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About anal sex
The male hot spot — Massaging the prostate
Originally Published: September 27, 2002
 

Dear Alice,

I have a question that I don't think you have addressed before (hope it's not too kinky). I am interested in learning the technique for doing a prostate massage. My partner enjoys being anally stimulated and I am sure this would be a "winner" for us. I just need to know the proper way to do it.

 

Dear Reader,

While anal play may be considered kinky and somewhat taboo, it's a sexual practice that more than a few men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, enjoy. In men, this potent pleasure point is the prostate, which is found inside their anal canal. The prostate's primary function, however, is to aid in reproduction. It does this by secreting a fluid into semen before ejaculation occurs, helping with sperm mobility and prolonging the life of the sperm once it leaves the penis.

Before anal play, it can be helpful for your partner to urinate and/or have a bowel movement before you begin. You can cut and file smooth your fingernails as well, so that there are no rough or jagged edges. Relaxation is also important, minimizing or preventing the possibility of tearing the thin lining of the rectum, and setting the stage for pleasure. Some people relax by taking a warm bath. Others begin by sensuously massaging their partner's body, slowly leading to the butt and inner thighs, using or adding massage oil or lubricant. For safer anal play, you can wear a latex glove with a dab of water-based lubricant on it.

When you are both ready, you can begin massaging your partner's prostate externally. Using your index and middle fingertips, you can touch, rub, stroke, or press his perineum (the area of skin from underneath his testicles to his anus), trying various sensations and pressures. Using your other hand, you can stroke other parts of his body for additional arousal. This is the beginning of the massage, so encourage your partner to communicate with you about what feels good to him.

As your partner begins to enjoy the sensations, using water-based lube, gradually insert your finger(s) into his anus. You may both need to experiment with various positions that allow for easy access. In the meantime, you can begin with him lying on his back. Insert your finger(s) about an inch or so, and when your partner is comfortable, move your finger(s) in an upward motion along the wall of the rectal lining that faces the front of his body. Try to locate a round bulb of tissue — this is the prostate. Once you locate this area, move your finger(s) in a "come here" motion, as if you were asking someone to move closer to you so that you could whisper a secret. Use your finger pad(s) on the tip(s) of your finger(s) to massage the prostate, and be mindful of not using your nail(s). Ask him what feels good and how he wants to be touched. While you are touching your partner in this way, you can ask if he wants more or less pressure, or slower or faster strokes. You can also ask him if he wants you to touch his penis, testicles, or perineum simultaneously. Some men like oral sex or kissing at the same time, too.

Be aware that receiving anal stimulation may cause feelings of having to go to the bathroom. More often than not, this is just a "feeling" that the stimulation causes and may take some getting used to. If your partner indeed does find pleasure from this experience, it might set him over the edge if you rhythmically or irregularly press on his prostate gland before or during ejaculation. It is even possible for men to orgasm through prostate stimulation alone.

Hopefully, you'll hit the jackpot with this rectal rub. At a minimum, you will be learning together, trusting each other, and having a new experience. For more information, you can refer to Jack Morin's book, Anal Pleasure and Health.

Alice

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