easy, considering the average maximum level of education is only the 2nd grade. Tyg had to learn to read using any materials available, as the local teacher didn't know how to read, much less teach. His big break came when some local missionaries came to the region in an attempt to save the heathens such as Tyg from a life of sin and debauchery. The missionaries gave him a Holy Bible, which Tyg graciously accepted while begging for a second copy for his parents. Both copies allowed Tyg the chance to learn to read by providing him an alternative source of toilet paper - previously he had to use pages from the over two thousand comic books his father and mother had hoarded during World War II instead of turning them over to the war effort paper drives! By the time he was 12, Tyg had a fourth grade reading level - three years greater than his father, and almost double the regional average. He was classified a genius by Appalachian standards, and told that he was exempt from completing the standard high school program. However, this exemption did not provide for a diploma, which in Appalachia was merely a certificate of achievement that you'd simply attended school and not a guarantee that you'd been educated at all. Since Tyg didn't attend due to the exemption, he didn't earn a diploma. He was, of course, informed of this upon his 18th birthday, shortly after his father kicked him out of the ramshackle shack the Galloway klan lived in at the time.
Tyg Goes To College
After buying a fake high school diploma from Johnson Smith - as advertised in the back of an issue of DC Comics' Swing With Scooter, the first gay men's magazine Tyg ever jacked off to - Tyg applied at several colleges and universities across the nation. He was intially accepted by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where he was majoring in custodial engineering with a minor in ditch digging. However, he was expelled in his first semester for having "accidentally" founded Chimera, a Sci-Fi fandom group that sprung out of a Battlestar Galactica premier party that later became Chapel Hill's special enclave for pedophiles, geeks and other degenerate social rejects. Prior to Chimera, most of these undesireables remained in their dorm room closets and/or their parents' basements, but Tyg's initial unificaton effort - getting everyone at the party to refuse to leave the Commons until the show was over - wound up embarassing the Chapel Hill Dean of Students, who days earlier had claimed that the campus was "free of radicals, fags, perverts and sci-fi geeks!" Tyg was kicked off of campus, and to this day claims he was never a member of Chimera even though he created it. Most surviving members of Chimera also agree that Tyg wasn't a member, because if he was they'd have killed him by now because of his insufferable egotism.
After expulsion from Chapel Hill, Tyg applied to many more colleges and universities in hopes of getting accepted to one with a decent Commons with decent TV rooms. He was rejected by all - including City University Of New York, AKA CUNY but pronounced "Cunt" - until he unexpectedly gained admittance to Wheaton College in Massachusetts in 1980. It turns out that Tyg was admitted totally by accident, as he'd misunderstood the Gender question on the application - he'd put "F" for his gender, with the justification being that he hadn't "M'd" in years. As Wheaton at the time was a women's-only institution, to protect their reputation the Wheaton Dean of Bimbos made Tyg dress in drag for the four years he attended. As part of the cover-up, Tyg was given an e-mail account through the "eddie" servers at MIT, and was told that if anyone asks where he went to college, he was to say he went to MIT and studied any damn thing he pleased.
While at Wheaton - later renamed for Wil "Wesley Crusher" Wheaton, another geek fag - Tyg studied quiltmaking, flower arrangement, gay massage therapy, and wound up majoring in Egotism and Anal-Retention. He graduated Summa Cum Inna Ass in 1986 after six years of plodding through bimbo studies, but to this day cannot comprehend why he doesn't menstruate like his classmated did on a monthly basis. This explains why, over the past two decades-plus, Tyg has claimed that he's a super-genius, and has attended MIT where he graduated with a 6.9 GPA. Of course we all know his claims are complete and utter bullshit, as not even U of Phoenix would let him web correspond, lest his presence tarnish their reputation further.
Tyg Discovers Usenet
In 1984, seeking someplace where he could find other rejects and misanthropes he could fit in with - or, at least feel superior to - Tyg discovered Usenet. At that time, Usenet was very new, and only college dwellers with no lives - teachers, professors, professionals, computer scienge geeks and other fags like Tyg knew what it was, and used it accordingly. Tyg felt right at home, and helped found a newsgroup dedicated to comic books and comic book fans.
The Ego Trip Begins
Tyg quickly discovered that hiding behind a monitor allowed even the wimpiest, weakest catamite to pretend he's Mr. T with a 12-inch penis and the will to use it. Now clad in the armor of an intelligent bully, Tyg staked a claim on rec.arts.comics - and Usenet in general - and proceded to make up all the rules. Rule #1 was that nobody could argue with Tyg, or he'd have them kicked off of Usenet. Many were the n00b who fell prey to the Wrath of Tyg, mostly due to Tyg's inability to accept anyone who knew more than he did about comics being allowed to post to the newsgroup. However, as Usenet grew, and access opened up to more than just the academic no-lifes that created it, it was inevitable that Tyg would find serious challenges to his faggotry. The first of which was the infamous Tim Mahoney.
