STATE QUARTERS, PART 6
Michigan is the state I keep forgetting to think about. For a while it was Delaware, then Maryland took a turn, and now it's Michigan. There are points in my life when you could ask me what state former WB mascot Michigan J. Frog is named after, and I'd say "I dunno. Frog?" I think Michigan agrees with me on this one, because it's the first quarter to primarily depict where it's not. It's mostly an outline of the Great Lakes, which, let's be honest here, is not one of the world's most aesthetic outlines. They're like Rorschach blots without the symmetry. I think they look kind of like an angel scooping out the cat box, but that probably says too much about me. My psyche is sprawled nude before you! D+
The Florida quarter shows the Space Shuttle...flying over a pirate ship! Near palm trees! If I were still sixteen, I would want this as a poster! In fact, give one of the pirates an electric guitar and you may have the baddest-assisest possible juxtaposition of objects. And of course, you'd need to color it with black light paints. Whenever you hung it on a wall, a bong would spontaneously form out of whatever objects were lying nearby. As it is, though, it's conservatively rendered on legal currency, and that's okay with me. I have no idea where my black light is, anyway. A
Okay, this one was a gimme. Texans put the outline of Texas on everything anyway. Given how most Texans feel about Texas, its very existence is a violation of church and state. There's also a star, and the state motto, "The Lone Star State." So you've got the state, a lone star, and "The Lone Star State." You'd think this was repetitive, but it's actually engineered redundancy, so that even if the quarter is marred or otherwise damaged you'll be able to identify it as a Texas quarter, presumably so that you can go shoot the person who marred or damaged it. C+
I wasn't sure if the Iowa state quarter is incredibly boring, or if I'm being prejudiced by the existence of the word "Iowa." I had to replace "Iowa" with "Mordor" with Photoshop to accurately judge it, and it turns out that it really is that boring. There's a schoolhouse and a tree and some people and I'm about to fall asleep just writing about it. Even if Mount Doom was in the background and orcs were smacking the kids around, this would still be tedious. D-
Cow, cheese, corn. Yeah, okay. I have no objection to Wisconsin's contribution to the world of casseroles. I'm glad they know their strengths. It also has the word "FORWARD." I was hoping it was the first quarter with built-in e-mail capabilities, but no, that's the state motto. I had no idea. It kind of makes sense, if I was a settler and I found myself in Wisconsin that's what I'd say, too. That's why California's state motto means "I have found it." You get to Wisconsin, you keep moving. You get to California, you've arrived. Just kidding, Wisconsinites! Please do not cut off the influx of tasty beef proteins! B
