Rabbi
Mordecai Gafni's Supporters
Metuka Benjamin (Director of Education, Stephen S. Wise Temple), Rabbi
Phyllis Berman (Former Director Elat Chayyim summer program), Rabbi Saul
Berman (Director, Edah Zivit) Davidovich (Executive Producer, Israel Channel
2 Television), Rabbi Tirzah Firestone (Congregation Nevei Kodesh), Rabbi
Shefa Gold (Director C-Deep, composer and teacher), Rabbi Arthur Green
(Dean, Hebrew College Rabbinical School), Rabbi Eli Herscher (Stephen
S. Wise Synagogue) Arthur Kurzweil (former Director, Elat Chayyim, Jewish
Book Club), Avraham Leader (Leader Minyan, Bayit Chadash) Stephen Marmer,
M.D. (Psychiatrist, UCLA Medical School) Jacob Ner-David (Board Chair,
Bayit Chadash) Peter Pitzele (Ph.D., Bibliodrama Institute) Rabbi Zalman
Schachter-Shalomi (Rabbinic Chair, Aleph Don Seeman, Ph.D. Emory University)
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin (author, Jewish Literacy and Jewish Wisdom) Rabbi
David Zaslow (Havurah Shir Hadash) Noam Zion (Hartman Institute), signed
the following letter (in early 2005 I presume) and gave it to Gafni and
his supporters to distribute as widely as they say fit:
To The Jewish Community worldwide:
In this letter we the undersigned ask the Jewish community worldwide
to reaffirm its commitment to the Torah, and to the ethical principles
of Judaism. Although the specific focus of our discussion is Rabbi Mordechai
Gafni, whom have known collectively for many years, the issues we address
are universal and timeless.
A group of several people – none of whom know Rabbi Gafni personally
in any real way, and none who has had any contact in the past twenty
years – have undertaken a systematic campaign to besmirch his name.
Their primary method has been to keep alive and distort two very old
and long discredited stories. Their attacks have recently increased
in volume and intensity. He has consistently and generously offered
to meet with them, but they have refused.
Many people who know Rabbi Gafni well, as all the undersigned do, have
individually and collectively examined the accusations about him that
this group has been spreading. We have found their rumors and accusations
to be either wholly without substance or radically distorted to the
point of falsification. We conclude that the false and malicious rumors
against Gafni constitute lashon hara – and that the dissemination of
such lies is prohibited by the Torah and Jewish ethical principles.
Thus we must address and to make right the wrong that has been attempted
in regard to Rabbi Gafni, and affirm our support of him as an important
teacher and leader in the Jewish community.
We have worked with Rabbi Gafni in many contexts, ranging from colleague
to employer. We have published his works in our collections, co-taught
with him, and known him in a host of other close relationships. Over
the years, we have also extensively discussed with him the different
stages of his life and the decisions he has made in relationships, professional
choices and more.
We affirm without reservation that in addition to being a person of
enormous gifts, depth, and vision, Rabbi Gafni is also a person of real
integrity. He possesses a unique combination of courage and audacity
coupled with a genuine humility that comes only from having lived life
fully – with all of its complexity, beauty and sometimes pain.
Leaders of his caliber and depth who are committed to ongoing personal
development are few and far between. From our dual commitment to him
as an individual, as well as to the most profound ethical teachings
of the Torah, we urge you as the reader of this letter to reject the
false reports about Rabbi Gafni, and to give him your full support,
as we all have done and continue to do.
If you have further questions, please feel free to contact any one
of us directly.
Rabbi
Saul Berman's Defense Of Rabbi
Mordecai Gafni
Rabbi Gafni and his supporters widely distributed the following letter
from Orthodox Rabbi Saul Berman over the past 18 months:
To Whom It May Concern,
I have had occasion during the spring, summer and fall of 2004 to
conduct an extensive personal inquiry in response to accusations which
have been made against Rabbi Mordechai Gafni and publicized on the Internet.
A more balanced version of these same issues than that on the Internet
was raised in an editor’s
column by Gary Rosenblatt published in the Jewish Week newspaper,
in which Rosenblatt asserted that he was unable to draw either a negative
or positive conclusion about these issues, calling his extensive research
into the issue an "investigation without a conclusion".
I have invested literally hundreds of hours in talking to parties directly
and indirectly related, reading public statements posted on the Internet,
and following the unfolding of this issue. I have come to a number of
clear and unequivocal conclusions.
First, as I have written in a public letter together with Rabbi Joseph
Telushkin and Rabbi Tirzah Firestone, we have found the decades-old
accusations against Rabbi Gafni to be unconvincing now, as they were
dismissed in responsible contemporaneous investigations. We believe
that these accusations have been intentionally distorted, kept alive
and circulated by a small group of people who have waged a vendetta-like
campaign against Rabbi Gafni, creating a false and unfair impression
of his character.
Second, the material posted on the Awareness Center website and related
Internet blogs is not credible. Both in regard to Rabbi Gafni as well
as to other cases posted there, the Awareness Center has grossly distorted
facts and blatantly lied. Indeed, working together with a small team
I have collected a host of examples of such behavior on the part of
the Awareness Center. While the Awareness Center does address an issue
critical to the Jewish community, that of sexual harassment and abuse,
the center itself has unfortunately become an abuser itself of the first
order.
The major other Internet poster of accusations against Rabbi Gafni
is a certain Luke Ford. Luke Ford, who poses as a journalist, also runs
a pornography site. He is a discredited Internet gossip columnist for
the pornography industry, who, by his own written admission, regularly
publishes libelous material as truth without even the slightest attempt
at verification.
Third, I have urged Rabbi Gafni to continue actively writing and teaching
his communities of students around the world. I have done so based on
my firm conclusion that he poses absolutely no danger or threat to anyone.
Indeed, I firmly believe that the notion suggested by Vicki Polin of
the Awareness Center that he poses any danger whatsoever is patently
absurd. While in some areas I would take issue with Rabbi Gafni’s thought,
particularly in areas where he departs from classical Orthodoxy, the
work he is doing is serious and is of great benefit to the Jewish community
worldwide.
I urge the readers of this letter to continue to support Rabbi Gafni’s
work, including his public teachings, writings, television projects
and social activism. We are in need today of hearing the emerging voices
of the next generation of Jewish leadership, and Rabbi Gafni’s voice
is one of them. I look forward to learning what he has to teach in the
decades to come.
Rabbi Saul J. Berman
(Director, Edah)
I have never
run a pornographic website. I have run or written for websites that reported
on the porn industry and related issues (many of these sites took advertising
from pornographers).
Berman's alleged about me: "...by his own written admission, regularly
publishes libelous material as truth without even the slightest attempt
at verification."
That is not true.
Rabbis Joseph Telushkin and Saul Berman wrote this letter to 10/1/04
edition of The Jewish Week following Gary
Rosenblatt's article on rabbi
Marc Gafni:
To the Editor,
Words can elevate and words can destroy.
There was a time when the Jewish community too glibly and carelessly
disregarded words of accusation of sexual abuse against clergy. That
was clearly wrong, and Gary Rosenblatt of The Jewish Week helped to
correct that. The pendulum has now swung to the opposite extreme, as
evidenced in Rosenblatt’s column (The Re-Invented Rabbi, 9/24/04).
The column reports an allegation concerning a relationship from twenty-five
years ago – when Rabbi Mordechai Gafni was 19 and 20 and not yet a rabbi
– in a situation where he had no pastoral relationship with the person
in question. Rabbi Gafni has a completely different account of what
happened which was not clearly related in the article (including the
fact that nothing even vaguely resembling sexual relations took place).
Furthermore, we can attest first hand that several years ago Rabbi Gafni
made serious attempts to contact this woman in a therapeutically-mediated
context—to clarify the huge gulf in their understandings of what happened
and, if necessary, to apologize for any way in which she felt hurt.
This offer was rejected and the decision was apparently made that the
press was a more appropriate vehicle for conversation.
The story also reports unsubstantiated allegations which are twenty-years
old. The story critically omits the fact that the professional to whom
Rabbi Gafni (then Winiarz) was responsible at the time conducted an
investigation, and drew the following conclusions in a formal report
which was accepted by his superiors:
“I’ve known Rabbi Winiarz for the past six years, and I believe I speak
of his character from a position of knowledge and reliability… In his
work as director of Jewish Public School Youth, allegations were made
as to his improper conduct with a teenage girl and a young female adult
[referred to in the article as Judy and Susan]… For several months,
in the spring and summer of 1986, I delved into the accusations and
had numerous conversations with a number of people who were associated
with Rabbi Winiarz both professionally and personally. I also talked
to the accusing parties as well as members of their families, rabbis
close to them and agency personnel involved in the work of JPSY. I also,
of course, spoke at length to Rabbi Winiarz about these matters. It
was my conclusion, based on clear and compelling reasons, that the accusations
were not true and were not substantiated. I might add that this was
also the view of a clinical psychologist who interviewed Rabbi Winiarz
and the teenager after the alleged incident.”
We have collectively looked at this issue again in the last six months,
and come to a similar conclusion. Further, Rabbi Gafni has long expressed
his desire to meet with any of the parties who feel he has wronged them—even
when he has a completely different account of the situation.
We, like Gary Rosenblatt, have struggled with the question of what gravity
to assign to persistent rumors. Our conclusion differs from that of
Mr. Rosenblatt. We have collectively, over many years, spoken to virtually
everyone who would speak to us who was directly involved in order to
examine the accusations against Rabbi Gafni. We have found them totally
not convincing. Further, there is simply no evidence that Rabbi Gafni’s
public role constitutes a risk to Jewish women, or to anyone for that
matter.
We pray that this unfair scandalous moment will soon be forgotten and
that Rabbi Gafni will be able to free his spiritual energy and formidable
intellect in order to help build Jewish consciousness and commitment.
Rabbi Saul J. Berman, Director of Edah
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of Jewish Literacy and The Book of Jewish
Values
Rabbi Tirzah Firestone, Congregation Nevei Kodesh, author of With Roots
in Heaven and
The Receiving
Curious about the exact number of kids a rabbi like Gafni should be allowed
to rape before he loses his position as a Jewish leader, I left messages
October 21, 2004, with rabbis Berman and Telushkin on their home phone
numbers to talk about their defense of Gafni and their attacks on The
Awareness Center. They've yet to return my call.