According to most sources, Tyg was the main person behind getting Tim Maroney permanently banned from Usenet. This occurred in 1987 in retaliation for Maroney's being an occult bugger boy for Satan. Maroney's Book of Dzyan was reportedly not about a Cthulu knockoff, but a parody about Tyg's attempts to run Usenet as if he'd been given owner's papers from Day One. Sadly, Tim Maroney became an hero in 2003, where he went to Hell and is now waiting with baited breath for Tyg to join him for S&M group sex with Satan, Hitler, Nixon and every other TOW admin.
Tyg Discovers Conventions
In the mid 1980's, Tyg began seeking new venues for his egotism and obnoxiousness. Being a totally fey comic book geek, he naturally was attracted towards the San Diego Comic Con, where thousands of fags, furries, catamites, bardashes, perverts, retards and child molesters meet each year to prey upon one another. However, instead of a happy raping ground, Tyg discovered that he was among professional rejects with higher levels of self-deification than he was capable of even pretending to achieve in person. Ergo, what worked when he was hiding behind a monitor and a modem had no chance of working in real life - or, at least, as close to "real" as the no-life of a comic book fag could allow.
Tyg was forced to adopt a new persona in public - that of the brownnosing, asskissing Big Name Fan. He'd overeagerly volunteer to help out at conventions across the country for free, offering to carry luggage to convention guests' rooms, set up their convention panels, deliver room service to their rooms at all hours of the night, scrounge up illegal drugs, and even arrange for horny groupies to be available when an artist or writer needed quick sex, going so far as to offer himself as a substitute if none could be secured that met the guest-in-question's perverted needs.
By providing these services, Tyg decided that he'd become a "close personal friend" of 94.5% of the comic book industry. He began to post tall tales of his encounters with many of the creators, and in a very short period of time began using them as an "in your face" weapon against the n00bs arriving on rec.arts.comics. If a n00b crossed Tyg's path, he'd launch into some lame story about how he shared a towel with some writer, or how he bought a diet Coke for some artist, and then claim the n00b wasn't worthy enough to share his bandwidth or his newsgroup because he hadn't sucked the right dick - especially his.
The Cowboy Wally Show
In the mid 1980's, comic book artist Kyle Baker produced a graphic novel entitled The Cowboy Wally Show. It sucked. However, Tyg had, for reasons totally unknown, bought over 1000 copies of the damn thing. In an attempt to try and make back some of the money he'd earned doing hand jobs under the tables of the various "Artist's Rows" of the conventions he'd been hanging around, he conceived a diabolical scam. Using several dozen hoze accounts, he started a thread on rec.arts.comics about the Graphic Novel, and its scarceness. Over the year and a half the thread continued, he managed to sucker over two hundred gullible comic book geeks into buying his excess copies - some of them stained with genetically-weak smegma - for $100.00 USD each. This being before eBay, most of the fleeced had no recourse towards getting their money back, and any attempts to expose Tyg for the fraudster he was usually resulted in someone getting their Usenet access stripped from them. Hint: it wasn't Tyg, which means some BOFHs must have been getting some serious hummers!
The Infamous Tyg Quote File
There is a secret weapon Tyg has used for over two decades. It's a "quote file" that contains over 30,000 quotes, most of which are sarcastic drivel stolen from thousands of sources. Tyg uses these at the end of every post he makes in an effort to make his post look intelligent and/or insulting. The "secret" behind the weapon is that not one single quote originated from Tyg himself, and that each quote determines how Tyg is going to respond. Something as retarded and egotistical as Tyg is genetically incapable of an intelligent thought and/or biting sarcasm that makes sense, so he uses the stolen quotes as a lame-assed framework upon which to launch his attacks against those who offend him. The general concensus is that the day someone wipes his quote file is the day that Tyg will have to become an hero for real.
The Tyg-OM Feud
Apparently two n00bs couldn't jump when Tyg yelled "frog". OM was the first, being as big an egotistical fag himself - if not an even bigger one - it was fated that the two of them would hate each other from first sight. Although there's a whole shitload of disputes and legends and stories about how the feud came about, all of them can be summed up as follows:
- OM showed up on rec.arts.comics as a n00b, and was treated like a n00b.
- OM didn't like being treated as a n00b, and got all butthurt.
- Tyg, who loves to butthurt n00bs because it's the only way he can masturbate, told OM to suck his dick as all n00bs must do according to Tyg's Laws of Usenet.
