Top or Bottom? Gay Vocab Explained
December 3, 2009 | 12:00 am ShareEvery group in the world has their own unique culture and languages. The hip-hoppers have their “wassup homie!”, the bimbos have their “oh-my-gawds!” and of course, the gays have their own language too.
These jargons are widely understood within the culture group, and is usually alien to everyone else. If you’re following the title of this post, you must be wondering what does top and bottom mean to the gays.
Oh yes, it’s a very important thing for the gays indeed! In fact, it’s the first 2 words that all gays must learn, and it’s a must-ask question when you first know a new gay friend around!
Are you curious now? For the non-gays, here’s a chance to feed your curiosity, read more to find out!
For the gays, you must be smirking by now knowing what I’m going to talk about. Don’t worry guys, I’m not only going to talk about sex. Though that will be part of the explaination. There’s a lot more to being a top or bottom!
For homophobes, you’re welcome to have a read and hopefully this will change your mind about gays! But bear in mind that flame comments will be deleted straight away. ;)
Gay Couple On Bed
Image by MisterRiddles on Flickr
A Literal Explaination
The most direct explanation of a Top or Bottom is the role and position of a gay while on bed with another gay. Let’s just picture a heterosexual couple, a guy and a girl on bed. The easiest and most blunt way to say this out is, when a guy f**ks the girl the most favorable position is the guy being on top, while the girl being at the bottom.
I’m not talking about cowgirl or reverse cowgirl positions here. Just normally speaking, the guy f**ks the girl on top and the girl is being f**ked at the bottom.
So you have it. On sexual role saying, a top is a gay who is the f**ker, while a bottom is a gay who is the f**kee. Nuff said?
But… But why?? The Pleasure of Anal Sex
In case you don’t know by now, gays take it up the ass when they are having sex. Physically speaking it is possible for all men to experience a certain sensation more than pain when something penetrates the anus because there’s a special thing called the prostate in the men’s anus, which when massaged will give a very special feeling to men.
Well, for some men the feeling is very pleasurable and desirable, and it can make them very sexually aroused. It’s an electrifying feeling that makes them feel very good. On the other hand, some men dislike the electrifying feeling. It’s a matter of personal preference.
So in order to compromise and satisfy the sexual needs of both parties, gay couples usually consist of a top and a bottom. One enjoys f**king, one enjoys being f**ked. Isn’t that a mutual relationship satisfied?
If you’re wondering, women hate anal sex because they don’t have a prostate to make them feel good. Stop pestering your girlfriend about it. And of course, some heterosexual men enjoys the feeling of anal sex too. Thus the strap-on dildo is invented.
But is it all just about sex? Or no?
The answer is, no. There is more to the analogy of top and bottom than just bed positions. Lets picture this in scenarios comparing to heterosexual couples in a relationship.
Lets talk about a guy and girl on a date. Usually we will assume that the guy will take on the more dominant role in a relationship, taking care of the girl in all possible ways and the girl is the more submissive one, taking in all the love and potentially be bitch at times for no reason. Oops, did I just say something wrong?
Somehow the laws of nature teaches us that opposites attract. When there’s the Yin (passive energy), there must be the Yang (active energy). So when these two gets together, it’s easier to click than anything else. And then, then social convention says that the guys are the Yang and the girls are the Yin.
So if a guy=top and girl=bottom, then the dominant guy in a gay relationship is the top and the submissive guy in the relationship is the bottom.
What If The Top Doesn’t Like F**king?
Usually we assume that the top in a relationship is the more active guy, thus he is the top on bed too loving to f**k just like any guy, and the bottom in the relationship is the more passive guy and loves to be f**ked just like any other girl.
But then, what if the active guy that loves to take care of his partner doesn’t like to f**k but instead love to take it up in the ass, while the more passive guy doesn’t like to take it up in the ass?
The solution is fairly easy. We can conclude that this guy is a top that is a bottom on bed, and that guy is a bottom that is a top on bed. Fairly easy equation right?
So can we conclude that the gay community easily is split to two groups, the tops and the bottoms? Well, hardly!
Top and bottom is only a start!
As each of us humans are different, we do have our own personal preferences too. Forget about social conventions! Just like any other guy out there, while some guys love to be on the steering wheel in the relationship, when met with the right girl they’re willing to be submissive too. And just like any other girl out there, sometimes some girls prefer to be in charge!
