Kate de Brito
Monday, January 31, 2011 at 08:22am
Dear Bossy: I am a divorced woman, of a certain age, no children. A few months ago, I travelled for work to another city, where my brother lives. I went out with him and his best friend, whom I’ve known for years, but not very well. After a few drinks and a lot of laughs, that night the bestie (let’s call him Bob) and I became much better acquainted. My brother knew nothing about it - and still doesn’t.
Over the next few months, work took me to Bob’s city quite often, and I am transferring there in February. On my visits, Bob and I continued to get to know each other. Regularly. I was really starting to like him. And I guess I kind of thought that he must like me too, because who just uses their best mate’s sister for a root?
Now my brother tells me that Bob is flying interstate for sex with a woman who made contact with him out of the blue a few days ago. Apparently Bob can’t work out where he knows he from but she has promised to do all sorts of things to him - nothing I wasn’t doing, by the way. They’ve been swapping explicit texts, which he reads out to his mates in the bar. I’m not a prude, but it was excruciating when my brother started reciting them to me.
My brother said all Bob’s friends - and even Bob - think she is a bunny boiler. After four days, she started calling him her partner and started planning to move 2,000km with her kids to be with him. Normal people would run a mile, surely. But the next day, Bob changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship with” her. Of course I looked at her page. And I have to say, he has a type. Older, fatter, blonde - just like me.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not pretending that Bob and I are or were in a relationship. It was the occasional sneaky shag, a longer than necessary arm around each other for a photo, laughing together at private jokes. But it was fun and I’ll miss it. And obviously I would have preferred him to fly to see me for some fun than a virtual stranger. I like to think I’m Flaming Sambucca in bed, but now I am worried that I am vanilla. Not even French vanilla. Just vanilla.
I’m also quite perplexed because he never struck me as the kind of guy who wanted to be “in a relationship”. And, as I ruined a very promising rebound relationship a year ago by wanting too much to be in a relationship, I was very careful not to bombard Bob with texts, calls and Facebook messages. And who shows their mates sexy text exchanges with someone they think is relationship material?
On the other hand, I am glad that he’s never told his mates - particularly my brother - about me.
My problem is, when I move to his city, the only way to avoid Bob will be to avoid my brother, which just isn’t viable. Do I pretend I know nothing about any of this? And how do I discourage my brother from telling me more details about Bob’s sex life, without him having to face the knowledge that his sis and his bestie have seen each other naked?
Ice Ice Baby
Bossy says: You are not alone. Blokes are an utter mystery. To. Us. All. Women remain as perplexed by the appetites and desires of men now as they did at the beginning of time.
Who knows why men make the choices they do. Women across the globe were bewildered when Tiger Woods was discovered shagging dozens of strippers when he had a gorgeous model wife at home. We shook our heads. Blokes nodded knowingly. They knew something we didn’t.
Men are a mystery. When you’ve worked out what they want, let us all know.
Who knows why Bob bypassed you - the normal-sounding, decent-looking divorced sister of his mate - to go for something older, fatter and (dare we say) dirtier?
I’ve come up with a couple of possibilities. The first is that he’s not in a relationship with this “bunny boiler” at all. He’s just taking what she says she has on offer. The facebook update is a joke. Or a way of ensuring she continues to offer what she has promised.
The second is he’s mad keen on you but using this woman as bait to lure you out, and get a glimpse of your real feelings. You see, having gone into this “relationship” eager not to make the same mistakes you did last time - being over-eager or wanting too much - you may have given Bob very little encouragement. Bob may have started to think you were not really interested at all. He may have reasoned there was not much use pursuing something serious with you when you clearly weren’t interested in him. Add to that the potential difficulty of you being his friend’s sister and it probably seemed easier to choose option B.
We don’t know if either of these options is true. The second is largely just woman logic – or wishful thinking. But we do know the fact Bob is not running a mile from this woman and is thinking of setting up home after such a short acquaintance indicates you don’t really know Bob at all. You shared something sneaky and cool. You probably had a lot of fun. You probably even liked each other.
But in the end Bob wants something you can’t even fathom and that - as much as anything else - tells you he was not the right bloke for you.
It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you are no good in bed. It means blokes like what they like and there’s probably not a lot you can do to change that - short of changing into something you are not.
