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Classic YouTube

Brutal batting, terrifying tackling and Savage Garden-singing football fans

Featuring Spurs supporters getting romantic, Shahid Afridi's 37-
ball hundred and a classic between, er, Portsmouth and Oxford

1) Old football could seriously damage your health, as these guilty laugh-inducers show: this wasn't even a foul, whereas now it would probably be a penalty, a red card, a 10-match ban and maybe even a custodial; this didn't warrant a yellow card; neither of these warranted a red card; nor did this; nor did Claudio Gentile's legendary 90-minute molestation of Diego Maradona at the 1982 World Cup; and nor did anything in the unrelentingly vicious match between Argentina and Brazil at the 1978 World Cup.

2) These days, football isn't about such thuggery, of course. These days, football fans – truly, madly, deeply – have love in their heart, as these Savage Garden-loving supporters show [warning: advert].

3) New West Ham owner Hugh Hef- sorry, David Sullivan went on Brass Eye back in the day, with hilarious and rather inevitable adult-themed consequences.

4) There are some things that should not be possible. Such as a 16-year-old, picked primarily as a leg-spin bowler, playing his first innings for his country, promoted to pinch-hitter, scoring the fastest century in international cricket history from only 37 balls. But that's exactly what the inimitable Shahid Afridi did against Sri Lanka in 1996.

5) Is this the greatest solo try in rugby union history? The All Blacks' John Kirwan scores straight from the kick-off against Italy at the inaugural World Cup in 1987.

Our favourites from last week's blog

1) Bowlers who can bowl at 90mph are at a premium. As are bowlers who can swing and seam it both ways almost at will. As are bowlers who can outthink a batsman with the sharpest of cricket brains. And perhaps only one man has ever truly combined all three qualities: the late, great Malcolm Marshall.

2) "I suggest you shut up and show more football." Brian Clough rips John Motson a new one or seven.

3) We're not sure it's in the laws of the game, never mind the spirit, but the paradinha – the art of stopping just before you take a penalty to confuse the goalkeeper – is reaching new heights of ingenuity, as shown in the last fortnight by Neymar and Fred. And while we're talking about how to finish, check out this toaster.

4) A portrait of an artist: his name is Zizou.

5) A curiosity from cricket's past: the World's Fastest Bowler Competition 1979.

6) Now games like this are why we love old football. Portsmouth v Oxford in December 1984: the atmosphere, a pitch of mud and a twist that even Hitchcock might have baulked at.

Spotters' badges: santeff, VCPorto8704, vancouverfox, Spikadelika, Balboa, GiloStilton.


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  • Foxxxo Foxxxo

    18 Feb 2010, 9:27AM

    I really shouldn't laugh, but this is how not to start your one and only run in the Olympic downhill skiing:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3BZmALR53c

  • hojo hojo

    18 Feb 2010, 10:19AM

    Bumboclart, agreed entirely. I had the privilege to see him live on many occasions and he was certainly the greatest "stopk" bowler I have seen, as well as being a real quickie when he wanted. Unfortunately, he always seemed to save his best for games against England!

  • saltspringisland saltspringisland

    18 Feb 2010, 10:53AM

    Good grief, Zidane was one of a kind. Perhaps my favourite ever player. A first touch to die for....I miss him.

    But yes, terrible choice of music. At least the images speak for themselves.

  • billybraggsplectrum billybraggsplectrum

    18 Feb 2010, 10:53AM

    I wonder if Garth Crooks was as much of a wally back then as he is now.

    As for Souness, that 'tackle' says everything about the man. I still find it incomprehensible that, after stamping on a man's balls, Souness points indignantly to the embroidery on his sock. Cowardice, thuggery, and vanity, all in one.

  • Arthur2ShedsJackson Arthur2ShedsJackson

    18 Feb 2010, 11:33AM

    Always great to Malcolm Marshall bowl, and Michael Holding. Though I did see Marshall getting absolutely hammered on a flat Colchester Castle Park pitch in the 80's. John Lever said he couldn't bear to watch as Gooch flogged him all over the park!

