Email
Teams:
Shakhtar Donetsk: Pyatov, Srna, Kucher, Chigrinsky, Rat,
Lewandowski, Fernandinho, Ilsinho, Jadson, Willian, Luiz Adriano.
Subs: Khudzamov, Duljaj, Gai, Gladkyy, Ischenko, Chyzhov, Moreno.
Werder Bremen: Wiese, Fritz, Prodl, Naldo, Boenisch, Niemeyer, Frings, Baumann, Ozil, Pizarro, Rosenberg.
Subs: Vander, Pasanen, Tosic, Vranjes, Hunt, Tziolis, Harnik.
Referee: Luis Medina Cantalejo (Spain)
Preamble:
In 1972 a widely ridiculed, second-rate entity was born. And I'm still here. For how much longer I cannot say but I can be a lot surer about the future of one of my synchronyms: tonight, with the birth of the Europa league imminent, the Uefa Cup will die. The YouTube generation will probably its death throes entertaining.
Werder Bremen and Shakhtar Donetsk may not be the most glamorous names in Europe but what can you expect from a tournament whose first final was Tottenham Hotspur v Wolves? But before you sneer – and snidely point out that previous finalists also include Videoton, Rangers, Bastia and Casino Salzburg - bear in mind that this trophy has also been considered desirable enough to be claimed by Real Madrid, Liverpool, Inter, Juventus and Bayern Munich. There are hundreds of clubs who would love to be in Bremen or Shakhtar's place tonight.
After tonight we will hear no more of this tournament but for many of the participants this may merely be an introduction before a long and happy acquaintance. It was, after all, through Uefa Cup finals that most international viewers first got to know top players such as [somewhat haphazardly chosen list follows] John Toshack, Johnny Metgod, Zinedine Zidane and, only last year, Andrei Arshavin, as well as great managers such as Giovanni Trapattoni, Fatih Terim, Jose Mourinho and, of course, Juande Ramos and Steve McClaren. So pay attention. Please.
As a matter of fact ….
Shakhtar were founded in 1936 as FC Stakhanovets and changed to their current name in 1946. Shakhtar literally means 'miner', a reference to the main industry in Donbass at the time. Their nicknames are Hirnyky (the Pitmen) and Kroty (the Moles) for obvious reasons. They reached tonight's final by beating, amongst others, CSKA Moscow, Marseille and a Tottenham Mascots XI.
Bremen were founded in 1899 and took the Werder prefix in 1920. Werder is an obscure German word meaning 'river island', a reference to the Peterswerder on which their home stadium is built. In 1922 they were the first German team to hire a professional coach. They are famous for preposterous European fightbacks, including overturning a 6-2 first leg deficit to Spartak Moscow in this tournament in 1988, and coming from 3-0 down to Anderlect in a Champions League match in 1994 to win 5-3. They reached tonight's final by plane.
7.35pm: "i'm surprised by your photo suggesting Uncle Albert's neutrality," daubs David Wall. "I'd have expected that he'd have sided with any team opposed to the Germans after his experiences in the navy during the war. Perhps Del got a job-lot of scarves and he's trying to help flog them to the crowd in Istanbul."
7.37pm: Shakhtar take to the pitch wearing their trademark orange kit - is that the cue for some revolutionary deeds from the Ukrainians? Bremen take to the pitch wearing green and white - is that the cue for some other lame gag from your mbm hack?
7.40pm: ITV cut to commercials - can there really have been a goal already? We don't even kick-off for another five minutes.
1 min: In the beginning there was a kick-off ...
2 mins: Rat scurries over to take the first throw-in of the match, and no sooner has he done so than Frings clatters into Willian to concede the first freekick of the night. Shakhtar take it short and resume stroking the ball around in picturesque fashion.
4 mins: Bremen have barely touched the ball. But nor have they shown any signs of being opened up by the probing Ukranians.
6 mins: What a miss! it was a brilliantly worked high-speed move by Shakhtar and it culminated with Luiz Adriano collecting the ball at the edge of the box in a surprising amount of space. But like the defenders, compsoure abandoned him and he slashed his low shot wide.
8 mins: Shakhtar clear a long throw ... but only as far as Baumann, who volleys wide from 20 yards. "Paul, why is a Rat playing for the Moles?" squeaks Justin Kavanagh. What are you rabbiting about?
9 mins: It's spunky stuff so far.
10 mins: Clever work on the right flank by Frings, who follows it up with a nice clipped cross towards Rosenberg. Off-balance, the striker heads the wrong way. Embarassing.
