Cock
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Along with a brain, a cock is what men have that differentiates them from women. Cocks allow men to easily urinate standing up and impregnate bitches at will. According to feminists, possessing a cock automatically makes you a rapist.
Cocks spew many things, including, but not limited to: semen, urine, blood, and ants. According to the Great and Holy Talmud, the lattermost is a good omen from Yahweh and you should never go to a repellent goyim doctor if this happens.
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Where to Put Cock
People
- In a girl
- In a guy
- In an unwilling stranger
- In a willing stranger
- In a corpse
- In a baby
- In your neighbor
- In your mom
- In your dad
- In your grandma
- In your sister
Places
- In the ass
- In the mouth
- In the pussy
- In a condom (archaic)
- In an armpit
- In the ear
- In the eye (hence "cockeyed")
- In the tear ducts
- In the bellybutton
- In an electrical socket
- In your own ass, mouth or pussy
- In any bodily opening, including a self-inflicted wound such as a papercut
- Atop a pile of trash.
- EVERYWHERE!* With the following exceptions:
Where Not to Put Cock
People
- Chin-chan
- Snapesnogger
- Sonichu
- Kirk Johnson - You couldn't feel it anyway with that gaping anus of his.
- Dorian Thorn - The outcome is probably not what you're expecting.
Places
- AIDS-filled pools
- Diabeetus-filled fools
- Blood-covered tools
- Puddles of drool
- Glory hole
- Through any hole of a fursuit
List of Known Cock-Lovers
Many people are well known for how much they crave the cock. Here are just a few of the many people that truly love the cock.
Girls
- chix0r, who apparently loves both cut and uncut cock
- forunlawfulck - To be fair, she only admitted to liking the cock.
- hepkitten
- girlvinyl
- Klarawagner
- scarlet
Boys
- All furries - Despite their protestations to the contrary.
- Armin Meiwes -Loves the cock so much he actually ate someones cock.
- Dorian Thorn
- Gerard Way
- Gorilla199
- Hal Turner
- Heath Ledger - At least in da mooveez!
- Hoveround
- Howler
- iconoclast - Likes the pole and the hole.
- jameth
- Larry Craig
- NeoLobster
- sdf
- Sigurdur Hjartarson (see below)
- toresbe
- tfo
- Angry Homo Kid
- Goronchev
Penis Size and Enlargement
Size
The truth about penis size is plain and simple: you are the only person that cares about the the size of yourcock! Sexually speaking, most women couldn't care less about the size of their man's penis; they’re moar interested in what the man does to make them feel good and money. Without one or both of these, you have no chance.
Apologists argue that if you're gay, your male partner is probably more interested in finding antique Cher paraphernalia on eBay than the size of your piece of pork. Right - maybe if you're over 80. In reality, every gay man fantasizes about having the biggest cock possible in their mouth and up their ass, so if you're gay, you're especially fucked. Literally and repeatedly - you will never be the top as long as you live.
One thing is for certain: whether straight or gay, if you have a small cock, are poor, are getting up there in years (over the age of 30 or so) and are fat, you're basically doomed to die alone. You might as well start sucking dicks for money and/or crack and getting your love at truck-stop bathroom glory holes, because you aren't getting any anytime soon.
NIGGERS HAS BIGGEST COCKS LOL WRONG FUCKTARD SPICS DO
Clinical Micropenis
A bacterial infection which devours cock muscle, leaving your member miniature and permanently excluded from all vaginae. To determine if you suffer from clinical micropenis, start by whipping out your wife-pipe. Grab the longest pubic hair you have and pull it straight. If you don't shave your pubes and it's still longer than your member, you're fucked. Or rather, you will never be fucked. An interesting side note, those with Clinical Micropenis can often be mistaken as lesbians.
Penis Enlargement
Many young guys feel shy talking around their pals due the small size of their cocks. Thankfully, pseudoscience has the answer. The penis Qigong is just one of the best magical techniques that can be used to ENLARGE YOUR SHRINKY-DINK TODAY FOR ONLY 5 EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.95.
