Americunts

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A correct illustration of the population of faggots in Amuriga.
A typical Americunt family unit.
DAMN! Beaten by Osama again!

Americunts, (also known as Amerifags) are quite possibly the dumbest breed of mammals on Earth. Americunts are made from 80% fat, 20% propaganda, and 100% FAIL. Americans are those who call The United States of America (pronounced "Murka") home. A veritable melting pot of races, creeds and colours, this species has been rendered practically brain dead by being force-fed vast quantities of "stuff" and relentlessly beaten about the head with the Stupid Stick.

World opinion of Americans is that most are morbidly obese, ignorant, arrogant bullies, who being liberal hillbillies for the most part, act like they are God's gift to the planet Earth.. Meanwhile, the rest of the world hates America.

It is often asked of Americans and non-Americans alike, "Why do you hate America?" and although there are over 9000 answers to this question , the main reason is that the only thing that stands between the Arab nations of the Middle East pushing Israel into the ocean is the U.S. government and the American Public's undying support for the Jews.

Even the hordes of fundie Xtians that pretty much run America love the Jews and support the state of Israel, believing that Israel's existence is key to setting the stage for The Rapture according to Biblical prophecy. However, all Americans can identify with a nation built on stolen land and the subjugation of its natives.


Note: Some portions of this article was most likely written by an americunt dumbass. Don't be surprised if you find Pro-American shit that looks like it was written by a cock-sucking bigot, due to the fact that Americans consider everything remotely offensive untrue.

Contents


 
“ 		 
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
  		„
 

—George Bernard Shaw, actual quote fact

The American People

Poll after poll has shown that the majority of Americans are illiterate morons. The polls have revealed such gems as (amongst other things) the fact that over 70% of Americans either don't believe in evolution at all or believe that evolution is part of God's 1337 plan. More Murkins believe in angels than evolution and don't know where the fuck their own country is, and will constantly ask you over 9,000 times why you do not think, act or believe the way they do. Polls also show that most American adults can't name the three branches of their government, are unaware of how many Senators their state has (much less name him/her/them) - as well as not knowing what the FDA is or does [1].

Last Thursday, polls revealed that every one in five Americans could not locate the United States when shown a map. The other 4/5 apparently own a map, an atlas and/or a clue, but could not spell cat if you spotted them a c and a t. Americans are a social group of obnoxious white fucks who can be described as fat, dumb, incredibly gullible, uneducated, ignorant (no awareness so aint inhibited to behave like a fucktard), arrogant, loud, nasal accent, uncivilized, crude, stupid, inbred, plastic surgery junkies, therapy junkies, lawsuit junkies, homicide junkies, lazy, obedient, commie-like subordinates, defensive, terrified, gun crazy wackos.."cant solve personal issues without Gun, Lawyer or therapist" such stereotypes means Americunts merits their status as the most ridiculed weirdos on Earth.

What the Americunts Really Want


Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina


Americans are NOT stupid - (with Subtitles)


Tell it Motherfucker like it is!(a fuckin anti-americunt)


Typical American Game Show (This actually happened)!


Insurance Company Bureaucrats Are Considered Sacred War Hereos


"Americans"

True American citizens expressing their beliefs
  • Canada: Part of North America. Also known as America's hat. Canadians sound like Americans but act like the English. Generally Canadians do not like Americans, however Americans not named W or Dick Cheney and hippies love Canada for its safe haven laws when dodging the draft is needed and its liberal drug laws. Americans will often pretend to be Canadian when leaving America since leaving the gated-community that is the USA can result in severe blunt force trauma, being taken hostage and even death.
  • Mexico: Known most popularly for being America's beard, and technically part of North America; but considered to be South America by all Americans (business purposes excepted) Mexico once included parts of what is now California, Texas and other South Western states. It is populated by wannabe Americans who will do almost anything from cleaning Americans' houses, landscaping Americans' lawns, picking Americans' produce to babysitting Americans' children for a slice of American Pie (and to repopulate their stolen land). Instead they get no respect, less than minimum wage and are hunted down like the rabid dogs they are by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Lou Dobbs.
  • South America: Ironically there are no Americans in South (or "Latin") America. If an American travels to South America he/she is called a hostage.
  • Israel: The fatherland of true American people. 300 millions of dumbfucks on the other side of big pond are just a workforce to provide help to the race of masters.