JWB writes: "The woman sexually assaulted by Gafni/Winiarz when
she was 13 attempted to contact Berman many times. He refused to take
her calls and has never spoken with her."
Gary
Rosenblatt Reports
On Gafni In The Jewish Week
He writes in the 5/19/06 issue:
...“We feel we were deceived,” Jacob Ner-David, a co-founder of Bayit
Chadash, told The Jewish Week, which first reported on allegations against
the rabbi in September 2004.
“He should not be called a rav [rabbi], his was not the behavior of
a rav and he should not be in a teaching or counseling position,” said
Ner-David, who noted that the incident “is my worst nightmare come to
life.” He added that Rabbi Gafni is “a sick man, and has harmed so many.”
...[Gafni] was ordained by Rabbi Shlomo Riskin, founder of Lincoln
Square Synagogue here and now chief rabbi of Efrat, in the West Bank.
Rabbi Riskin revoked his ordination in 1994 after his former student,
in a lengthy interview in Haaretz, called for restoring a balance between
the erotic and the spiritual in Judaism.
...This week, Rabbi Berman said he is “deeply regretful” of his prior
support for Rabbi Gafni, and worried that his past defense may have
prolonged the rabbi’s “predatory behavior against women.”
“I was clearly wrong in stating that Rabbi Gafni’s continued role as
a teacher within the Jewish community constitutes no risk to Jewish
women,” he wrote in a statement.
Rabbi Berman said he had felt the earlier accusations “were not justifiable
foundations for public disgrace and exclusion,” and noted that he will
“continue to struggle with the ideal line between presumption of innocence
and protection of potential innocent victims.”
He told The Jewish Week the Gafni case underscores the ongoing need
for a mechanism to investigate allegations against rabbis “in a way
that the community has confidence in, so that when it’s over, it’s over.”
He said that rabbis are “not capable of enough objectivity to handle
such matters themselves,” and called for a collaborative effort of rabbis,
lay leaders and professionals in the health care field who deal with
abuse.
...............
Letter from: Rabbi Saul J. Berman & Rabbi Joseph Telushkin to Rabbi Yosef
Blau:
http://www.bayitchadash.org/facts/blau.htm
September 13, 2004
Dear Rabbi Blau,
Since we met some months ago to discuss some issues related to sexual
abuse and the role of The Awareness Center, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin and
I have been maintaining a continuing interest in the activities of The
Awareness Center.
My recent letter to Vicki Polin and the members of the Executive Committee
of The Awareness Center included a list of suggested policy recommendations
which would have made the operation of The Awareness Center website
a fair and effective instrument in the battle against sexual abuse in
the Jewish community. Unfortunately, Vicki, in the name of the Executive
Committee, dismissed all of the suggestions with a single condescending
brush stroke.
Permit us to be perfectly blunt. The Awareness Center website as it
currently stands is often misleading, its truthfulness cannot be assumed,
and, in the name of justice, it has itself become an instrument of vicious
abuse. We are moved to make this harsh evaluation in the light of the
following points and more:
1. The claim that the site will only report previously published accusations
is an outright lie. Vicki has herself sent anonymous slanderous postings
to web blogs and then cited them on The Awareness Center site as the
basis for serious accusations.
2. The Awareness Center posts and distributes material which is totally
false, describing as fact occurrences which simply never took place.
The clear intent is the character assassination of those whom Vicki
has decided are deserving of public defamation.
4. The site does not remove accusatory material even after full and
multiple investigations have concluded that they are false.
5. The Awareness Center has initiated campaigns to destroy the reputation
and work prospects of accused persons, even after their names have been
formally cleared and/or full resolution between the parties has been
achieved.
6. The site will provide no opportunity for response by accused persons,
other than an admission of guilt.
7. The attempt to destroy people's reputations long after their death
is not the pursuit of justice, it is journalistic pornography.
These and many other serious offenses (of which we have extensive substantiation)
have made The Awareness Center an untrustworthy and deplorable repository
of falsehoods, innuendoes, and scandal mongering. It is a disgrace to
the Jewish community and we will not abide its continued destructive
activities.
We fear that your own reputation for probity and for responsible communal
response to the vital issue of sexual abuse may be seriously injured
by your continued association with The Awareness Center. We urge you,
as we will be strongly urging all others connected with it, to disassociate
your name from The Awareness Center until such time as responsible policies
and honest procedures are implemented for its future operation.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Saul J. Berman
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
............
The exchange of letters between rabbis Saul Berman (SaulBerman at AOL.com)
and Joseph Telushkin and The Awareness Center began March 25, 2004.
Rabbi Saul Berman writes Vicki Polin:
Rabbi Bob Carroll shared with me your inquiry about creating a link
to your important website from the Edah site. I believe that he responded
briefly to your inquiry, but I would like to expand the discussion further
in order to see whether our concerns could be sufficiently put to rest
to enable us to work together. The Edah website currently gets in excess
of 325,000 clicks per month and could serve as a valuable portal for
information about the abuse problem in the Jewish community. We would
like to be able to provide our community of readers with the opportunity
to be more aware of the problem and the resources available to help
victims.
The particular concerns that we have are as follows:
1. Process. Do you yourself make the determinations to include individual
cases within the listings of accused abusers? Are the members of your
Advisory Council consulted in each case and does there have to be a
vote or arrival at consensus in order to warrant inclusion?
2. Age of the charge. Do you operate with any equivalent of a statute
of limitations? For example, the charges against Rabbi Shlomo Aviner
were already 15 years old and you document no prior or subsequent charges
against him. What is the purpose then of listing him? It sounds like
the purpose is to disgrace him for his alleged behavior rather than
to protect the community from future threat.
3. Evidence for the charge. When an allegation includes no substantiation
whatsoever, and in consequence, public prosecutors dismiss the charges,
why should the allegation be honored by inclusion? Such is the situation,
for example of the charges against Rabbi Yonah Metzger. Should not the
site at minimum provide the accused with an opportunity to respond to
the charges?
4. Halachic criteria. Does the site operate by any Halachic criteria
for the permissibility of publicizing unlitigated and unwitnessed accusations?
If yes, who is the Halachik decisor on such matters? Certainly the Chofetz
Chaim requires not only first hand knowledge to justify reporting truthful
but defamatory reports, but it also requires that Tochacha be issued.
I assume that means that the accused must be provided with an opportunity
to either deny wrongdoing, or to do teshuva. Does the center provide
the opportunity, when feasible, for such direct engagement with alleged
abusers?
5. Range of wrongs. The Center identifies itself as being the "Jewish
Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault." If that is the limit of its
mandate, and that is already extraordinarily broad, why does the site
venture into matters of "cultic" practices which involve no direct allegations
of sexual wrongdoing? For example the newspaper articles concerning
Rabbi Mordecai Gafni charge him with unspecified "cultic" practices,
but make no suggestions of sexual wrongdoing. Is this simply an evasive
attempt to "get" Gafni for long circulating, but never publicly confirmed,
allegations of impropriety dating from over twenty years ago?
6. Unlistings. What criteria are utilized for removing people from
the listing? For example, there was a time when Rabbi Tzvi Flaum was
listed on the site. What process was put into motion that eventually
resulted in his removal from the list, and what determines when that
process is set in motion?
As I indicated at the outset, we truly value the work you are doing
and would like to be able to do our part in helping rid the Jewish community
of leaders who exploit the vulnerabilities of others in the interest
of their own sexual gratification. We feel, however, that our concerns
about the above issues of process and substantive criteria must be responded
to, in theory and practice, before we can use our website to promote
the visibility of the Center. Please get back to me as soon as possible
so that we can explore these issues together.
Sincerely, rabbi Saul J. Berman
.............
Vicki Polin responded:
June 16, 2004
Dear Rabbi Berman,
Thank you for taking the time to write regarding the concerns about
The Awareness Center. I also want to apologize for taking so long to
get back to you. Please understand that we at The Awareness Center receive
enormous numbers of emails and phone calls on a daily basis, which causes
us to function as a crisis hot-line.
I know you originally wrote your letter to me (Vicki), but the Executive
Board of Directors decided to respond together, as an organization.
We have no way of knowing whether our reply will put all of your concerns
to rest--only you would know that. However, we hope that you read the
information below with an open mind, not only to the rights of the accused,
but also to that of the many victims repeatedly silenced in the past.
1. Process. Do you yourself make the determinations to include individual
cases within the listings of accused abusers? Are the members of your
Advisory Council consulted in each case and does there have to be a
vote or arrival at consensus in order to warrant inclusion?
At this time Vicki Polin is the webmaster of our site. The Awareness
Center has a few volunteers who post articles and other information
to our daily email newsletters. Vicki Polin, as the Executive Director
and President of The Awareness Center, is aware of and approves all
the cases that are posted. Our policy is to post all cases of alleged
and convicted offenders, whose allegations/convictions have been published
elsewhere in legal and/or court documentation, police reports, newspapers,
etc. We might also allow other information to be posted as long as at
least one other Board of Directors member approves.
Our Executive Board of Directors includes:
Vicki Polin - President
Na'ama Yehuda - Vice President
Michael Salamon, Ph.D. - Treasurer
Rabbi Yosef Blau - Secretary
The Awareness Center also has an Advisory Board whose members offer
us a wide range of advice on various issues that pertain to sexual victimization/violence/offenders
in Jewish communities around the globe. Please be aware that The Awareness
Center is purely a volunteer run organization. Our Executive Director,
Board of Directors, Advisory Board and other volunteers devote hundreds
if not thousands of hours of their personal time, without any compensation.
Once The Awareness Center has funding, and we are able to pay our Executive
Director and hire other necessary staff there will be, if needed, changes
in the way we operate.
2. Age of the charge. Do you operate with any equivalent of a statute
of limitations? For example, the charges against Rabbi Shlomo Aviner
were already 15 years old and you document no prior or subsequent charges
against him. What is the purpose then of listing him? It sounds like
the purpose is to disgrace him for his alleged behavior rather than
to protect the community from future threat.
The Awareness Center is not a litigation organization. We are a resource/referral
organization that operates as a clearinghouse for information already
posted elsewhere. Almost all the information on our web page is information
that has been published elsewhere. Exceptions being articles written
by members of our Board of Directors, Advisory Board, or other individuals
whom we respect. Our web page acts as a specialized library on the topic
of sexual violence/victimization.
