Interview: Tila Tequila

November 30, 2009 · Print This Article



Her name causes a lot of people to think of things like overt sexuality, reality TV, internet obsession, and, more recently, manic personal confessions, online stripping, and domestic violence. Tila Tequila, a woman made famous via a strong commitment to various web platforms and a bisexual dating show, is far from America’s sweetheart. She is torn apart in the media, depicted as a promiscuous partier everywhere she goes, and – with the exception of her large and dedicated fan base – generally not trusted, respected, or, perhaps, understood. Her recent behavior has included filing a lawsuit against her ex, Shawne Merriman, claiming that he physically abused her, coming out as a lesbian on Twitter, and suffering a breakdown of sorts where she publicly discussed her own suicide. For most celebrities, these admissions would be treated with empathy. For most women in the spotlight, there would be an outpouring of support and concern. Tila, however, doesn’t receive that kind of reaction. But what if everything she says is true? Consider the possibility that she really is gay, was beaten up by someone she trusted, and has taken so much negativity from so many, for so long, that she did reach the point of wanting to give up? If we take what Tila has given us, listen to what she has to say without judgment, and truly give her the benefit of the doubt, then perhaps what we actually have is a strong woman who is standing up for what she believes in and selflessly putting herself before us to help promote equality and fairness for all.

We wanted to hear what Tila had to say away from her home base of the internet, one-on-one, about the many things going on in her life. Here, we talk to the Shot at Love star, musician, model, and entrepreneur about her decision to come out as a lesbian, why she remains so dedicated to her web presence, and how she keeps it all going when the world seems to be against her.

Cherry Grrl (CG): Earlier this month you came out on Twitter as a lesbian, versus bisexual. What lead to this and why did you decide that now was the time to discuss it with the public?

Tila: Well, everyone knows I rant a lot on Twitter. It’s like having a diary without too many people reading it…but, of course for me, people read my stuff all the time (laughs). But I just felt like for a long time I just knew that something was wrong but I didn’t know what it was. I was bisexual, but I never really dated men – my whole life the longest I ever had a relationship with a guy was like six months. That’s my whole life… that’s pretty bad. I’ve always found myself a lot more emotionally connected to women, and as far as guys go it was just sex. Just sex, that’s it – I didn’t care about them. I would just be like, “Get out of my house – you’re disgusting.” And then I was like: this is not normal. This is like really not okay. So I realized with everything that was happening, and hanging out with girlfriends and hanging out with girls, I just realized: wow, maybe I’ve been in denial. Because I had thought about it before but I was like, Tila, there is no way you’re a lesbian. There’s just no way – with your job and your career and you’re a sex symbol and all the guys… there’s just no way. It couldn’t be possible. So that was another added pressure on my shoulders to feel like I had to just keep ignoring that. But the more I kept ignoring the desire inside the more I felt it. So I finally had a revelation and it was like everything made sense and I realized I finally just needed to admit to myself that I was like… a lesbian (laughs). And I was like, Oh my God! (laughs).

And then after that I didn’t tell many people because I thought they just wouldn’t take it seriously. And it’s something very personal for me – like, there is enough of my public life out there that people can slander, and that I allow them to criticize, but this is something very personal for me and very new to me so I didn’t think it was right for me to go all out there or go on a press tour and like announce it. But slowly doing it this way and letting people catch on this way is best – because there is just so much going on right now. And I am really happy. I’m happier. Everything makes a lot of sense now. All of my relationships of the past, who I have been with and why, everything makes so much sense now. And I haven’t been in love with a guy for… I don’t even remember when (laughs). The last time I was in a relationship with a guy – the one that was for six months – I kept telling everybody how weird it was because he was exactly like a girl! Everybody would agree and be like, “Wow, he’s like totally like a chick!” (laughs). I was like, “I know – that’s so weird!” And so that was the whole reason that I think I actually dated that guy – because he emotionally, everything about him, was like a girl.

CG: You also, during the same conversation, revealed that in season one of Shot at Love you had actually fallen in love with Dani, not Bobby, and that the producers made you pick him. What is your relationship with Dani like now? [UPDATE: click here for Dani's response.]

