You
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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You are a worthless waste of life, which is why — at this precise point in the time space continuum — you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren't. You think your taste in music matters. You've seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times. You think playing video games makes you "alternative". You "spontaneously" quote Family Guy and Monty Python. You installed Linux on a partition because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural. Pretty much every human being you attended High School with remembers you only as, "that fat kid." You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. You went to a second-tier state college and joined the Roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you're not a fanboy. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear "ironically" to comic conventions. You drive a 1990's Civic with crumbs on the floor and an "I roll 20's" bumper sticker. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. You have never had sex. You think people shouldn't judge you based on your meager accomplishments because you "could have done better if you tried". You collect Plastic Crap. You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval. You get your ideas and arguments from blogs. You don't get invited, you tag along, which to you is a less offensive way to say crash. You like to tell yourself you "only date nerds because they understand" you, but then masturbate to 10's who wouldn't even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are building the world in their image. You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
Seriously, fuck you.
| —You |
Contents |
Brutal
This kind of content has no humanity. Which makes it true.
Definitions
Your father is also your brother.
You is an ambiguous word that can be either plural or singular depending on the context (which may itself be ambiguous). English is unique in this regard. French does it too, but it's still not common. Eastern languages such as Korean, Chinese and Japanese do this as well, plurality is usually implied and the "plural" suffix is more accurately translated to "and company". Ask a linguist.
You is not in the word team, but there is a me.
You just accidentally a whole Fleshlight.
You are a moron and probably a cunt, and yet, this website will still beg you for money.
You will never find true love.
You have shitting dick nipples.
You are /b/
You spend endless hours emailing girls on Myspace, but your friendlist is still mostly bands.
You Are a fucking furfag
You think The Internet is serious business.
You spelled backwards is suck.
You jack off to goatse, you sick fuck.
You sat through over 9000 revolutions of meatspin.
You had to do the above with a mirror because you starred in the video as the tranny.
You will never reach the stars, You can't even get together with yourself.
You feel uncomfortable when you're alone, because you're afraid to rape yourself.
You give yourself hickies with a vacuum in an attempt to fool people that you actually have a girlfriend. Trust us, you're not fooling anyone but yourself.
You voted for George W. Bush. Twice.
You want to rape your friend and family. Oh, only the family, You do not have any friends.
You are in a shitty local band noone likes, although a few people may claim to so that you dont feel bad.
You Have wet dreams of krillin sucking your cock.
You spent 4 months of savings from bagging groceries on samurai swords, but for some reason you still aren't a ninja.
You need to stop kidding yourself, they pick you last in gym, and it's not because you're the best.
You consider yourself to have a "competitive personality" because you play on Xbox Live.
You cut yourself.
You have been lookin up some runescape porn... Right? O.o
You SUCK DICKS PRIVATE PILE!
You fap to shota/lolicon.
You crank dat Soulja Boy.
You think that milhouse is a meme.
You can't wait to call Gamestop and ask for Battletoads.
You Want Harry Potter to suck yo' dick, you pervert.
You bought Wii Fit to lose weight, but stopped playing after seeing your body mass index.
You probably think this article is not about you. However, in truth, it is.
You are the reason your mom cries and your dad drinks.
You are a Nazi.
You are on your uncle's favorite fapping picture. His second favorite is your mom.
You Killed Jesus.
You are your neighbor's bitch.
You have a deep seeded dream of sucking Master Roshi's cock
You got a bunch of job applications for Christmas. From every single person in your family.
You are a weeaboo.
You Suck.
YOU called rule34 on lunch OMG DIE YOU FREAK
You Were slapped on the ass when you were born
You Have a power level of 8999
You Really, REALLY just wanna go outside and kill yourself right now.
You invented 4chan, asshole.
You Equip giant weapons on your world of warcraft character to draw attention from your microscopic Penis
You have been permanently banned from all boards for the following reason: X.
You are a Jew
You are an accident who has no purpose in life. There is no reason for you to exist and you should become an hero
Oh Fuck me? fuck you.
You Started the swine flu. Way to go Jackass.
You write 400-page walkthroughs for GameFAQs with a tl;dr disclaimer at the top threatening legal action against anyone who violates the copyright of your intellectual property, as if you could afford liability coverage for your shitkicker station wagon, much less a lawyer.
You get trolled into online political debates in which you call your opponents "idiot" and "moron" so repetitively that it loses all meaning, then claim to be in law school or business school or med school or whichever prestigious university you believe would give your opinion credibility, when in fact you've been living with your mom since you dropped out of high school 9 years ago.
You are a pedophile who advocates age-of-consent reform under some twisted delusion that even Helen Keller at 12 would have consented to fucking your fat, ugly, smelly, hairy, nasty, pimply-ridden ass.
You play D&D. Oh, excuse me, AD&D. Calm the fuck down.
You have more dirty dishes in front of your computer than you have in the kitchen sink.
You get angry at people for going into your room, yet you wonder why you sleep alone every night.