- OM, denying his own faggy tendencies, felt more threatened than butthurt, and told Tyg he'd bash in his faggot skull with a tire iron if he didn't put his chancred flaccid excuse for a penis away and get off his back.
- Tyg became all pissy as fags are wont to do, and claimed this was an unwarranted death threat.
- Tyg then tried to have OM banned from Usenet for life as he did with Tim Maroney.
- According to various sources, OM's faggot lover and roommate at the time was also the Usenet admin at the college they both studied faggotry at, and OM's Usenet access was saved.
- Now all butthurt himself, Tyg went completely berzerk, and made even more attempts to have OM banned.
- OM responded with more bogus death threats by OM against Tyg just to keep him pissed.
- According to some sources, Tyg became so paranoid that he even put comic book conventions into security lockdowns by claiming that "OM was going to blow up the building and me with it!" None of these claims turned out to be true, and eventually the Comic Book Guys who run such conventions quit listening to the complaints and warnings.
- Still, OM responded to Tyg's paranoia by feeding it, actually going so far as to registering for conventions he knew Tyg was attending, but having no plans whatsoever to actually attend.
- Tyg's paranoia went so far as to actually try to stalk out OM at his place of work, and then write a really retarded satire of his wasted trip.
Of course, this was just the two of them hiding their feelings for one another, as they secretly lusted for one another's sperm to gargle with. The very fact that the "Tyg-OM" feud lasted from 1986 to at least 2005 is simple proof that their unsated desires still run rampant.
Milo Cooper was the other major thorn in Tyg's side, although a short lived one. Milo appeared on rec.arts.comics in 1987, and for the next two years drove Tyg crazy by telling him to go fuck himself and his net.god prattle. He even managed with very little difficulty to keep Tyg from having him banned by explaining to each Unix Geek-Fag BOFH exactly why they should ignore Tyg's temper tantrums. See, Milo was a nigger, and had two friends named "Smith" and "Wesson". Even a BOFH knows not to mess with a nigger with a gun!
Desperate, Tyg called home to cry to his father, who was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. In early 1990, Milo disappeared after picking up his welfare check from the local post office. His remains have never been found, although Tyg's father reportedly bought a new used pickup truck shortly after Milo's disappearance; the cost of the truck, including tax, title and license, was $11.54 USD less than the amount of Milo's check.
Friends Fiends of Lulu
In 1994, Tyg was involved in the founding of Friends of Lulu, an organization of dykes, lezbos and other feminazis like Trina Robbins and Heidi McDonald who banded together in an attempt to remove any semblance of T&A from comic books. Apparently they were pissed over not being allowed to compete in a Cherry Poptart look-alike contest at the 1993 San Diego Comic Con because they were too goddamn butt ugly - not to mention loaded with lots of saggy fat in all places, not just the wrong ones! - and decided they were going to make big fat cunts out of themselves until the comic book industry "cleaned up their act". To date, most comic book publishers ignore the whinings of these bleeding cunts, and nowadays they have to spread their menstruations via boring blogs and equally boring
speeches psychotic rant sessions at conventions. If only they would get their fat, dyke asses back to the kitchen...
Tyg was a charter member - and even claims to have come up with the name of the organization - but was kicked out in 1995 when the FoL Board of Directors ruled that only those who were born genetically female - and not those who just acted like swishy faggots - could be members of FoL. Undaunted, Tyg still sends membership dues to FoL, which they happily deposit into their Swiss bank accounts while continuing to deny him any membership privledges or benefits.
The Many Loves Of Tom Galloway
Tyg has had several romances over the years, but very few have ever come out of his closet. There's a strong probability that Tyg had a relationship with at least four retarded female cousins while growing up in the Appalachias, although the resulting offsprings' resemblance to Tyg could be due to other environmental factors, such as moonshine abuse during pregnancy. The trauma of having been molested by his kin - especially the female ones - may have resulted in his rampant homosexuality. That, or the fact that he was dropped on his head shortly after birth by his mother in an attempt to squash a bug.
Chuq Von Rospach
Until 1988, Tyg had a love affair with Chuq Von Rospach, another net.god based out of U of Berkeley - one of several "institutions of higher learning" where rape was legal on campus - who happend to share the same perverted catamite tastes. The two of them together conspired to run lots of normal, heterosexual comic fans off of rec.arts.comics.*, and did quite a job of it. Between 1985 and 1990, the two of them successfully ran off over twelve thousand n00bs from the rec.arts.comics hierarchy. Many of them wound up over on the rec.arts.startrek groups, where neither Tyg nor Chuq were welcome because they couldn't co-exist with the net.gods that ran that particular geek
heaven ghetto. Some of them even became movers and shakers over on talk.bizarre, and some of them even managed to accidentally breed and produce offspring that would one day help found ED.