Maybe it is the explicit availability of this woman that turns Bob on. Maybe it’s her sexual aggressiveness. Maybe she’s just a really cool chick. Or maybe she makes him feel wanted - unlike you, who have been playing it really cool.
Talk to Bob directly. Give him a call and say you’ve heard through your brother he’s got a girlfriend. Tell him you’ve also seen his facebook. Don’t make it accusatory. Just say you want to stay friends, you know you’ll see a lot of him around and while it might be the end of the “good times” you are sure you will be able to have plenty of fun as a group from now on.
Don’t be downcast. It is what it is. It’s not a reflection of your attractiveness. And if she is offering something you’re not - or won’t – then what are you going to do? In the end you can only be yourself – vanilla and all.
126 Comments
You know I wouldn’t worry about it, seems to me he didn’t so why should you? I’d say he more than likely done you a favour and why should you let it poison your relationship with your brother?
He more than likely has said nothing to your brother, so move and forget about it. Be thankful you didn’t involved and look at it as a good time past and eventually you’ll meet someone worthy of a relationship, if that is what your looking for. I doubt it has anything to do with your bedroom performance, and if it is well quite frankly is not a deal breaker to most men.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:30am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:21am)
Well said Sok, and it makes me wonder who really has the pot on…
Mon 31 Jan 11 (04:09pm)
Here here to what Sok said. Ditto from me
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:08pm)
Nah, I disagree.
Would you phone up your sister and tell her the gory details of your best mates love life?
The brother knows and that is why he is discussing it in that much detail with IIB.
Ice Ice Baby,
That doesn’t exactly sound like something a divorce ‘older’ woman would call herself, nonethless I am going to have to disagree with Bossy’s “blokes are a mystery”, and give you some of my own advice…
Blokes are NOT a mystery. This is a fraudulent illusion, conjured up by women looking to find a “reason” for the rampart behavior of men. Do you know WHY men act like chauvinists, sex freaks, asshats etc? Because women allow them to be. How many times have you heard a friend talk about always attracting “the assholes”? I would say, most people know that exact friend. They don’t ‘attract the assholes’, they just simply don’t learn, and they allow themselves to be USED… This goes on and on, because nobody stops them. Some mystery, hey?
You say you aren’t bothered by Bob having a sudden girlfriend, but, this letter says that you are. Even in your first paragraph you noted that you were “starting to like him”, so obviously there is some disappointment and sense of loss/being used..
To be honest, I am more concerned about the fact that your brother relays information about his “mates sex life” to you. I, myself, would never talk to any family member about such a subject, not even my own sex life, or sex itself… Just some food for thought, have you ever thought that, maybe, just maybe, your brother caught onto you liking this Bob guy, and has been telling you about his escapades so your fondness will cease?
I’ll leave you to nibble on that food.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:34am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:25am)
I agree with this person.
Mirror on the wall.... What do you see?
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:59am)
Well, you’ve done it. You’ve crossed from garden variety lunatic to full blown Disassociative Identity Disorder.
Man, you are going to get a dead-set caning today, I can’t wait.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:31am)
I disagree.
Do you guys have penis’s ?
Guys are only the dicks, chauvinists, etc… in the company of other men, Generally in my experience it is a complete fabrication of who/what they are or the beliefs they have.
Some dont catch onto this and think that a male dickhead is what all males strive to achieve. Many realise it quickly, and do the male act in the company of males and true colors come out when they care for a member of the opposite sex.
A Mystery, No .. Just the one little thing, poor your heart out to another guy and you will never live it down. Poor it out to a girl and regardless of what relationship you have you will be gods gift to men in the eyes of the woman.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:49pm)
Mirror on the wall.... What do you see?…
an infantile moron…
Here’s an idea, when somone who is pretending to be an emotionally stunted teenager with no physical life experiences and a self centred ouitlook on life writes in to the blog asking for advice, you can answer it and we will bow down before your obviously superior knowledge.
But until then can you go sit your imaginary kiddie arse on the imaginary table in the corner and let the adults talk amongst ourselves, unless you have another persona for your schitzophrenia to vent itself…
It was funny at first, then annoying, now you are just boring.
Just remember that there is a very fine line between being the class clown and the village idiot…
Mon 31 Jan 11 (03:35pm)
Bossy, we love you. In a “never met you but enjoy the social intercourse” kind of way. So riddle me this. Why do you keep giving this tool food?
