Love Bytes

Love it or loathe it, the internet has forever changed the way people meet and form relationships.

A new study of more than 7,000 Australians has found that one-quarter of them have used a dating site, with more than 70 per cent looking for a long-term relationship online.

From Facebook events to Twitter meet-ups, social media is now considered a viable way of meeting new people, enabling millions to connect across the globe.

A separate Nielsen study found that in April 2010 Australians spent over seven hours per day on social networking sites - the most in the world - while 63 per cent had a Facebook profile.

Sociologists hail the changes brought on by the internet as a step in the right direction for society.

They see it as an easy way for people to reach out to others who they would never meet in their 'real world' lives and ultimately enrich the human experience.

"Online dating is just the enabler to get to the first meeting. Once you get to that point, it's back to basics I think," says Brisbane engineer Brad Thompson, who met his wife Deborah, a landscape architect, online four years ago. Both already had children from previous relationships and found the internet was a great way to meet people with similar "baggage".

Sociologist Sue Malta from Melbourne's Swinburne University says digital dating makes the big wide world a smaller place.

"We aren't all about villages anymore; we're about global and I think that's just how our relationships are looked at now," she said.

"People look at the possibilities and see that they're infinite and you don't have to be restricted to your small town or country."

From the dominatrix to the computer nerd, online dating has opened up many niches and enabled well-matched romantic connections.

Dannie Edmonds, from Canberra, who hit the online dating scene two years ago after going through a divorce, has a soft spot for nerds and says it is easier to find them on certain websites.

"I like OkCupid and that's chock-a-block with nerdy boys, which is kind of cool 'cos you get the quirk factor - but not nearly as many people," she said.

"But definitely targeting the nerdy end of the scene, which is cool if you want that."

The internet has allowed every niche group, not just nerds, to interact. The web has also been credited with breaking down many barriers for the gay community.

"I believe it's been incredibly beneficial because the hardest thing for the gay community in the past is that we've really been cut off from other sectors in the community, not knowing that they exist," dating expert and author Ben Angel said.

"Social media, and especially online dating, has allowed individuals who've typically been too afraid to go out to a gay bar for example, to actually connect with other people online and slowly take those steps out - instead of being thrown into it."

Good, bad and ugly

Online daters often fret over how to make their profiles stand out in a sea of millions of lonely hearts: is my profile photo attractive or interesting enough? Do those 100 words best convey how bubbly my personality really is? Am I really being honest about how fit I am?

Ms Edmonds, 34, has found plenty of deception in the digital world.

"On their profiles, men tend to take off a few years and add on a few inches to their height, and I think women try to come across as a bit thinner," she said.

IT ethicist John Lenarcic, from RMIT School of Business and Logistics, says internet dating will never live up to the poetic image of true romance many love to believe in.

"The chemistry of courtship that happens in the physical sphere can't be duplicated 100 per cent in online dating," he said.

"The whole chance encounter with somebody and love at first sight so to speak - I don't know if it's possible online. But I guess it'd be more of a cerebral love rather than a physical attraction."

He also says there is a high level of trust needed for online intimacy.

"The fact is, you're probably making judgements on the information someone provides on an online dating site so there's a certain element of trust," he said.

But some experts, like psychologist Anne Hollonds from Relationships Australia, warn that online intimacy can be false.

"As humans, we're wired to be a little cautious to be assessing the other person through multiple channels all at once," she said.

"As the internet is usually just text-based, just one level of communication, it leaves massive room for misunderstanding, as well as deception."

She says it is crucial that people use their "radars" when they meet up with someone they have been talking to on the internet.

"You can otherwise feel that you know this person really, really well already and once you meet them, you're ready to dive into the next stage of the relationship. If you do that, you've switched off your radar," she said.

"That really important radar helps us assess the person. We switch off the radar and think we know everything we need to know to take the relationship to the next level, and that's where we get deceived."

Police have issued warnings about such deception after the deaths of teenagers Carly Ryan and Nona Belomesoff, who were both murdered after meeting people online.

'You're a girl?'

But despite the dangers, some swear by the potential for genuine intimacy from chatting online.

One such couple is Sam Clifford and Cam Percy, who say they share a love of "internet nerdery". They met on an internet forum and started chatting regularly online.

But it was months before Sam, a Brisbane PhD student, realised Sydney teacher Cam was actually a woman. That was six years ago and the pair are now engaged.

So will the whole world meet their love match online eventually? Dr Malta doesn't think so. She says some people will never be convinced to give it a try.

"Some people distrust it, some people don't know how to use a computer and some people couldn't think of anything worse than finding someone online," she said.

"There'll always be an element that won't use it. But for those who do it's opened up a whole new world."

Queenslanders Joyce and Don Watson met at a Mount Isa church in the 1950s.

The self-confessed "computer illiterate" couple, who have four children and have retired to idyllic coastal town of Burrum Heads, struggle to comprehend the new frontier of dating.

But that doesn't mean they are against the idea - they say it is just foreign to them.

They both also say courtship has changed a lot since their parents' generation.

"It's scary to us because we're not familiar with using [the internet]," Mr Watson said.

"But that's not to say it's not a good thing.

"And no doubt, in another 20 or 30 years, things will change again and the young people of today will be saying 'oh boy, fancy having that?', but life changes."

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Credits

Reporters: Sarah Collerton and Cassie White

Producer: Cristen Tilley

Site design/development: Tim Madden

Video: Leonard King

Additional reporting: Eleanor Bell