Fullerton Man Accused of Jerking Off in Female Co-Worker's Water Bottle. Twice

water-bottle-plain_150.jpg
UPDATE: Booking photo of and more information on the suspect (see end of post) . . .

And you thought the Mad Men were degrading to female office workers.

A mortgage company employee was arrested today for allegedly jerking off into a female co-worker's water bottle, sickening her.

Twice!

Four months apart!

Michael-Lallana_ocda.jpg
Courtesy of Orange County District Attorney's Office
Michael Lallana relishes developing personal relationships that impact people, says his firm's bio.
Michael Kevin Lallana, 31, of Fullerton, is charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with sentencing allegations for committing a crime for sexual gratification.

Lallana could get anywhere from three months to three years behind bars and have to register as a sex offender if convicted

According to a statement from the Orange County District Attorney:

  • In 2005, Lallana is accused of meeting a co-worker, in her twenties, Jane Doe, while working at Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach. On Jan. 14, 2010, Lallana is accused of assaulting Jane Doe by entering the victim's office and depositing his ejaculation into a water bottle that was on her desk. The defendant is accused of leaving the semen-filled water bottle on the victim's desk which Jane Doe later drank upon returning to her office. The victim, unaware of the bottle's contents, drank the water the contaminated water. She threw it away after feeling sickened and irritated.

  • Approximately three months later, Jane Doe and six other employees, including the defendant, were transferred to the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company's Orange branch. On April 9, 2010, Lallana is accused of assaulting Jane Doe by depositing his ejaculation into a water bottle that the victim left on her desk. The defendant is accused of leaving the contaminated bottle on Jane Doe's desk and returning to his office. The victim later returned to her office and drank from the semen-filled water bottle. She was sickened and irritated. She sent it to a private lab to be tested. 

  • In June 2010, Jane Doe was contacted by the private lab who confirmed that the water bottle contained semen. The victim reported the incidents to the Orange Police Department (OPD). In early July, following further investigation by the OPD and Orange County Crime Lab, the defendant was linked through DNA to the crimes.

Lallana was arrested outside his Fullerton home by Orange cops this morning. The OCDA sought bail of
$10,000, and Lallana was released on a $500 bond.

He is scheduled to be arraigned Sept. 14 in Santa Ana.

(Note to any court reporters who'll be attending: Fill up your own water bottles and don't take your eyes off of them.)

UPDATE: The Weekly's intrepid intern, Kevin Short, dug up the following:

Michael Lallana has been a Financial Representative with the Northwestern Mutual Financial Network since 2003. He is a graduate of the University of Southern California with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration. With a prior career in management consulting, he transitioned to join NMFN because there is tremendous value in a very important but often overlooked area of financial services. He relishes developing personal relationships and directly impacting the lives of his family, friends and people in his community. Michael now serves as a Field Director for The Waltos Group in Orange, CA.
 
Michael spends most of his free time with his family and friends. Michael and his wife, Emma, have been married for 4 years and can be seen chasing around their 1 ½ year old toddler, Erica, on the weekends.


So that's how one develops personal relationships directly impacting people.

Comments (42)

Fern says:

I am sure his wife feels like a lucky lady to have such a wonderful man for a husband.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:05PM
Jack Green says:

Excuse me while I vomit up every item of food that's been in my stomach since birth.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:05PM
Lin says:

Thats so disgusting! Im never ever leaving open water bottles out in the open anymore. From now all water bottles are going to be locked in my desk. *gag*

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:14PM
ew ew ew says:

The fact that he was able to do this into a standard, narrow-mouth water bottle means that his wife is most definitely NOT a lucky lady.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:29PM
Matt Coker says:

Unless Mickey's Wide Mouth Beer came out with a water bottle.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:34PM
R. Scott Moxley says:

I want to officially state that I'm filing charges against Matt Coker for stealing this week's "Citizen of the Week!" entry.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:37PM
Matt Coker says:

Think positive, Scott: maybe someone even [allegedly] creepier got hired at Northwestern.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 1:40PM
cesar says:

Typical behavior for a USC asswipe.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 2:09PM
Matt Coker says:

Cesar, are you implying he whistled "Fight On" while tinkling?

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 2:11PM
James says:

Worst practical joke...ever.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 2:32PM
xanderjones says:

Um...should you really be saying J/O?

I mean...according to this article, it doesn't say that he did the deed directly onto the water bottle.

What about a word that sounds more like mastication? LOL.

I swear I'm not a priss and can be adult about this sort of thing but J/O does not seem like a good headline for an established journal such as yourselves.

Just my opinion.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 4:53PM
20ftJesus says:

@Lin -- umm, too late.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 5:51PM
20ftJesus says:

Do you guys ever do this to Gustavo?

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 5:53PM
Anonymous says:

Dude looks like an illegal immigrant to me. Anyone know his status?

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 6:07PM
Fern says:

What I want to know is...what possessed the victim to have the water tested at an outside lab? If my water tasted off or had something weird in it, I would throw it out but I don't think I would have ever thought to have it tested.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 6:20PM
Cesar says:

Anonypuss,

He def looks like a wab. Let's deport his ass back to...... the Phillipines. And then let's picket outside his employer's office to shame that greedy motherfu- in front of every greedy citizen who don't give a rats ass as long as the wab was able to refinance their home loan or get them an unaffordable one.