If you’re seriously considering buying one of these fantastic products great ideas, then study the lessons from The Anti-Penis Propaganda Foundation for Non-Profit Penis Size Information and Thundersplace.com. OR JUST VISITHERE IF YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING PUSSY AND WANT TO ENLARGE YOUR TINY COCK TODAY!
Synonyms for Cock
Anaconda, banana, beef stick, bell-end, boner, chode, cranny ax, cunt wrecker, dick, ding-a-ling, ding-dong, dipstick, dong, doughnut holder, harbl, hard-on, hot dog, knob, dong, love stick, love muscle, Lil' Jimmy Norton, front-mounted bitch splitter, lap rocket, magic wand, man cannon, man-shaft, meat, meat missile, meat whistle, nether rod, ol’ one-eye, one-eyed [whatever], pecker, pee-pee, peen, penis, penor/pen0r, phallus, piece of pork, PINGAS, pink oboe, pork steeple, pork sword, prick, purple-headed warrior, purple mushroom, pussy plunger, rod, sausage, skin flute, schlong, shaft, spunk stick, stiffy, throbber, third leg, towel rail, trouser snake, Twanger, wang, wee-wee, weenie, wiener, willy, whoopie stick, womb raider, woody and finally, yogurt slinger, your precious and finally, that thing you will never put anywhere except the palm of your hand (and possibly the occasional watermelon or Japanese sex doll).
Cock Envy
Porn addicts often feel jealous about the ridiculously large apparent size of the penises of the male actors in pornography. This view is, however, founded on unrealistic expectations, as pornographers use tricks such as special cock-enlarging camera angles and tiny, flat-chested, seemingly prepubescent female actresses.
Sigurdur Hjartarson Wants Your Cock
Sigurdur Hjartarson loves the cock. He has a disturbing number of cocks from at least 90 different animal species. He runs the Icelandic Phallological Museum. It wasn't a museum originally; he just had a house full of cocks. One day, however, he left the door unlocked, a bunch of lost tourists wandered in and he had to think of an explanation quickly or risk being IRL B&. As part of the glorious fiscal mismanagement that would later lead to Iceland's total financial collapse, the government felt the need to fund this with tax dollars.
Hjartarson's dream is to have a human shlong specimen. Four hopeful candidates have come forward to give this kindly elderly gent his last wish: a German, Sportacus, a Britfag, and an American who calls his cock "Elmo".
Can Anonymous do better? Do your part! prag.2512@gmail.com Click here and donate your penis today!
Videos
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Gallery of Cock
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See Also
- HappyCock
- DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
- Circumcision
- Foreskin
- Vasectomy
- Castration
- Bonertron
- Chode
- Dildo
- Dick Cheney
- Iron penis
- Monsquaz
- PENIS PENIS PENIS
- Edward Penishands
- Cockboat
- Dongcopter
- Dick Masterson
- I TOUCHED HIS PENIS!! OMG
- Cockmongler
- Quasidan's penis
- The Dongs template (more cock pictures)
- Why is there a huge cock on the top left corner?
- My Tiny Dick
- The Hammer of Dawn
External Links
- Penis radio ad (1) - According to the New Zealand AIDS foundation, there is a National Penis Day...
- Penis radio ad (2)...but it kind of seems like it might be every Thursday according to this radio ad.
- Documentary of Penis Pictures — A massive archive of free penis pictures and surveys that tries to be serious, but ended up being a big collection of funny looking cocks.
- MONSTERSOFCOCK — Another fine place to see cock, featuring a FAQ so fine it deserves reproduction:
- Even though it quite literally has, no practical function, he still considers it The "Perfect" Penis.
- Small penis contest
- Pictures of cocks with googly eyes.
- How to Practice Iron Penis (Iron Balls) Qigong
- User-submitted cock pictures. Show yours off - you know you want to.
- KNUCKLES FROM SONIC THE HEDGEHOG HAS A 4-HEADED PENIS. Seriously..
- Two balls, no cock? One ball, one cock? YOU DECIDE!.
- IbrokeMyPenis.com
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Cock
is a part of a series on Foods.
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