I read the NLQ site because this is the lifestyle that I grew up in, even though we never used that label. A lot of things that I struggled to understand as a child have become very clear to me after reading the excellent articles on this site. Vyckie, you are truly a life-saver. — Cyn

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When It’s Time to Let Go of an Unhealthy Relationship

by Vyckie

It seems crazy to me now ~ but the thought of divorcing Warren did not seriously enter my mind until three days before I went to my attorney and filed the paperwork.

Even at the height of my exasperation, when I could clearly see that Warren’s behavior with the children was abusive and was slowly, day by day, crushing their spirits and stunting/warping their emotional growth ~ divorce was NOT an option.

Among evangelicals there’s a popular quote from Ruth Bell Graham ~ wife of evangelist, Billy Graham: I’ve never thought of divorce in all these 35 years of marriage ~ but, I did think of murder a few times.

That was me too. At one point, I was desperately praying to the Lord for wisdom and direction ~ What should I do? How can I protect my children from their father’s tyranny and crazymaking?

“Till death do us part …” I remember thinking ~ “Oh great ~ he’s so healthy! He’ll never die!” As I was praying, I honestly told the Lord that if death was the only way to end the relationship which was killing me slowly ~ Please, Lord ~ have mercy ~ put me out of my misery and just take me now!

But no ~ that would leave Warren with the children ~ and them without me to run interference to at least in some way mitigate the harm that was being done by their own father. I told Warren more than once that the way he micro-managed and harassed the kids, he was going to end up a very lonely old man ~ because the minute they had a choice about it, none of them would want to be around him.

“I know it,” he would admit ~ and I could see that he really wanted to change ~ and he was actually trying to change. Nevertheless ~ for all our wanting and trying ~ nothing ever really changed.

“Lord Jesus,” I prayed silently and with a feeling of great dread in my heart, “I know I cannot change Warren. You can change Him ~ but it’s such a slow process, a little glimmer of hope here, a speck of encouragement there ~ and in the meantime, he is permenantly damaging the children’s personalities. If You cannot change him in time for it to make a difference for the children, please … just kill him with a quick accident or heart attack.”

The instant I prayed it, I was filled with guilt and shame. I was mortified because, really ~ I did love my husband but at the same time, I wished he was dead. I felt like a murderer (there’s a verse about that) and I hated myself for even being capable of such evil thoughts toward another human being.

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Excerpts from the latest NLQ blog posts ...

Out of the Matrix ~ Part 1: The next day, a floral arrangement arrived …

by CherylAnnHannah

My journey into and out of the Quiver Full movement is so intertwined with the abuse that my children and I experienced in my marriage that it is hard for me to tell the tale of being QF without mentioning the abuse as well.

I had grown up in a Christian home, but at the age of 18 fell in love with the man who would become my husband. As is typical of a lot of teens allowed to spend too much time alone, we had sex and I ended up pregnant before my graduation from high school. My boyfriend completely freaked out and insisted on an abortion. I couldn’t go to my parents because my mother had told me when I was 16 that if I ever ended up pregnant, I knew where the door was. When I found myself pregnant, and with no job, no support from my boyfriend, and afraid to face my parents, I chose to abort my first child at 12 weeks gestation in July of 1979.

I felt somewhat numbed by the whole experience. My boyfriend showed a complete disregard towards any angst I might have felt as a result of the abortion and instead he chose to assert his authority over me and humiliated me sexually after the abortion in ways I don’t like to contemplate to this day. In fact, I felt so debauched by the whole experience that I thought no decent man would want to have anything to do with me after that. Accordingly, I went ahead and married him, against my parents’ counsel and wishes.

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Wheat Thins

Unsuspecting Tweeter Gets Truckload of Wheat Thins >> Watch the YouTube Video

Sponsored Like ~ View No Longer Quivering’s profile on MyLikes.

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“Miscarriage is for a moment; a soul is forever”

Doug Phillips’ “Hopeful Theology of Miscarriage”

Speaking this past weekend at “The Baby Conference,” in San Antonio, Texas, Vision Forum speaker, Doug Phillips gave a talk entitled, “A Hopeful Theology of Miscarriage” ~ a summary of which, Phillips shared on his blog.