Did you know that in some countries there is no statue of limitation
on cases of sexual violence? Once such country is Canada. When someone
is sexually violated it is as if someone has murdered his or her soul.
This is one of the many reasons why we do not put time restraints on
articles.
It has been well documented in the general public and also in Jewish
communities that many offenders will victimize in one community and
then move on to another. The status quo has been that different communities
do not share vital information, with the end result being that children
and/or adults continue to be sexually violated. As we know there has
been a code of silence, in society at large but very much so in the
Jewish Community--not to tell. Because of such codes of silence, offenders
who abused 30 or even 40 years ago often continue to offend today.
The Awareness Center gets emails on a daily basis from NEW survivors
of offenders listed on the site, often about offenses that happened
many years ago, and were kept silent because the victim was certain
that he or she were the only ones. If we cap the length of time an offense
can be listed, we are in effect claiming that after a time, a survivor
is no longer entitiled to recognition. We also in effect silence potential
future victims who might otherwise not know that they are not the only
ones an offender has harmed, and would therefore be likely to speak
up.
The Awareness Center's mission is not to cause humiliation to anyone,
not even to abusers--we are niether judge nor jury, nor do we claim
to stand in place of higher authorities of justice. We do, however,
believe that a victim's right to validation comes BEFORE an offender's
right for privacy. It is always painful to come across yet another Jewish
person who was offended. It saddens us even more when we find so many
offenders who had charges against them dropped or dismissed as incomplete
evidence following witness tampering, intimidation, and using the force
of authority figures to silence the victims.
At the same time, if you or anyone else wants to provide us with documentations
that prove that Rabbi Aviner (or any other of the alleged or convicted
offenders on the site) took steps to not only take responsibility for
wrongdoings, asked forgiveness of victims, had entered and completed
treatment with a psychotherapist who has recognized experience with
treating sexual offenders and who is willing to give a written letter
that they are no longer posing a risk to others--we would not only be
thrilled for the steps to healing taken by members of our community,
but will seriously consider taking the case off the site, or moving
it to a link for offenders who made "teshuva" (not only between them
and G-d but also between Adam-Lechavero) and can be models to others
who erred.
3. Evidence for the charge. When an allegation includes no substantiation
whatsoever, and in consequence, public prosecutors dismiss the charges,
why should the allegation be honored by inclusion? Such is the situation,
for example of the charges against Rabbi Yonah Metzger. Should not the
site at minimum provide the accused with an opportunity to respond to
the charges?
Some of the comments above should address the above concern. To repeat
the important points--sadly, there were many cases where the police
dropped the investigation or the case was dismissed following witness
tampering, threatening, shaming, and other methods of silencing the
victims. If you are familiar with some of the more public cases, you
must know that unfortunatelly such manipulations in handling of complaints
were not rare. Victims and their families were routinely told by rabbinical
courts, rabbis of their community, or people close to the accused rabbi,
that if they did not drop their charges/stop talking about it and so
forth, they will be excommunicated, their children will not find a shiduch,
no yeshiva would accept their children, etc... Families of victims had
to recant or stop cooperating with the police because otherwise they
were accused of "mesira", "lashon-hara", and ruining the name of a rabbi.
Many were told flat out that they should keep quiet because the rabbi's
reputation was more important than anything that he might have done
to them!
Because of the long history of meddling and muddying the water of victims'
complaints, The Awareness Center is forced to make difficult decisions.
Please note that we do not post personal communications of people who
claim that this or that person had harmed them, only information that
was already published/written elsewhere, and only from reputable sources/publications.
As for the offender's right to respond--of course that they have the
same right to respond as any one else! We would welcome responses from
offenders who can open our eyes to formal documentation that we overlooked
and which they believe should be on the site. Though we cannot promise
to post them, we will give such documentation serious and expedited
consideration for posting. Even more--for those offenders want to use
The Awareness Center's forum as a place for public apology and regonition
of the severity of their actions, via personal emails/mail and/or documents
that hold such apologies from a previous time, we would take these under
expedited consideration as well.
4. Halachic criteria. Does the site operate by any Halachic criteria
for the permissibility of publicizing unlitigated and unwitnessed accusations?
If yes, who is the Halachik decisor on such matters? Certainly the Chofetz
Chaim requires not only first hand knowledge to justify reporting truthful
but defamatory reports, but it also requires that Tochacha be issued.
I assume that means that the accused must be provided with an opportunity
to either deny wrongdoing, or to do teshuva. Does the center provide
the opportunity, when feasible, for such direct engagement with alleged
abusers?
Please be advised that Rabbi Yosef Blau is on our Board of Directors
and we consult with him almost daily. We also have five other rabbis
on our Advisory Board. Please feel free to consult with Rabbi Blau if
you have any more Halachic concerns.
Even more so, if you'd look at the list of Rabbis who are supportive
of The Awareness Center (Rabbis
who Publicly Support the Efforts of The Awareness Center), you'll
see many rabbis outside of the immediate circle of The Awareness Center's
boards, who are supportive of our mission and our policies. In addition,
rabbis in Israel and in the US have made Psakim specifically in cases
of sexual abuse. They make it clear that in case of a sex-offender,
because of the danger to others in the community (let alone the mountains
of studies on sexual offenders which depict repeated offenses in most
cases if not stopped) Lashon Hara DOES NOT apply, because the life of
the community comes first. In another psak that calls for a Kal-Vachomer
(all the more so), a rabbi in Israel ruled that when a parent (or other
person in authority) commites a sexual offense, especially if it is
against a child or a vulnerable person under their care/teaching, and
even more so if it's been a repeated offense, they give up their right
as a parent (teacher). So much so that in cases of incest, the child,
even if adult, is DISMISSED from Kibud-Av v'Em, and is only bound to
sit Shiva, but not to cloth and feed and house and other aspects that
are bound by Jewish law.
That said, of course there is place for Teshuva. If a person does Teshuva
for sins against another person, a plea for forgiveness from G-d is
not sufficient--they must first mend the fences with the person/s they
hurt and get forgiveness (or at least make serious attempts at that)
bedore they even approach G-d's forgiveness.
We can see an example for the hirarchy of Teshuva in Neviim, when Ishaia
scolds Israel for doing wrongs among themselves and yet seeking salvation
through coming up to the Temple to sacrifice come holidays: (Ishaia
Alef, 11-18)--"Lama Li Rov Zivcheichem...gam ki tarbu tefila eineny
shomea, yedechem damim maleu.....Limdu heitev, dirshu mishpat, ashru
chamotz, shiftu yatom, rivu almana." It is only through working through
the harms done by person to person that we can approach G-d for forgiveness--as
a nation, not only as individuals.
It would be interesting to know how the Chofetz Chaim would have ruled
regarding the issues of sexual abuse in this day and age--at the time
such issues were Taboo, and were not discussed. Nor was it known that
sexual offenders are likely to continue to offend. Maybe the Chofetz
Chaim would have made an exception in cases where the safety of the
rest of the community was at stake.
With respect to Tochecha: this is sadly yet another issue where history
has not proven itself. When rabbis were repreimanded in the past for
offenses (which were, by the way, immediately and effectively silenced),
they often harmed again, in the same community or in other communities
that were not told of their danger, all because of fear of Lashon-Hara.
The Tocheca didn't help, and more victims got hurt. When we come against
sexual offenses, especially those committed against minors--research,
statistics, and reality show that reprimand is not an effective tool
against recidivism. Informing the public, however, is effective as it
often brings into the light additional victims, allows procesuction,
and ENFORCES TREATMENT on offenders who would otherwise just continue
to offend. For those who find Tochecha to be enough, maybe they could
take this opportunity to ask for survivors' forgiveness, seek treatment,
and publicly let people know that they are aware and dealing with the
danger they pose to others, and are taking steps to stop it. Pushing
things under the table in hushed meetings among the rabbis of a rabbinical
courts has NOT proven itself effective. Maybe one day, when rabbis will
recieve training in sexual abuse prevention, identificaion, and treatment,
there will be room to approach offenders within a more private forum.
To date, as a community, we do not yet have the tools to do so.
5. Range of wrongs. The Center identifies itself as being the "Jewish
Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault." If that is the limit of its
mandate, and that is already extraordinarily broad, why does the site
venture into matters of "cultic" practices which involve no direct allegations
of sexual wrongdoing? For example the newspaper articles concerning
Rabbi Mordecai Gafni charge him with unspecified "cultic" practices,
but make no suggestions of sexual wrongdoing. Is this simply an evasive
attempt to "get" Gafni for long circulating, but never publicly confirmed,
allegations of impropriety dating from over twenty years ago?
Your concerns abour 'cultic' practices are understood. Maybe the relationship
between cultic practices and sexual abuse would be less ambigous to
you if you found time to read about the connection between cults and
sexual victimization. Unfortunately, cults and cult-like communities
often involve abuse of power (including sexual abuse/assault/exploitation)
as well as secercy and intimidation via power figures. In almost all
cases of cults or cult-like accusations, victims were hushed of devalued
in order to maintain the integrity of the group. However, once things
became known, there was no longer doubt that allegations were true and
in most cases only the tip of the iceberg.
6. Unlistings. What criteria are utilized for removing people from
the listing? For example, there was a time when Rabbi Tzvi Flaum was
listed on the site. What process was put into motion that eventually
resulted in his removal from the list, and what determines when that
process is set in motion?
Rabbi Tzvi Flaum is still listed on our site, though in a different
location. You can find his case here: Domestic
Violence in Jewish Homes.
As mentioned above in several places, there is a process for removal
form the list (Policies
Addressing Victimization and Offenders), (When
Melodies, Torah Scholars, and Abuse Collide).
If an offender publicly apologizes for the offenses, takes responsibiliy
for the pain they caused, undergoes therapy with a therapist who is
recognized as an expert in the area of sexual offenders and completes
the therapy with an official letter from the therapist confirmoing that
they are no longer in danger to offend, and is willing to comply with
whatever treatment (psycotherapy, medication, combination thereof) needed
to make sure they do not offend again, then their request to be removed
from the offenders site can be seiously considered.
As I indicated at the outset, we truly value the work you are doing
and would like to be able to do our part in helping rid the Jewish community
of leaders who exploit the vulnerabilities of others in the interest
of their own sexual gratification. We feel, however, that our concerns
about the above issues of process and substantive criteria must be responded
to, in theory and practice, before we can use our website to promote
the visibility of the Center.