Devolution and the Nanny State

Along with the rampant religious fervor currently sweeping the nation, things such as the growing -and increasingly violent- anti-abortion and anti-gay rights movements, the general mistrust of and disdain for science and continued calls to expand the scope of death penalty eligibility suggests that the American species appears to be 'devolving' -in effect evolving backwards at an alarming rate. Some argue that this is being hastened by the general public's overall willingness to accept a "nanny state", an ideal of sorts that has been gradually foisted upon them by their elected officials since President Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the hugbox as a means to control the great unwashed masses in the 1930s as part of his New Deal.

This also reveals one of the many deep-rooted psychological problems inherent in America's collective national psyche since taking it in the arse is integral for a nanny state to flourish. It can thus be deduced that the majority of Americans have a predilection for acquiescence vis-a-vis their "nanny"'s strict governance, a masochism which is starkly evident when one looks at the almost eager acceptance of the gradual erosion and pwnage of their much vaunted Constitutional, civil and human rights.

Much of this dog-like 'rolling over' can been attributed to what scholars are fond of calling "The Dumbing-Down of America" (which should not to be confused with the extensive Idiot Proofing America went through after WW2) but since that particular bottom of that particular barrel has long since been scraped, the 'nanny's attempts to 'dumb-down' the already dumb is akin to trying zero division. Rather, the current state of the American mind is more likely to be the result of idle minds with too much time and money on their hands. After the stigma attached to being a slave/slave master was removed by Martin Luther King's freeing of the 'textbook slaves' in the 1960s, the 'wage slave' or 'illegal immigrant' were born and not only became affordable to anyone with a 'decent' job but they became the "little black dress" of their day. Without mundane daily tasks such as housekeeping, shopping, driving and raising the kids to worry about, the average American could now stop sweating the small stuff and focus on living life to the max.

However, without any challenges, the collective American mind began to stagnate and like a cripple's atrophied limbs, today stands useless...a slave to the very people they enslaved to do the thinking for them.

Since losing self-sufficiency and resourcefulness to the faceless masses (both domestic and foreign) who maintain the status quo the average American now goes blithely through life assuming that things such as refrigeration, television, phones, entertainment and the climate are a (God) given or naturally occurring phenomena.

This can be easily demonstrated by hiding every day items like remote controls and car keys from Americans or overloading a poorly maintained regional power grid during a heatwave until there are blackouts. When faced with the loss of electricity, Americans will walk around like chickens with their heads cut off until someone else fixes it since finding solutions to every day problems and implementing them have long since been outsourced to other people.

Common American Assumptions Facts

Despite the appearance of a 'protest', this is actually an endorsement for Americunt gluttony

Americans take much of every day life for granted. Most Americans believe things such as:

Their Children and Teens

Your typical day at an American high school, where kids like Travis Touchdown attempt to get a decent edumacation, but the dickbrains won't let him. Therefore, he must always ensure their deaths and lulzy fashions of such just to get a fucking DIPLOMA.

America is renowned for their youth, who are rapists, horndogs, and stuck up asswipes that will rag on anything that doesn't relate to them, ie; sports athletes, preparatory school students, and the prom queens (who will also be known as a prostitute). If sent to other countries, they will most likely fuck with average civilians, rape the local children and women, and ignite major war, causing massive lulz, due to the fact that Americans always consider nuking countries a prime and final solution.

Like their parents, the youth of America are dumb, stupid, illiterate, weak minded, fickle, trendsters, and soon to be diagnosed with several mental aliments, like "Alcoholism" and "Substance Abuse". At the ripe age of 6, the typical American kid will go to school, being introduced to another kid's cool thing of toy they brought to school, like their older brother's CD of NiggerLispz or Pron, and then will abandon their childish youth, claiming it's "for losers" and will then follow into any lame category of subculture, like "Gamer", "Fucktard", "Jock", "Rich Asswipe" Emo, or practically anything that MTV will throw out to make money out of. Soon, in high school, major shit ensues, like a school shooting, fucking with the retards, and doing shit that's utterly wrong and then lying, "It's just a joke!" to get out of it. On average, over 9000 percent of Rich and Beautiful teens usually get laid, and the rest get off STD, Baby and responsibility scott free due the Suburbia Nanny state laws. Anyone who usually doesn't is considered a loser, but that's because that's in High School.

