Star Wars Galaxies
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Star Wars Galaxies, also known as SWG, lolswg, and the worst fucking MMO ever made, is whats crapped out when the Nazis at LucasArts team up with the toothless inbred retards at SOE. What was originally not a half bad game known for its complexity and sandbox features, lolswg was ultimately raped to hell by a series of massive updates by SOE, the largest of which was the NGE (new game enhancements) which caused massive butthurt, e-tears, and rage quitting by all the jedi fanbois. The game has been slowly improving of late, however updates take forever because SOE stole all SWG's devs and sent them to DC Universe, and also only 17 people still play this game and they all play on Starsider which is so outdated hardware wise that specials take 3 seconds to fire, regardless of where you are. Srsly.
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Game Features and General Overview
- Play as one of 9 iconic Star War's professions including jedi, jedi, jedi, jedi, jedi and entertainer! (this is down from the original 32 professions pre-NGE, when this game had a little variety and you could also play as swordsman (see jedi) and bounty hunter)
- Immerse yourself in the Star Wars Universe set in between episodes 4 and 5! (a time period where jedi are not supposed to exist which explains why there are JEDI FUCKING EVERYWHERE)
- Travel across large, open worlds from the Star Wars Universe (aka get ready to spend all your time driving in your ugly ass speeder from point A to be point B 12k meters away)
- Pledge allegiance to either the Rebel Alliance or the Galactic Empire and fight in the Galactic Civil War! (negative, raped to death by lag and carebears who would rather tend to their e-gardens than shoot stormtroopers in a Star Wars MMO)
- Engage in the extensive crafting system!
- Fly around and explore space! (just as empty and content-less as you'd expect)
- Play as a Jedi!
- Play as a Jedi!
- Seriously why are you reading this and not playing a motherfucking Jedi already!
Classes
Unbeknownst to 99% of the faggots that play this game, there actually exists 8 other classes other than the glowbat wielding hippie douchebags known as Jedi. Not that anyone cares because "I just want to smack stuff with a lightsaber lol!!11!11leleven"
Jedi
Played by the majority of the playerbase, the Jedi class is broken down into Light and Darkside Jedi. LS Jedi were meant to be the best tanking class in the game but thanks to SOE's policy of fucking up everything they implement LS jedi are pretty much useless are generally ignored for PvE and PvP. DS jedi on the other hand are epitome of overpowered, and these lightning spamming faggots can pretty much mop the floor with any other class in the game simply by rolling their face across the keyboard twice. Ironically enough, since LS and DS jedi share the shame expertise page DS jedi have access to a lot of tanking abilities as well, which works out pretty well since they are supposed to be a glass-cannon class. It should be noted that anyone who plays a jedi, especially a dark Jedi, should promptly /unsub SWG and an hero.
Bounty Hunter
Played by people who wish they were badasses IRL instead of the basement dwellers they are, Bounty Hunter have access to SWG's player bounty system, which basically consists of grouping up with 3 other bounty hunters and murking ganking AFK marks in the cloner. Like a fucking badass.
Commando
Featuring the highest sustained DPS of any profession and some of the best tanking abilities available, Commando is the perfect example of why SOE shouldn't be allowed to balance anything.
Officer
The group support class, officers provide their group with buffs and action. Along with medic they are the most useful class and also the only classes that actually take the slightest semblance of skill to play.
Smuggler
A true glass cannon, Smugglers have the bullshit ability to render any opposing class rooted to the ground for six seconds while ridding them of all defenses and taking away their ability to use specials. Easily one of the stupidest and most OP moves ever seen in an MMO.
Spy
The stealth class, unlike most of their counterparts in other games the spy in SWG is able to stay permantly cloaked without recourse, making them a bitch to find and kill. And thanks to SOE's trademark move of fucking retarded updates, spies now have the ability to pop out of stealth, unload obscene amounts of damage on you while avoiding all damage to themselves, then cloak and run away before anyone can kill them. This whole epsode lasts roughly 4 seconds.
Medic
Exactly what it sounds like. Takes skill to play so most noobs avoid it like the plague so they can instead constantly cry for heals in vent and then bitch when you dont revive them quick enough.
Entertainer
Basically exists to give the combat classes e-head so that they can last longer in fights.
Trader
Broken down into 4 sub classes, Munitions, Domestic, Engineering, and Shipwright, they make stuff. Crafting is fairly complex and time consuming and recommended for only the most hardcore kiddies.
