By Raymund Flandez
After a big gay summer of blog bashing, a breakup and a boob job, the McKinley High School misfits are back in the season two premiere of “Glee,” entitled “Audition.” And they’re more hated than ever. Though maybe hate isn’t the right word — ‘meh’ is more like it.
With an embarrassing third-place finish at Regionals, Glee Club is just not where the cool kids hang — despite all the cool kids that do hang there. They desperately need more people to do an epic number and beat those Vocal Adrenaline pseudo-professionals.
To beef up their vocal coterie and get other students to audition, they decide to do an ensemble dance-and-music number to the new Big Apple theme song of “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z with Alicia Keys. It’s a toned-down ode to the city, where this year’s Nationals will be, but it’s got the spirit and the vibe especially with Artie leading the rapping on the school steps. Come on people, these people got costumes and matching dance moves — pay attention. Whip out those iPhones. I don’t know how New York gold hip blings and Vanilla Ice imitations are, though. Glee, still keeping it ’80s pop.
Still, they do succeed in getting interest from two potential recruits: Sam, the football player, is discovered while singing in the gym locker shower, a deja vu twist to Finn’s soaping-in-the-shower find by Mr. Shue. His jamming rendition of “Billionaire,” the soft melodic hit by Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, was humbly memorable. It’s enough to overlook his Justin Bieber-like locks and looks. Not that we have anything against the Bieber. Baby.
The real talent this year, though, is Sunshine Corazon, played by Filipina singing sensation Charice. The Oprah-approved pint-size diva certainly gave Rachel a pre-heart attack in the bathroom while they battled to turn Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s collaboration of “Telephone” into a catfight with Hello Kitty claws. Scared about losing the spotlight, Rachel gives Sunshine awful directions to the audition: a crackhouse. Rachel’s surprisingly getting meaner, and it suits her. We see Sunshine gots some edge to her, too, with that sassy surprise of Dreamgirls’ “Listen” in the audition. Popcorn, anyone?
Unfortunately, Vocal Adrenaline got tipped to the international talent. Dustin Goolsby, the new coach of the rival school, scooped Sunshine up with a sweet bribe to her mom of a condo and a green card.
Some other developments occurred: Santana got a boob job so she’d get noticed more. Coach Sue promptly demoted her to the bottom of the pyramid, while promoting Quinn Fabray to the top. Something about juice vine-ripened something something. Finn tried out for the cheer team after getting booted out of football for even suggesting that Artie join, just to get Tina back from Mike Chang’s abs. Brittany is just as loony as ever.
The most interesting character so far, though, is Coach Beiste (played by Dot Jones), whose comedic range is as maniacal as Coach Sue. She says to her: “You’re all coffee and no omelet.” Sue responds: “That doesn’t even make sense.” Those two, U.S.S. Kickass and U.S.S. Backtalk, will be fun to watch.
The winning song of the night is a fave Broadway tune, the Chorus Line: “Kiss the Day Goodbye.” It was done with smart aplomb, heart and a bit of ‘forgive me, I’m not as mean as you think’ by Rachel. A montage of the changes wrought by the new school year comes up on screen.
The season’s just getting started, and it’s already got us twisted, all-wrapped up inside. Such is the cautionary tale of Glee. Be warned.
Next week: the Britney Spears episode.
Gleeks — what did you think of the season opener?