Aspierations
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This article is perfect. Don't fuck with it!
Aspierations are the fundamental flaws in the overly simplistic world view of a sufferer of Asperger's Syndrome which causes them to fail at the internet so much. This is intended as a factual article which will enable you to support and comprehend the sufferer in your life in a more effective way.
| REAL LIFE | ASPIERATION |
| Making fun of people in pain is an asshole thing to do, and you should stop doing it... | ...therefore, informing people who enjoy ridiculing people in pain of how much pain and anguish they are inflicting upon you will make them stop. |
| Everyone should have an personal, private environment in which they are free to express themselves creatively without fear of ridicule or spite... | ...and a public internet forum which is searchable by every human being on the planet will provide precisely such a haven. |
| One's personal details represent delicate, important information vital to one's security and public image, and having them circulated and/or abused by a spiteful individual would be ruinous to one's mental and (potentially) financial health... | ...but nobody's gonna see them on your LJ, amirite? |
| If Anonymous, Goons, or a similar group realise that you are genuinely indifferent about their ribaldry toward you, they will give up and find another target instead... | ...and the best way to convince them is a fourteen-paragraph Livejournal rant about how you DON'T CARE and how you're better than all of them. |
| Some of that anime is, like, pretty kickass. It's got, like, vampires and ninjas and explosions and giant boobies and shit in it... | ...and you should admit this, everywhere on the internet, at every given opportunity. |
| Each line of a conversation will follow basic rules. What you say will be relevant to previous statements; it will provide sufficient, not excessive or deficient, information; it will be reasonably organized; and it will be truthful... | ... and the same will apply to conversations on /b/, IRC, LJ, etc. |
Other Forms
| REAL LIFE | ASFURATION |
| Some people wrongly think that being a furry is just about dressing up in animal costumes and having sex... | ...when it also includes diapers, stuffed toys and giant tubs of lard. |
| Furries are part of a fandom who seek to escape the difficulties and drama life often holds. Being a furry is about having fun and expressing yourself... | ...and we demand you give us equal rights - just like women, black people and gays. |
| Furries are very tolerant of other people, no matter how different they may be... | ...except for trolls, furry haters and anyone who criticises their art. |
| Being a furry does not mean condoning bestiality... | ...it's about condoning consensual sex between a human and their animal in a kind and loving manner. |
| Nobody should be ashamed of being a furry. It's a harmless pastime which should be as enjoyable as possible and bring people together... | ...which is why all furries live through the internet. |
| Some furries have a deep spiritual connection to their chosen animal... | ...because hyoomans are shit-filled sacks of skin. I should know because I am one. Erm - no - wait . . . |
| REAL LIFE | COMICSPERATION |
| Making comics for general consumption in newspapers is a dying business model, and no upcoming comic creator can possibly making a living doing it... | ...so we'll make money trying to charge people on the Internet for it instead! |
| Editors at various newspapers and publishing companies force artists to water down their work so it can be safely read by grandparents to their small children... | ... so we won't accept any sort of criticism, even when our work honestly sucks! |
| The key to making money is not from charging people for content, but from the secondary merchandising and selling of ad space on our respective sites... | ...unless you're Webcomics.com, and then you can charge $30 without letting visitors see any samples first. |
| Being a webcomic creator isn't about being a T-shirt vendor... | ...it's also about being a book vendor, a coffee cup vendor, a jockstrap vendor... |
| Webcomics can be made in any format, any size, any genre, and by any demographic... | ...which is why all the successful webcomics are about videogames and/or nerds, and are made by fat, balding white men. |
| There are tons of exceptional, beautifully illustrated webcomics making their creators a living wage and untold fortune... | ...you know, like xkcd! |
| REAL LIFE | CHRISPIERATION |
| Christianity is the most successful religion because it teaches tolerance, love and forgiveness... | ...so the best way to get people on our side is to tell them they're going to burn forever in hell unless they think exactly what we think. |
| The Christian church has taught us that all people are equal... | ...even though the heads of the Christian church are all white men. |
| Homosexuality is a sin against God... | ...but it's OK if they're under the age of consent. |
| Evolution is only a theory. It still has many holes which need to be understood... | ...and acting like a rabid ape will prove it's all bullshit. |
| Although the number of atheists, muslims and agnostics is growing, at least 80% of Americans define themselves as Christian... | ...we're being oppressed! |
| God works in mysterious ways. We may never fully understand his nature... | ...but ours is the only true religion. Seriously. |
| REAL LIFE | ATHPIERATION |
| Atheists just want people to be able to think for themselves... | ...that's why they buy billboard ads insisting that people stop believing in God. |
| The hallmark of a theist is their inability to think for themselves and believe anything they read... | ... we know this because we've read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens and Twilight of the Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche. |
| Atheists are the minority. If there is no God then we are free-thinking individuals... | ...but if there is a God it's his fault for not proving himself. Even if billions of other sheeple managed to believe in him. |
| Atheists are more community-minded and liberal than most theists... | ...and the best way to prove it is to post youtube videos supporting pedophilia. |
| The best way to overcome extremist and fundamentalist propaganda is with logic and reason... | ...and the best way to get people on your side is to belittle their most sacred beliefs. |
| There are many misconceptions about atheists - most people think they are overindulgent disillusioned young adults who think they know everything... | ...so TheAmazingAtheist is our spokesperson. |
| If God truly is a loving God then he will allow atheists into heaven because they are brave intelligent people, not because they believe in him... | ...even though we mock his followers, deliberately blaspheme and encourage others to do the same. |
See also
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Aspierations is part of a series on Trolls. |
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