Mon 31 Jan 11 (06:42pm)
Put a mirror to your computer, or read Krap Llim’s name backwards, starting from Niatpac!!!!!!
Tue 01 Feb 11 (12:37pm)
You are such a sad loser. But now that there’s 2 of you, at least there’s someone who might say nice things to you.
That’s if you don’t already despise yourself… I have a feeling that you do.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (02:04pm)
Who would want to live in Mill Park anyway?
Too close to Lalor.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (11:02pm)
I agree with you today. Ugh.
Krap Lim is CTT. they’re all the same person
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (03:53pm)
Fact is, he appears to have entered into a relationship now. Which means he’s off the buffet table.
I’d probably hesitate to call him up and ask him flat out about his relationship, but maybe, being all 2011-ish, you could send him a message through Facebook and tell him what Bossy suggested.
I wouldn’t worry what this whole episode says about your sexual prowess. Basically, I think it says nothing.
Own your body, own your sexuality, get out there and have fun.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:36am)
Tue 01 Feb 11 (12:46pm)
You think she should write it down?
If she leaves a message on Facebook and her brother has a fight with his mate, what’s to stop it being shown to her brother as proof that the mate shagged his sister?
If you don’t want everyone to know about something it’s best not to post it on the net!
your probably as good to look at as a smashed crab eating a dropped pie…
god, if you were a decent root he would have bragged about it, especially to the brother.
ive rooted heaps of chicks but because im so awesome they brag about it to everyone.
i think thats the problem.
apart from that, you could just have had stang moot last time you met him. well i spose it keeps the flies off when youre eating dinner outside in a sheep farm.
each to their own.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:40am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:19am)
WTF is with this? Who are you? Whenever I come back, your head pops up.
I’m on to you, and when I find out who you are… Your keyboard won’t have an enter key anymore.
There is ONLY ONE CAPTAIN AROUND HERE.
P.S: Anyone listen to 5AA and hear me call in???
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:52am)
are you Santo or could you be Big Bad Bob?
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:12pm)
C’mon Capt, Your less than boot scum.
He is mocking your terribad name.
“There is ONLY ONE CAPTAIN AROUND HERE”
There you go again thinking your not a dime a dozen. Wow.
Find a rock to crawl under THEN BEAT YOUR HEAD AGAINST IT.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (02:39pm)
It’s funny that you should say there is only 1 Captain around here.
If you have a look at his screen name it clearly says Corporal not Captain.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (02:57pm)
There is only 1Captain. He is a Corporal. Duh.
Some basic reading comprehension skills wouldn’t go astray. Probably improve your *advice* too.
Don’t worry, your Captainism still make you a unique little snowflake xx
How hard is it to figure out what blokes want? Seriously people, let’s be entirely up front here - anyone who is surprised that blokes want sex with plenty of different women is in the market for a bridge shaped somewhat like a coat hanger!
Ladies, there is *NO* mystery, we want sex on a regualr basis. Some blokes want it morning, after work and night, others just want it twice a week. But if you’re not even doing it that much then there are problems regardless of whether you want to admit it or not.
In general blokes are happy to give you pretty much anything, look at all the guys who are consdiered sad cases because their testicles are in their partner’s purse. We have no issue with that, we actually exist to provide for you. And all we want is sex. Give us enough of that (as determined by the specifici individual) and you get everything.
IT IS NOT HARD TO WORK THIS OUT YOU JUST HAVE TO LISTEN!!!
And it’s also why hot chicks get cheated on. Your looks are somewhat important but making us feel like a man via the act of sex is what it’s about. Sure, extreme women can push it over the edge with nagging etc but that’s a rare case, blokes in general will hand over control to a woman who meets their sexual desres. It’s genetic, hreditary, whatever you liek to call it, so just LISTEN and go with it!!!
SIMPLE AS THAT
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:50am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:22am)
Excuse me, you don’t speak for all men when you arrogantly say “all men want sex, morning noon and night”.
I, myself, am a virgin. Hell, I haven’t even kissed a woman, because unlike you, and the majority of men, I have not only morals, but I also haven’t been conditioned by the media/entertainment industry to be OBSESSED with sex.
Sex, vanity and substance. The three things that rule western life.
I wonder if you will post this Bossy?? It’s the truth, seriously, we’re bombarded with sex since birth. The filth is in our newspapers, in movies, tv shows, on the radio, billboards… EVERYWHERE. No wonder people have become disillusioned.
