The greatest movie and TV pets of all time
Little-known fact: This was almost a pet blog. After a series of events in early 2006 (a story for another time), I decided to recruit some co-workers and start a blog. The two topics with the most potential at the time semed to be kids and animals. Unlike other areas in the nation, market research showed that adults in the Bay Area were approximately equally obsessed with both.
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Stop crying ...
Ultimately, the deciding factor was that I hate pets.
If I started a pet blog, I would probably have to get one. We've already covered my family's horrible luck with pets growing up, but my lack of desire for a four-legged addition to my current household goes beyond that. I feel like my job and parenting duties have already forced me into a very precarious balance between sanity and Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club." Add an animal and feedings and little poop baggies and dander to the mix, and I will almost certainly end up in a fetal position humming "Losing My Religion."
Still, I must prepare for the inevitable. Two of the three people in our house who can speak a complete sentence (my wife and nearly 5-year-old son) really want to get a dog. And the fourth spends half his time wanting to be a dog. So I'm taking a baby step today in the direction of embracing a pet. I thought a good start would be to pick some tolerable pets from popular culture that I wouldn't mind owning.
My five favorite fictitious pets of all time are below. Yours in the comments ...
5. Tonto: I really dislike cats. But I figured I had to throw one in here, just to avoid getting slammed by our feline-loving readership. And Tonto from "Harry and Tonto" is the only one on the face of the planet -- real or fake -- that doesn't seem totally useless.
4. Old Yeller: I'm not much of a dog person, either, but I like the idea of having a pet that is going to get between me and whatever is about to kick my ass -- and then take the beating himself. Lassie's great if you're always leaving the gas on and setting your house on fire. But I prefer Old Yeller, who has less style but more substance. You can put Yeller to work, and he's not going to worry about getting his coat dirty. (Tramp from "Lady and the Tramp," sort of the homeless version of Old Yeller, would be my backup choice.)
3. Flipper: Not the most PC selection, especially if you saw the incredible "The Cove." But I would still enjoy living on a houseboat or a small island and having Flipper around as a pet. It would be the closest a person could come to being Aquaman. Also, of all the fun wild animals, dolphins seem like they would have the smallest chance of turning on you. Flipper also had the best theme song of any animal show.
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Great movie, great dog ...
2. Chewbacca: OK, technically this might be more of a slavery thing than a pet thing. As much as Chewbacca looked like a pet, I'm thinking he might have had a social security number. (I'll have to make that my annoying fanboy question for George Lucas the next time I interview him.) Assuming he qualifies for pet status, Chewbacca would be a pretty great one. There are the obvious things, like being able to send him over if the college kids next door are playing their music too loud. He could probably fix your car, and even take over the carpool in a pinch. Just make sure you let him win if you ever play Scrabble. (And yes, "Shyriiwook" is a word.)
1. Mad Max's dog: Mad Max's dog from "The Road Warrior" doesn't do a hell of a lot, other than watch Max's stuff and threaten to shoot Bruce Spence with a shotgun. But circumstantial evidence shows that his Australian Cattle Dog was pretty much the best pet ever. Why else would Max share the last can of Dinky-Di dog food on Earth with the canine companion? I didn't cry when Old Yeller died, but I nearly teared up when Max's dog didn't show up for "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome." Hopefully he found a nice family on a farm with lots of birds to chase around and very little nuclear fallout.
Honorable mention: Tramp; Riki Tikki Tavi; Babe the Gallant Pig; Buffalo Bill's poodle from "Silence of the Lambs."
PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder of this parenting blog, which admittedly sometimes has nothing to do with parenting. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub.
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| March 19 2010 at 06:06 AM
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