So to solve this grey area and not wanting to be classified as being a top or bottom, the gays invented a new class for the gays: versatile.
Versatile gays can swing both ways, they can be hard and soft, yin and yang, top or bottom. They go along with any other gays, can f**k or be f**ked depending on their partner. Oops, I’ve made it sound sexual again!
Some people are pure versatiles as they love both sides equally, while some people are versatile tops or versatile bottoms, meaning they prefer the certain role, but are willing to switch when met with the right guy. Cool right! That’s the sweetness of gay relationships. <3
What you’ve learned today
So today, you’ve learned about the top, bottom and versatile roles in the gay community. So next time when you see a gay, you can tell,
“Oh he’s a top!”
“Oh he’s a bottom!”
“Hmm, I can’t really tell… Maybe he’s a versatile!”
But oh well! Looks can be deceiving. ;)
So what’s your role, hmm? :P
Comments (34)
kenwooi
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 am
my role??
im straight!! =P
Dhar
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
OMG such a genius post, I feel so much more smarter now! Hahaha!! Quite interesting too… Hmmmm…
Grey Ang
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:23 am
kenwooi: well, you can always be a bottom straight guy xD
dhar: haha well thanks! glad that you felt smarter now xD share it with your potentially gay friends, if you have any! :P
Evan
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:28 am
haha
guess what am i?
ryan
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 am
Interesting read… I used to play a random guess with my friend, like when we saw two gays are sitting each other in a restaurant, the one that order food is always a top and the one that always say “anything…” is a bottom. Similarly, the one that makes the first move, such as like to call first is a top, while bottom usually expects the top to call / text him everyday. So having said that, what role are you, Mr. Vocabulary? :p
IndependentQueen
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 am
Daring… next post – Lebian couple please!!! with cherry on top :P
IndependentQueen
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 am
I mean.. **Lesbian couple – typo. hehe
serious_sam_hk
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:41 am
t or b or v…
safe sex a must..
hahaha
Grey Ang
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:15 am
evan: uhh i don’t know, bottom maybe? bwahahahaha xD
ryan: well, i’m a self proclaimed vers, while i like to be pampered by the boy, sometimes i take the active role to push things to make things happen lol. apparently gays have a gaydar that scans a top or bottom by just looking xD
independentqueen: haha okay! i will have to research into that though, the lesbian words are “butch” and “femme” right?
serious sam: definitely! i think you got that from the REDs day huh :P
kelvin
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:34 am
I like all positions with a girl^^
Maybe i am versatile:)
Dhar
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 am
I feel so cheated :( The models in most “gay” photography pictures are usually straight!!! This is sad.
nick
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:06 pm
haha….good post to tell other what meaning about top and bottom to other in gay life :) so anyone feel curious in gay life can get the knowledge from here haha… anyway for me, top and bottom also same,i more concern to the heart in a relationship… sex just a communicate way between two people… so top or bottom is not important to me… haha… so serious in relationship is more important!!!
serious_sam_hk
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:17 pm
“stop aids, keep the promise”
red slogan..
haha
ericlee
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:30 pm
haha another very interesting post from you…If I’m not mistaken there is a number code for top and bottom which is 1 and 2..I assume some even address each other as PLU to identify gays right? i wonder what happens when both of them doesn’t like to be f**kee and only wants to be f**ker..it’s still understandable if both can be f**kee..haha
Grey Ang
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
kelvin: well i guess you are! :P
dhar: that’s the cruel truth! but then, i don’t know that you’re a secret gay men admirer :P just like some guys are secret lesbian admirers haha
nick: yeah! two person together whats most important is still the chemistry between them :D sex is still secondary! <3
serious sam: what exactly is the promise? :o
ericlee: it's 1 and 0, because 1 looks like a dick and 0 looks like a hole. xD it's more common among the chinese gays, the western gays don't know much about this code. and yeah malaysian gays call ourselves PLU, some kinda code. perhaps i can blog about this next time! :D if both wants to be the f**ker, i guess either one of them just have to compromise or take turns! lol
Pikey
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Hhhmmm… sometimes a guy can be socially Top and physically Bottom… ;)
serious_sam_hk
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
“plz use a condom when u r having sex..”