We hope that the above information helps clarify our policies and underlying
reasoning. It is painful to know that such unspeakable events can happen
in our community. However, it is important that we allow voice to those
who'd been harmed, and stop the processes of silencing those victims
who already spoke up so that they can heal and others not be harmed.
By not allowing the reality of sexual victimization to be known as soon
as we become aware of it, we in effect become willing participates in
scerecy and silent endorsement.
We at The Awareness Center would very much welcome the support of Edah
for our work, which is a work of heart, tirelessly done with no monetary
compensation as of date, and in spite of countless trials and tribulations.
You circulation would increase awareness to atrocities within our community
and help us all reach for solutions that will stand the test of time.
We hope that you find a way to bridge the conceptual gaps that sexual
victimization forces us all to make--it is against everything Jewish
when people of power harm those more vulnerable. It is not an easy or
comfortable reality to hold, and we all wish it could just go away.
For those who have been victimized, and for those who would if we don't
allow victimes to speak up or step forward--we must go on.
Sincerely,
Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC - President
Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, APP - Vice President
Michael Salamon, PhD - Treasurer
Rabbi Yosef Blau - Secretary Executive Board of Directors - The Awareness
Center
Rabbi Saul Berman responded August 26, 2004:
Dear Colleagues and Friends,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to the inquiries which I had
made concerning the functioning and policies of The Awareness Center
(TAC).
Unfortunately, I did not find satisfaction of my concerns in your responses.
On the contrary, your letter makes me even more concerned than before
about Awareness Center practices which are themselves irresponsible,
lacking in accountability and therefore, potentially abusive towards
innocent persons.
However, I continue to recognize the essential contribution which TAC
can make to helping the Jewish community deal with issues of sexual
abuse, Therefore, rather than throwing up my hands in despair and disappointment
and urging others to disassociate themselves from TAC, I would like
to join with you in looking at possible policy changes which could make
your work even more effective in enlisting the support of the community.
In my comments I will retain the order and numbering of my original
letter, and of your responses, so that we can refer to those as necessary.
1. Process of Listing - On two separate occasions you indicate that
TAC will only post information which was already published in other
reputable sources. You know that to be not true and, therefore, you
add a morally undermining caveat – that you would “allow other information
to be posted as long as at least one other Board of Directors member
approves.” This slight exception, while tempting given the secrecy which
has engulfed such situations, opens the door to witch-hunting and vengeance
for personal grievances. It is essential that the fundamental threshold
of prior publication in reputable sources be upheld.
Nor should blogs and other such self-publishing vehicles be acceptable
as a reputable source. Vicki Polin has on occasion sent her own comments
into blogs, over the signature ‘Me,’ and then used them as a basis for
reporting accusations within TAC site. This is certainly unconscionable.
1. Age of the charge - I am persuaded by your comments that no Statute
of Limitations should apply in regard to prosecutions for criminal sexual
assault. Likewise, the report of conviction or of a finding of culpability
by an Ethics committee of a Professional association, should remain
posted on the website. However, the same cannot possibly be justified
in regard to accusations for which, over time, there remains insufficient
evidence for any legal action and absence of evidence of a pattern of
continuing sexual impropriety. While it is essential to continue to
monitor such situations, it is unjust for a barren accusation to be
held permanently before the eyes of the community.
I would suggest the following policy: A previously published accusation
should be allowed to remain on TAC website for up to one year after
the listing. If by that time there have been no additional accusations
reported either in publications or directly to TAC, then the article
should be removed into a non-public monitoring area. The website should
prominently announce that aside from the persons openly listed as accused
or convicted abusers, there are other persons who are being monitored,
and that people should transmit to TAC any information about sexual
abuse since it might help lead to prosecution of repeat abusers. Also,
the accused should be informed by TAC that the published material is
being removed from the website, but that emergence of any future accusations
could cause the material to be restored to public view.
1. Evidence for the Charge - I understand and sympathize with the temptation
to ascribe veracity to every charge of sexual assault, particularly
when there appears to be exploitation of a vulnerable victim. However,
the totalitarian mindset of guilty until proven innocent, is, and must
be, rejected by persons with democratic spirit, and certainly by people
infused with the spirit of Jewish Law and values.
Reporting published records of accusations is essential to encourage
further reports being made. However, once an accusation has been adequately
investigated by a public or responsible private body and the charges
have been dismissed, it is essential, in the Jewish spirit of justice,
for the exculpatory finding to be reported on TAC website for a period
of some months, and for the entire record to then be removed from the
site.
1. Halachic Criteria - I would certainly agree that the protection
of children and vulnerable adults can often require, even by Halachic
standards, the posting of published accusations against otherwise upstanding
citizens. Where criminal prosecution is possible, many, including myself,
argue that there is a Halachic duty to report the assault to the appropriate
governmental authority in order to allow criminal prosecution to be
pursued. Likewise, where possible, accusations should be reported to
employers and Professional Associations for condemnatory action against
accused abusers.
Where no criminal prosecution is possible, and no Professional Association
has jurisdiction, the primary goals need to shift. Firstly, TAC must
provide referrals to gain help and healing of the psychological and
spiritual wounds of the victim. Secondly, one accused of a lengthy pattern
of abusive relationships should be encouraged to seek Psychiatric and
Spiritual counsel. Thirdly, when the accusations suggest that the abusive
behavior was sporadic or rare and contextual, then TAC should attempt
to bring the accused abuser and his or her victim together for reconciliation,
itself a critical element in healing the wounds. Continued public listing
of accusations on TAC website, must be used not as a goal in itself,
but as a tool to produce the aforementioned results (i.e., as Tochacha.)
Whenever possible, TAC must utilize accepted mediation services and
techniques to bring victim and accused together for an attempt at resolution
of their conflict (i.e., as Teshuva and Piyus.)
1. Range of Wrongs - I remain opposed to TAC being focused on anything
other than direct instances of sexual abuse within the Jewish community.
While sexual abuse is connected to some cults, it is also connected
to certain social and economic conditions, to varied psychological backgrounds
and certainly to the general status of women within the given culture.
Such connections could theoretically justify the inclusion of any information
concerning human beings within the website. It is an unacceptable diversion
of the resources and energies of TAC, its website, its staff, and its
supporters, to report on matters outside its direct mandate.
Recent issues of TAC Digest have strayed massively away from the central
focus of the organization, including reports on Israeli politics, religious
conflict related to the status of women, and much news totally unrelated
to the Jewish community. Such news briefings should be discontinued,
and the website should immediately have removed from it any published
materials related to cultic practices, which have no direct bearing
on allegations of sexual abuse.
1. Unlistings - It is essential that TAC not be perceived as a garbage
site, a permanent dumping grounds for every allegation of sexual impropriety
against Jews and Jewish leaders. It is precisely this perception which
has made TAC a favorite subject and link within many anti-Semitic websites.
Vicki has had to work valiantly to reduce the prominence of such misuse
of TAC within Google citations. The dynamic character of the web-listings
would itself encourage the confidence of our community in the integrity
of the site.
I have above identified two situations in which a listing should be
removed:
a. If after one year of the listing of a published accusation, no further
reports of abuse have been identified, then the report will be removed
to a monitoring area within TAC, not available for public viewing
b. If an accusation has been adequately investigated by a public or
responsible private body and the charges have been dismissed, the exculpatory
finding will be reported on TAC website for a period of three months.
If no new accusations of abuse are made within that time, the entire
record will then be removed from TAC website.
I would add two additional circumstances in which listings should be
removed:
c. If, pursuant to the attempts outlined above (par. 4), an actual
reconciliation is achieved between the victim and the accused, then
the mediated agreement between them should specifically call for the
removal of published information from TAC website, and that should immediately
be done.
d. Any person concerning whom a published record of accusation of sexual
abuse appears on TAC website, must have the right to appeal that decision
to a Special Committee of the Board of Directors of TAC. Such an appeal
should be able to be done either in person or in writing. Minimally
such communication with the accused could produce an opportunity to
press the accused to go for help, to do Teshuva, and to attempt reconciliation
with the victim. The Committee might offer to include exculpatory materials
within the listing. The Committee must remain open to the possibility
that they will be persuaded by the appeal that there is in fact no substance
to the accusation and that the material should be removed from the website
pending further clarification, or permanently.
This closes my narrative response to your letter. The following is
an outline of the policies which I believe would deeply strengthen The
Awareness Center, and would certainly make it possible for Edah to throw
its support behind the project.
Proposed standards of operation of The Awareness Center
1. Process of listing:
a. No listing will be done on the website without prior publication
of incriminating information in a reputable source in which an accused
is specifically mentioned by name.
b. Blogs, and other self-published materials will not be utilized as
a reputable source of prior publication.
c. The executive Director of TAC and its Board members will be expected
to refrain from “blogging” based on unpublished information.
2. Age of the Charge:
a. There will be no statute of limitations for the listing of criminal
convictions or of findings of impropriety by Professional associations.
b. If, however, after one year of the listing of a published accusation,
no further reports of abuse have been identified, then the report will
be removed to a monitoring area within TAC, not available for public
viewing.
c. Emphasis will be placed within TAC website, and by its supporters,
on the encouragement of reporting accusations of abuse concerning persons
not publicly identified on the website.
d. The accused will be informed of the removal of the published material,
but will be informed that any new accusations could result in the restoration
of the material to public view.
3. Evidence for the Charge:
a. Published reports of accusations of sexual abuse will be reported
on TAC website despite the absence of corroborating evidence or testimony.
b. If an accusation has been adequately investigated by a public or
responsible private body and the charges have been dismissed, the exculpatory
finding will be reported on TAC website for a period of three months.
c. If no new accusations of abuse are made within that time, the entire
record will then be removed from TAC website.
4. Halachic Criteria
a. TAC will encourage victims to report allegations of sexual abuse
to appropriate governmental authorities for criminal prosecution, and
to employers and Professional Associations for administrative action.
b. TAC will provide referrals for victims to professional help in achieving
healing of their psychological and spiritual wounds.
c. TAC will attempt in advise persons accused of lengthy patterns of
sexual abuse, to seek appropriate psychiatric and spiritual help.
d. Whenever possible, TAC will attempt to bring victim and accused together
under supervised circumstances for resolution by mediation.
5. Range of Wrongs
a. TAC will remain focused exclusively on the subject of sexual abuse
within the Jewish community.
b. TAC Digests will not include materials other than the above.
c. The staff will immediately remove from, and not further include within,
TAC website, any published articles which do not deal directly with
allegations of sexual abuse within the Jewish community.
