Necrophilia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| FACT ALERT: It's not necrophilia if they're still warm! |
Necrophilia is where a living person has a strong desire to crack open a cold one, it probably also qualifies as some variety of faggotry, though we're really not sure on this one.
Necrophiliacs or "necrosexuals" are by tolerant groups seen as victims of the breathing majority's patriarchy, and often referred to as "people with non-animated partners". It is completely natural. In fact, my child is a necrosexual and I'm so proud that he's finally out.
Necrophilia brings a completely new meaning to the phrase "It's always good to crack open a cold one." However, some others, known as "somnophilics" will make do with an unconscious bitch.
Note: "Dead bitches don't know they gonna get raped"
Contents |
Who are they?
It is mostly common within Christian circles (especially Catholicism), and is frowned upon, even illegal in most places of the world except Utah. But hey, in some parts of the United States, it's only a misdemeanor. Enjoy!
- Most necrophiliacs believe themselves to be the angel of death.
- All dead people are necrophiliacs.
- All necrophiliacs will never enjoy a good blowjob.
- Necrophiliacs can be found checking the obituaries in their local newspaper.
- Of all sexual predators, necrophiliacs are the safest to be around.
- All necrophiliacs fantasize about working as a mortician. However, that is the equivalent of a pedophile working with children's colonoscopy.
- If you are not currently a necrophiliac, you will become one. Encyclopedia Dramatica knows this because you are reading it.
Various types of Necrosexuals
- Necrofag/necrodyke: Possessors of a double perversion.
- Pyrophile: Enjoys watching partner burn to death. Christian pyrophiles wait until their wedding night, where they usually soak their partner in petrol and torch them, masturbating furiously until they climax before shooting themselves in the head.
- Neo-necro: See W.
- Abortophile: Becomes erect exclusively when watching female partner have a miscarriage. Only gets laid bi-annually. Popular among Something Awful's writers.
- Necrofurry: Fucks dead deer.
- Necropedophile: Faps to dead children.
A step-by-step guide
- Find a corpse (working in a mortuary helps). Alternatively, make your own corpse!
- Make sure it's naked (because undressing a dead body will make DNA).
- Make sure no-one's watching (unless your participating in a game of Team Necro).
- Pull down your pants.
- Insert your cock in the ass of the corpse.
- Make a thrusting movement with your hips until you cum.
- Burn the body. That'd be hot.
- ???
- PROFIT!
Necrophilia Camwhores
RL example of corpse-fuckery
Last Thursday three upstanding youths, who were unable to get any pu55y through traditional means, embarked on a magical adventure to their local cemetery.
Their distinguished leader had previously been skimming the local obituaries (which are sort of like the classifieds section, but better) and noticed a suitable mate. Being a Nice Guy, he offered to share her with his twin brother and BFF.
The trio, being responsible practitioners of safe sex, made sure to stop and procure some condoms. They made progress digging up the sexy corpse, but being ignorant white trash they were unaware of the modern custom of enclosing coffins in a concrete vault (which works as a chastity belt for the dead people).
Giving up like a bunch of pussies upon seeing the concrete, the three headed back home, but on the way there got pwnt by cops. Their addresses can be found here.
Other Known Necrophiliacs
- Ayn Rand
- cheese1997
- LyinBrian
- Jesus
- wikipedia fags
- Dorian Thorn
- Optimus Prime
- Your Mom
- Prince Charles
- Uncle Sam
- GoddessMillenia
- VegetaWorshipper
- Anthony Merino
- Nathan Keefer
- Necrofurs
- Don Henrie
- Zeriara
- Fred Phelps
- Hilary Clinton
- Daniele Fiorenza
- You
- The Rice Krispie Guys
- Gothzilla
- Bella Swan
- Triciakitty
See Also
- hot steamy necrophiliac pr0n for all you sick fucks out there!!!
- MORE DELICIOUS NECROPHILIAC PORNOGRAPHY!
- Helpful tips to start you on your new life as a necrophile
- Hot necro pr0n from a convicted necro-cannibal-murderer.
- Dead. Fucking. Serious.
- Raep
- P0rn0
- Guro
- Dissected-chan
Fact of the Day
In New Hampshire common-law marriage can still only be contracted posthumously. Brain dead patients are not accepted as spouses under New Hampshire's right-to-life legislation, whereas potential partners with an IQ under 50 are legally defined as non-sentient and are therefore fair game in the "Go to the mountain" state.
