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MORE JACKASS-ER
The Howard Stern Show for September 19, 2006

DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ

The show started with Howard talking about an article that appeared in today’s New York Post that claimed he was set to return to terrestrial radio. After reading the story, whose writer, John Mainelli, stated there were “rumors” that Howard was going back to regular radio, Howard announced, once again, that he was not returning to terrestrial radio. Howard added that the report also said the show’s guests have “dried
up,” which he noted was another unfounded claim, explaining the caliber of the show’s guests hasn’t changed since its days at KROCK, and that he still turns down many guests who ask for interviews. Howard also refuted the article’s claim that his popularity on the Internet had waned in the past few months, noting that, despite unfounded claims to the contrary, both Google and Yahoo report no significant decline in Howard Stern searches. Finally, he pointed out that SIRIUS surpassed XM in market share last year and recent
figures show that they are increasing their lead, while also noting experts predict the service will have over 6 million subscribers by the end of the year. Howard added he wasn’t surprised reporters write about him, seeing as his name sells newspapers, but admitted he didn’t understand why he was singled out for criticism while most other celebrities get “free passes.”

Gary took issue with the guests comment in the article, and read names of some of the celebrities who have been on the show since January, a list that included Jon Stewart, Sarah Silverman, Paul Giamatti and Donald Trump – just to name a few. Howard then asked Gary if there was any way to get the reporter on the phone, but Gary recalled that the guy had never agreed to be interviewed when he wrote disparaging pieces about him in the past, so he didn’t think there was much of a chance today either.

THE NEVER-ENDING LIST

Gary mentioned he and Jason came up with the following list chronicling why critics have suggested Howard was “over” throughout the years:

• His divorce

• His move from afternoon to morning

• His syndication deal

• His Selena statement

• The claim that “Private Parts” made him “too mainstream”

• The assertion that the shock value of the show was wearing down

• The feeling that his competitors were going to “dethrone” him

• His switch to SIRIUS

Upon reading the list, Gary recalled that when the show was number one in New York for over 20 years, no one ever reported that, but, if the show took a dip in ratings, they had no problem writing about it, even though it was still the most-listened to show in the country. Robin then told Howard he should take the write-ups he gets as compliments, which he responded he did, but that he sometimes felt obligated to address them on the air.

SAL’S KISS OF DEATH

While reading e-mails, Howard got to some about the “chauvinistic” remarks Sal made yesterday on “The Wrap Up Show.” In them, the writers noted they didn’t appreciate Sal’s comments about Robin’s confession yesterday that she was jealous that Howard’s “60 Minutes” piece had been re-aired over the weekend. Howard then played the clip in question, which featured Sal saying he “loved” Robin, but adding that, to him, her reaction to the “60 Minutes” story suggested she had forgotten “how good she had it” and that he felt it was “the typical psychotic reaction of a female.”

As Sal was coming into the studio, Gary reported Sal hired a KISS look-alike band to perform at his 7-year-old son’s birthday party this past weekend, which Sal insisted was what his son wanted. Sal went on to call the party a “bonding experience” between him and his son, although he acknowledged his wife wasn’t too happy that he hired the look-alikes for the event.

Howard next asked Sal about what he said concerning Robin, and Sal claimed he wasn’t trying to insult her, pointing out he also referred to her as Howard’s equal in terms of talent in the piece. However, when Sal then called Robin “an egomaniac,” she assured him no one “loved” Howard more than she did, and that his comments about her had no merit. When Sal explained that he thought “women shouldn’t be put in positions of power,” Howard read more e-mails from fans who wanted him fired from the show for making such remarks.

REVVED UP FOR BUBBA

Robin reported she had her first race car driving lesson yesterday, and that she got her car up to 150 miles per hour at one point during it. Robin also said she thought the lesson went well, but admitted she someone had to loan her proper racing shoes because she wore flip-flops to the track. Robin then mentioned she was nervous having the Howard 100 News’ Steve Langford interviewing her while she was driving, and added she felt like she was already “in the head” of her competition, Bubba the Love Sponge, because she was a decent driver the first time she tried it.

A “BEER LEAGUE” MAKE-OUT SESSION

Cara Buono, the actress who played Artie’s girlfriend in “Beer League,” stopped by to talk about her role. Cara reported whenever she and Artie kissed in the movie, he would always turn his head so that their lips never met. Artie then explained he was afraid that Cara would get “creeped out” about potentially having to kiss him, so he wanted to do her “a favor” by not making her endure it. After Cara told Artie she didn’t feel that way about him, she said the most obvious time he did his kissing routine occurred during their car make-out scene. Despite her feelings about kissing Artie, Cara acknowledged her boyfriend at the time didn’t think the same way, noting he was jealous that she was doing it with another man.