6. Unlistings
a. (2.b. above) If after one year of the listing of a published accusation,
no further reports of abuse have been identified, then the report will
be removed to a monitoring area within TAC, not available for public
viewing
b. (3.b.&c.; above) If an accusation has been adequately investigated
by a public or responsible private body and the charges have been dismissed,
the exculpatory finding will be reported on TAC website for a period
of three months. If no new accusations of abuse are made within that
time, the entire record will then be removed from TAC website.
c. If, pursuant to the attempts outlined above (par. 4. d.), an actual
reconciliation is achieved between the victim and the accused, then
the mediated agreement between them should specifically call for the
removal of published information from TAC website, and that should immediately
be done.
d. Every accused person should be entitled to appeal to a Special Committee,
either in writing or in person. If the Committee is persuaded that the
accusation is unfounded, they shall instruct the removal of materials
from the website.
Just to concretize the implications of these standards, a complete
review of the listings at the website would have to be undertaken to
assure compliance with the standards. Entries concerning the following
individuals would have to be immediately eliminated for non-conformity
with the standards : Rabbis Shlomo Aviner, Mordechai Gafni, Yonah Metzger
and Don Well. I am certain that other cases would also now fall outside
the limits of propriety set by these standards. These changes will be
perceived as strength, not weakness.
I recognize the truth of your oft asserted declaration that The Awareness
Center lacks the financial and human resources to achieve its own ideal
vision, and therefore might find it difficult to undertake the intense
evaluation required by this proposal. A smaller, tighter operation,
more clearly focused on a narrow mission and operating with well defined
and defensible policies, would be in a stronger position to appeal for
the funds needed to assure its effectiveness. Many would be more willing
to help raise the necessary funds.
Conversely, failure to take the immediate steps indicated above, and
reluctance to adopt the clear standards outlined above will result in
severe defection of supporters and the likelihood of being discredited
within the very community you seek to defend. I look forward to your
prompt response and to our being able to work together toward your vision
– the protection of our community from sexual predation.
Sincerely yours,
Rabbi Saul J. Berman
January 4, 2005, rabbi Berman writes again:
Dear members of the Awareness Center board,
The issue of sexual abuse in the Jewish community is an important one
that needs to be confronted. However, due to serious concerns amongst
growing numbers of members of the Jewish community about the tactics
and abuses of the Awareness Center, as well as Vicki Polin's refusal
to respond satisfactorily to my previous communications, we feel forced
to take action in order to prevent the continued undermining of this
important issue.
It is not clear how aware you as board members have been of the abusive,
unethical, unhalachic and libelous ways in which Vicki has conducted
her efforts in your names, but we assume that it is in everyone's best
interest for the Awareness Center to operate at the highest level of
integrity so that its actions are respected and trusted in the community.
Since that is currently not the case, we hope that you will do everything
in your power to immediately make the changes which Vicki Polin herself
has been unwilling to do, or to shut down the site. The way the site
now operates makes the members of the board subject to serious personal
liability.
Please read the attached letter addressed to Rabbi Blau from myself,
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Rabbi Shefa Gold, Dr. Stephen Marmer, and Naomi
Mark which outlines some of the issues involved. I will be contacting
several of you by phone in the next day to discuss this further. Unless
certain changes are made soon in the way that Vicki Polin operates,
we stand ready to take further action.
Here is the letter referred to above:
Dear Rabbi Blau,
Since we met some months ago to discuss some issues related to sexual
abuse and the role of The Awareness Center, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin and
I have been maintaining a continuing interest in the activities of The
Awareness Center. We are very alarmed at the apparent absence of control
over the site by the prominent people who attach their names to it.
My letter this past spring to Vicki Polin and the members of the Executive
Committee of The Awareness Center included a list of suggested policy
guidelines which would have made the operation of The Awareness Center
website a fair and effective instrument in the battle against sexual
abuse in the Jewish community. Unfortunately, Vicki, in the name of
the Executive Committee, dismissed all of the suggestions with a single
condescending brush stroke. She noted in that letter, "Please be advised
that Rabbi Yosef Blau is on our board of directors and we consult with
him almost daily. Please feel free to consult with Rabbi Blau if you
have any more halachic concerns." It is clear that you, Rabbi Blau,
are Vicki Polin's source of Jewish ethical and halachic credibility.
Upon further investigation a number of highly disturbing matters have
come to light which demonstrate that Vicki Polin is unfit to direct
an effort like the Awareness Center, a role which demands impeccable
integrity, honesty and psychological stability. For example, we have
definitive information in the form of transcripts and signed affidavits
that Vicki appeared on May 1, 1989 on the Oprah Winfrey show under a
pseudonym. She claimed - partly on the show and partly in private conversations
- that she had recovered through therapy many horrific memories of ritualistic
abuse and that these memories included the following;
1) that she and others were repeatedly sexually abused on open Torah
scrolls in a synagogue
2) that she was forced by her parents and other Jewish families to murder
babies and eat their flesh
3) that she has had five abortions as a result of repeated incest with
her father
4) that her repeated sexual abuse was part of a widespread phenomenon
(involving many rabbis and community professionals) of neo-satanic ritual
abuse and murder within the Jewish community. According to Vicki, the
satanic cult in which her family was involved is directly traceable
to the false messiah Jacob Frank.
All sectors of the Jewish community were appropriately outraged by
her appearance on the Oprah show, and the claims she made on the show
have since been used by anti-Semitic groups as modern evidence of the
ancient canard of the Jewish blood libel. In response, Oprah's producers
pointed out correctly that it had been made clear on the show that Vicki
was mentally disturbed. Vicki herself has shared with friends that she
suffers from multiple personality disorder.
Vicki has also presented herself, on the record and in private conversation,
as the psychotherapist of particular alleged victims of sexual abuse
reported on by The Awareness Center. That Vicki should be in a therapeutic
role with these women is unconscionable and any information that comes
from her can simply not be considered credible.
The person who has partnered with Vicki in a number of unjustified
and distortion-filled character assassinations has been Luke Ford, whom
you have cooperated with as well, Rabbi Blau. Luke Ford is a discredited
malicious gossip columnist for the pornography industry. He has made
clear in his own writings that he does not check information, that he
often reports information that is false, and that his definition of
truth is that it expresses "the point of view" of the person telling
him the information.
We find it shocking that you not only associate with Vicki Polin and
Luke Ford, but that you are the major source of professional rabbinic
credibility for Vicki Polin and the Awareness Center. Vicki Polin has
written clearly that she only publishes materials from "reputable sources."
It is difficult to imagine that under any definition Luke Ford's blog
and reports would fit into that category.
Most importantly, the Awareness Center as it currently operates is
often misleading, dishonest, and, in the name of justice, viciously
abusive. We are moved to make this harsh evaluation in the light of
the following points:
1. The claim that the website will only report previously published
accusations is an outright lie.
1a. Vicki, responding to my (Rabbi Berman) initial communication of
concerns, wrote as follows: "Please note that we do not post personal
communications of people who claim that this or that person harmed them."
(6/16/04 letter from Vicki Polin to Rabbi Berman, representing herself
and the executive board of TAC). In fact, the Awareness Center has posted
personal testimonies, including those discredited by earlier investigation.
2. Vicki herself or through a close associate sends anonymous slanderous
postings to web blogs and then cites them on The Awareness Center site
and in mailings as the basis for serious accusations.
3. The Awareness Center posts and distributes material which is totally
false, describing as fact occurrences which never took place. The clear
intent is the character assassination of those whom Vicki has decided
are deserving of public defamation.
4. The site does not remove accusatory material even after full and
multiple investigations have concluded that they are false.
5. The Awareness Center regularly initiates active campaigns to destroy
the reputation and work prospects of accused persons, without any evidence
other than accusation, even when the refutation of the accused party
is compelling, and even after their names have been formally cleared
and/or full resolution between the parties has been achieved, and even
when it is clear the accused person poses no danger.
6. The site will provide no opportunity for response by accused persons,
other than an admission of guilt.
7. The attempt to destroy people's reputations long after their death
is not the pursuit of justice, it is journalistic pornography.
These and other serious offenses (of which we have extensive substantiation)
have made The Awareness Center an untrustworthy and deplorable repository
of falsehoods, innuendoes, and scandal mongering. The Awareness Center
is in gross violation of all halachic standards that might apply to
these situations. It also violates standards of libel, with its board
members personally liable for any legal action highly likely to be taken
against it.
As a result of the McCarthyite activities of the Awareness Center and
its false and unsubstantiated accusations, the real and critical issue
of sexual abuse is being truly undermined. All of this leads us to conclude
that we have an obligation to protect innocent people from name rape
and other terrible violations. The Awareness Center is a disgrace to
the Jewish community and we should not abide its continued destructive
activities.
We believe that our concerns about the Awareness Center's transgressions
will need to be publicized to the general public, and we will take steps
to allow that to happen, unless there is an immediate removal of inappropriate
material from the Awareness Center site, and serious safeguards and
oversight instituted to prevent continued abuses. While the original
motivations behind the Awareness Center are indeed important, these
same goals can be accomplished-as we outlined in a several-page letter
to Vicki Polin-without the Awareness Center devolving into an instrument
of abuse in which the ends justify any means.
Two key members of the board/advisory board who, as we do, support
the fight against sexual abuse, have already resigned from the board,
independently of any effort on our part. We also know that there are
those promoted on the website as "Rabbis Who Publicly Support the Awareness
Center" who have no idea that their names are being listed. After one
of these rabbis, Shefa Gold, was made aware that her name was being
inappropriately used, she contacted Vicki strongly insisting that her
name be immediately removed. This was months ago and her name is still
listed as of this day, in flagrant violation of her request.
It is clear that the Awareness Center website speaks for its board
as well as claiming to speak for the Jewish community as a whole without
any mandate, oversight or control by those bodies. We fear that your
own reputation for probity and your leadership role in the communal
response to the vital issue of sexual abuse may be seriously injured
by your continued association with The Awareness Center. We urge you
to disassociate your name from the Awareness Center and to work toward
its closure until such time as responsible policies and honest procedures
are implemented for its future operation.
