Profile_bird

Hey there! TheOnion is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What's happening? Join today to start receiving TheOnion's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

TheOnion

  1. [audio] Area CEO Doesn't Have Time For This Crap http://onion.com/c8QWdo about 2 hours ago from twitterfeed
  2. Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence http://onion.com/aXpKH1 about 7 hours ago from web
  3. In Focus: Future Of Genteel Town In Jeopardy As Doily Factory Closes http://onion.com/bnHo1b about 11 hours ago from twitterfeed
  4. Tom Of MySpace Gone? http://onion.com/abifej about 11 hours ago from twitterfeed
  5. Opinion: I Don't Talk Much, But When I Do, Nobody Really Cares (by Peter Grossman) http://onion.com/cVJCVW about 11 hours ago from twitterfeed
  6. Gay Marriage Passes In 9 States After Area Homosexual Dunks On Regulation Rim http://onion.com/cr9wfK about 12 hours ago from twitterfeed
  7. Scrappy Crew Of 'Good Morning America' Decides To Put On A News Show http://onion.com/dhk5Y4 about 12 hours ago from twitterfeed
  8. NEWSWIRE: Man With Half As Many Apples As Eric And Jane Regrets Not Paying Attention During School 4:58 PM Feb 17th from web
  9. Lindsey Vonn: Grew up in MN, so there's a good chance she's a joyless judgmental jerk behind her smiling facade http://onion.com/aXsWgw 2:02 PM Feb 17th from Tweetie
  10. #Olympics Coverage: Shaun White's Goal: To one day become the world's greatest cloudboarder http://onion.com/atKUql 12:14 PM Feb 17th from web
  11. U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion http://onion.com/cnlKQD 9:21 AM Feb 17th from bit.ly
  12. Bode Miller's Olympic Records: Has puked on 11 different gold medal winners http://onion.com/bmk2uB 9:19 AM Feb 17th from web
  13. Least Popular Teen Hangouts http://onion.com/9lU4jR 8:48 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  14. In Focus: 70 Percent Of World's Population Could Use All-Star Benefit Concert http://onion.com/d25Q2b 8:48 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  15. Stocking Up For Weather Emergencies http://onion.com/c6G9O9 8:13 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  16. Fork Manufacturer Introduces Fifth Tine To Accommodate Growing American Mouthfuls http://onion.com/91BBQT 7:40 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  17. Sports: Lindsey Vonn Credits Success To Really Good Ski Poles http://onion.com/9h1yTP 7:40 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  18. Holyfield Reportedly Hit Wife http://onion.com/9cjKSI 7:07 AM Feb 17th from twitterfeed
  19. [audio] Jewish Texans Commemorate HolocaustTexas-Style! http://onion.com/b9nm1O 10:24 PM Feb 16th from twitterfeed
  20. [audio] Jewish Texans Commemorate HolocaustTexas-Style! http://onion.com/aN3RNc 6:30 PM Feb 16th from twitterfeed