Also, don't be surprised if there's usually some news story about murder being conducted by a teen. It's always been like that. Greater analysts conclude the following will happen to the various groups of fuckheads both mentioned and not mentioned.

The Sport Machos

  • Get caught up in a VT and literally die knowing they caused it
  • Work in a shitty job because of their great intelligence ability to take more steroids than the average person and therefore being good in sports and nothing else.
  • Get shot by the person they used to bully around with
  • Join the Army, fuck some AZNs and Afghans and then die from a Assault Rifle Blowjob, either getting caught by the locals or on a raid
  • Get raped in prison by Bubba because they like to drink a lot, or liked sex too much
  • Died in a Drunk Driving session.
  • Handegg aka Gridiron, with its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the Quarterback Snap where one of the "fairies in tights" mounts his mans "A" hole and shouts "hut hut" code for: "preparing to enter"), this boring faggotry alien activity (that only sad weirdo Americans play because of cultural obligation having invented it) is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals.

Prepatory School Fags

  • Continued to breastfeed off of Mummy and Duddy, and died a hero because they couldn't afford anymore "Mall Rat Training Sessions".
  • Died in a drunk driving session.
  • Fucked a chick while in a frat, and is now being fucked with.
  • Died An Hero while at his post-college institution, because they couldn't get to party
  • Died in a hazing "accident"
  • Now a person who owes money to the local Mafia, and will not be seen until Next Thursday, in a trunk, crushed car, or in the latest trend, cement shoes.
  • Now Bubba's latest girlfriend because of his lulz worthy attempt to kill his parents for insurance money and then move off to Amsterdam to open up a pot shop.

Hardcore Nerds

Behavior

Handegg "poster boy", if you are fat, talentless, devoid of any skill, this is the activity for you.
Americunts love dream catchers.

Apart from things like ræping the environment, running their mouths, and consuming everything in mass quantities, there's nothing Americans like better than pwning, be it a country (or "contry" in merkin), a language ("langage") or sports ("sportz").

Soccer (pronounced: "football"), for example, is the number one sport in the world and is played by kicking a round ball around a pitch to score goals. Touching the ball with your hands results in a penalty. However, since Americans are either too lazy or too stupid to read rules (and are definitely too fat to exert themselves for more than five minutes at a time) failed it and pwnt another British game called rugby football (a game played with an oval ball primarily using the hands) instead. American football aka Gridiron, as a boring, bizarre, stop start, unskilled, weirdo "sport" activity that caters for fat non athletes who cant play sport, ONLY American "fat fairies in tights" play due to cultural OBLIGATION having invented it, no choice. If Gridiron didnt suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is not a cultural obligation..but no one does, because it blows. A static, stop start snoozefest, if you accidently stumble upon this crap you will shout "MOVE FFS" every 20 seconds before ending the misery and wisely flicking channel. Its so damn boring Cheerleaders are required.."Wake up people...yay GO TEAM...Who's playing??". Every play is scripted, the fairies in tights get told what to do next and there is no innovation - "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies what to do every 30 seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. NFL as a bizarre activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials" - Cleese. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on this weirdo Gridiron crap - "I dont get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". As a stop start kiddies game of Bump (only its grown up freaks in tights and body armor) they get multiple attempts as they keep failing. In a way its a pity Gridiron has zero interest outside America as talentless ridiculed fatties from other countries who get marginalized and left out of playing sports, would have Gridiron to play.

Other Sports Americans Have Pwnt and Changed the Name of Include

What Bastards.

Other Things Americans Invented

* - Although, the US Army invented the actual pipes, an English and a Belgian invented Web, which eventually became our beloved Internets.

Americans At War

You should have been a gay handegg player then.
This is a fact.