You wear t-shirts with cynical, sarcastic slogans that deride humanity to give a false pretense that it's you who hates the world and not the other way around.
You have a poster of The Little Mermaid on your wall, and fap to it every night.
YOU Fuck little kittens so YOU can brag to your 'buddy's' about how YOU screwed a Pussy.
YOU ARE such a pathetic wimp that YOU WILL NEVER win a real fight so YOU pick fights on the internet.
YOU love The Jonas Brothers.
YOU believe everything Glenn Beck says.
YOU decline the fact that your family tree is a telephone pole, but it is.
YOU are a faggot.
You (And this is the worst thing of all) are You.
No YOU
Did You Know that...
YOU can't handle Cubic Time, Cubic Life or Cubic Truth - for inside of Time Cube equates the most magnificent symmetry of opposites existing within the universe - for every corner has an equal opposite corner, every 2 corners has an equal opposite 2 corners, every tri-corner has an equal opposite tri-corner and every 4 corners has an equal opposite 4 corners.
YOU fail at life, the Internet, and comedy.
YOU sucked someone off so you could get the money to buy a Nintendo DS?.
This flash game best represents YOU http://armorgames.com/play/2757/retardo-and-the-iron-golem
YOU are probably an angsty, bisexual, atheist teenager.
YOU would be killing brain cells if you had any.
YOU are the reason why we can't have nice things.
YOU can't do it. And if you are, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
YOU like being wrong and YOU enjoy being corrected? But YOU never learn any thing.
YOU think you have a life but you don't live.
YOU Most likely have ADHD
YOU have NO Social Life.
YOU spend most of your day on ED and SL because you don't have a first life.
YOU feed on Internet binary code. How ever the fuck that works?
YOU are the most in the closet FAG ever.
YOU fail it (your skill is not enough).
YOU Fail because your evil will be your undoing.
YOU are an internet toughguy .
YOU are an pirate ass pirate.
YOU get butthurt when someone PWNS your fucking ass.
YOU fuck your momma,sister and your dad fucks YOU cause YOU gotta keep teh family inbreeding going.
YOU hate Furrys so much that YOU have accounts on several of their websites.
YOU hate Furry art so much that YOU look at every new furry vid on Jewtube and watch every anthropomorphic second of it.
YOU can NOT stop the Furrys from Yiffing no matter how much you try no matter how much you want to.
You can NOT stop Zoophiles from loving animals no matter how wrong you think it is.
You can NOT stop looking at your mom's saggy tits
YOU have Bestiality Autism. (YOU see Dog cock and Dog sex every where you go)
YOU have Erectile Dis function and Educational Disorder.
Noone likes YOU.
YOU have a 1 inch nub dick and no matter how many hours you spend tugging on it, the thing never grows.
YOU lost the game before it started.
YOU don't know anything.
YOU ARE the cancer that IS /b/.
YOU 13 year old twat tit twits are killing the internet and when its dead we all lose.
YOU don't have ANY of the signs of maturity (a large scar somewhere on your body, have had or need knee surgery, a hairy mole and a five o'clock shadow.)
YOU are addicted to sniffing paint and drinking Gas.
YOU think that YOU don't take the internet seriously but YOU do.
YOU cannot divide by zero.
When YOU are dead I'll be still alive. Still alive. Still alive.
YOU only get sex when YOU put on your 2 tone power space armor.
YOU can dish it out but YOU can't take it.
YOU will NEVER get IT.
YOU are a failed abortion.
YOU SUCK...
YOUr Momma <== EPIC FAIL
YOU probably contributed to this very article, pretending it doesn't apply to YOUrself?
YOU also probably visit this site so YOU don't sound like a newfag.
What like YOU just did, YOU just PWND YOUrself.
YOU actually think this article is about YOU and not the long, retarded parody that it is.
YOU love getting banned by other sites because it's so fulfilling and worth 5 cents.
YOU smoke Mudkips way too much.
YOU gonna get raped.
YOU are special. Don't let anyone else make you think otherwise...
...lulz. No seriously though, YOU really are a faggot.
You and web 2.0
We realize that many of you are just "the typical middle-class fuck". Blogging, vlogging, podcasting, writing, editing, coding, drawing, tagging - all under the hope that your self-indulgent jizz-stain of work will be plastered on the front page of Time, or if not that, some shitty Web 2.0 site. You're wrong, you are nobody, and you will never be what you dream. TL;DR nobody cares.
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!
YOU will die horribly, soon
YOU can put a metal fork into a electrical outlet to jump start YOUr brain
YOU were invited to Lulzcon! This is the single most importantly lulzy experience of YOUr life. But if YOU're reading this now, YOU probably failed to get there. Fucking loser. you suck ass and YOU secretly enjoy saying the cake is a lie while YOU masterbate to jewish porn in the shower. Fag.
YOUr penis is a stub. YOU can help by tugging on it.
A (Digimon) Conclusion
Digimon does quite a good job of describing this article in a nutshell.
See also
Gallery
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