Abstinence
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Abstinence refers to the position of voluntarily refraining from sex. Most people who are abstinent do so due to religious reasons, a desire to save their virginity for their spouse or "the right person" or simply because they're are too fucking paranoid, wussy/ugly/dumb to get any. Or some combination of the above.
This should not be confused with being a technical virgin, since those who are abstinent refrain from all forms of intercourse, including buttsex. & yes, there are men who are abstinent.
Contents |
Scientific Explanation
Abstinence-only Sex Education
In recent years, the focus of secondary school sex education is has shifted from application (i.e. condom use, positions) to abstinence-only. The higher-ups insist that this is to keep kids safe, but everyone knows that it's really an elaborate scheme to turn as many of them into neoconservative pseudo-Christians as possible.
Chastity Rings
Chastity Rings (also known as Purity Rings) are wedding rings you wear before you get married - the person who wears one commits to staying with a partner whom they never have sex with. They are commonly worn as compensation for the realization that no one is really interested in doing them anytime soon.
Who Buys Them?
Females
12 year old girls
With their limited mental capacities, young girls are easily brainwashed into following the Jonas Brothers, who also wear these rings (see faggots). A subsequent contest is found in the later teen years, dressing as preppy bubble-gum teenie boppers pulling slutty poses/clothes, seeing how much of a cocktease they can be without actually getting involved in a relationship other than Jesus.
Males: Wait, What?
Faggots
Unable to cope with the fact they enjoy having sausage pumped into their assholes, some men like to pretend they chose not to have sex with women because of their religious beliefs and not because they're the ones who would be wearing the wedding dress in Massachusetts. Real men realise that even though vaginas are scary, they can still be tamed while the girls is still 12 years old - which coincidentally is the same age most girls want to buy chastity rings.
Asexuals
Unlike being gay, everyone knows that being asexual is not a choice - try though they might, nobody is willing to fuck them. In order to deluded themselves into thinking they are not ugly, empty, lonely creatures they also claim to chose putting off sex, possibly until death.
Castrati
If you don't have the junk, you can't hit that badunkadunk. Simple as that.
Trolling
Christians
Short of snipping the bitch's clit off a pretty ring isn't going to stop some women breeding like cockroaches. Abortion is not only simpler but funnier as once she's been scraped often enough she'll become sterile anyway.
WWJD?
The most common excuse people have for abstinence is that it makes Jesus happy. For most, those stupid purity rings are a way to show that one has made a promise to themselves and to God to stay "pure" until marriage.
As far as these people are concerned, fornication is a 1-way ticket to eternal damnation to the smoltering embers of Hell along with daily sodomy by the massive barbed shlong of Satan. Sucks to be them.
Everyone Else
Of all the terrible things teenaged bimbos get up to - contracting STDs, flashing their tits on 4chan, getting pregnant etc. - taking a vow not to have sex until they're married has caused the most outrage among parents, because it is the right of every cum-beltching gutter whore to down as many cocks as possible before she becomes too old to be of any interest.
Some argue that condoms are better at preventing pregnancy than Chastity rings, overlooking the fact that 14 year old girls from California should not be hooking up with men who enjoy girls under a certain age in the first place.
The Only Sure Form of Contraception?
In spite of what abstinence-only douchebags claim, abstinence does not decrease the likelihood of pregnancy - not if you sleep next to your partner in the same bed every night. Seriously - it is a well-known fact among legitimate sex educators that abstinence has a significantly higher failure rate as a birth control method than condoms or the pill. Brutal irony.
See Also
- Purity Ball - How they get young girls into the scheme
- Christfaggotry
- Abortion
- Condoms
- Conservapedia
- South Park
- STDs
- Bristol Palin
External Links
- South Park on purity rings, Disney, the Jonas Brothers and preteen sexuality
