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There's a sewer monster living underneath Cameron Village. There's a man in Moore Square who plays football all by himself. Somewhere in Raleigh, we've heard, there's a kudzu vine that looks just like Alfred Hitchcock. These small marvels don't always fit inside a regular newspaper. A lot of them are too funny for those highfalutin' pages. So we've tucked him in here, where they'll be safe. Take a look and let us know about the oddities in your life. We'll show up and snap a picture.

Fun, fun, fun till daddy takes your big wheel away

Each Friday night during the summer, the kind folks at Seaboard Station off Peace Street open up their parking lot for big wheels, beer drinking and live music. As long as the rain stays away, it's a fun, inexpensive and relaxing way to end the week.

 

 

A band plays (donations accepted), beer is sold, and kids are welcome to bring their big wheels, tricycles and whatnot for scooting around the parking lot. For parents with small children, its an easy way to spend some adult time with friends while the kids expend their energy.

 

 

 

 

But because nothing fun can happen in Raleigh without an extensive set of rules about the parameters within which that fun must operate, the event comes with several posterboards filled with written guidelines. 

 

One rule emphasizes the need for parents to keep their children within the part of the parking lot where scooting around is allowed. Older children often begin the safety violations, the sign says.

 

"The older kids take it up a notch, then another notch. Pretty soon we have a jailbreak."

 

A jailbreak? On big wheels?

 

This reminds me of the time the Carolina Hurricanes paraded their Stanley Cup around a parking lot instead of through downtown. Or the time Eddie Money was hired to rock Fayetteville Street.

 

Raleigh. Where parties sound like a good idea.

 

But might not be worth the trouble.

Free Food!

Some crazy person is giving away a whole, perfectly good box of frozen eggs rolls. They're only a month old, for Pete's sake, and nobody will take them. Consider the flavorful goodness: white-meat chicken in a zesty Asian sauce.

Come and get it at Falls of Neuse and Millbrook roads!

Inquire within:  sale-gsfag-1825907952@craigslist.org

Shattered Hooters Beauty

This story has everything, friends!
We here at Wired for Weird wish we wrote it ourselves. The least we can do is pass it on and tip a hat to our coastal friends at Lumina News:

 

Drunk driving victim is beauty pageant contestant

by Brian Freskos
Thursday, June 10, 2010

Before a drunk driver ripped away the tendons and ligaments in her knees, broke her spine, and shattered her pelvis, rendering her immobile, Wilmington resident Lindsey Blythe Casey was a beauty pageant contestant.

 

In preparation for pageants, she had been tanning and regularly toning her body at the gym, six days a week for two hours each day, while she worked two jobs.

Last Thursday, June 3, Casey, a graceful blonde with an oval face and a glittering smile, was slated to compete in the 14th annual Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant regional finals. A win there would have earned her a shot at the nationals in Florida, where a $50,000 cash payout lay on the line.

As the Ms. Wilmington Hooters winner of 2010, she felt like her chances were favorable.

That is, until early Sunday morning, May 30, in Wrightsville Beach, when a white Honda Accord, driven by a man allegedly drunk, high and texting, ripped the opportunity out from under her.

"Right smack dab in the middle of it I got hit by a car," she said in a telephone interview last week from her bed at the New Hanover Regional Medical Hospital. "That was something big that got taken away from me."

The Honda’s driver, Jedadiah Allen Woodcock, is confined to the New Hanover County Detention Facility in lieu of $65,000 secured bond.

Police have charged Woodcock, a 32-year-old hairstylist from Rocky Mount, with striking Casey and one of her friends, Marc Miller, as they walked west in the 500 block of Causeway Drive early that morning on Memorial Day weekend.

That night, Woodcock had been drinking at beach bars, until he and a friend hitched a taxi to their Wilmington hotel, according to a police report.

At the hotel, Woodcock felt hungry. His friend lent him the Honda to go to Wendy’s on Eastwood Road, a few blocks west of the Heide Trask Drawbridge.

Woodcock told police the restaurant was closed when he arrived, so he chose to lap the John Nesbitt Loop in Wrightsville Beach instead of eating.

It was after 2 a.m.

Woodcock came through the downtown district before traveling west on Causeway Drive about the same time a streaker was garnering attention. As he traveled through the section between Island Drive and Coral Drive, the vehicle neared a group of young adults.

"That’s when everything happened," Woodcock told police.

In interviews last week, Miller, 26, and Casey, 25, said they had joined friends at the 22 North bar around midnight. They left near closing with a group of about 10, heading over the Causeway Drive Banks Channel bridge.

The bars had recently let out, flooding the street with patrons.

Miller, also of Wilmington, said the crowded sidewalk forced Casey and him to step off onto the roadway.

Just then, Miller remembers headlights. He remembers peering behind himself and he recalls a car nearing.

After that, he said, all he remembers is pushing Casey out of the way.