The Tyg & Chuq faggot love parade continued until 1990, when Chuq mysteriously recovered from the disease of homosexuality. Much to everyone's surprise, he married another comic book geek - Laurie Sefton, a rarity in comic fandom in that she was halfway attractive and *not* a fat, ugly bulldyke - and went off to start something they claimed was supposed to be a family. This betrayal broke Tyg's heart to the point where he actually tried to become An Hero. Sadly, he did not succeed.
Not that Chuq gave a shit. He went to work for Apple giving John Scull sensuous backrubs and pristine manicures, and grew so fat that now he's called "Chuqui the Hutt". His double chin is reportedly being considered for a Guiness entry, and the most recent earthquake in Califagnia is now theorized to have been the result of Chuq having slipped in the shower. The total irony of Chuq's girth is that, according to several sources, he may have been one of the inspirational sources for "Comic Book Guy" on The Simpsons; those who know Chuq personally claim that CBG talks just like him. This would explain a lot.
But we're not talking about Chuq. We're talking about Tyg. Same shit, different concentration.
In an attempt to fill the hole in his heart - and hopefully the one between his butt cheeks - Tyg became a stalker of infamous Sci-Fi Writer Harlan Ellison. For those not familiar with Harlan or his
famous works of fiction shitty hack jobs - and since no ED article exists yet (there is one now) - Harlan is a loudmouthed, obnoxious midget/dwarf/troll hybrid whose career has totally gone down the toilet, and now resorts to making convention appearances and filing frivolous lawsuits in order to make a living. He claims to have either created every major Sci-Fi innovation of the past 50 years, or owns 90% of the credit for their being successful and innovative. His biggest bogus claims to owner and/or creatorship include:
- Star Trek
- Yo Mama
- Anything to do with boys who own telepathic dogs
- Anything to do with time travel, especially if it involves big stone donuts
- Anything Issac Asimov didn't create
- Any time he's quoted, especially if what's quoted exposes Harlan for the wanking little dwarf he is
As you've probably guessed, Harlan has developed a great following of people who hate his guts. However, as there are psychotic women who fall in love with mass murderers and an heros, there are a few who've fallen head over heels for Harlan Ellison. One of them was - you guessed it - Tom Galloway. Although he was a fan for years, the realization that he loved Harlan Ellison more than life itself came after seeing the infamous "Jellybean" story posted on several Usenet newsgroups. The story goes essentially like this:
The Harlan Ellison "Jellybean Incident"
Some years ago, Harlan apparently made a total ass out of himself at a con panel when he'd apparently gotten fed up with fans wanting to know where the Harlequin got all the jellybeans. He'd gone ballistic over it, and pissed off a lot of fans.
A few cons later, a couple of fans who were at that panel witnessed Harlan chasing after this absolutely gorgeous female fan who'd showed up at the con. What was important about this was that Harlan had apparently found someone female who was perfect *and* shorter than he was. As a result, he was after her like a dog in heat for the two days of the con.
The two fans, after relaying the sappy little scene to other fans, ended up concocting a plan to give Harlie his come-uppance once and for all. One of them would distract Harlan long enough for the other to give Harlan's object of lust a bag of - you guessed it, jellybeans! - to her to give to Harlan as a gift from her to him.
"Trust me, he *loves* them!"
According to witnesses, Harlan *exploded* at the poor gal, screamed, yelled, bitched and cursed, sending her into instant tears and running for dear life. Then jellybeans went *everywhere*. In the end, the gal was never seen again, Harlan didn't get laid, and the entire con had a major laugh.
Enraged, Tyg savagely attacked any and all who laughed at the story, and for a short while was even forced off of Usenet until he sought psychiatric help. Whether he got said help, or simply went to visit a gay bath house for some R&R, is still debated.
What is obvious is that over the next several years, Tyg became obsessed with being Harlan's apologist. Anything Harlan did that caused controversy - which is anything up to and including wiping his ass - he defended with his very worthless life. This was clearly done in hopes of Harlan taking notice and reciprocating the love by rewarding Tyg with the privledge of being allowed to perform fellatio at Harlan's beck and call. Considering Tyg's gut and Harlan's lack of stature, the physical ergonomics of such an act present complications that Tyg's lovestruck mind probably couldn't comprehend at the time.
