Uncle Creepy

About Me

Once on the road at the age of 6, he was taken in by a clan of Aboriginal tribesmen and forced to run with a pack of wolves in order to hone his killer instincts. At the age of 7 Creepy decided to leave his pack and head to LA to find his fortune. Once there he landed a gig as an actor and was a frequent extra on Starsky & Hutch, playing the role of Huggie Bear's adopted son, Lil' White Foo'. After the show was cancelled, Creepy moved to New York City, where he got his first real break into the American workforce as a gravedigger. Not having enough cash to afford a car just yet, he had to resort to getting around on his Schwinn unicycle. One day after getting pulled over for speeding and resisting arrest, NY's finest beat Creepy down ala Rodney King and locked him up for 2 years. While in jail Creepy became a tattoo artist and master whittler. To this day, a collection of tiny wooden ducks and a bust of Little Richard stand on display in the recreation area at Riker's Island, a reminder of his amazing craftsmanship.

Upon being paroled, he went back to his roots as a carny and landed a job at the Big Apple Circus as a fire eater. Being the humanitarian that he is, Creepy thought it was quite cruel to leave the lions caged up like that, so he freed them in the name of Mandela. This resulted in the deaths of 6 clowns, the ringmaster, and Jed, the ferris wheel operator. As you can imagine, this did not go over too well with the higher-ups, and he was soon out on his ass. With plenty of free time on his hands, he took up yodeling and the polka. An avid polka dancer, Creepy quickly rose to stardom as "The Polka King," a name given to him by his many fans.

Uncle Creepy appeared numerous times on Arsenio in his trademark fez and kilt. While on the show for the umpteenth time, he met Minnie Pearl, who was there to promote her new cookbook Cajun Cookin' with Minnie, and old UC fell in love for the first time in his life. He and Minnie began a 4-year relationship, in which he taught her the nuances of polka and she enlightened him to the joys of hillbilly humor. Even though life was swell, eventually Minnie's Cajun cooking triggered a severe gastrointestinal disorder in his bowels, and now it's rumored that he lives on a strict diet of woodshavings, carrot juice, anchovies, and sangria.

Years later Uncle Creepy found his true calling -- becoming a pop culture icon. He can now be found writing for the world's most hardcore horror website DreadCentral.com. There's is no word on when or if he will ever polka again.

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