There is an innate sexual urge in all of us to PROCREATE. That is normal. Obsession on the other hand, which seems to be the “new norm”, is NOT. I repeat, NOT normal…
I find it funny that “if enough people do it, then it’s normal"… If enough people weighed 250kgs, would 200 kilos be the new average/normal weight? NO!
Going to bed, thanks.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:24am)
I wouldn’t agree with that. While there are the Shane Warnes and Tiger Woods most men want a committed friend. They have no problem with a stronger woman. But if the time commitment is gone, then the’re off. This was Katherine Hepburn’s observation and I couldn’t agree more.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:36am)
Truth be told!!!!!! Best info I have read yet, on what men want!!! Have found this to be so true and works. Keeps a happy household. Thanks for telling it how it is Minstrel of Sydney:D
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:43am)
I don’t quite get what you mean by that, Bossy?
So, hypothetically, if I was “the person” I was 4 months ago, you wouldn’t let me post? I am, indeed, sweet 19 and never been kissed, and I do possess these views.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:51am)
Are you sure he’s not a virgin, Bossy? Because I’m trying (and failing) to imagine a woman who’d put up with him long enough.....
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:58am)
Yeah, who is CTT?? I am guessing a 32 year old female lawyer or similar profession, under-employed.
Don’t tell us CTT is Denny Crane! I still miss Denny Crane, come back Denny.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:06am)
The only thing you and I will ever agree on CTT is that you are a virgin.
Word,
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:40am)
I think CTT is SST from the Women On Men blog…
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:16pm)
Well Said. Its fairly spot on.
CTT - He Does speak for all men, you dont qualify that title and likely never will ,. So rephrase please.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:26pm)
I second that.
= me
Yep.
Men want sex. We live for it. We work for it. We want variety and we want it constantly.
If you can’t figure out why a billionaire sports star went out and shagged a heap of chicks even though he had a reasonable looking wife at home then there’s something wrong with you.
That’s only because they can’t live the life of Tiger Woods and Shane Warne so they’ll settle for and cling to whatever will stick around.........for a time......
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:40pm)
Why do i keep replying to him ... grr. ahhwell
I, myself, am a virgin - Exactly, he was talking about “men” as in the older version of the child that you are.
Quit banging your drum about western media, you do realise we arent all weak like you and movies / entertainment can spit whatever they like (just like a homeless drunk at the pub on a friday night) its upto you to be so weak as to believe everything you hear.
How can you possibly comment on sex when you havent experienced it, why dont you go get your end in something so finally you will understand.
I have beliefs that when you loose your virginity you will mature .. somewhat .. subjects i have witnessed have been this way and only one that i know of it didnt ...
Only one completely disillusioned here is you.
CTT, it would appear your interpreting your own society standard and applying to everyone who i might add you dont know at all.
Good, Goto Bed, Stay in bed, Dont wake up.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (02:38pm)
Ummm, yes, actually.
Perhaps you really are 19. But I doubt you’ve passed grade 6 maths if you don’t know how what an Average is and how it works.
But, in summary, if you had a group of 8 people who weighed 250kg and 4 that weighed 100kg, then the mean average/normal would be 200kg, yes.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (09:22am)
Dr. Opkick replied to Minstrel
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:06am)
The only thing you and I will ever agree on CTT is that you are a virgin.
Word,
A++ Dr
CTT get off your mums tits and move out of the basement.
Feed the man sex
I’m only interested in you now CTT because I know you’re not what you say you are.
No i just found you very boring then
So you’re saying men cant be faithful Charlie?
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (02:06pm)
Sweetheart, he’s just not that in to you. Sorry.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:56am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:08pm)
Amen Festygrll. As a bloke Bossy’s two possibilities just don’t ring that true. IIB: he was bonking you, but for whatever private reason (reasons or lack thereof) he’s not prepared to be/do anything more. There’s nothing hidden to uncover here; no princely character to be found in a complicated situation: if he really wanted more with you you’d have known about it.
He doesn’t.
Now he’s found someone else, and for the time being whatever changes you’re seeing are what he’s prepared to do to bonk or court her - his way. Comparing yourself or looking for reasons is “apples and oranges” territory and the only certainty is the damage you’ll do to your own esteem if blaming yourself becomes your way of rationalising his behaviour and character.