12 mins: Skakhtar have often been accused of being too cautious but no such allegations can be hurled at them tonight - they're attacking with gusto, their speedy movement and passing a real pleasure to behold. Werder, meanwhile, are also bristling with ambition, though, minus Diego and with a visible height advantage, they are slightly more direct in their approach.
14 mins: Werder have succeeded in slowing down the play over the last few minutes and pushed Shakhtar backwards. Yes, they've lapsed into stereotypical Teutonic grinding mode.
17 mins: The crowd seems to be heavily in faovur of Shakhtar and have taken to booing bitterly as Werder have knocked the ball around over the last few minutes.
19 mins: At last Werder forge a shot from all their possession ... but Fritz's effort floated into the Bosphorous.
21 mins: Ozil surges from deep to collect a ball just outside the Shakthar area. The German off Turkish stock twists past two and into the box before being thwarted by a timely intervention from Kucher. Ozil falls to the ground, drawing appeals for a penalty from the Werder fans, but giving would have been a terrible decision.
23 mins: Pizarro collapses in the box, the ref whistles ... but it's for a free out rather than a penalty. And rightly so, as the Chelsea man pushed Kucher in order to win possession.
GOAL! Shakhtar 1-0 Werder (Luiz Adriano 25')
25 mins: it all came from a run-of-the-mill ball forward from left-back Rat. Prodl mis-read it and allowed it to run to Luiz Adriano, who took it in his stride and daintily lifted the ball over the out-rushing keeper from 16 yards. Quality finish.
27 mins: Fears that Shakhtar would simply sit on their lead can be allayed: they've jsut torn forward again and created another fine opening for Luiz Adriano, who this time cut in from the left and spanked a wayward shot miles over the bar.
29 mins: Another snappy move by Shakhtar. This time it's Willian who darts in from the left. He keeps his shot low but couldn't impart enough power to trouble the keeper.
31 mins: Werder attempt a riposte. But after Boenisch sends a cross too long their attack fizzles out.
32 mins: Yikes! Adriano soars for the ball with Niemeyer, wins it, but then falls as if he's been spear-tackled by two All Blacks. He's writhing on the ground clutching his shoulder ...
33 mins: Dry your tears: Adriano is back.
35 mins: 30 yards from goal, a freekick to Werder. Five Shakhtar players form a wall, two Werder men try to disrupt. Naldo curls it over the wall and straight into the keeper's arms ... but Pyatov inexplicably drops it into the net! GOAL! Shakhtar 1-1 Werder (Naldo 35')
37 mins: Shakhtar fizz the ball around as the pleasing pace and purpose continues. Frings breaks the move up, however, and Rat curtails the break by taking a nibble at him.
39 mins: Srna nods clear a Frings corner.
40 mins: More dodgy keeping from Pyatov, who rushed out to claim a Fritz cross but got nowhere near it and was relieved to see Pizarro head the ball wide.
41 mins: Now that, by contrast, was quality keeping! Lewandowski unleashed a 30-yard shot so ferocious that even Godzilla would have fled from it, but Wiese dived full-length to tip it around the post.
43 mins: Adriano falls on the rim of the Werder box and then curls up into the foetal position while, inappropriately, rolling around like a baby. The ref is suitably unconvinced.
44 mins: A Werder player has just been booked. I wasn't really paying attention so don't know who or why. Yeah, sorry about that. "Here's some thrilling trivia," jaws Harris."The Rosenberg playing for Bremen was in the same year at high school in Malmö as Zlatan Ibrahimovic." Ah, then he is the man who could tell us whether Zlatan bottled all his big exams aback then too.
45 mins: Splendid stuff from Willian, who within 45 seconds fires no fewer than one, but no more than three, fierce centres across the face of goal. Both times a vigilant Werder defender got there fractionally before a Shakhtar striker.
Half-time: So, what do you think?
Still half-time "I think it would be synchronates, not synchronyms," snipes Tom Chivers. "As in simultaneously born, rather than simultaneously named. Of course you were both named the same year you were created (I assume), but it's more usual - in your and my home countries, at least - to celebrate the birthday rather than the naming day." OK, sounds plausible to me.
46 mins: We're back.
47 mins: Willian embarks on a tricky dribble into the box and is poised to shoot when the ref calls him back because Rat had held off a would-be tackler.