  • bobeto bobeto

    18 Feb 2010, 11:47AM

    Speaking of Zidane at his peak, check out this - the apogee of the Galacticos mark 1: their total destruction of Manchester United at the Bernebeu in the 2002/2003 UEFA Champions League Quarter-Final 1st leg, with all the Galacticos - Casillas, Roberto Carlos, Zidane, Figo, Raul and Ronaldo all playing brilliantly in a 3-1 win that should have been about 10-2

    The second leg with the Ronaldo hat-trick and the 'Beckham comeback' had a better story, but this was an imperious performance, with Zidane at his majestic best - 2 assists and countless great moments, including a total humiliation of Beckham

    1st Half - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YTz-A_a5tU

    2nd Half - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpTXn3oJTRs

  • fflump fflump

    18 Feb 2010, 11:51AM

    The Kirwan try is a classic and few modern test backs could repeat it

    He is running at full tilt for 14 seconds, not what modern explosive backs are trained for. After 8 seconds half would be frozen solid with lactic acid in their 28 inch thighs!

  • TheHarry TheHarry

    18 Feb 2010, 12:04PM

    Souness was a coward and a thug.

    When I first saw 'Trainspotting', I was slightly disappointed with Robert Carlyle's performance, not because he wasn't good but because when I read the book, I'd always pictured Graeme Souness as Frank Begbie.

  • CorneliusLysergic CorneliusLysergic

    18 Feb 2010, 12:07PM

    Finest sporting moment for me? Seeing Gary Sobers in a Saturday full-house at Lords in the 60s, Windies 80 something for 5, carving up the English attack with complete ease and consummate elegance, end finishing the day 200+ not out.

    Sublime. Utterly sublime. As was the West Indian gent, many sheets to the wind, who stumbled on the steps with his glass of rum, fell over, and came up, glass of rum intact, to a standing ovation from those around him.

  • whathappenednext whathappenednext

    18 Feb 2010, 12:11PM

    I forgot how good the goals were in that Argentina Italy match. The through passing was from another planet. I'd back that Italy 1982 team to beat any modern day international team, including Brazil

  • pikeman pikeman

    18 Feb 2010, 12:28PM

    Shock!!

    New Zealand winning the Rugby Worls Cup and it's not in black and white!!!!

    Those Kirwan tires are a perfect illustration that Professionals (All Blacks) V Amateurs (Italy and even Wales and France) makes for some embarressingly one-sided matches.

    @fflump
    You are quite right - Kirwan would also have had all the pace leeched out of him in the gym these days so he could "bulk up" by two stone.

  • lingenu lingenu

    18 Feb 2010, 12:47PM

    Whoever posted the Dutch parody of 'English sport' last time out, thanks. That was one of the best things I've seen in a while. I see you received no official spotter's badge. Bof. Stinkin' badges.

  • Burly Burly

    18 Feb 2010, 1:22PM

    Hmm.

    Such as a 16-year-old, picked primarily as a leg-spin bowler, playing his first innings for his country, promoted to pinch-hitter, scoring the fastest century in international cricket history from only 37 balls. But that's exactly what the inimitable Shahid Afridi did against Sri Lanka in 1996.

    But the video says 21 years old...

  • Burntbaguette Burntbaguette

    18 Feb 2010, 1:49PM

    Two seriously bad tackles in one (top flight) game. One gets a verbal warning, the other a yellow card. Things have changed quite a bit over the past 20 years.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcBp16NgnKg See 0.50 and 4.10. (Btw, if you're prepared to hang on till the end, the winning goal was a good 'un.)

    I had mixed feelings watching this clip: you can't, of course, condone leg-breaking lunges, but they can make for exhilarating moments. Who doesn't enjoy leaping out of their seat to spit righteous fury - along with thousands of others - at the sight of a clattering tackle?