But between the lines OP we hear you. This does matter to you, you are hurt by the (implied) rejection. But he’s not for you, and you can and will be flaming sambucca for that right somebody.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:30pm)
I’m the OP. And thanks. Worked that one out for myself. Not bothered to reply to all the other posters. But just want some advice as how to handle myself the first time I see this man and his new woman in a week’s time when I land in his city.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (03:57pm)
OP, just act like it never happened. Be pleasant, be friendly, look everybody in the eye and hold your head high. Do not be embarassed or ashamed just carry on and act like none of it ever took place.
I have no idea either. Maybe he thought you weren’t keen on the relationship thing either? Probably has nothing to do with the sex though.
Who says men don’t like a bit of drama?
I’m sure he’ll have ‘fun’ with the bunny boiler. Just don’t let him bounce back you when it goes pear shaped.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:58am)
Please read the following two quotes from your letter.
You were using each other you idiot. Now he’s found someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with and you’re worried that its because you’re not good enough in bed.
This all seems like the typical highschool problem that
fail to let go of.Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:09am)
Bossy’s right .. don’t even TRY to fathom what Bob’s thinking. Especially since it seems obvious what he’s thinking WITH!
Keep in mind the kind of person he’s shown himself to be: Jumps through hoops for some woman he barely knows, based (presumably) around sex; tells his mates all about his conquest (like a 15yo). Do you really want anything more with this man than you had? Take a step back and see the gift you have been given .. clear indication that he’s not relationship material before you had to put yourself out there to find out!
And remember, flaming sambucca burns your mouth and gives you a nasty headache. There are many guys would would prefer vanilla .. especially when it comes with some flavoured toppings from time to time!
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:09am)
And who shows their mates sexy text exchanges with someone they think is relationship material?
Deadshits, that’s who…
I doubt whether you are vanilla. Perspective is required here OP. Why are you comparing yourself to someone who is described by her lover as a ‘bunny boiler’..?
And why are you determining your self worth by a bloke who opens up at a bar about his exploits with someone he is now ‘in a relationship’ with.
Sounds like this bloke is a slippery imbecile who is yet to grow up..
Let it go luv, and be glad he didn’t set his sights on you…
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:13am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:06am)
yes agree, brother knows, that’s why he’s telling her the gorey details. Brothers can be clods, I have three, I know.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:03am)
+1 what Lexie said
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:18am)
Spot on Lexie, couldn’t agree more. OP, have some self respect and move on.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (11:50am)
Oh Puhleeeaassee.
Women talk far more about their sex lives and associated relationship details with their friends than men ever do.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (02:01pm)
Hahaha...women talk about sexual details like 90% more than guys do.
Or is this a blog for announcing your DREAMS ?
Tue 01 Feb 11 (01:05am)
And all women are 100% discrete and would never talk about their sexual exploits to any of their girlfriends. Really?
The majority of girls I`ve been with have talked to their girlfriend`s about our bedroom antics. I don`t see what this guy did with talking about his texts as any worse.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (01:08pm)
You blokes having a whinge, you know it is different when women have a discreet chat about a man, as opposed to a man mouthing off at a bar to his mates.
Its all about respect.
Same reason why when you open the daily paper, there are 3 pages of brothels aimed at men only. There are zero services for women. Men are more sexually aggressive and by him shouting out about his exploits at a bar is totally different, you know that
Tue 01 Feb 11 (03:44pm)
You’re too funny Lexie.
So when women talk in depth to their friends about their sex lives it’s:
LMAO.
Wed 02 Feb 11 (06:02am)
The language and medium used is irrelevant. It`s about people sharing intimate details from their relationship with their friends. Apparently this is ok for women but not for men.
Would you be fine if your man had a discrete quiet chat with some of his trusted friends over a coffee about your physical attributes and your technique in the bedroom? Would you find this `respectful`?
Too true Lexie. Who wants a bloke who texts and tells. I do like how the OP is so certain he hasn’t told anyone - including her brother.
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:59am)
A third option Bossy and IIB is that your brother found out about you and his mate and isn’t happy about it. The phone call and FB status are to make you back off without your bother having to come and and say “hey can you not shag my best mate”.
A fourth option is that the mate is trying to ensure you remain a f*ck buddy now that you are moving there rather than wanting to get more serious. This is doubtful though becauase your brother is playing along and I’m not sure any brother would side with his mate over his sister.