49 mins: The movement of Shakhtar's front four is dazzling. Ozil, indeed, seems to have been momentarily blinded by it, for his attempt to disposses Jadson got nowhere near the ball and instead he kicked the player to the ground. Shakhtar waste the freekick.
51 mins: When Shakhtar get going they make Bremen look ponderous. Prodl has just clumped into Jadson at the edge of the box. Jadson takes the freekick himself, curling it over the wall and towards the corner. But Wiese is alert and agile enough to push it to safety.
53 mins: Adriano to Willian to Jadson to Fernandino to a cameraman behind the goal. It was pretty precise stuff up to the last bit. "Everyone seems to think the Uefa Cup is crap," frets Niki Kangol. "I've just tuned in myself, but it should be an exciting game. Both keepers are stellar." Yes, well, get back to when you've seen a replay of Bremen's goal.
56 mins: Srna booked for diving and then feverishly demanding a freekick. "Paul, stop all these cheesy descriptions of Rat scurrying and nibbling!" pleads Justin Kavanagh. "Unless Werder get another sniff of Pyatov's droppings, he's only a whisker away from a European medal and deserves our respect." These rat-based quips are becoming quite a plague.
58 mins: Bremen's best move of the half - Shakhtar-esque in its rapidity and eye-catching precision - is aborted when Chygrynskiy performs a superb tackle on Rosenberg.
61 mins: It's The teams seems to be taking it in turns to domiante for five-minute spells. It's making for engrossing fare. "This year's final is certainly more entertaining than watching Rangers flail around and clutch and grab Arshavin for 90 minutes," observes Kyle Karinen.
63 mins: Naldo controls a Frings corner around the penalty spot. He can't turn to shoot so instead lays it backs to Ozil, who swipes at it, and cringes as the ball spins seven yards wide.
66 mins: Wiese earns his pay by punching an Adriano shot away. "Do you agree that as the final is in Istanbul, Rat deserves the "Fare play" award?" guffaws Philip West to himself. Five minutes later he sends a follow-up email explaining that 'fare' means 'rat' in Turkish. Poison.
68 mins: "We're into the last quarter unless there is to be extra-time," announces ITV's commentator in case any of us understand neither mathematics nor the workings of drawn football finals. Would any such person really be tuning in tonight?
70 mins: Pizarro picks out Boensich, who had dashed up from left-back. But he'll have to dash straight back as his shot was off target and Shakhtar are now rolling forward again.
72 mins: The pace of the game has dropped over the last few minutes, while the tension has mounted.
74 mins: Ha! The camera has just picked out a cat on the pitch! Incredibly, ITV's commentary team managed to resist suggesting it was sent on to catch Rat. I, however, can't.
76 mins: Corner to Shakhtar. Jadson swings it in, Naldo nods it out.
77 mins: A corner from the other side to Shakhtar. Srna hoiks it all the way over to Jadson, who's stationed outside the box on the far flank ... and volleys powerfully into Wiese's arms. Decent effort.
79 mins: Fine double save by Pyatov, who thus atones for his first-half blunder. "Paul, regarding the Cat: I'm sure you remember that in 86, the last time a Ukrainian side won a European trophy, the pitch was invaded by a cockerel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuJzaB9jGjY&hl=un) ," squawks Jonathan Wilson, who is by no means the first person to over-estiamte the extent of my knowledge. "Surely this is an omen?" Nah, I'm sure it's something to do with Rat. The fact that he's just been booked makes me even more sewer.
80 mins: Bremen switch: Rosenberg off, Hunt on.
82 mins: Rat cooks up a nice move (a Rat in the kitchen?) that ends in a freekick, Adriano being felled by Prodl.
84 mins: Extra-time seems a certainty as both teams' attacking has waned. "Come on Doyle, I want a photo of the cat," barks Richard Whittal, one of the few remaining people who thinks there's a lack of photos of pussies on the internet.
86 mins: Ilsinho booked for pulling back Boenisch.
87 mins: Naldo's opinion of Pyatov is clearly very low - following his succesful freekick in the first half, he's just tried to beat the keeper from the halfway line. He failed.
89 mins: Shakhtar substitution. I'll tell you who's come on as soon as I've figured out how to spell his name.
90 mins: The fourth official has indicated that there will be three mintues of added time, as usual. "If Shakhtar win this, it will be because whilst Bremen are Teutonic, their opponents are Bubonic," offends Philip West.
90+1 mins: That Skakhtar sub, by the way, entailed Adriano going off and a man called Gladkiy coming on.
