Mexico

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Mexicans)
Jump to: navigation, search
The Mexican flag is representative of the extensive civil rights Mexicans enjoy.
Typical working mexican helping the USA economy.

Mexico is the land of hallucinogenic chili peppers, government oppression, whores, corruption, tequila, factories, sombreros, sex, and swine influenza. And, of course, the Mexicans. The entire continent of South America is actually part of Mexico as well, but it's too insignificant for the government to recognize this.

Contents

History

Typical Mexican schoolgirls, this image explains Mexico far better than any words can.
Pictured: An average Mexican family on its weekly outing to the local church.
Just a reminder of how the fuck this shit went down.

Last Thursday, the ancient Mayans moved to Mexico, which was a big fucking mistake. They were savage people living a savage lifestyle; they would slice off people's cocks with leaf blowers and eat them just to appease the "Sun God". They created a disorganized, disgruntled group of small villages lacking any contact with the outside world, and things quickly went downhill from there. In the 16th century EVERY FUCKING DAY, the Aztecs were utterly pwned by the Spanish, though the Mayans kept their own land for the next 170 years (and live there still, kidnapping the odd tourist and gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans like to think of themselves as pretty cool, but really it was the Aztecs that had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was a bunch of boring het slashfic about their chicken serpent god Quetzalcoatl which by the way the Aztec god Xiuhcoatl would have pwned anyways. (cause it's got an 'X' in the name and everyone knows the letter 'X' makes everything cooler)

The term "Mexican" is also used by people who want to save time and effort memorizing worthless land soon to be owned by the US states countries like Guatemala, Honduras, Colombia, Venezuela and Nicaragua but not Brazil since its nigger/trap/aids population makes it undesirable for anyone. The origin of the name "Mexican" has been suggested to be derived from Mextli or Mēxihtli, a secret name for the god of war and patron of the Aztecs, Huitzilopochtli, in which case Mēxihco means "Place where Mēxihtli lives".

In the 19th century, Mexico's Government was pwned out of Texas by white people who later gave it as a gift to the United States. It was during this period that the U.S. accidentally captured New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years.

Modern Mexicans are a strange race, adept at computer virus distribution and masked wrestling dropping dead due to swine flu. While there have been few examples of Mexican celebrities finding overseas success, prominent Mexican citizen Chupacabra enjoyed brief fame in the 1990s. And of course, there's always Ricardo Montalban. Other famed celebrity personalities include George Lopez, Che Guevara, and Jose Canseco.

Last Thursday Mexico became the birth place of swine flu, when Mexico City pig fuckers fucked a pig with 4 difference flues, then effectively infecting half of Mexico city over night, after 100 dropped dead the Mexican Government started toclosing fucking everything to prevent it from spreading, after which they infected over 9,000 eurofags, and a few Jews, and has spread from Russia to Peru to Canada to Israel effectively fucking over the whole of mankind. Of course it wouldn't have happened if you had not gone to Mexico for Spring Break, dumbass.

Typical reaction from reading a wikipedia article about Mexican holidays

Geography

Mexico is located under the United States, as it is the U.S.'s step ladder. (interperet this anyway you see fit, it's probably correct)

Present

A Mexican's "upper-class" high paying job.

Modern Mexico is in a sad, lulz-less state. In the late 1990s, the ruling PRI government began distributing maps, first aid kits and fake IDs to select households to encourage the systematic immigration of the entire populace to the United States, an initiative dubbed "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí". In the interim, Mexico is used primarily as a storehouse for drugs, guns and whores. Especially whores. It is also where over 90% of Americans dump their shit, making Mexico the garbage dump of the world (just behind Detroit).

Illegal immigrants that are apprehended by the man are invariably sent back to Mexico (or Meh-hi-ko, as it is pronounced in their primitive tongue). While many favor this initiative, the resulting labor shortage would force whitey to do all those jobs typically filled by the Mexican, actually getting his hands dirty with work in the janitorial, landscaping or lunch-serving fields. As we all know that will never happen, U.S. officials currently have a "revolving door" border policy with Mexico, meaning that once deported, illegal immigrants are free to sneak back over when no one is looking (but not when noone is looking).

How to win.