To be honest I think that the third option is by far the most likely (sorry Bossy you need to be a bloke to think this way).
So IIB i think that there is a pretty clear message here that says hey it was fun but its now time to move on.
You both had some great sex (vanilla or whatever flavour...) and that’s all it was.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:15am)
How old are you? Because you are exhibiting the maturity of a high schooler.
All three of you are adults. You didn’t have to sleep with your brothers best friend but you did, so YOU have to accept the consequences.
Not only this, but your pseudo partner is entitled to change his mind or pursue other interests. We all are.
None of these people should have to make an adjustment for your life. You are the one who needs to make the adjustment.
Next time remember, in general sleeping with people that are too close to your home environment is not a good idea.
Sincerely,
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:17am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:39pm)
Thanks for the advice, dr opkick.
If you’d actually bothered to read to the end, you would know that I was actually looking for advice as to how I manage next week’s move to his city with minimal bother.
But thank you for your useless advice.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (09:42am)
Wells it wasn’t useless advice at all actually “Ice Ice Baby”, I read your whole inane problem right to the unsatisfying climax, It’s just the fact that you want to put up a problem to get attention because you are unfulfilled and bitter, and you want to deny any REAL advice that might make you face up to the REALITY that you are a selfish, immature, inconsiderate to family and inexperienced person with relationships, and the sooner you face this, the sooner you can realign yourself on a personal path of self growth and be able to compliment a (heaven forbid) Partner..
Sincerely,
Tue 01 Feb 11 (04:35pm)
Ice Ice Baby,
if that is really all you wanted then why the hell do the whole war and peace thing? I mean really, I know you are a chick and feel the need to fill the air with pointless chatter but when numerous blokes on this forum (CTT does not qualify) actually hand you the solutions you whine about their useless advice.
What gives?
Fess up, what you actually wanted was a bunch of people to agree with you and validate your opinions and thoughts. Well blow me down, but them folks on that blog have their own opinions and they differ from mine!
If you didn’t want our opinions then why the f*ck did you bother writing in to Bossy in the first place. Moron.
Unless you’re fat and ugly, he’s told his mates about you also.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:19am)
Your wanted a series of one-night stands.
He wanted a series of one-night stands.
Perfect!
Now you want something more.
Typical.
Why not just stick to the rules? Why do you have to take it to the next level when that was never on the initial plans?
You know what? Bad luck. You treated the whole thing as a laugh to begin with & now that’s what you’ve got.
Treat yourself with a little more respect & then maybe blokes will treat you with a little more respect in return.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:20am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (12:15pm)
Plenty of “one night stand” agreements end up in relationships. Even get married!
Tue 01 Feb 11 (12:54pm)
But more end up with one person being alone and hurt when it doesn’t.
Tue 01 Feb 11 (02:12pm)
I’m sure a few have in the past.
That’s not to say it is impossible, just highly improbable.
Especially in this case as Bob sounds like a right old tool but the OP was unrealistic in her feelings, although she says she has learnt from this.
OP,
It has nothing to do with your ability in bed. I have kept a few chicks at arm’s length, despite how great they were in bed.
Being good in bed does not make a relationship. And men will always push the boundaries, attempting to get women into the hardcore porn type sex. When women submit, they’ll generally be kept around for a little longer.
OP, deal with the fact he’s gotten what he wants - this door is locked, move onto the next one. Take you bed of tricks and play porn starfish with the next bloke. It’s just sex, so it doesn’t have to mean anything, not to men anyway. But you ladies are different. You can’t have sex more than twice with the same person without developing ‘real feelings.’ It is why men like me used women for sex, without expending any emotion.
Oh, and why would Bob want to get into a relationship when women are so easy to pick up???
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:23am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:17pm)
Romantic comedies give women unrealistic expectations of their partners.
Porn has the same affect on men…
Tue 01 Feb 11 (01:52pm)
I reckon women having access to porn is impacting on expectations more so. They see what they see & they behave accordingly… much to men’s delight.
In fact, porn, in general, has changed the ‘rules’ about relationships.
It doesn’t matter is women’s average time watching porn is significantly less than men’s. The fact that they see it at all means those images register with them.
“she started calling him her partner and started planning to move 2,000km with her kids to be with him”
Maybe he wants to be a dad to her kids. Is he the biological father?