RUNNING ON EMPTY

Cara said she had a hard time getting dates when she was young, and that she originally wanted to become an actress in order to be able to kiss guys. Cara then noted she got a 1280 on her SAT, which she claimed was “a low” score for the college she attended, Columbia University. Cara went on to acknowledge she wasn’t attracted to Artie because she was more interested in men who were runners, and Artie pointed out he’d be willing to drive alongside her while she ran if that’d make him more desirable to her.

GIRLS ARE GOOD TOO

Cara reported she recently went to Scores for a bachelorette party for one of her friends, and received her first lap dance while there. Cara added the dancer kissed her and talked to her following her performance, and, because it was her friend’s last night before her wedding, they shared “a sensual kiss” as well. Cara went on to remember that she once tried to call in to ask Howard to take her to her prom in the early 1990s, but she couldn’t get through to the show. This led Howard to recall how he and Fred once took a couple of high school girls to their prom as a radio promotion at DC101, which Cara said was the reason she tried to get a date with him.

Before she left, Cara mentioned she was in the process of filming the last season of “The Sopranos,” and that the series would start airing in March 2007.

NEVER TOO GAY FOR RICHARD AND SAL

Howard played a voicemail Sal left Richard of him suggesting that they challenge two of today’s guests, Steve-O and Bam Margera of “Jackass” fame, to a match of “cock-to-mouth gay chicken.” Sal then explained the game would feature Richard and Steve-O on their knees while he and Bam slowly approached them with their penises out until one of them backed out. However, Howard reported that, amazingly, Richard refused to go through with the bit...unless Sal was the one on his knees.

Howard went on to play clips of Richard and Sal calling the public access show, “Talkin’ Yankees,” which is hosted by Jonah Falcon. In the segments, Richard talked about how there were “worms in his stool” and Sal discussed the weather. Because of the number of calls he was getting from Richard and Sal, Jonah warned them he had their numbers, and would get in touch with them after the show to recommend “a good psychiatrist” for them.

SIX ADDITIONAL POUNDS TO LOVE

Artie admitted his eating was more out of control than usual, and pointed out he was “constantly in sweatpants.” When Artie insisted he weighed more than the 276 pounds he was when he was last weighed in the studio, he got back on the scale, which revealed he was now 282 pounds. Artie then joked he gained the weight because John Mainelli referred to “Beer League” as “a bomb.”

LEAVE IT TO THE PROS

When Steve-O and Bam Margera of “Jackass: Number Two” came into the studio, Howard told them he thought the movie was one of the funniest he’d ever seen. Howard then discussed some of the scenes he liked the most from the film, including one of Steve acting as “human bait” while encountering a shark. Steve responded his foot was almost bitten off by the shark, and it was only because someone yelled for him to move his foot that he was able to yank it out of the water in time. Howard then questioned why the guys in “Jackass” referred to themselves as “professionals” in the warning before the movie, and asked how they earned such a title. After Bam replied the moniker was actually about their skateboarding abilities, Steve added they hadn’t decided what they’d do with the footage if any of them were to die while filming a stunt.

PAID FOR THE PAIN

Steve reported that the first “Jackass” movie made about $60 million domestically, and that the second edition was “testing higher” than the original. This led Howard to say he hoped all the people involved with the movie were getting paid well, which Steve assured him they were. Robin then asked Bam to remove his pants so she could see what was “branded” on his rear end, and he revealed it was “a cock and balls,” which he admitted didn’t please his mom.

READY TO CALL IT QUITS?

Howard wondered if, given their current success, the people involved with “Jackass” were hesitant about performing dangerous stunts, and both Steve and Bam acknowledged some of the bits – especially those dealing with bulls and king cobras – made them second guess themselves. However, Bam also pointed out hearing people laugh at his stunts made it all worth to him, while Steve noted he thought “Jackass: Number Two” would probably be the last time everyone from the show got together, which was why he enjoyed it.