Some argue that American soldiers are as thick as two short planks, while others would say they do it for the lulz, making them even more retarded. This is crap. Actually the U.S. and A are the only nation in the world that never fight for the lulz, neither in past, present nor future. They'll fight for something they call 'freedom' (e.g. in their Civil War they fought for the freedom of the Negros, in World War 1-6 for the world, etc.) What everyone can agree on however, is that if you joined the US Army, Marines, Airforce or Navy after the invasion of Iraq you're either a high school drop-out with no future, a gang member, a criminal and/or a fucking moron and are quite deserving of everything you're whining about (currently, not having Internets at the front lines).

Trained entirely on video games like Grand Theft Auto within the sterile bubble that is America, these youngsters have a keen sense of reality, other cultures and fair-play however, Most Americans team with Jews to plot numerous attacks on their own buildings. This is untrue and they will argue that the Muslims did it

Americunts will also insist that the United States Air Force is without question the best in the world, even though incidents like those shown in the video below happen at least twice every year. This is probably because Americunts who join the USAF desperately aspire to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Even though Top Gun is about the Navy.

Friendly Fire Cockpit Video Iraq 2003


Americans are excited about their soldiers and like to cover their cars with gay yellow ribbon stickers proclaiming this. Americans however, do not like paying higher taxes for soldiers' weapons, pay, armour, tools, health care, and education. Five years from now our streets will be awash with IED style brain damaged vets with PTSD and maimed bodies. The first thing they will do is kill and eat all of our Vietnam vets. Then they will come for the Jews.

Common Assumptions About Americans and the Truth About Them

An average American on his way to the office
  • Are all fat and greedy. (Only about 99% are fat and greedy.)
  • Are the sad result of what happens if you mix all european races together and add some niggas to make it more colourful
  • Are loud and vulgar. (Particularly the 13 year olds.)
  • Will sue anything that moves. (True.)
  • Always wear plaid on vacation in Europe. (So please keep them.)
  • Wish they had a king or royals but will never have more than crown jewels from Burger King.
  • Know of the second world war but are surpised if you tell them there also was a first one too. honest!
  • Brought the world such wonderful mordern blessings like Crack, Tranny porn a.k.a Madonna and the village people.
  • Everytime you think they can't get any bigger asshole for president they' ll prove you wrong. (Nixon -> Reagan -> W -> surprise, niggertime!)
  • All own guns and use them for shooting nigras and queers. (Wrong. Americans are equal opportunity shooters.)
  • Are uneducated and easily fooled -more than once (see: W).
  • Are evil and will eventually destroy the world. (Correct. Research the predicted effects of nuclear weapons from before they tested the first one.)
  • Fail at war (see: Korea, Vietnam, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iraq, Canada). (See also: The war on homosexuality, the War on drugs) We lost Vietnam and fail in Iraq and Afghanistan because of whiny libfag pussies preventing anything from being done, and the Bay of Pigs was a bunch of spic refugees.
  • Love Jews. (Not entirely true. They only love Jews who don't get in the way or are their bankers.)
  • Secretly want to be English. (Too true; see Madonna)
  • Are obsessed with dentistry and cosmetic surgery. (See also: The War on Cavities)
  • Are the leading cause of Global Warming. (Second only to Mexicans)
  • Ruin everything they touch. (Just look at the Internet, and Liverpool Football Club)
  • Ran out of the letters, 'u' and 's' in the 18th century and will soon deplete the world's supply of 'z's.
  • Will soon be renamed "The Chinese". Yay!!!1one!!
  • Claim to hate their country as much as everyone else to gain acceptance from the rest of the world (See also: Fail)
  • Are so fucking lazy that they fight over who should take the trash out due to the gargantuan amount they eat. (Durrr! So we can get compensation from pulling are backs out, so we can get out of working and spend more time eating.)

Americans At Play

LOL "Are you going to finish that...?"

Americans have a variety of hobbies including:

Gallery

amirite?

'Smart' technology

Typical smarmy American

A typical American, talking shit

Eurofags win again

And again

Guns vs Butthurt

Newborn Americunt.

Typical Americunt listening to his Ipod

You can't get much worse than an American sonicfag

See Also

External Links


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