Matt-
You are right, he def was 'humming' Fight On and thinking of the 'Trojan' white horse as he prematurely shot his wad.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 6:21PM
Anonymous says:

The Trojan horse is named Traveler.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 6:26PM
Michael Y says:

I heard Jane Doe was an evil bitch that had it cumming.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 6:33PM
Anonymous says:

Maybe he thought it was a complement.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 7:15PM
Vita Water Legal Representative says:

Forget his criminal problems. We are suing this lowlife for copyright infringement. That's been our secret ingredient for years.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 7:19PM
Snapple Legal Representative says:

Hey Vita, let us know when you are done with him. He's infringed on our patent as well. Damn, how did our recipe get out?

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 7:22PM
RobE says:

Pics (or video) or it didn't happen. :p

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 7:38PM
Vita Water Legal Representative says:

My bad. I meant patent.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 7:45PM
Jim S says:

As disgusting as this sounds would she not have seen something floating in the water? All the guy wanted to know is if she swallowed or spit. I know I will go flog myself later for saying that honest.When I say flog all you perverts stop thinking what I know your thinking.

Posted On: Tuesday, Aug. 17 2010 @ 10:43PM
Water Customer says:

Hmm, and when I had my house water tested, the guy told me he would tell me if it was "hard" or "soft." I should have asked more questions...

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 1:39AM
Kaonashi says:

What about STDs or other health issues? Shouldn't he be charged with assault with a deadly weapon?

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 2:39AM
Defendant's Lawyer says:

No prejudice please.
His excuse: the men's restroom was closed and the need was urgent. Someday you have to make an urgent deposit in the restroom yourself, and you will realize what this man had to go through.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 4:39AM
Anonymous says:

Fuckin sick ass flip! If that was my sister or sum shit I would tear him a new asshole lol!

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 5:19AM
bill t says:

So "anonymous", just what does an "illegal" look like? How do you tell the difference between a desperate person that just sneaked across the border from one whose family has been here before the rip-off of Mexican territory in 1848? It's statements like that that continue to confirm my impression of you know-nothings as ignornamuses. No wonder you're anonymus, opened your (virtual) mouth and confirmed your stupidity (and by extension the stupidity of the community of know-nothings) rather than leaving it shut and maintaining residual doubt.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 7:00AM
Anonymous says:

Relax Bill, I was kidding around with Cesar that had to do with another story we both had commented on.

But since we are on the topic of legal status.... what's yours, oh so wise one? I don't need to call ICE on you, do I? I was born here, so I'm legal.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 7:56AM
PIKACHU! says:

i look at your waterbottle where your lips touch the bottle and i jizzed in your bottle

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 8:02AM
MRF says:

Wait, wait, wait - this story is TOTAL BS. You can tell b/c it says "The defendant is accused of leaving the semen-filled water bottle on the victim's desk..." "Semen-filled water bottle"?? Unless he's Peter North's heir-apparent, there ain't no way he filled up a bottle with man juice.

Unless.....we was saving it up for months at a time.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 8:52AM
Denise says:

It wouldn't have been so bad if the guy was better looking. Shia LaBoeuf can jerk off in my water bottle any day.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 9:33AM
OCDUDE says:

Isn't this the kind of thing Gustavo dreams about?

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 10:58AM
Timmy Jose says:

This is fucking hilarious! I can't stop laughing. The official employee information bit is the best.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 11:16AM
OCX714 says:

How much you wanna bet this news article will end up on Failblog.org? lol

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 11:33AM
OCX714 says:

How much you wanna bet this news article will be posted on Failblog.org? :)

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 11:38AM
Rooney Rooney says:

So wait, was she aware of the contaminant the first time? Either this girl has the weakest stomach on earth or he has some asinine sickness that would turn a little shot diluted in water into feeling "sickened".

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 1:28PM
jennifer says:

she didnt get sick from drinking it. i know she didnt. lieing bitch

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 2:25PM
Anonyms says:

I'm glad this guy's picture was published. Every guy should give him a good natured punch everytime we see him. Creativity like this deserves a creative solution by his community members.

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 3:51PM
TruthTeller says:

His wife should dump his pathetic ass. From what I read online, Emily Lallana is an optometrist in Cerritos. Probably making a lot more money than his lame ass.

Strange too. None of my women ever got sick drinking cum. If what he is accused of is true, that is sickening. But...I can't help but think there is more to this story than meets the eye. They worked together in two different offices (N.B. and Orange) for almost five years, and now all of a sudden this happens? Makes you wonder if they were more than just co-workers.

Anyhow, to take a quote from the famous Cheech & Chong movie, I would love to see the judge say "bailiff, whack his peepee!!!"

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 7:34PM
TruthTeller says:

And...can you imagine if this guy got a job in a bottling plant? Wow!!!

Posted On: Wednesday, Aug. 18 2010 @ 7:38PM

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