The major industries in Mexico have stepped up to deal with poverty in their land, though by ensuring that the richest popultion of the country will now be able to use the country's poorer inhabitants as fire wood. Last year major drug cartels, bored with just running shit brick weed and trained professionals across the border, wanted to show they cared, so they decided to sponsor Mexican Idol, in which over 9,000 contestants have to chop off their competitor's heads and stick them in coolersleaving them by the side of the road to show how hardcore he is. The winnar who makes it to the end gets an 8ball of crack and a lifetime contract for making music with major government officials.

How to troll Mexicans

IRL:

  1. Call them chicanos (seriously, they get really angry).
  2. Throw tacos at their faces.
  3. Say that "el santo" is gay (Mexican pedo-wrestler).
  4. Tell them how good it is be legal in a country.
  5. Ask them for tips to cross illegally to other countries.
  6. Tell them to zerg rush another country.
  7. Ask them why do they dress like niggers (fucking cholos).
  8. Tell them how great a hero Cortés was.
  9. Tell them Spain dubs are better than theirs.
  10. (and consequently) Say that Spain can pwn them anyday they want.
  11. Say that Adal Ramones is funnier than Brozo/Andres Bustamante or any other moderately good mexican comedian.
  12.  ????
  13. Profit!!!

Beaner Creation Myth

A typical Mexican parent enjoying some family bonding.

Beaners (an honorific term for a Mexican, one that praises the healthy tint of his skin) believe that they are the children of Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec sky and creation god. The truth, however, is that they are the product of their parents fucking. And those Mexicans do a lot of fucking, amirite?

E.Z.L.N.

Typical Mexican currency.

Irl trolls, and Mexico's discount version of Al Qaeda. Known as Zapatistas, they are what you get when you colonize a country but don't kill its Indians (which is always a bad move).

Mexicans are a Fertile People

A mexican's dream luxury car. Only the top 20% of Mexicans living in Mexifornia could afford this beast.

Mexicans have a proven history of having kids - lots of them, and early. How early? Recently, one in Brazil gave birth at nine. (Link to Fox News, well known for its journalistic integrity.) The record, however, was set in 1939, when a five-year, seven-month-old girl gave birth, meaning she must've gotten bizzay when she was four. When entertaining a Mexican at home, it is always important to first inquire whether or not he or she intends to have sex with you or your children, as (much like the Japanese), fornication is simply a polite way of saying hello.

It is safe to assume that all mexicana you meet are pregnant. For each child they shit out, the US government pays them an extra $250 in addition to their food coupons.

People named Jesús

Typical Mexican chick

You may be surprised to find that in Mexico, there is Jesus. Not the Jesus, but "Jesús", a common male name. While the two names initially appear similar, note that the Mexican version places a mark above the "u" (the meaning of which continues to puzzle linguists), and that the pronunciation is similar to "HAY-zoos". Some believe this is actually a corruption of "Hey, Zeus" and that the name began as a plea to the thunderbolt-wielding serial rapist from Greek mythology. Others think "ú" is simply a typo.

Mexicans in America

There's no denying it: there's a whole bunch of corn-loving, crop circle-making aliens in the U.S. Srsly. Statistics indicate that Mexicans make up 22.3% of the population in the U.S.A., selling taco-flavored kisses to make their way in a country that seems to be turning increasingly browner...

Actor Edward James Olmos celebrates Mexican style.
Wild Mexicans spotted in they're natural environment
A Day in the Life of a Typical Mexican-American


Typical Mexican ID for Mexicans in America before 2009.
Mexicans in America since 2009.

Mexicans in America 2: The Movie

Once in America, many Mexicans attempt to become more "American". This is accomplished mainly by buying Hollister clothes, celebrating Thanksgiving, and always using the word "dude". A good example of this can be found in Texas, specifically the city of San Antonio, which scientists overwhelmingly agree is in need of a good bombing. These same scientists are also puzzled by why the noticeably darker Mexicans (when compared with whitey) with bad English would think that wearing Hollister and constantly using the word "dude" would make them appear more "white", but it adds to their desire to see San Antonio bombed. It is a fact.

Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show

America's first choice of music is overwhelmingly (c)rap (thank you, niggers, wiggers and chiggers. Your mother would be proud). Mexicans often listen to rap to appear "badass" and even profess to love it. The problem of not actually understanding English, however, was something of a problem, until enterprising young Mex-Americans created Spanish (or Spanglish) rap. Unfortunately, this is even gayer than original rap. It is in fact so gay that the only thing gayer is French rap, which is humiliatingly gay.