Sincerely, Rabbi Saul J. Berman
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
Rabbi Shefa Gold
Stephen S. Marmer, MD, PhD
Naomi Mark, ACSW
Vicki Polin's 1989 Appearance
On Oprah
5/11/05
Yori Yanover sent me this. To the best of my knowledge, this transcript
is substantially accurate.
The following is an excerpt of the May 1, 1989 Oprah Show. Vicki Polin
confirms that she is "Rachel."
OPRAH: As a child, my next guest was used also in worshipping the devil,
participated in human sacrifice rituals and cannibalism. She says her
family has been involved in rituals for generations. She is currently
in extensive therapy, suffers from multiple personality disorder, meaning
she's blocked out many of the terrifying and painful memories of her childhood.
Meet "Rachel," who is also in disguise to protect her identity. You come
from generations of ritualistic abuse?
"RACHEL", Was Used In Satan Worship Rituals: Yes, my family has an extensive
family tree, and they keep track of who's been involved and who hasn't
been involved, and it’s gone back to like 1700.
OPRAH: And so you were ritually abused.
"RACHEL": Right. I was born into a family that believes in this.
OPRAH: Does everyone else think it's a nice Jewish family? From the outside,
you appear to be a nice Jewish girl?
"RACHEL": Definitely.
OPRAH: And you all are worshipping the devil inside the home?
"RACHEL": Right. There's other Jewish families across the country.
It's not just my own family.
OPRAH: Really? And so who knows about it? Lots of people now.
"RACHEL": Well, I talked to a police detective in the Chicago area, and
several of my friends know, and I've spoke publicly before, and…
OPRAH: So when you were brought up in this kind of evilness, did you
just think it was normal?
"RACHEL': I blocked out a lot of the memories I had because of my multiple
personality disorder, but, yes. I mean, it's like if you grow up with
something, you think it’s normal. I always thought something…
OPRAH: So what kinds of things? You don't have to give us the gory details,
but what kinds of things went on in the family?
"RACHEL": Well, there would be rituals in which babies would be sacrificed,
and you would have to, you know…
OPRAH: Whose babies?
"RACHEL": There were people who bred babies in our family. No one would
know about it. A lot of people were overweight, so you couldn't tell if
they were pregnant or not, or they would supposedly go away for awhile
and then come back…
"RACHEL": The other thing I want to point outnot all Jewish people sacrifice
babies. I mean, it's not a very typical thing.
OPRAH: I think we kind of know that.
"RACHEL": I just want to point that out.
OPRAH: This is the first time I heard of any Jewish people sacrificing
babies, but anyway--so you witnessed the sacrifice.
"RACHEL": Right. When I was very young, I was forced to participate in
that-- in which I had to sacrifice an infant.
OPRAH: And the purpose of sacrifice is to what? Is to bring you what?
What are you sacrificing for?
"RACHEL": For power...
OPRAH: Power. And so were you ever used? Were you ever used yourself?
"RACHEL": I was molested. I was raped several times.
OPRAH: What's your mother doing in all of this? What's her role in all
of this?
"RACHEL": What is-- I'm not exactly- -what her role is-- I haven't, you
know, recovered all of my memories, but her family was extremely involved.
You know, she brought me to it. Both of my parents brought me to it.
OPRAH: And where is she now?
"RACHEL": She lives in the Chicago metropolitan area. She's on the human
relations commission of the town that she lives in, and she's an upstanding
citizen. Nobody would suspect her. Nobody would suspect anybody involved
in it. There's police officers involved in it. There's, you know, doctors,
lawyers, Indiana chiefs involved in it.
OPRAH: Are you kidding?
"RACHEL": I mean, it's not the person, you know, who looks scummy that's
involved in it. It's someone who looks normal.…
OPRAH: Were you raised with a sense of right and wrong, “Rachel?”
“RACHEL: Yes. I mean, it’s like we, I had both. I mean, to the outside
world, everything we did was proper and right, and then there were the
nights that things changed, that things just got turned around. What was
wrong was right, and what was right was wrong. That’s what helps to create
some of theto develop MPD.
OPRAH: Multiple personality disorder.
“RACHEL”: Right, right.
OPRAH: I know a lot of people are shaking their heads here, and I'm sure
that when you go back home, I mean, everyone's going to try to make you
look like you're crazy.
"RACHEL": Oh, definitely.
OPRAH: Absolutely.
"RACHEL": They do that all the time.
OPRAH: It's very difficult to believe, so how is it that you come to
believe these people, Tina?
Ms. GROSSMAN: Well, I've treated over 40 survivors of ritual abuse. Adult
patients with multiple personality disorder, and from many states in this
country as well as Canada. What we've seen and heard and gone through
in the abreactions which is the remembered experiences of that- we are
hearing the identical same things from these adults. Okay. These are not
children that are three years old, and you can, as an adult, perhaps rationalize
that this is fantasy material. These adults are saying things. They have
never met each other before. They are describing identical rituals, just
the same as, since I'm Jewish, you could go to New York or California
and describe a seder in one state or another and, as a Jew, you would
recognize it. This is the belief system in evil and the power that evil
gives you, and so it has these certain rituals, so they are very similar
with all of the survivors.
OPRAH: See, but I am very surprised because the Jewish faith is the Jewish
faith. and worshipping the devil is not a part of the Jewish faith. I
mean, Jewish people do not worship the devil.
Ms. GROSSMAN: But before there was Christ and before there was a system
of one God, there was Paganism- and it still exists in the world, and
in many cultures, you still find the belief that there is strength and
power in the actual consumption of human flesh or animals' flesh.
OPRAH: Now in your family. did you all call it worshipping the devil,
"Rachel?”
"RACHEL": No.
OPRAH: Or did you…
"RACHEL": I don't know.
OPRAH: It was just evil. these things you did.
"RACHEL": It was-- right.
OPRAH: Right.
"RACHEL": Well, I said it was evil, and they said it was good. There's
a book that I had just come across called [Lilith's Cave: Jewish Tales
of the Supernatural by Howard Schwartz, New York, Oxford University Press,
1988] which is a book of Jewish mysticism and supernatural, and there's
a lot in that book that relates to what I endured when I was a child.
OPRAH: I want to stop right here, though. because you know how people
build prejudices. I want to make it very clear this is one Jewish person,
so don't go around now saying to people, you know, "Those Jewish people,
they're worshipping--'. This is just one person. Okay.
"RACHEL": Most Jewish people do not do what my family did.
OPRAH: Okay. Thank you very much.
"RACHEL": I mean, I don't know very many other Jewish people who would
do what I did.
OPRAH: But you know how people hear one thing, and then go off and they
say, "I heard on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' today that…”
5/5/05
Rabbi Yosef
Blau Resigns From The Awareness Center (TAC)
I believe, but don't have direct evidence for this, that the Tendlers
are behind this new website Blaufacts.com.
I find it hard to believe that rabbis
Joseph Telushkin and Saul
Berman are behind this new site, even though much of the contents
of the new site is similar to a series of attacks those rabbis made against
rabbi Blau and TAC via carefully written letters (widely distributed)
over the past year. But this site is not the modus operandi of rabbi Telushkin
and Berman. One can argue that some of their criticisms about rabbi Blau
were wrong, but most everyone who knows them says they are honorable.
Blaufacts.com reproduces
this letter from rabbi Telushkin and Berman. Was it done without their
permission?
5/6/05
Rabbi Blau, the leading
Orthodox figure behind TAC, is no longer listed on TAC. So it appears
that he has resigned from TAC.
Rabbi
Blau's letter to The Jewish Press, ardent defenders of rabbi
Mordecai Tendler.
From the new website Blaufacts.com
(it is a professional and painstaking work, free of libel and amply documented):
Why does Yosef Blau degrade by including on his website past and present
leaders of our generation, specifically Rabbi Moshe Feinstein zt"l,
and Rabbi Chaim Pinchos Scheinberg shlita (a former relative of Yosef
Blau)?
There's a veiled threat in this to rabbi Blau and some of the people
he cares about most. Some
background information.
Blaufacts.com
reproduces this quote from Rabbi Yaakov Menken December 30, 2004 on the
blog Cross-Currents.com:
Right now, there is a web site carrying extremely serious allegations
about a member of our community, allegations which, if believed, would
result in the immediate termination of that individual’s employment
– or great damage to the company that employs him. The “evidence” against
this person comes entirely from a blog (and another web page created
by the blogger), which also contains a series of allegations against
various rabbis and others who are “protecting” this individual. Anyone
who knows any of these people knows that the allegations are ludicrous.
If the allegations had a hint of truth to them, then (given their nature)
the rabbis in question would be first to tell him he must leave his
job. The allegations were discredited long ago – but certain people
don’t care. They would rather besmirch the innocent based upon “testimony”
which changes substantially each time the story is re-told.
Here's a little information on this tzaddik
(truly righteous man) in our time, rabbi Yaakov Menken.
Menahem
writes on CampusJ:
Whoever posted this petty attack on Rabbi Blau has way too much time
on his/her hands, no concept of what constitutes fact-checking and a
generally delusional perspective.
Under a link called "Blau Facts," the site contains a disclaimer, "
All information displayed on this site will be preceded by a link to
the source of the information, so as not to allow any attempt to dispel
these clear, undeniable facts." What clear, undeniable facts follow?
Quotes from the media that in my mind point far more to Rabbi Blau's
maturity and involvment with serious matters (that he must shoulder
because no one else in the rabbinic community seems interested) than
to refute him in any way.
Steven
I. Weiss Weighs In On R. Blau Resignation
I inserted the links into Steven's writing:
Rabbi Yosef Blau of
Yeshiva University is indisputedly the leading Orthodox rabbi seeking
to combat rabbinic abuse. There's been a significant effort to trash
him that has grown significantly in recent weeks, owing to the fallout
of the situation regarding Rabbi
Mordechai Tendler.
Steven
writes:
1) Why are we only hearing about the site from people who aren't involved
in the anti-Blau effort, such as Luke Ford? Usually, you'd hear about
such a project from the partisans behind it or supporting it.
Despite Allegations, Gala Honoring Political Donor Will
Go On
Forward,
7/23/04
Under his bail agreement, Charles Kushner, the real estate mogul and
political fund raiser arrested last week for allegedly hiring a call
girl in an effort to blackmail a witness, is not allowed to leave his
home state of New Jersey. But he will still be one of the guests of
honor at a fund-raising gala next month in Israel for Jerusalem's Shaare
Zedek Medical Center.