    The foul as entertainment? Well, you need a touch of ugliness to fully appreciate the beautiful game. A purist's sport of non-challenges, FIFA's ultimate dream it would appear, would be massively boring.

  • padav padav

    18 Feb 2010, 1:58PM

    No self-respecting retrospective on terrifying tackles is complete without this horror story from the 1982 semi-final between Germany and France.

    Schumacher wasn't even booked for this naked assault on Battiston. As the author points out, a custodial sentence would have been in order on this occassion. The German goalkeeper should have been led away handcuffed directly to the cells, never mind allowed to continue playing!

    If you see the replay from behind the goal, you can see how Schumacher cynically alters his trajectory once he realises Battiston has beaten him to the ball and steered it past him. The ball may be going past him but not the man as well - outright thuggery!

    Five years in the slammer would have been an appropriate sanction?

  • Corleone Corleone

    18 Feb 2010, 2:38PM

    Zidane is the one player that always looked like he was playing against a bunch of kids, no matter if its the World Cup final, or a game against a lowly league side.

  • Gelion Gelion

    18 Feb 2010, 3:14PM

    Malcolm Marshall was terrific - he would be a candidate for my first XI of any era - and you are right that he had a brilliant tactical nous about him. It would have been interesting to watch Marshall in his prime against Bradman or Tendulkar in theirs.

    David Gower said in The Empire of Cricket, that Marshall was the most difficult he faced ... but I think other bowlers were around Marshall's level than you make out in your commentary - but perhaps there is not the TV footage to back it up.

    Frank Tyson of England had a better bowling average than Marshall and probably exceeded Marshall for pace. Fred Trueman had almost as good an average as Marshall, also was very quick. Harwold Larwood was blindingly quick - so fast that measuring instruments of his time had him bowling over 100mph - but his test average was hampered by him being told to bowl to the Body Line, and the arrival of the peerless Donald Bradman.

    You could also make a case for other match winning fast bowlers; Richard Hadlee whose average was just over Marshall's, Lillee the same, Michael Holding ... Imran Khan ... Walsh and Ambrose.

  • Hemulen Hemulen

    18 Feb 2010, 3:35PM

    Zidane is the one player that always looked like he was playing against a bunch of kids, no matter if its the World Cup final, or a game against a lowly league side.

    An extraordinary talent. It must be weird for United fans watching footage of him to see a Frenchman excelling at European and International level...

  • DonIgnacio DonIgnacio

    18 Feb 2010, 3:56PM

    the puma commercial isnt anything of the sort, it's a viral video,a nd it's perfect; possibly the best thing i'll see in all of 2010...football fans singing a love song to their sweethearts (presumably the viewer) for san valentine's (it was a sunday, game-day). if you also watch the italian version the whole concept gets even better; italian fans, italian love song sung in the style of italian ultras
    absolutely flawless.
    all of us at work (i work at a digital agency, so maybe that explains it) thought it was brilliant.

    well done Puma.

  • signor signor

    18 Feb 2010, 4:27PM

    "the puma commercial isnt anything of the sort, it's a viral video"

    Oh well, then.

    Curious thing about that 1970 Cup final clip, and knowing this you can probably tell watching it again, is that at some time in the mid to late 90s ITV planned to put some of their finals out on video (and indeed you can now get all the 70s and 80s finals from their coverage in a couple of box sets), but they'd lost that replay so had to go to the BBC for the footage and get Brian Moore to redub the commentary nearly two decades after the event.

    This doesn't fit the look-what-they-could-get-away-with theme as both were sent off, but always entertaining to see Gary Bennett do a fairly comprehensive job on David Speedie (watch for the thumb in the eye): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU8Lwixj6mk

  • jp008341 jp008341

    18 Feb 2010, 4:52PM

    YESSSSSS!!! Oxford finally hit the big time (although I'm pretty sure I've posted that video on here before).

    The greatest footballing night of my life. Age 12, Beech Road Family Terrace at the Manor. It cannot not get any better.

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