Tila: I haven’t spoken to her since that last New Years show. I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since then. But you know… that was like 2 or 3 years ago now so it’s been a long time and at this point I have moved on. But as far like really putting the bad parts behind me and moving on and really starting my new life and leaving my past where it is, I felt like it was really important that I get that off my chest. That was a big, big secret that was killing me because it really wasn’t fair. Everything, the way it played out, wasn’t fair. To suffer this heartbreak and at the same time have to lie to everyone and have them criticize me… I had to try to explain why when people were like, “I thought you were so in love with her. Why didn’t you pick her?!” It was so frustrating. You don’t understand how frustrated I was. And that’s why I didn’t do a season 3. That’s why the show ended. Because I had signed a contract for 2 seasons and that’s the way it’s done – I had to do it. But by the time the third season came I had an option to not do it and that’s why I said no. I felt like, if you’re not going to let me choose who I want, it’s just not really cool the way you’re playing me out. The only real part for me, the parts that I liked, are those little moments where it’s not staged – where I’m actually having a real conversation. Where I am actually really connecting with people. Those moments were when people really see the real Tila. And then when there are like competitions and eliminations… like that was not the real me.

CG: Would you ever consider doing a dating show again?

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14 Responses to “Interview: Tila Tequila”


    November 30th, 2009 9:45 am

    I am Happy for Tila. I Am A Big Fan Of Hers. If U dont Belive Me Just ask Her – She Knows Me. I Love The Fact That She Keeps It together, Doesn’t Matter What Happens to Her. That’s Why I Love Her – Bc She Is Strong and Showing all her Fans That she Is It Helping us to Be strong Just Like Her. Keep Going Tila – I have Ur Bck. U Knw What’s up. Thankx 4 Being there and God Bless U. I Hope We Get To Hang Out When U Come To NY again – But This Time Not In a Club. XoXoXo Ur Loyal #TilaArmy Soldier GUERRILLERASTAR baby XoXoXo

  2. Real Lesbian

    November 30th, 2009 10:08 am

    This is just pathetic. This girl is not a lesbian. She is a disgrace to actual lesbians that aren’t trying to profit off of their sexuality.

    She is dating a model… a male model. She has been for a long time now. (He’s the one in her sex tape that she posted on 4tube. If you look at some of the recent YouTube videos she put up, you can see she filmed them off of a laptop the same way the sex tape was filmed.)

    The lesbian shtick is another of her lies. She lie about her grandmother dying to get sympathy from people after she lied about getting hit. She lied about being pregnant for a rapper. She lied about being allergic to alcohol (she has Twitter videos and photos of herself drunk). Her Twitter was hacked by someone from 4chan who said her house was broken into and her dog was put in the trunk of her car… When she saw how much attention she got from this, she tried to play it off as if it actually did happen. She lied about going on a world tour, which was actually just going to be Germany and Turkey, blamed the promoter, yet the other people who were supposed to show up were there. She lied to a group of fans who she said she was going to meet and hang out with there.

    The best one, though, is when she lied about killing herself. She needed attention and she needed it bad, so she said she was going to kill herself in two weeks and asked her army to join her in committing mass suicide. This is the girl you are going to promote with this article?

    It is really sad that you would give her the attention she is so desperately trying to get from people by lying and even going as far as slandering individuals.

    There are real lesbians out there who are out and not flaunting it as a gimmick. There are also lesbians out there afraid to come out, because you have women like Tila making it look like it is a choice.

    Worst waste of bandwidth ever. Give the attention to someone who deserves it… Someone who is actually doing something positive. (Don’t claim Tila is doing things for charity either, she flaked out on all of that too.)

  3. titillatress aka deb

    November 30th, 2009 12:53 pm

    firstly, i want to say how i am glad this interview really seeks to find the truth about the life of tila and who she really is. the media does distort the view of many celebrities and as the viewer and as the observer we either accept or don’t. unfortunately, tila has gone through many things and we know of how serious these most recent issues are but yet, no one shows her mercy. tila brings out very powerful emotions out of others. i feel there is no middle ground with her. people either absolutely adore her like her very committed fanbase, or they are so passionate on “hating” her.