Rabbi Saul Berman, director of the liberal Orthodox group Edah and
generally an outspoken leader on business ethics, did not return numerous
calls for comment. Kushner's brother-in-law, Murray Laulicht, is the
board president. An administrator at Edah declined to comment on Kushner's
own connection to the organization.
7/4/06
An Open Letter About Rabbi
Saul Berman
Jewish Whistleblower writes in reaction to this:
Dear Rabbi [Avi] Weiss,
I am deeply disappointed and shocked at your decision to offer a position
as Director of Rabbinic Enrichment to Rabbi
Saul Berman at this time. Further, you refer to him in you public
letter as "a person of great brilliance, integrity and sensitivity".
Unfortunately, many of us have found over the past few years that simply
is not the case. Rabbi Berman has not only defended and protected now
confessed sexual predator and child molester Rabbi Mordecai Gafni but
he has continually made false public claims of investigations that he
personally conducted and claims that determinations of Rabbi Gafni's
innocence had been made (see copy of one of those public letters below).
Rabbi Berman continued to make such claims while at the same time refusing
to talk to several of the brave survivors of Rabbi Gafni who came forward
and attempted to discuss the matter with him. Some investigation.
Rabbi Berman not only publicly defended Gafni, but he has attacked
many individuals trying to protect others from being abused by Gafni
in a very public campaign aimed at destroying their reputations and
names. Ultimately, Rabbi Berman was responsible for the creation of
the environment in which Gafni remained unchecked and where he abused
further vulnerable victims.
Rabbi Berman throughout his conduct in the Gafni case, has demonstrated
a total lack of character and integrity. His refusal to address the
totality of his conduct publicly or do anything even resembling teshuvah
towards the brave former survivors of Rabbi Gafni or their supporters
forces me to question your judgment in hiring Rabbi Berman.
Rabbi Weiss, if Rabbi Berman is entitled to public honor from his colleagues
without any accountability or teshuvah for his public conduct over the
past years for protecting a sexual predator with public lies, then I
believe you and your colleagues have failed to appreciate any of the
lessons we had hoped you learned from the Lanner affair and our community's
inability to deal with sexual predators will as such continue. I would
have expected more from you.
The Mishnah, Avot 4:4, reminds us that sequestering a hillul Hashem
will always be unsuccessful: "Whoever desecrates the name of Heaven
in private will ultimately be punished in public, whether the desecration
was committed unintentionally or intentionally."
June, 2006
Deposition Of Mordecai Gafni's
Third Wife
They divorced in August of 2004, before Gary Rosenblatt's article that
blew Mordecai's story wide open.
May 9th, 2006 - Email Deposition:
The following is my personal testimony of what it was like to be married
to Mordechai for almost 7 years. I share what I have known of Mordechai's
drastic and tragic dark side. I focus upon the shadow aspects of our
marriage and his personality, for I believe they are crucial to share,
given what has unfolded in these past weeks. Please keep in mind that
I could also write pages worth of testimony about the light side of
Mordechai - from the beauty of his teachings to his ardent dedication
to making a contribution in the world and helping others. May his light
side and his dark side know full integration.
Also, while you can pass this testimony on to other concerned parties,
please do not share my name with the press or in public. I have been
advised by lawyers not to let my name to appear in public. Thanks.
* Background: I was 19 years old when I first encountered Mordechai.
I was studying in Jerusalem the summer after my freshman year of college.
I was an eager baalat-teshuva, newly "turned on" to the beauty of Jewish
practice. I devotedly went to his classes at Isralight and other venues.
We went on our first date the spring after I graduated college. I was
23 and star-struck. He was 15 years my senior. We got married at the
beginning of 1998, less than 8 months after our first date. Several
people warned me about Mordechai's past. He adamantly insisted that
the bulk of the rumors were lies, exaggerations and the evil workings
of other people's jealousies. I believed him.
He told me early on about some of his sexual misdemeanors as well as
affairs he had on his 2nd wife. He assured me that he had done teshuva,
changed, and that things with me would be different. I was all too ready
to believe this as well. Plus I thought that I could help him, fix him;
that my love could help him become the great man he had the potential
to be. As soon as we started seriously dating, he pulled me into working
for him full-time on writing and organizational projects. I was dedicated
to his "mission" of Jewish Rennaissance and gave it all of my time and
energy. His emotional abuse and manipulations began immediately upon
our marriage. I was so dedicated to the mission that I endured it. Also,
the nature of the his manipulations was such that I did not feel I could
leave. The years that followed were a strange mix of great excitement,
activity and purpose, as well as huge despair, confusion and pain. On
the outside I seemed to be living a fairy tale of success. Behind closed
doors I was living a life of enslavement, debasement, manipulation and
verbal abuse. On top of the abuse, Mordechai was having numerous affairs
on me; lying to me on a daily basis.
Finally, I found out about one of the affairs. Finally, my eyes were
opened and I started to see through the fog of falsehoods. I fled Israel
in February of 2004, only to be lured back in June 2004 by Mordechai's
promises of change and commitment. But nothing changed. By early August
of 2004 I demanded and received a divorce.
Soon thereafter, Mordechai came "under attack" by his enemies in America.
In the fall of 2004, articles about his sexual misconduct and questionable
reputation came out in America and Israel. He begged me to keep our
divorce a secret until all of this bad press died down. I reluctantly
agreed - mostly because I believed that the work that was going on at
Bayit Chadash was valuable and I did not want to jeopardize it. Mordechai
lied to the reporters and all who asked, saying that we were still married.
He also lied to the Rabbinic supporters who helped wage a campaign to
protect him. Mordechai refused to publicly tell the truth about our
divorce until Pesach of 2005 (March/April). I am ashamed to admit that
I was manipulated into also remaining silent and covering up to protect
him, as I had done myriad times during our marriage.
Now that I see the damage that Mordechai has caused in so many people's
lives I deeply regret that I did not speak out earlier about the abuse
that I suffered at his hands and the abuse that I knew that he inflicted
upon others. I also deeply regret that I did not speak out about the
countless lies and manipulations that I witnessed him engage in on a
regular basis. I sorely regret that I led people to believe that we
had a good marriage when in actuality it was most often a hell. I have
been studying, practicing and engaging in psychotherapy these past two
years since I left Mordechai. The more I have learned the more clear
it is that Mordechai is a dangerous sexual predator and sociopath. He
hurt me in deplorable ways and I fear that he will continue to hurt
others if he is not stopped. Indeed, I have already heard first-hand
harrowing accounts of his abuse and manipulation of women (many of them
friends of mine). In many ways, my story is mild in comparison to theirs.
Hearing these tragic stories was the central motivator for my sharing
my own. I pray that my speaking out now can help to thwart any and all
future abuse at his hands.
1. Information about Sexual Abuse/Molestation of a Minor: Before we
got married, Mordechai shared with me that he had indeed had a sexual
encounter with a minor. Her name was Judy - a teenager who was in his
JYPSY youth movement. He explained to me details of their encounter
and how he went about covering it up and discrediting her. He told me
that she had seduced him. He said that they did not have intercourse,
but that they had at least been undressed, sexually physical and that
he had ejaculated. After Judy reported this, he lied to everyone involved,
saying that she was emotionally unstable, jealous and had made it all
up. He even received a document signed by a Rabbi attesting to his innocence.
Judy was under-age, a student of his, and were it not for the statute
of limitations, he could go to jail over this.
2. Mordechai also told me stories about various teachers and staff
people connected withYeshiva University with whom he had struggles.
He told me how he blackmailed a teacher (one of his "enemies" at YU)
who tried to block him from studying/teaching there after the Judy incident.
He had information about this particular man and threatened to share
it if the man continued to try to block him. The man stayed quiet.
3. Adultery/Lying: He also told me of several affairs that he had in
Boca Raton while married to his second wife. These affairs were with
women in his Congregation (the name of one woman was Fern Weisman).
At least one of them was a married woman (whose name I don't recall,
though I can find it). There was a scandal at the synagogue over rumors
about his sexual misconduct. I do not think that his second wife ever
found out about these affairs. They eventually left Boca to move to
Israel. I believe that the main reason for this was that he needed to
flee before people found out the truth (though he never framed it that
way to me).
4. Adultery/Lying: One of the reasons (among many) that I divorced
Mordechai was because he had an affair while we were studying in Oxford.
It was with a woman named Stutti at Wolfson College. He lied to me on
a virtually daily basis to cover up this affair. This went on for approximately
10 months (from December 2002-Sept 2003). It was an agonizing time for
me even though I did not consciously know what was happening. I finally
convinced him to tell me the truth about the affair when we left Oxford
and moved back to Israel. I was devastated, and realized that all of
my hopes that he was a "changed man" were baseless fantasies.
5. Adultery/Lying: I also was racked with suspicion that he was having
another affair - with his "teaching partner", Erica Fox. On countless
occasions I begged him to stop teaching with her and to pull back from
their "friendship". He refused. Also on countless occasions I point
blank asked him if they were having an affair. In response, he consistently
told me how crazy, jealous and insecure I was. I have finally found
out that they were indeed intimate with each other while we were married,
as well as after. (All of this went on between 2002 until our divorce
in August of 2004). I also have heard that he had affairs with two other
women while we were together - one a young woman in Israel and the other
in America. Since that I time I have found out that he has been having
numerous sexual relationships with a variety of women - employees, students
and funders (many more than have been reported in the press). At least
one of these women is married to another man.
6. Debasing/Sexuality: Mordechai was consistently verbally demeaning
to me, particularly in our sexual interactions. Additionally, he viewed
pornography on a regular basis; paying money to have memberships to
certain sites. Eventually his computer and email were so full of pornography
that he paid tens of hundreds of dollars to get it cleaned, for fear
that someone may see it and that he would lose his job. I understand
from formal depositions made with lawyers and the police in Israel that
he had much more "extreme" sexual interactions with other women after
our divorce; which involved S&M; and also played heavily on themes of
debasement.
7. Stealing Intellectual Property: Mordechai used other people's stories/teaching
(making slight changes) without attributing them properly. (The story
in Soulprints about Eitan giving him a soulprint box was, for instance,
based upon a story in one of Robert Fulghum's books.) Furthermore, I
worked full time on both books "Soul Prints" and "The Mystery of Love".
There are entire sections of these books which I myself wrote - with
no public recognition given as to the depth and breadth of my contribution.
