Canada’s history is being rewritten — online, at least — in terms so crude, it could make any Canunk blush with a patriotic tinge.
On his late-night TV show this week, satirist Stephen Colbert took aim at Canadian magazine The Beaver, which announced last month it was changing its moniker after 90 years because some search engines were weeding it out, believing it was pornography due to its name.
The Winnipeg-based publication is rebranding itself as the less suggestive Canada’s History, starting in April.
But what Canadians don’t know, the comedian joked Thursday on The Colbert Report, is in America “Canada’s history” is a euphemism “for a sex act so depraved,” it can’t be described on television.
The unspeakable act, apparently, “involves moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup and the Stanley Cup.”
The comedian then invited his audience — often referenced as the Colbert Nation for their willingness to help with his pranks — to “redefine Canada’s history in the most jaw-dropping terms imaginable,” on urbandictionary.com, a Wikipedia-like web page that allows users to submit definitions for words and slang.
“Just put everything in there,” said Colbert, who mocking portrays a conservative pundit on his show.
“Putting everything in there, by the way, is the hardest part of performing Canada’s history.”
Thirty-six hours later, there were 521 listed entries — each with increasingly vulgar descriptions that use more Canadian cliches than a Kids in the Hall skit.
This isn’t the first time Colbert has taken a slapshot or two at Canada. He’s responsible for dubbing us “syrup suckers,” “iceholes,” and “Saskatche-whiners,” after the U.S. speedskating team couldn’t secure ice time for training at Vancouver’s Olympic Oval.
And in June 2008, when CBC announced it wouldn’t renew the contract for the Hockey Night in Canada theme song, Colbert declared “Bad move, Canada!” saying he would license the iconic “Dunt-da DUNT-da-dunt” to be played while doing very “American” things.
“I’m going to play it when doing things like punching beavers in the face,” he quipped.
But Colbert and his fan base may not be the only ones getting their digs in with this most recent effort — one entry describes the U.S. version of the unspeakable deed “A night with Sarah Palin.”