He's brash, he's blunt, he's acerbic, he's...House. And, believe it or not, he does think before he speaks. Whether he's belittling his staff or explaining to patients precisely why they're so stupid, House is never at a loss for words, and we've selected the most outrageous quotes from each episode.
Cuddy - "She graduated when she was fifteen. She filled out the time before med school getting PhDs in both Applied Math and Art History."
House - "Which would be incredibly useful if my next patient is an Escher drawing. Those things are seriously screwed up."
"Martha M. Masters, I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team: Boring, Bimbo and Bite-Size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations and Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor. "
"She's like the Internet, with breasts. Oh no wait, the Internet has breasts."
"Hooray! You popped your cherry. Diagnostically speaking, of course."
"Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own mind."
"So you lie when it doesn't matter, but you won't when it does. How'd you get so screwed up?"
"She's got principles. She's like the love child of Einstein and Mary Poppins."
"Yeah, if I say something inaccurate, assume it's for comic effect. Then laugh. Because it's funny."
Masters - "I said chemo."
House - "But then you said 'or'. The road to dead patients is paved with 'ors'. Chemo is the more effective treatment, which means it will confirm our diagnosis more quickly."
Masters - "I agree, but there is another option."
House - "There are lots of other options. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer ..."
Masters - "Another medically accepted option."
House - "Which is both less effective and less scary, so the patient might just choose it. Unless of course we don't mention it him."
Masters - "We can't withhold information. If we explain both the benefits and the risks of each treatment I'm sure Dugan will choose chemo."
House - "Well, as long as you're sure."
"I don't mind your morality in theory. But in practice you're risking my patient's life. So you're fired."
"There you are. I was starting to think that my 'holier-than-thou-dar' was malfunctioning."
"So, basically you've got a disease but there's no way to prove it. It's pretty cool, huh?"
Cuddy - "The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300."
House - "That's also true of five morons."
"I have lied to Cuddy 10,000 times. How do you think she'd feel about 10,001?"
- SEASON / EPISODE
- EPISODE TITLE
- 7 / 08
- Small Sacrifices
The team balances science and faith.The team balances science and faith.
- 7 / 07
- A Pox on Our House
House treats a disease from the past.House treats a disease from the past.
- 7 / 06
- Office Politics
A new doctor joins the team.A new doctor joins the team.
- 7 / 05
- Unplanned Parenthood
The team treats a new mother.The team treats a new mother.
Medical Research From The Show
Ischemic Cardiomyopathy is how they described a patient in "Lockdown" with heart failure due to coronary artery disease. Didn't know that? That's what our research links in every recap are for! »
Sneak Peek on the App
Want a sneak peek of the new Season 7 main title sequence? It's now on the InHouse app in the "Media Room." »