Mexican Weather

As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being produced in factories across Mexico, the weather is usually hot and dry. However, the vast number of Taco Bells provide a cool shade, as well as a welcome darkness for half of Mexico's population to have sex and/or rape in privacy. The other half, of course, are the ones being raped.

How to Mexico

  1. Flee your shitty country because it is so horrible.
  2. Do not assimilate into new country's culture and force them to adapt to your dumbass.
  3. Reproduce at the rate of cockroaches and burden social welfare system until it collapses.
  4. Purposefully mold your community into a replica of the place that you fled!
  5. Eat beans and have moar babies.

Absolut Lulz

Mexico City, the most populous city on earth. With 22 milion people living in one place you can just imagine the smell. How did the population get like this you ask? Remember what i said earlier about how Mexicans like to fuck? Yeah...........
Thank God this was fixed.

Recently, the Swedish vodka company "Absolut" ran a controversial magazine/billboard ad in which they displayed a map of the borders of the United States and Mexico in the early 1800s prior to European Anglo-American conquest. On top of this map was the caption "In an Absolut World", with a bottle of vodka sitting in the corner. What this has to do with alcohol is beyond anyone's imagination, but it's not like commercials ever try to make sense, anyway. Like pussies, Absolut only ran the ad in Mexico, but enterprising Americans found out about it and immediately felt butthurt, demanding that the ad be pulled from circuit. Absolut, feeling both public pressure and troll's remorse, yanked the ad like the faggots they are. They did this mainly because they didn't want to lose their American market, which is much important to them (silly Absolut - the Mexicans drink is Tequila.)

While the incident was soon forgotten, evidence of this long-ago, brutal skirmish remains on the internets. On the one side of the Showdown of Stupidity were the fucktards who claimed the ad was disrespectful to Americans and that Absolut was run by a bunch of left-wing t'rrist supporters; on the other was the equally fucktarded opposition, composed mainly of hippies and beaners who like to yell about freedom of speech, stolen territory, and all that other shit that people just start to tune out after a while. Below are some links to Absolut-gate, replete with drama, lulz, and retardation.

YouTube

Fact of the Day

Star Trek Khan: Lock up your señoritas!
Star Trek Khan: TV's first interracial kiss between a Mexican and a ginger.
Status of Mexican influx. Uh-oh.

Villain Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg, and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!", Khan (real name: Rodolfo Neri Vela [1]) is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut, who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and then tries to steal the Enterprise from gringo Captain Kirk after a three-century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene, Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act not repeated until Desperate Housewives. In actuality, there are no Mexicans on any of the Star Trek episodes because, as one could guess, Mexicans don't want to work in the future either.

Mexican American song

Courtesy of Cheech and Chong Mexican Americans, they don;t get into gang fights, they love flowers and music, and white girls named Debbie Duke.

Mexican Americans, have names like Pepe, and Chela, and Pico and Nina...and have a son in law named Jeff.

Mexican Americans, have to get up early in the morning, but they do it, but they do it really slow...

Mexican Americans, have lots of ninos and ninas and nanas and nanos...nonos, nonononono.

Mexican Americans, like education, so they go to night school to take Spanish, and get a "B".

Mexican Americans, do not like to watch movies when the white dude with blue eyes make his eyes brown, while we make our brown eyes blue.

And that's all we got, man. VIVA LA RAZA, ASI.

A Mexican's Career Options

Gallery

La Galería

See Also

External Links


The Commonwealth of Encyclopedia Dramatica
Members Afghanistan | Albania | Antigua and Barbuda | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | The Bahamas | Belgium | Brazil | Canada | China | Colombia | Denmark | Egypt | England | Fiji | Finland | France | The Gambia | Georgia | Germany | Greece | Hungary | Iceland | India | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Japan | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Kurdistan | Latvia | Lebanon | Liberia | Lithuania | Madagascar | Malaysia | Mexico | Moldova | Mozambique | Nauru | Netherlands | New Zealand | Niger | Nigeria | North Korea | Northern Ireland | Norway | Pakistan | Peru | Poland | Portugal | Romania | Russia | Scotland | Serbia | Sierra Leone | Somalia | South Africa | South Korea | Sudan | Switzerland | Sweden | Syria | Tajikistan | Thailand | Turkey | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Venezuela | Vietnam | Wales | Zimbabwe
Kick Banned Kosovo | Kurdistan | Ireland | Palestine | South Ossetia | Taiwan
See Also For drama in your neck of the world, please consult the Encyclopdedia Dramatica Lulz Map.
Personal tools