“ok i will !”
but how many ppl really keep the promise???
that’s what i interpret it la…
dunno correct or not lo..
ladyviral
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
when it goes bothways it is much fun.. afterall with that, more things can be tried don’t you think? ;)
Evan
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
=.=”
zha dao
i’ll have u knw that im…
secretXD
William
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
I kinda like the Chinese version– No. 1 or No. 0.
Grey Ang
December 4th, 2009 at 8:57 am
pikey: exactly! which is explained on the second half of the post xD
serious_sam: oooh i get it now :D yurp, how many will keep that promise?!
ladyviral: true to that! but most people aren’t adventurous enough to try all :D
evan: ur a bottom, i know. :P bauhwahwahwa!
william: yeah, much more intuitive huh? can tell from the shape itself xD
Blue
December 4th, 2009 at 11:18 am
wow fu*kee, huh? I learnt a new word today LOL..
nice blog design btw :)
Dhar
December 4th, 2009 at 11:28 am
OMG you caught me there, and exposed my secret!! How did you know :/ But let’s pretend you don’t know hahaha!
About lesbians =.= ah can you do a blog post on them? Is a girl with a lesbian past and a straight present considered a bi?
pete
December 4th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Learned new ‘words’ today! LOL!
ericlee
December 4th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
argh…damn i got my codes wrong…hahaha may be you should blog about how they uses their code…i was once approached by a gay online and he asks me all kinds of code which i say yeah to…only to realized what i got myself into..hahaha had to politely turn him down instead…
my recent post regarding why i think most girls are a bit bisexual or lesbian..guess i should research and blog about gays as well..hm…
Gratitude
December 4th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I’m so desperate coz musim kemarau berpanjangan, I think I could go any way. Being adventurous definitely has its perks too, kan? LOLZ
Thanks for the eye-opener. Like this post, albeit making me emotionally unstable in the process of reading thru it. LOLZ
Have a charming weekend!^_^
+Ant+
Gratitude
December 4th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Quoting Shakespeare ….. To “b”, or not to “b”: That is the question. :P
Have a charming weekend ya! ^_^
+Ant+
Grey Ang
December 4th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
blue: glad you learnt something new! xD and thanks for the compliment! :D
dhar: of course it’s possible :D well as lady gaga said, everyone in the world is more or less bi to be born with. men and women is just a choice :D
pete: glad you learned something! xD
eric lee: haha well now you get ur codes right at least! next time when you meet a gay guy you know what to do. :P i have very limited knowledge for lesbians in fact :D as long as ur not a homophobe, it’s all good!
gratitude: lol! are you really that desperate? :P and i love that quote! hahaha to “b” or not to “b”! xD and you have a charming weekend too! :D
Rahadel Destreza
December 9th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Love this post!
conancat
December 9th, 2009 at 11:36 am
rahadel: haha thanks! a lot of people seem to be pretty curious about the gays :P
Shakira
December 10th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Really cool post. Very informative. Thanks for sharing. BDW, I love your blog design. Hope to see you on my blog again? cheers! shakira
conancat
December 10th, 2009 at 2:34 am
Haha well definitely I will visit your blog again, Shakira! Thanks for the compliment too! :D
Tom
January 4th, 2010 at 11:25 pm
"Top" and "Bottom" should only be looked from the perspective of being penetrated or being the penetrator in anal sex. Versatile should only be viewed as one who is willing to do both. Being a "Top" or a "Bottom" or "Versatile" is only about what type of sex one likes to do in bed period.
I know effeminate drag queens who are exclusive tops and body builder muscle guys who are exclusive bottoms. I know a hard core, steely eyed business man, who works with million dollar accounts, who won't do anything but bottom and a soft spoken art teacher who does nothing but top.
What a gay couple does together in bed is nobody else's business. The fact they love each other and take care of each other is all that matters. Only shallow people, who live their lives vicariously through others, speculate about who in a relationship is the "top" and the "bottom" or what "they" do in bed.
conancat
January 5th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
yup, you do have a point! it is quite trivial though i suppose, as we as humans love to give a tag to everything in order to make it more digestable and acceptable and a reason for everything, heh. as much as we would want to not stereotype, there are still millions out there who will still speculate about who's the top and who's the bottom in a relationship. :P
Leave a reply