Just a few of the numerous examples of this are the poem/invocation
at the beginning of "Soul Prints", as well as the Parable of the Royal
Wine in "The Mystery of Love". I insisted that I wanted at least these
pieces to be attributed to me. He refused. Seeing I had no real choice,
I gave in in the end and allowed the pieces to be used without attribution.
8. Verbal Abuse & Emotional Manipulation: This is one of the main issues
for me about the danger that Mordechai poses to others. Emotional abuse
and manipulation was a constant throughout our marriage. I have pages
and pages of journal entries describing entire scenes and dialogues
full of emotional abuse. His yelling explosions, full of demeaning putdowns
and blame, were virtually a daily occurrence. I eventually stopped fighting
back and would just dissolve in tears after each explosion. He needed
to always be right, always in control. If I didn't agree with him on
something then he would burst into a rage and tell me how stupid I was.
- But more than that, he would tell me how unloving, insensitive and
selfish I was. Convincing me that I was the evil, selfish, unloving
one was one of his most powerful tools of manipulation. He capitalized
on my natural desire to be loving and giving. My goodness was a knife
in his hands with which he carved his sick designs into me. I was utterly
bewildered by his manipulations; the way he would turn everything around
and make me the bad one. These turn arounds rendered me powerless time
and again. In fact, I was so distraught by the nature of his putdowns
and manipulations that I had regular fantasies of doing violent and
suicidal acts against myself. My most recurrent fantasy during his abusive
tirades was of slashing my throat. I was not "allowed" to express or
feel anger towards him and so I turned all of my anger at him back upon
myself. I had never in my life been suicidal before this time and since
I left him I have not had suicidal or violent thoughts at all.
9. Verbal Abuse/Manipulation of Others: I witnessed Mordechai being
verbally abusive and manipulative with many other people. I saw it happen
most with Dafna, his main staff person, but also - tragically - also
saw it with his sons. I found his neglectful and insensitive treatment
of his sons to be deplorable. Seeing him with his sons was another big
factor in my wanting a divorce. The thought of him mistreating any future
children that we would have was just terrifying to me.
10. Lies: As I mentioned above, Mordechai lied about our divorce, his
past and other essential issues to the numerous Rabbis who supported
him when he was being attacked in the press and at various teaching
institutions. The Rabbis he lied pointblank to include R'Danny Landes,
R'Joseph Telushkin, R'Art Green, R'Eli Herscher and R'Saul Berman, as
well as others. He likewise lied to the press and the entire Bayit Chadash
community and Board. Of course, Mordechai was lying to me on a daily
basis about the affairs he was having.
11. Exaggerations - Beyond the examples above I witnessed Mordechai
lying routinely in most every type of setting. Whether it was in a speech,
at dinner with friends, teaching, or in talking to donors. He was consistently
aggrandizing himself by exaggerating his successes, popularity, power
and connections. He would get furious with me when I myself did not
join in on telling these inflated stories about him; saying that I was
selfish and unloving for not also telling these tales. Time and again
he falsely claimed to be a spiritual/holy person. During his writings
and teachings he would claim to pray, meditate, exercise, eat healthy,
etc. None of which he did in the least. He led entire meditation retreats
without ever having meditated himself. In my opinion, all of his frequent
claims to spiritual enlightenment were (and are still) dangerously misleading
fabrications.
12. Dishonest Financial Dealings: Mordechai also lied to me (and others)
about financial matters. For instance, I have recently been informed
that he hid approximately $37K in the Bayit Chadash accounts so that
it would not be factored in to our divorce settlement. I understand
that he is trying to retrieve and further hide that money so that I
can not access it. Who knows what other money he had hidden away so
that it would not be factored in. He also hid money from his 2nd wife
so that he would not have to give it for child support. She took him
to Israeli court over his dishonest financial dealings with her (with
their divorce settlement as well as with child support). She won the
case. He fought hard against this case being leaked to the Israeli press.
Additionally, before I met Mordechai he was fired from Milah for inappropriate
financial dealings (although I do not know the details). Whatever the
case, he clearly has a spotted history around financial matters.
13. Psychological Sickness - I think it is crucial to share that based
on all that I have known of Mordechai I see that he clearly has 2 psychological
disorders which are evident and expressed in numerous ways. The most
obvious is a narcissistic personality disorder. He exhibited the following
characteristics which correlate with the DMS-IV diagnosis of narcissism.
In the DMS, at least 5 of the following attributes are requires for
diagnosis. Mordechai exhibits them all. I could give numerous examples
in each category, but will refrain for lack of space and because they
are just so very obvious to anyone who knows Mordechai.):
a. has a grandiose sense of self-importance - exaggerates achievements
and talents.
b. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power and brilliance.
c. Believes that he is "special" and unique and can only associate with
other special or high-status people or institutions.
d. Requires excessive admiration
e. Has a sense of entitlement - expecting especially favorable treatment
or compliance with his expectations
f. Is interpersonally exploitative; taking advantage of others to achieve
his or her own ends
g. Is envious of others or believes that others are envious of him
h. Lacks empathy; is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings
and needs of others
i. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
As for the antisocial (or sociopathic) personality disorder. He exhibits
the following of the criteria for the DSM (of which 3 are needed for
diagnosis):
a. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors
(such as his sexual harassment in the workplace and sleeping with students
and employees)
b. deceitfulness, repeated lying
c. irritability and aggressiveness (as is known by anyone who has ever
worked under Mordechai, or crossed his path politically)
d. reckless disregard for safety of self or others (such as endangering
himself by juggling numerous affairs at once, given his history)
e. lack of remorse; indicated by rationalizing having hurt, or mistreated
others
Unfortunately, with Axis II Personality Disorders the chances for change
via treatment are extremely slim; as opposed to Axis I disorders which
are considered more treatable. Mental Retardation, for example, is also
on Axis II, because no amount of therapy will be able to fully 'treat'
retardation. The same is understood for Personality Disorders - they
are not entirely treatable. Thus, in my opinion, the belief that Mordechai
will one day be able to return to being a teacher/leader of any sort
is a dangerous one. I personally (and professionally) do not think that
he should be "allowed" to return to any such roles at any point in the
future. A tragic loss, perhaps, but in the end we as a culture and as
a people need to reassess the traits that we value and pull forth from
our leaders. May this whole fiasco pave the way for new standards of
humility, sincerity and a genuine care for others.
Carol McMullen writes this public letter 11/3/06 to Vicki
Polin:
I am writing as a follow-up to our recent discussion about my experience
with Rabbi Marc Gafni at the Elat
Chayyim retreat center during an August week-long session in 2003.
I hand-wrote a strongly worded warning about him in the retreat evaluation,
asking for some response. This was handed in during the closing session.
I heard nothing more until I read the recent letter about his situation
sent out by Arthur Waskow on his Shalom Center mail-out.
I immediately emailed (twice) Rabbi
[Arthur] Waskow asking to discuss my 2003 experience. When there
was no response, I emailed Elat Chayyim as well. I have not kept that
reply but an individual in their administration spoke to me by phone
apologizing for either “losing” or otherwise not responding to my 2003
warning and assuring me that the their Board was doing “everything possible”
to insure nothing similar would happen in the future. I asked for a
specific response from the Board to me after she presented my email
statement, but I have heard nothing back, and decided to just drop it
until your invitation to share my experience. There has seemed to be
a need to sweep this uncomfortable situation under the carpet.
Gafni’s daily session on Tears in the Torah was one of my shiurim.
We were told that he did not tolerate lateness, so to arrive early.
His young assistant, Erica
Fox, proceeded to start the group in singing, quiet niggunim to
begin, and raising the volume and energy to a high level as Gafni made
his dramatic entrance – about 5 minutes late himself – to be sure the
audience was all there and pumped up? This felt very controlling and
contrived to me. Each day he strode in from the back, his long hair
wet from what seemed to be his just completed shower, waving his arms
and joining in to lead the singing and chants at a feverous pitch. His
presentations were similarly dramatic, with much sexualized shaking
of the wet locks out of his eyes and making direct eye contact and grinning
at his mesmerized admirers. He seemed to direct this sexualized energy
especially toward various females who hung on his every word. There
was a “cult-like” atmosphere to the whole performance. None of the other
shiurim felt like this.
I was shocked and disturbed and told my mishpacha group of my concern.
I was promptly shot down as someone who didn’t understand the charisma
of this rebbe and that I should dare to speak lashon hara against such
a saint. I was horrified and went the 2nd day to a different group.
After much carrying-on by others in the mishpacha group about Gafni’s
brilliance that day, I decided the 3rd day to swallow hard, go back,
and try to focus on the content. So I took notes the last 3 days and
actually did find his points to be well researched, very relevant and
at times, actually quite moving.
Occasionally, I glanced at Arthur Waskow and Phyllis Berman at the
back to see if they looked uncomfortable with the highly sexualized
presentation, but they appeared impassive or slightly amused.
By the 4th day, one very needy young woman in the mishpacha group was
gushing on about Gafni having taken a special interest in her, giving
her extra private teaching time and that she was going to continue corresponding
with him after the retreat. I spoke out again to her and my group of
my serious reservations, to the same dismissive reaction.
Erev Shabbat was the last straw. After services, I was in a contemplative
mood and decided to go for a walk down the road in the dark to a wooded
area, far away from the lodge. I had no flashlight but felt very safe
at this secluded retreat center. Who did I stumble upon but the rebbe
himself with a lovely young woman, definitely not his wife, Cary. He
stepped back from her quickly and said a brusque “Shabbat Shalom” as
I hurried by. My adrenalin was racing and I struggling with ruining
Shabbat with an angry disclosure to Phyllis Berman, but as a first time
participant, decided to wait until the closing evaluation time.
In retrospect, I should have had the courage to speak to Waskow and
Berman directly and demand direct action, but I opted instead for my
hand written statement that was apparently “lost” or otherwise ignored.
I have agreed to share my story now in the hopes that others who were
inappropriately approached by Gafni or who witnessed or tried to warn
of his actions may decide to come forward and help to get this situation
properly resolved. Not only do any victims need clear Jewish community
acknowledgement and assistance, but also leaders who employed Gafni
need to take responsibility for not supervising him and for not responding
to the warnings they did receive. I believe Gafni needs to face the
consequences of his actions and also to receive treatment.
In
2006, Mordecai Gafni flamed out. TheAwarenessCenter.org provides these
details.
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