Five-Minute Comics: Part 2
by Jeff
Image text: Dear Wiccan readers: I understand modern Wiccans are not usually all about the curses and hexes. But Darth Vader was recently converted from Episcopalianism and he's still figuring it all out.
Top Comic - This is a parody of the frequent conspiracy theories that have come about since the events of September 11, 2001. The use of the "grassy knoll" is a reference to the conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of John F. Kennedy, a US President on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas. Some people say they saw another or different shooter over on a "grassy knoll" by the road where JFK was shot.
Middle Left - Some people say that when women are pregnant, they have a certain glow about them, whether it is just their general happiness or something else. In this case, the woman is really pregnant and then promptly gives birth.
Middle - In this comic, the character says "Cogito Ergo Cogito" instead of the traditional phrase "Cogito Ergo Sum". The traditional phrase is Latin for I think therefore I am, which was said by René Descartes. In this comic, the character is playing it safe by just saying I think therefore I think.
Middle Left - This comic is a pun on the phrase "Bail out!" When it is used by fighter pilots, it means for them to hit their ejector seats and parachute to safety. In this comic, the pilots are using the phrase as would two people in a boat that is filling up with water.
Lower Middle - This is a joke on how in Star Wars they have lightsabers. In this case, they created black-lightsabers which use black light bulbs. Black lights just make every thing seem really eerie and you are able to see dust and dirt particles on everything.
Right - I think that one is pretty self explanatory and pretty gross.
Lower Middle Left - I'm not sure what is up with the sandwich making one, but it appears to be an inside joke somehow.
Bottom Left - This is a lawyer who is going to make a defense that will offend women and he prepared an opening statement incorrectly thinking there would be both men and women on the jury. This comic is an extension of the stereotypical lawyer opening "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury...".
Bottom Right - From the start this is a full quote from Star Wars in which Conan Antonio Motti rips Darth Vader's ancient religion, which in the movie is The Force. Vader proceeds to force choke Motti until Moff Tarkin tells him to stop. In this comic, Vader's ancient religion is of course Wiccan.
One-Liners
by Jeff
Image text: 'Upgrade to the latest version of Adobe Flash player to view THIS content, bitch.' ::triggers detonator::
Alright, the idea of this one is fairly straightforward, but I'll explain it anyway! In action movies, the hero usually says a catch phrase before killing off the last bad guy. In the Die Hard movies, it was "Yippee-kay-ya Motherfucker" and you get the idea.
Let's start explaining from less likely to more.
In the first frame, a memory hole is probably what is behind the character on the left in the frame, which is used to destroy or permanently alter potentially embarrassing documents and paperwork.
Frame two is pretty self explanatory, one character is mentioning that there is a problem with the math by the other character.
Frame three is reference to the US Federal Interest Rate, which is raised and lowered by the US Government.
Frame four is a reference to any internet agreement that usually is 7 million pages long that companies require you to read before you download some software or install a program. Some do not require you to scroll all the way down to the bottom before clicking "I Accept" in regards to the terms. Others do require scrolling to the bottom.
Frame five (which is hilarious if I do say so myself and I wish it would catch on) has three ways we can go with Bangarang. First it is the cry of the Lost Boys in the movie Hook. Secondly, it is a Jamaican slang word for a disturbance or an uproar. Thirdly, probably a result of the first two, it is a media player for KDE builds of Linux.
Lastly, the image text is a reference to websites that have content that is only available if you have the latest version of Adobe Flash Player. You will inevitably get this message if you try to view one of these websites on the Apple iPhone.
Adjectives
by Jeff
Image text: 'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.
Xkcd took a lot of the explanation out of this one by putting an explanation of the last word in perens below the word. Cheating! We've still got the other words to define though.
Let's start with after "improper".
Evanescent - tending to vanish like vapor.
Piquant - having an agreeable pungent taste.
Jejune - insubstantial: lacking in nutritive value.
Kafkaesque - relating to or in the manner of Franz Kafka or his writing.
Stochastic - being or having a random variable; "a stochastic variable"; "stochastic processes".
Fungible - a commodity that is freely interchangeable with another in satisfying an obligation.
The two people in the higher of the two comics are standing around drinking wine, possibly at a wine tasting because they are discussing the taste of Cabernet, which is a type of wine.
In the bottom comic, Cueball is trading stocks online as he comments on the fungible nature of the stocks and bonds.
Freedom
by Jeff
Image text: Sometimes I'm terrified to realize how many options other people have.
The joke is in the image text because it is a repetition of the first line of the comic but replacing "I" with "other people".
Honor Societies
by Jeff
Image text: Hey, why do YOU get to be the president of Tautology Clu-- wait, I can guess.
Tautology means to repeat the same phrase twice or two parts of a phrase that means the same thing. This comic is a take on the repetitive nature of "honor" in the Honor Society.
The answer to the image text would be: I'm the president of the Tautology Club because I'm the president of the Tautology Club.