They were struck by the vehicle, traveling approximately 40 mph. Miller came to rest 14 feet from the point of impact; Casey settled 22 feet away. Bloody tire tracks stretched 50 feet on the asphalt, according to the report.

 

Their heads hit the windshield, leaving remnants of hair pasted to the glass.

The Honda’s hood was dented, and the windshield was so severely smashed it was nearly impossible to see through. Tidbits of glass lay scattered on the dashboard, underneath a pair of sunglasses dangling from the rearview mirror.

Witnesses told police the driver barely tapped his breaks and continued westbound until sirens approached, and then he pulled into the parking lot of the Landing Shopping Center and stopped.

"I remember waking up on the ground with my friend standing over me, talking to me," Miller said.

Miller said he sat up, and felt his leg was crooked, so he lay down again on the pavement. His friend snapped his broken leg bone back into place. Shock stalled the pain.

Casey bears no recollection of the incident.

Miller recalls being loaded into the ambulance beside Casey, as she writhed in pain, screaming and crying. He suspects she passed out en route to the hospital. It was suddenly quiet.

They were transported to the New Hanover Regional Medical Center. In the meantime, friends contacted their parents.

Miller’s mother, Debbie Edwards, said her phone rang in Fayetteville a few minutes after 2 a.m. She immediately relayed the news to her two sisters and her daughter, who both high-tailed it to the hospital (Her one sister, Julie Mitchell, was being readied for chemo treatment when the call came in. She made doctors remove the port immediately).

Increasingly anxious, Edwards, 56, drove to Wilmington—a 2-hour journey—with only one shoe on.

When Edwards arrived, throngs of people mobbed the waiting room, all friends of Miller and Casey.

Casey remembers opening her eyes to see doctors and nurses furiously cutting through her jeans. With severe internal abdominal bleeding and dangerously low blood pressure, doctors held back on dispensing pain medication, fearful Casey would fall into a drug-induced coma and never wake up.

"I remember looking around and I saw my mom, and I started crying because I was hurting really bad and I didn’t understand why," Casey said.

Casey’s shattered pelvis was broken in six places. Her ligaments and tendons were completely torn away from her right knee; and her ACL was ripped in the left leg.

Miller’s injuries were also severe. He underwent surgery Sunday night so doctors could remove and replace his leg bone with a titanium metal rod, screwing it into the ankle and knee joints.

His left hand is also broken.

Doctors used staples to repair their skull injuries.

In need of pelvic surgery, Casey was transported from New Hanover to the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill Hospital. But doctors there discovered vertebrae broken in two places. Hesitant to disturb bone alignment, they chose not to operate, and sent her back to New Hanover later that week where she remains.

Surgery will be required on both of Casey’s knees. Two operations are needed on the right one alone. Doctors say she will be wheelchair bound for six months and will need assistance walking for a year. She will spend time at a live-in recovery center, learning how to walk again.

"I was able to scoot to the edge of the bed yesterday, but I can’t get out of bed yet," she said on Sunday, a week after the incident.

She does not have health insurance; Miller does.

Miller was discharged on Wednesday, four days following the incident. He uses a walker to travel around the house. Crutches are out of the question while his hand is broken. Pain medication has kept the throbbing at bay, though headaches still abound. Months will pass before he walks normally.

On Wednesday, June 9, Miller was reached for an update just as he returned from a doctor’s visit, where four staples were removed from his head. He said he was recovering well.

Edwards is staying in Wilmington to assist Miller back on his feet.

Casey remains in the hospital. Pills and injections tame the pain. Braces stabilize her legs, encasing them from her ankles to her thighs. But she is in good spirits, partly because her friends and family are continually visiting.

Asked about her pain, she quips, "It feels like I got hit by a car."

Neither expressed hostility toward the suspect charged with the accident.

"He still gets to walk around and have a job," Casey said of Woodcock. "Me, I’m sitting here in bed. When I hurt real bad I get upset, thinking this isn’t fair, why did this happen?"

"I’m frustrated that I’m sitting around, but with everything going on with Lindsey, I haven’t really thought about it," Miller said when questioned over whether he harbors animosity toward Woodcock.

Though they never dated romantically, Miller and Casey have forged a close friendship over the years. Casey credits Miller with saving her life. Authorities told her that had he not pushed, she would have died.

"It touched me so much that he did such a courageous thing for me," Casey said.

Before doctors transported Casey to Chapel Hill, she insisted on visiting Miller. Doctors arranged to place their beds side-by-side, Edwards said, and the two of them spent about an hour together.

A distance learning student at the University of North Carolina Pembroke, Miller has a dealership license and he buys and sells cars to make a living.

Casey works two jobs—one at a local tanning salon, and another at Hooter’s Restaurant on Market Street.

Woodcock has been charged with DWI, two counts of inflicting serious injury by vehicle, driving during revocation and possession of marijuana.