NO RESPECT FROM JAY

Steve brought up that he had been on “The Tonight Show” a number of times, but felt Jay Leno treated him like “an asshole.” Steve added that, since Jay’s people were the ones who invited him to be on the show, he didn’t appreciate the way he “talked down” to him during the interviews. Conversely, Steve called Jimmy Kimmel his “hero,” explaining he knows what to say to him whenever he goes on his show, “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

KEEPING HIS SEX LIFE A SECRET

Howard asked Bam if the rumors about him and Jessica Simpson sleeping together were true, but he wouldn’t confirm...or deny them. Howard then pointed out, regardless of whether or not these stories were true, he felt Bam’s association with Jessica made him a legend to his fans, because he didn’t think people would ever believe he could get a girl of that caliber. Steve then mentioned he and Nicole Richie once made out, but that she only wanted to do it as a way to get media coverage for something other than her weight.

QUESTIONS FOR DAD

Howard reminded Steve that when he called into the show recently, he claimed his father was in a powerful position with Pepsi and Nabisco. However, Howard also noted he received e-mails from listeners who claimed Steve’s dad was actually involved in the security departments of those companies, which caused Steve to say he’d clear up the matter with his father when he saw him tonight.

WANTING TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION

Sal and Richard came into the studio and challenged
Steve and Bam to a competition, seeing who could lower their balls closer to a lit candle placed on
the floor. When Sal and Richard proceeded to reveal that they had
painted their bodies – with Richard donning a portrait of Howard and Sal a picture of Gene Simmons – Steve responded he wouldn’t participate, mostly because he had a stunt of his own planned.

Richard “won” the contest by actually “burning his balls” on the candle. Steve then demonstrated
what he called “the double-back back flip.” Once Steve was done, Sal claimed he could do the flip as well, but Howard advised him to not even try it.

“JACKASS” BY THE NUMBERS

As they were leaving, both Steve and Bam predicted “Jackass: Number Two,” which opens this weekend, would earn more than the first film made when it debuted in theaters in 2002.

Jon Hein then came into the studio and read a list of stunts, and asked Steve and Bam if they’d ever tried them. Here were the items Jon asked:

• Have they tried heroin? Both Bam and Steve said they had never done that.

• Have they drunk human urine? Both Bam and Steve laughingly admitted they had.

• Have they swallowed human feces? While Steve said he hadn’t, Bam mentioned the closest he came was when he consumed horse feces.

• Have they had another man’s penis in their hands or mouths? Steve said he did for a bit, and Bam recalled he once punched Wee Man’s naked penis.

• Have they drunk someone else’s blood? Both Bam and Steve said they hadn’t.

• Have they ever eaten human flesh? Steve noted he ate his own, and Bam said he never did.

HOW A RUMOR GETS AROUND

Gary got on his intercom and informed Howard the article about him in today’s New York Post was starting to make the rounds, and that stations like CNBC were reporting he was unhappy on satellite and would be returning to terrestrial radio. This caused Howard to question why these reporters wouldn’t simply tune into his show to hear what he actually had to say on the subject rather than what some other reporter was making up about him. But Howard did add that he felt his name being in the news would bring more people to SIRIUS, so it wasn’t all bad.

Artie then noted he didn’t think there was a reason for anyone to be unhappy at SIRIUS given its lack of censorship, pointing out that if he now goes through a stretch where he doesn’t say anything funny, he can just say the word “cunt” and automatically get laughs.

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS

compiled by Kerry Picket

• The number of people who live to be 100 years old in Japan has quadrupled in the past decade.

• The Mets clinched their first division title in 18 years last night.

• A study shows one in 10 heterosexual men have gay sex.

• More businesses than ever are being called “gay friendly.”

Jim McGreevey appeared on “Oprah” recently.

• A Maine couple was arrested for allegedly kidnapping their own daughter to make her get an abortion.

• Experts are recommending people not eat spinach.

Willie Nelson was cited last week for possessing marijuana.

• The General Assembly of the United Nations is being held in New York.

George Clooney addressed the United Nations over the weekend.

Kelly Pickler cried when she heard one of her songs on the radio for the first time.

Contributions by: Thomas Panasci & Jason Kaplan
 Back to the top
• Howard discussed an article about him that ran in today’s New York Post.

• One of Artie’s “Beer League” costars insisted she didn’t have a problem kissing him in the movie.

• Howard played a clip of Richard and Sal calling into a public access show.

Steve-O and Bam Margera said they were well compensated for their latest movie.

• Steve also talked about the sexless night he spent with an actress.

• Steve mentioned another of his movies will be out next month.

• While challenging Steve and Bam to a stunt, Sal revealed a painting of a musician he had on his body.
18 U.S.C. 2557 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement    © 2007, Howard Stern Productions, Inc. Terms of Use
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