After taking the position that not all children who die go to heaven ~ but only the “children called of God,” Phillips discussed “the significant role that the unborn and young children play in God’s’ covenant of grace …” and then added:

Though acknowledging the sadness and loss of miscarriage — with he and his wife Beall having lost two unborn children — Doug offered two key points of hope that the loss of a child in the womb can bring:

  1. The hope of discipling our families on the priorities, nobilities, and sacrifices of Motherhood.
  2. The hope that tragedy provides to model confidence in the sovereignty of God to your children and the world.

Somehow ~ this is supposed to bring comfort to mothers who have lost children through miscarriage. Plus, it should be a great lesson about the nature and dealings of God for children and “the world” too! Ack.

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How To Keep Someone With You Forever

About a month ago, I came across this article: How To Keep Someone With You Foreverfrom Issendai’s Superhero Training Journal. The message has been haunting me ever since because I believe it is so true of abusive, patriarchal relationships ~ and it was certainly the case in my own marriage.

Quick summary:

You create a sick system.

A sick system has four basic rules:

Rule 1: Keep them too busy to think.

Rule 2: Keep them tired.

Rule 3: Keep them emotionally involved.

Rule 4: Reward intermittently.

Wow, huh?

[Read More]

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Vyckie’s Bread & Butter Posts: Fabric.com

This is a Sponsored Post written by me (Vyckie) on behalf of Fabric.com. All opinions are 100% mine.

Fabric.com ~ The Place To Go When You Sew

If you’re the creative type who loves to sew and make crafts, you have got to check out Fabric.com ~ the world’s leading online fabric store.

Why shop Fabric.com? Along with the great deals on a huge selection of sewing and craft supplies, Fabric.com offers free shipping on all orders over $35. Fabric.com offers a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Plus, NLQ earns a commission on all Fabric.com purchases made after clicking through from our link today and in the future. So if you need fabric, yarn, patterns, notions, etc. ~ please follow the links provided in order to support No Longer Quivering while you shop. Thanks! :)

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Christian Culture Clash: Fundamentalist Patriarchy and My Father’s Church

Part 1 ~ Our Church: Golgotha

by Ex-Adriel

Sundays were my favorite. Early in the morning, before the sun rose, Father knocked on my bedroom door. I dressed quickly in the pre-dawn dimness, and we drove to church together, just us two. A quick stop for the customary chocolate crème pie from a gas station, and then we would be at Golgotha*, pulling into the empty lot before anyone else arrived for church.

Father ran the bus ministry. In that morning stillness, I snuggled into an extra coat of his to protect my church dress, and ‘helped’ him check the fluids and tire pressure on the old school bus. When I was a young child, I rode with him off to the shelters to pick up all of the homeless who were willing to submit to a sermon for a chance at a hearty lunch and a shower. Later, after we met John and his wife Mary*, that would change and I would be left at the church alone in the morning stillness, usually ending up in the mysterious choir loft, suspended high above the sanctuary.

I loved Golgotha. I know now that it was unique – a charismatic Lutheran church. That never happens. But it did. As a child, I only knew that it was a wonderful church. We sang hymns and praise music. I was an altar-child and carried the taper lights and the cross up the center aisle at the beginning of the service, along with most of my age-mates. We wore long robes and sang in the choir, and took communion every Sunday. We kept to the yearly order of readings, but we also had regular altar calls and a praise dance troupe. I could have been happy there forever, and I think Father would have been as well, but Mother wanted more.

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Listen to Vyckie Garrison of No Longer Quivering on The God Discussion Radio Show

If you missed The God Discussion radio show live featuring Vyckie Garrison … here’s the archived program. ;)

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No Longer Quivering Gets a Makeover!

NLQ forum member “Jael” and I have been hard at work giving No Longer Quivering a much-needed makeover. :)

With the ever-growing amount of stories and articles, NLQ had become a sprawling monstrosity and navigation was a nightmare.  Our redesign goal was to declutter, organize, make navigation easy, and to give this site a simple, semi-professional look. [Read More]

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