He declined a request for interview.

One of the first to arrive on scene, Officer D. Gentzler, a Wrightsville Beach reservist, said Woodcock was standing next to his car with his hands clasped over his face.

Woodcock’s clothing was completely soaked in sweat and he was shaking continuously, according to the report.

"His sentences were broken up and he continued to talk about going to Wendy’s and going home," Gentzler said. "The driver started rambling on about how this all happened because he was having a hard time with family back home."

Gentzler said the suspect was having panic attacks. At the station, Woodcock was so disoriented he was unable or unwilling to use the telephone.

Woodcock blew a 0.09 blood alcohol level, a notch over the legal limit of 0.08. Police found a glass mason jar in the glove box with marijuana inside. Next to the jar were rolling papers.

A cell phone lay on the floorboard, part of an unsent text message on the screen.

Woodcock has a lengthy driving record in the Nash County-Rocky Mount area. According to the clerk of courts office there, he was convicted of a DWI in January of this year, and his license was revoked.

To support them financially through this difficult period, Casey said the Side Bar in downtown Wilmington is holding a charity event on June 15, where all proceeds go to benefit them.

Keeping baby happy: TV in the grocery cart

Proving that there is no place that an enterprising marketer won't shove a television, behold the VeggieTales grocery cart:

Here's Lung in Your Mouth

 

From our friends abroad:

Frenchman Who Ate Cellmate's Lung Gets 30 Years Jail

By REUTERS

Published: June 24, 2010
ROUEN, France (Reuters) - A French convict who killed his cellmate and ate his lung was sentenced to 30 years in prison on Thursday.

Nicolas Cocaign and Thierry Baudry had a fight when Cocaign asked Baudry to wash his hands after he had used the toilet during the night of January 2, 2007. Cocaign strangled Baudry and cut open his chest with a razor blade.

Thinking it was the heart, Cocaign then ripped out a piece of Baudry's lung and ate part of it raw before cooking the rest.

"What I did, I liked doing," said Cocaign, 37, who has a shaved head and whose face is covered in tattoos.

He will have to serve at least 20 years of his sentence.

Illegal signs. Potential fisticuffs?

Not long ago, I wrote about battling illegal signs in my neighborhood. The signs, usually advertising new housing developments, pop up on right-of-ways every Saturday.

Ice Ice Baby

Has anyone out there been iced yet?
The newest hipster game, featured in The New York Times, of all hipster publications, has younguns tagging each other with concealed bottles of Smirnoff Ice, the world's most unpalatable beverage. If you're "iced," you drink it, on the spot. The only defense, apparently, is to equip yourself with a defensive Ice bottle, blocking the attack. So if you see someone with a Smirnoff Ice on a key chain, it's strictly for protection.

The Child Inside

Spotted on Martin Street downtown:
Young man wearing a do-rag, tattoos up and down his arms, looking incredibly intimidating except for one item – his huge red Elmo T-shirt.

Watch Your Head

Attention misunderstood giants:
Here's your chance to finally see somebody eye to eye. The Tall Club of NC meets  at Marriott City Center June 25 for its first-ever meet and greet. If you're a man, you've got to be 6-foot-2. Women: 5-foot-10 plus. If you've got a short spouse, bring 'em along, but somebody in the family must be a daddy longlegs or no cocktails with the big folks.

The No-Hand King's New Bag

If you've ever passed the corner of South Person Street and Martin Luther King Boulevard, you've seen the No-Hand King, riding endless wheelies on kids' bicycles, hands in the air, a pair of American flags attached to the banana seat.

For years now, Rodney Hines has been obsessed with becoming the greatest wheelie rider in the world, boasting that he's better than the current record-holder, offering to ride to California on one wheel in support of U.S. troops, if only somebody will give him $5,000.

But now the No-Hand King has a new trick: unicycling.

  

About a week ago, Hines said, a frustrated unicycle rider pulled up to his house and offered him the cursed one-wheeled bike for free. He'd seen Hines perform his no-hand tricks, seen the array of flag-draped Huffy bikes in his front yard, and figured the contraption was better off in the hands of the No-Hand King. Hines got the bike for free.

It took about 24 hours to learn, he reports. It was hard at first. He was going at it with too much intensity. He had to come out at 3 in the morning to practice, when he could relax.

Now, perched on one wheel, he gets more oh-wow looks than ever.

"You only see these in the circus," Hines explains. "You never see a black man on a unicycle."

He rides 18 miles a day without stopping, from Southeast Raleigh past Cameron Village and back. "You can see what it's done to my thigh muscles," he boasts.

He's offering to teach unicycling, and he's developing a line of No-Hand King T-shirts, which you can see hanging in the front yard. The No-Hand King predicts they'll be huge sellers.

"When people see me carrying the POW flag in one hand and the American flag in the other," he promises, "and they see my definition, they'll be buying these all day."

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