Much to Tyg's dismay, for all the worthless sack of shit he is, the only thing that he and Harlan had in common were their insufferable egos. Which, of course, meant that Harlan was straight - a fact Tyg should have realized from the start, based on the core element of the "Jellybean Incident", LOL! The troll was chasing a blonde *FEMALE* midget! If Harlan was as queer as you'd wished, would he be sexually harassing a woman? Especially one better looking than Tyg? Of course, not, but try explaining logic to a stalker.
Eventually, Harlan chased Tyg off after trying to get him laid by a female on his thankfully short-lived radio show, but just to be on the safe side Harlan filed a peace bond on Tyg, barring him from coming within 1500' of Harlan at any time. Sadly for Harlan, no cop in the nation would uphold this bond, as most normal people would love to see Harlan get raped to death. And Tyg would still love to do it to him.
Tyg has, on occasion, committed acts that on first glance appear to be romantic overtones towards comic book ubergod and
halfway fully decent ghey writer hack scifag we can no longer respect, cocksucker Neil Gaiman. However, most experts agree that this is simply Tyg brownnosing yet another comic book creator in hopes not of getting to suck his dick, but to get all sorts of collectable merchandise signed and autographed so he can later sell them on eBay for exorbitant prices.
Gaiman, to his credit, intially patted Tyg on the head and allows his usual plethora of attractive female groupies to form a barrier around him, protecting him from possibly being contaminated by Tyg's smegma-laced drooling. More recently, however, his tolerance has apparently disappated significantly, as he's now gone on record as calling for Tyg to be "burned at the stake as a witch!" You go, Neil!
Note to Tyg: just because he pronounces his last name "Gay Man" doesn't mean he'll be attracted to the likes of you. LOL!
Many comic book geeks have been spreading rumors of late that Tyg has finally given up on Harlan Ellison, and has attempted to mend his broken heart by secretly marrying comic book artist and Hentai pervert Phil Foglio. We're sorry to say that the rumor is true, and Phil is expected to give birth to Tyg's mutant bastard child sometime in 2009. The two plan to raise the child together, whom they plan to name for Tyg's former lovers - Thomas Chuqi Harlan Cthulu Galloway-Foglio. This will no doubt be shortened to "Tyg Jr.", provided the gender can be determined.
As stated previously, Tyg has volunteered to be a gay-assed hybrid of a gofer, consciourge, and catamite cabana boy for hundreds of Sci-Fi and comic book conventions for over 20 years. Sometimes he gets paid in sex, sometimes in food, sometimes they even give him a tip of a dollar or three if he'll just go away for a while. Shortly after the premier of Win Ben Stein's Money, Tyg ripped off the concept and began touring the country with the gimmick of Win Tom Galloway's Money. The idea was simple: if Tyg couldn't answer a question about comics or sexual deviant practices, you could advance towards the finals where you could win an unspecified amount of cash. If he answered it, you owed him $100.00 USD. This wound up making Tyg significantly well-off until someone finally made it to the finish, only to discover that the "pot" was only about $21.92 USD in spare change. The public outcry was such that Tyg was forced to stop his touring, which fortuitous in his case as Ben Stein himself was trying to track down Tyg to serve cease and decist papers over having stolen his show's basic concept.
In between conventions, however, he's actually found only two companies that would hire him for any serious amount of time.
Tyg worked for Interleaf - the major competitor for Adobe's PDF format, which isn't saying much - during the early 1990's, until the company was bought out by BroadVision. As Tyg had built a reputation for being an egotistical faggot long before he went to work for Interleaf as a towel boy in the executive sauna room, he was the first to be fired by BroadVision; the company had an official "No Fags Allowed" policy, so out into the street with the bums did Tyg go.
Sometime in 2003, Google decided it needed both technologists and janitors for their home office, and to maximize profits and reduce labor costs the two positions would be combined into one homosexual retard. A temp agency sent over Tyg, who clearly fit the bill being that he's a fat faggot geekoid. Tyg's worked for Google ever since in various capacities, including licking the men's room stalls clean, collecting and classifying Larry Page's turds, and giving Sergey Brin his daily sensual back massage and blow job. Unlike Interleaf, Google seems to appreciate Tyg's efforts, and has actually given him shares of stock. He most likely uses them to press Page's turds into a more categorizable form for later analysis. Or for dinner.
UPDATE: Seems Tyg's also a Technical Writer for Google. Wonder if every paragraph begins with "Um...no."?
Known Obsolete E-Mail Addresses
None of these addresses work anymore, but feel free to use them for bogus e-mail addresses when you surf gay porn sites that require registration. Who knows? Tyg may use them again, and he'll love all those spams!
Tyg has no personal website, as he's too paranoid that OM or some other big fat fag will hunt him down and rape him.
is part of a series on Web 1.0