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:24am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:00pm)
Maybe he is a kiddly fiddler and isnt interested in her at all - just access to her kids?
A lot of men who chase single mothers do so for that reason.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:23pm)
BINGO. Bossy - I think you’re onto something there.
“And I have to say, he has a type. Older, fatter, blonde - just like me.”
AND
“Over the next few months, work took me to Bob’s city quite often, and I am transferring there in February”
This links far too well with
“After four days, she started calling him her partner and started planning to move 2,000km with her kids to be with him.”
I guess the only thing that doesn’t match up with this theory is his newly updated relationship status on Facebook with some other blondie.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:43pm)
Kate, it makes me so sad that you would even write that about me. I only live 800km away.
OP
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:47pm)
Out of line Kaz
You know when i first read the description of the bunny boiler I thought ...maybe they are talking about her and she just doesn’t know it…
Sorry Op...of course its not you...you dont have kids and she does right?
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (08:50pm)
There is much I can say for you but as someone who is contemplating embarking on a ‘relationship’ with her brothers best mate I would be interested to know if said best mate would think differently of ‘the sister’ than any other possible shag?
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:41am)
Why on earth do you care what Bob thinks of you? He’s obviously confused. I think women are all to quick to wonder what is wrong with them when men act inconsistently “he’s just not into you” etc etc when really, if Bob is into some kooky bunnyboiler in QLD, good luck to him, you’re better off without him.
Likewise, why try to avoid him? If your brother is talking too much about Bob’s sex life either say “look, I am really not interested in Bob’s sex life, why the hell are you telling me this” or else just say “Hey brother, Bob and I were shagging and now I am not interested in hearing about it because it’s over, I’ve moved on”
You haven’t done anythign to be ashamed of, stop being ashamed.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (09:53am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:11am)
How many sugars do you use? I kind of like it, it’s a nice sweet suprise at the end but I only have one sugar so it’s never too gluggly. But really, the barista should be mixing it properly, that’s their job.
First coffee, no sugar, second coffee one. Now I’m off for a third
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:46am)
I agree. I went without for a while and after that, one was plenty sweet enough and two is a special treat. If you have really good coffee, you don’t need as much sugar. I favour Vittoria Mountain Grown, more expensive but Woollies often has it on special - two for one or $19 per kilo recently. I bought three! It is a very smooth coffee, mmmmm.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:53am)
Excellent idea, JAS - I’m just off for coffee myself. Though I’m off the sugar nowadays.
Each to their own, though.... Enjoy!
Mon 31 Jan 11 (05:45pm)
Who mentioned anything about Queensland?
Tue 01 Feb 11 (09:56am)
you’re right of course Rover, where did QLD come from? Something to ponder.
I hate it when the sugar sits down the bottom of the coffee cup and you get it all in one really nasty hit at the end
I have two which is probably two too many. I cut it out once and did ok but then I started to portest. Life is short. Enjoy small things
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:25am)
Serves ya right. This is why you DON’T root your brother’s bestie behind his back. So when you move, don’t go rooting his second bestie on the rebound.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:01am)
Bossy,
a chick who was a F*ck Buddy of some guy makes a massive deal out of a Facebook status and men are an utter mystery?
FFS it’s a facebook status. If you are soooooo worried about it, why don’t you like pick up the phone and give him a call instead of writing into an online blog.
*facepalm*
ps. yes it’s probably because you’re shit in bed.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:02am)
Mon 31 Jan 11 (12:18pm)
Perhaps its just in my circle of friends, but people I know dont usually update their status to be in a relationship unless they are. And I presume she just wants to know that her one night stand situation will be ending.
There’s no reason to be an ass Tim.
Mon 31 Jan 11 (01:37pm)
Devious,
From my comment:
If she just “wants to know that her one night stand situation will be ending” then do you think that maybe, just maybe, a phonecall would be in order?
Oh and last week my friend (who weighs 130kgs and looks like a hatful) changed his facebook relationship status to:
is now married to Megan Fox.
Bossy,
can you do a blog on how my friend could have ensnared a hottie like her? And why didn’t I get an invite to the wedding, I’m sooooo jealous.
HA! I didn’t say women aren’t a mystery too Tim. Sometimes I even confuse myself.
Kate de Brito
Mon 31 Jan 11 (10:24am)