The NGE
SWG is known best for the single most fail update in MMO history, the NGE, which cut their subscriptions from more than 200,000 strong to less than half that number. Secretly added to the game on November 15, 2005, the goal of the NGE was to make SWG more like WoW which was currently ripping them a new asshole. The NGE added new features like removing and/or consolidating the 32 professions into the 9 there currently are and making Jedi a starter class which meant that any noob could roll one from the start instead of spending hour upon hour unlocking it. Massive butthurt was to be had over the NGE, especially from "elder" Jedi who were upset that they had to work so hard to unlock their Jedi only to find that suddenly anyone could be a Jedi from the get go. The term "worked hard" is thrown around loosely though, since its a fucking video game. The "Elder Jedis" got screwed the least, although they bitch more than everyone else combined. The Jedis still had a class to play after the NGE but everyone else that made the decision not to be a jedi had to choose from 9 shitty classes 6 of which nobody ever wanted. Nevermind the truth the fact is nobody playing the game will ever admit to joining pre-NGE, even the noob asking how do i use the lightsaber will try to tell you how he had a Jedi back in the day. He will quickly start talking about how much better the game was pre-NGE and how bad he got screwed to cover up the fact that he shits lies out of his mouth.
The lead gameplay designer was harassed SO MUCH by players, that three years later, he offed himself. There was even a SWG funeral held online at which many lulz were had with the /puke command.
How to play
- Start a group to do a heroic quest, once you get the group together (one shy of a full group) run into the area and start it. Everyplayer will throw a shit fit because the timmer will start counting down and the will not be able to start the quest again till 6:00am and yes they will stay up all night to do so.
- Join any group that is grinding for anything and leave the group for 5 min, just say you are going to go get an Ent buff. Go into the start of a heroic quest area and go back to your group. In about an hour you will see people flipping out "why the hell am i locked out?"
- Put a bag on the market labeled "1-5 Sith holocron pack for vendor" for a selling price of 999,999, people will think you are a noob and will buy the bag thinking they are steeling from you.
- Join a role play group and every other chat message say "i can feel the dark side growing inside me.
- use the /kiss command on roleplayers
- set up a macro to shout over and over "Encyclopediadramatica.com/SWG is you number one source for cheap credits"
- Report everyone that talks to you and say that they are harrassing you, or are trying to sell you credits for real money.
- Give your account info out to someone who is trying to scam you, when they take all your shit turn them into Sony Online, do this with as many people as you can.
- Sell a bag on the market for 1million credits and say the Guise of the Sith is in it.
- Join the largest guild you can find that uses ventrilo, stay active in the guild for a week or so, once you are an established member in the guild go to 4chan and give the ventrilo information to the /b/tards everytime they get a new member. Record it for extra lulz.
TCG
Last Thursday, in an attempt to finally get a share of the credit selling market, SOE introduced the SWG TCG. The TCG, although loathed and hated by most of the playerbase, is SOE's biggest cash cow, mainly because the morons who bitch and moan about it on the forums are the same people who buy hundreds of packs trying to get loot cards. All new loot is now introduced through the TCG, and the only way to get that shiny new house is to buy over 9000 packs of cards whilst simultaneously butt fucking a leprechaun for good luck. Just another example of SOE raping its playerbase.
SWG Forums
More fun than the actual game, the SWG forums, like any MMO message board, is an excellent source of lulz and drama. If you are unfortunate enough to have an active subscription to SWG and are able to post on the boards, much lulz can be had by trolling the angsty douchebags that post there. One can easily troll the boards by posting any of the following:
- Make a thread suggesting the only way to save the game is a pre-cu rollback
- Campaign to have Jedi removed from the game
- Campaign to have TEF's put back in game, and say that they should affect everyone, especially low level players
- Call Draakull a fag
- Make a thread complaining about the removal of the Creature Handler profession.
- LFG: The Warrens
- Suggest that SOE actually does a pretty good job of running things
- Suggest that SOE doesn't do a good job of running things
- Pretty much post anything at all, people will get butthurt regardless
- Start up the gay marrige argument and how it should be applied to SWG, (yes you can marry people in SWG) like marrige should ONLY be between man and woman or players should not be able to marry outside their race.
- On a side note 006 is the Lord of the Mods but a closet troll who only comes out from under his bridge to deliver lulzy justice to dumbass posters. Worship him.
- Once a week announce that you have been playing on great Pre-CU server and it is almost ready for public release but you are now taking applications for beta testing. Make up some application for people to fill out and answer them all with some rejection letter saying they do not have enough player exp to make their use in the beta program usefull.
- Mention damn near anything about Star Trek Online.
External Links
See Also
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