    You’re right cherrygrrl, let’s say hypothetically speaking now, that this were all true. Tila tequila is a DAMN strong woman. we already know of that because of her upbringing and auto biography in which she decided to share with on twitter and is in the process of becoming formulated neatly into a novel. this girl is real and has gone through so much in her life even before the fame had creeped up on her. tila is a very blessed individual in my eyes, where there are many plans she will deliver for the goodness of society, and even if media deems her as some “party girl” those who are unaffected by the masses know how beautiful and true her intentions are to help with charities, regardless of how the world of entertainment taints her image. she is highly misunderstood because she strays from the stereotypical celebrity and somehow the media has a tendency to silence/distort her true efforts.

    it is about time tila tequila receive nothing but good things. her life currently is chaotic but it will pass. life never gives more than you are capable of handling, and she is one of the very few who has the influencial capacity along with astounding drive and motivation to make a lasting mark in this world. whether she is hated on or not, she undeniably makes an impact.

    don’t worry tila baby, the future is brimming with bubbling potentiality .

    i love you- kiss kiss deb.

  4. Alexis

    December 5th, 2009 9:07 pm

    Im a lesbian and i welcome her to the community if that is what makes her happy.

  5. lilredsun aka ivette

    December 5th, 2009 9:22 pm

    obviously by reading tila coming out was worthwhile i always knew she was a lesbian . not because she said it or by watching ” A shot at love w tila” No , I figured it by actually having these tremendous feelings for her since the reality show began but i really do care about Tila Nguyen , not Tila Tequila everyone has refer to. i’m happy she came out and admitted the truth and yes, people talk trash and think shes crazy but they have no idea what she is Really about except by watching or hearing from the media . Trust me , the media is full of shit and her VIP family on her new site have been backing her up from the start. There is nothing wrong with her at all… i Love this girl and always will. she always be Tila Nguyen in my eyes if they understand her they will see a very beautiful girl …

    thats 4 u Tila
    rock on

  6. justice

    December 5th, 2009 10:03 pm

    imma lesbiand also and i give tila props for commin out like wow i would love a chance to be tilas every thing

  7. Munder11 aka Wendy Tom

    December 6th, 2009 12:12 am

    Tila this must of took a lot to come out! But i want u to kno we are here for u, always the Tila Army!. Now i understand u a lil more.. Thx so much for this. U must feel so much better, like a HUGE weight has been left off ur shoulders!.

  8. lakiesha

    December 6th, 2009 1:38 pm

    im glad tila came out. i support her 100%. i am sick of people talkin bullshit bt her she is true and real. and i think she is a great rolemodel for me.

    keep on keepin on tila

  9. renee rolle

    December 7th, 2009 8:47 pm

    Tila ur amazing and beautiful who cares what ppl say or do! What ever makes u happy u do it! Life is 2 short <3 xoxo!

  10. mpinky24

    December 8th, 2009 4:02 am

    well i think far play to tila. i know when i came out being a lesbian it was so hard and for most of lesbians it is bloody hard for what ever reason so i cant belive there are lesbians hating on her. i was the same before i came out dting guys not for long then on to the next. and the last guy i was with was very girlish and found out he going through the same. i have been through alot of heart ache to get were iam today and now i am i with a great partner going through ivf and life couldnt be better. but my life not in the public eye so it must be alot harder to deal with but i think she doing great. it must be hard when you have people telling you how to run your life when you tryin to figure out who you are. so you go girl and dont let no one put you down specialy other lesbians xx shell

  11. Bo

    December 12th, 2009 9:51 pm

    The whole thing with Merrimen or what ever his name is. Maybe she was drunk. And maybe he did choke her and used her drunken state as an excuse. Since she lied about her alcohol allergy, then she knows people will think she lied about the domestic abuse. She’s, allegedly, trapped in a corner on that one.

  12. Alice

    December 28th, 2009 4:03 am

    She literally looks like a whore.

    I really don’t see the point in taking anything she says or does seriously, but i wouldn’t doubt everything she claims. Crazy people oftentimes tell a little truth. She probably was abused, she probably did think of killing herself. It sounds pretty reasonable for someone who’s used to selling her body (image) to get the attention and love she so desperately craves.

  13. Geri

    January 20th, 2010 2:38 pm

    I don’t believe you Tila.

  14. Ruby

    February 17th, 2010 10:20 pm

    Just when I start thinking about this site again and consider giving it another chance, crap like this turns up.

    Tila Tequila is an embarrassment. She’s a famewhore who flits from one person and one kick to the next. No self-respecting human being, lesbian or no, would look at her and think ‘yeah, I really want to hear what she has to say’. She’s a leech and a disgusting human being.

    Really. What the hell were you thinking, giving this blatant star fucker and attention whore a platform?


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