End of normal time: So time to get freaky. "The great Dinamo Kiev team of 1986 had the great Vasiliy Rats in the team," bawls Rick Buur. "So the vermin problem slowly seems to get better and by the next European cup final the Ukrainans might have the rodent situation under control." Intriguingly, if I recall the France-USSR clash at Mexico 86 correctly, Rats was denied by (Joel) Bats. The cat having failed, could that be the creature to which Bremen turn next?
ET 1 min: We have go.
ET 2 mins: Srna's long-range swirler is beaten away by Wiese. "I'm surry to inform Rick Buur ..." begins Jonathan Wilson in a pernickety way that reveals he is not at all surry."... that Rat is pronounced Rats in Romanian, so the problem hasn't abated." .
ET 3 mins: Werder change: Fritz off, Pasanen on.
ET 5 mins: Slow, slow, slow, fast, fast, interception by Bremen. That's been the patten of the last two minutes.
GOAL! Shakhtar 2-1 Werder (Jadson, ET 7')
ET 7 mins: The ball is swept wide to Srna, who had advanced down the right wing. The Croatian picks out Jadson with a low centre and he hits it first time towards goal. It wasn't especially powerful but Wiese lets it squirm under his hand and into the net!
ET 9 mins: Further redemption for Pyatov, who pulls off a magnificent save to prevent Pizarro from equalising almist instantaneously.
ET 10 mins: Defensive move by Shakhtar, who withdraw Ilsinho and thrust on Gai. "That Dynamo side of 1986 featured one Oleg Blokhin," recalls Declan Johnston. "That surname in Russian derives from the word for flea. The plot thickens ..."
ET 12 mins: If their manager's intention is to defend, the Shakhtar players don't share it: Rat has just provoked panic with an incursion into the Werder box. As most of the Germans jumped on to chairs and started screaming hysterically, Baumann strode to the fore and booted the ball clear.
ET 15 mins: On the counter Willian almost seals victory for Shakhtar but his 25-yard lob plunges just over the bar. Great idea, but he should have scored. Meanwhile, Steve Betteley has spotted a flaw in my hastily contrived gaggery. "Vasily Rats actually beat Joel Bats with an absolute screamer from 40 yards in the 86 group stages so don't send the bats in. Rats (and the USSR) were denied by Pfaff in the next round though, so Pfaffing is the answer to the rat problem and all problems I think. That and alcohol."
ET 16 mins: After an admirably short interval the game resumes. And within seconds Ozil is presented with a decent shooting chance from 18 yards. He opts for a sneaky side-footer and, given the sorry outcome, surely now wishes he'd plumped for power.
ET 18 mins: Jadson is down injured. Well, Jadson is down. Play is therefore paused. "In the dying seconds of the semi final second leg Werder were assisted by a bit of paper on the pitch," wibbles Scott W. "Is it fanciful to suggest that the cat was yet another attempt at outside interference by an innovative bunch of supporters unafraid to seek to gain a competitive advantage by unconvential means?" Probably, but I thank you for doing so.
ET 20 mins: Shakhtar are only interested in defending now, and they're making a much better job of that than Werder are of attacking. Fatigue is creeping in and, as ITV astutely point out, Wolfsburg will be loving this: they host Werder on Sunday and victory will give them the Bundesliga title.
ET 21 mins: Tziolis, a substitute who came on without me bothering to tell you, rifles just wide from 20 yards.
ET 23 mins: Prodl attempts to win the attention of all the movie-makers currently swanking it up in Cannes, but his theatrical fall in the box doesn't impress the Spanish referee.
ET 25 mins: Baumann heads a corner over the bar.
ET 26 mins: Tziolis attempts to do what the cat couldn't: neutralise Rat. That's a booking for him. "It will be disappointing to see John Malkovich finish as losing manager," guffs Ronan Hayes, sending, no doubt, many of you surfing for a photo.
ET 28 mins: Pizarro chest down the ball in the box, spins and prepares to shoot ... until the ref whistles and accuses him of winning the ball only after fouling Kuchner.
ET 29 mins: Bremen are now launching long balls into the box, but Shakhtar are sending them back out. At least they were until Prodl nodded down a diagonal ball and Pizarro pokes it into the net! But again he's penalised for a previous foul - correctly, despite his incredulous protests.
ET 30 mins: Two more minutes ...
Full-time: The last Uefa Cup final yields a Ukranian first! The Shakhtar palyers and fans celebrate deleriously. It was a tremendous game and might just herald the rise of a new continental force.
;