Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Male professors watch female students walk to gauge their orgasmic potential and call it "science"

First and foremost, allow me to extend my most humble and heart-felt thanks to my culinary competitor. Dr. Isis has been laid up in bed, recovering from toddler-induced bronchitis and I appreciate his agreement to a momentary truce while I recover.

Whenever Dr. Isis has any type of respiratory infection, she turns to her old friend Nyquil. And tonight, that was the source of shenanigans.

You see, around 8 pm Dr. Isis took a shot dose of her favorite green "nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep you ever got with a cold" medicine. While waiting for her cold medicine-induced stupor to begin, she thought she would see what her favorite ScienceBloggers were up to and very carefully typed the following into her favorite web browser:

Turns out the "s" in "ScienceBlogs" is actually quite important because there is a scienceblog dot com. And on the front page of the lesser science blogging webpage, she found this article. For those of you too lazy to click the link, here an excerpt:

Female orgasm ability related to walking style

A new study found that trained sexologists could infer a woman's history of vaginal orgasm by observing the way she walks. The study is published in the September 2008 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the official journal of the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health.

Led by Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland in collaboration with colleagues in Belgium, the study involved 16 female Belgian university students. Subjects completed a questionnaire on their sexual behavior and were then videotaped from a distance while walking in a public place. The videotapes were rated by two professors of sexology and two research assistants trained in the functional-sexological approach to sexology, who were not aware of the women's orgasmic history.

The results showed that the appropriately trained sexologists were able to correctly infer vaginal orgasm through watching the way the women walked over 80 percent of the time. Further analysis revealed that the sum of stride length and vertebral rotation was greater for the vaginally orgasmic women. "This could reflect the free, unblocked energetic flow from the legs through the pelvis to the spine," the authors note.

Figure 1: Research subject #1 from Dr. Brody's study

The researchers make the following conclusion:

Although small, this study highlights the potential for multiple therapies such as expressive arts therapy incorporating movement and physical therapy focusing on the pelvic floor.

These guys are freakin' geniuses.

Figure 2: Investigators prepare to do field research

Here's what I get from these articles:

1) These professors trained themselves as "sexologists" to watch female students strut their stuff and predict the frequency with which these women orgasm.
2) They propose that the women who do not regularly orgasm through vaginal stimulation are in need of "expressive arts therapy incorporating movement and physical therapy focusing on the pelvic floor."

Had I been reviewing this paper, I would have asked the following questions in my review:

1) Haven't male professors been doing this for years? Do you really need "special training" to do it? Was there a line in your budget for beer?
2) Are you proposing to offer the "physical therapy?"
3) "Expressive arts therapy incorporating movement?"

Video 1: Expressive arts therapy incorporating movement. This is not Dr. Isis although she kind of wishes it were because this gal is pretty amazing. Dr. Isis is now considering remodeling her garage.


Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde said...

If you spent more time getting your news from real sources, like Jezebel, you'd have heard about this a week ago. With a follow-up no less.

One key phrase from the study is that the ever-superior vaginal orgasm arises from "penile buffeting" of the cervix. Hilarious reader comments ensue.

Isis the Scientist said...

Now, now DJMH. Some of us actually have work to do. However, I will forgive you your back talk for usong "penile buffeting" in your comment. I challenge my readers to use it in conversation tomorrow.

Fia said...

Apart from the total absurdity of the study and undignified way how females got treated, a comment on methods:

Subjects completed a questionnaire on their sexual behavior and were then videotaped
the keyword here is "then".
I bet would they first have videotaped them and afterwards only told them what it is about and doing the questionnaire thing, there would be no effect. Reminding women of their extraordinary/very bad sex life, of course they still think about that a few minutes later. And I can totally see how that might affect the way one walks.

Anonymous said...

I want a pole for my garage too! that chick rocks.

Isis the Scientist said...

Excellent critique, Fia! Perhaps we should ask if they randomized the questionnaire/walking? I'll look up the corresponding author.

Candid Engineer said...

Oh my. I hardly know what to say.

Horny can't-get-any dweebs masquerading as scientists. I'm going to guess that Figure 2 is pretty accurate.

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde said...

Yeah, I'm doing an experiment now with deadly 2-min timepoints.... nothing useful can be done during that. Except for read the entire Internet. Which I have now completed. Go ahead, ask me anything. What's that? Why, no, I don't like having my cervix penilely buffeted.

Isis the Scientist said...

My hat's off to you, DJMH. Using "penile" as an adverb (thus, penilely). Nicely done.

I have to confess that I consider myself a smart woman, and I am not sure what "penile buffeting" even means. Random House defines it in the following way:

1. a blow, as with the hand or fist.
2. a violent shock or concussion.
3. to strike, as with the hand or fist.

If this is the case, then I assure you that the first man who attempts to buffet my cervix penilely will get buffeted in the eye.

bikemonkey said...

you might want to ask the man next to you if those pole talents are particularly amazing, my friends...

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The professor, who is black, had been engaged in a fiery discussion about “white privilege” with Davis, who is white, and another male regular, who is also white, Friday night at 10:30 when fists started flying, patrons said.

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