Why the ex-factor kills your romantic X-factor

Emma-Kate Dobbin

Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 09:00am
 

Excluding God pretty much all of us are somebody’s ex. If any of mine are reading I know a mutual “hallelujah” is in order for some and a “see you soon” for others. However, the contents of one’s “ex files” and whether we get a “legend” or a “loser” review, differs on who is telling the story and how they wrote you into their script.

To some we are the good, to others the bad, and like it or not even at times the ugly.

While every relationship advice article, book or blog tells both women and men NOT to talk about their ex on dates, some people, just can’t let the opportunity go, and when it happens it’s always annoying.

Why? People think they are “over it” so talking about it is no big deal. Then cut to the realisation - they are not.

Oh well, at least you have their “not-so-happy” memories as compensation for your time.

So, this blog isn’t about why you shouldn’t talk about your ex – every emotionally unavailable person reading will ignore that anyways.

It’s about which sort of an ex you shouldn’t pull out of the romantic bag – for the sake of your own romantic “X-factor”. 

Because what you say about your ex’s state of mind ultimately reflects upon yours if you end up still finding it attractive.

Dating gurus often say you shouldn’t talk about an ex to a potential lover because it kills the mood.That is a given. But to me, the real reason that you shouldn’t talk about an ex isn’t because potential lovers will judge you that you are still working through it. It’s because if your ex sounds like a psycho… ultimately so will you.

If you want to have the “X” factor there is one particular type of ex – that should never come up.

That’s the crazy ex.

The crazy ex, you shouldn’t talk about – especially if you are not over it – because in the end the “I’m not over it” realisation which comes off the back of countless “crazy” stories only makes one person look crazy – you.

I am someone else’s crazy ex and I have an old boyfriend from my twenties who I think of as mine.

The story of the way we ended was so Jerry Springer that for a long while the mere idea of talking about “us” made me feel like a crowd would jump out from behind a wall and yell: “Jerry, Jerry, and Jerry”.

During the time it took me to work through it, which was a fair while, I didn’t date.  I didn’t dare bring him up.

I could have bitched all I wanted – but metaphorically, I was still in love with Jerry Springer.

I loved the crazy, and in turn I was also too crazy for someone else.

So for those who just can’t help themselves, if you are going to talk about exes on dates remember this: if you don’t have anything nice to say…

Lots of people never get over little bits of past relationships. Everyone has a bit of crazy in them deep down.

When you talk about an ex’s crazy habits out of context, be careful what you say about them, because ultimately it’s how you’ll be remembered…

If you decide “I’m just not ready” you won’t be remembered as “the one who got away”.

They are more likely to slap you on the ass with the psycho stick and yell:

Run Forest, run!

Do you think talking about your ex kills the romantic X-factor? Or is it just part and parcel of dating someone new? What are some of the stories you have been told? Have you been guilty of doing it?

image.

Have Your Say

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Agree on a couple of notes.

I wish that you were my crazy ex.

There is no doubt in my mind that i am more than one persons crazy ex.

i think that if you are going to talk about your ex on a first date at least make them interesting ... i really don’t care what they did to your trainers when they cleaned the appt.

Ralph of A-List (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:26am)
Movin On replied to Ralph
Tue 24 Nov 09 (12:54pm)

Does it count if the ex is dead?

smile

Emma-Kate Dobbin
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:31am)

What’s the big deal with ex-es? I have no problems talking about them with my boyfriend.

Pauline of melbourne (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:45am)
ironmike replied to Pauline
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:38pm)

Pauline,
I’ll bet your boyfriend just loves hearing about your exes…

Tim replied to Pauline
Thu 19 Nov 09 (01:24pm)

I’m sure your boyfriend is soooooo happy about your attitude.
Seriously,
don’t talk about your exes ever, we don’t want to know.
Unless its to say you never had sex and your only saw him naked once and he had a really small penis.

dan replied to Pauline
Thu 19 Nov 09 (02:55pm)

There’s a big difference between commenting about ex’s to your current partner as to talking about the ex on a date

jed replied to Pauline
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:19pm)

When it comes to sexually explicit experiences or to do with the anatomy of an ex, i sure as hell do not want to hear about it, or being compared negatively to them.. and im in a 2.5 year relationship. (does that count as a long term? lol)

Kozeyekan replied to Pauline
Sat 21 Nov 09 (10:20am)

When, in the history of man, has discussing an Ex led to good things in a relationship?

Dragon replied to Pauline
Mon 23 Nov 09 (01:43pm)

If I didn’t talk, in passing, about my ex’s I’d have to pretend I’d been living on a desert island for the past 20 years.

I don’t think its appropriate for a new partner to expect you to behave like you hatched out of an egg 10 minutes before they met you. On the other hand, displays of bitterness, spite, and/or ranting on and on about your various ex’s are very uncool.

Its OK to have had a life.  Its not OK to make it blatantly obvious that your ex WAS your life.

I don’t think it’s about talking about them, i think it’s more when people rant about them in a less than positive way on a date.  However, i agree with a long-term partner, I think it’s totally fine to chat about an ex. 

Emma-Kate Dobbin
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:52am)

I don’t have an ex who I don’t think of fondly - and if they happen to come up then I enjoy speaking well of them and lingering on the thought for a moment hoping they’re doing well, but then I’ve never been in a relationship I didn’t want to be in - which is where I see a lot of people on a daily basis.

Some people refer to past with an ex as a “failed relationship” and are bitter about it, that’s a bit sad really, a relationship hasn’t failed because it didn’t end in death, I prefer thinking back on such times as having spent the optimum amount of time with someone you loved.

Of course there’s probably some out there who thought we were “in a relationship” and would just as soon strangle me in an awkward elevator moment, oh well - it’s just lucky I’m not particularly eligible - or is the term unconfirmed bachelor… Ha!

Ash Simmonds of Adelayed (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:47am)

I don’t understand why anyone wants to have a chat about their exes. I dated a guy who felt the need to list out almost all of his exes constantly repeating the phrase’and then there was the one who...’. It didn’t last long.

I always wonder what guys are really trying to tell me when they talk about exes??? I have no idea.

Viznicky (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:52am)
Tane replied to Viznicky
Thu 19 Nov 09 (01:31pm)

Maybe they’re giving you a laundry list of the crap they were subjected to in their previous relationships in the hope that you’ll listen and not do the same to them?

Viznicky replied to Viznicky
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:35pm)

Hmmm, you’re probably right. And from now on I’ll listen carefully and try to subject to them to new and exciting crap wink

Mind you, the ‘ex-files’ some of these guys have, it makes me wonder how some girls get away with it!

I can well understand, and live by this regarding dating at the beginning if a relationship, but what of it further down the line, lets say a couple years in? Previous relationships make up a huge part of peoples lives and are responsible for so much personal deveopment.. thoughts?

Munchkin of Melbourne (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:52am)
susan replied to Munchkin
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:50pm)

I totally agree. There is no way I would date anyone that reminds me of certain personality traits of my ex. I’ve taken the time out of my last relationship (ended 3 years ago) to not start another as I had a pattern being able to pick the most arrogant men. Although I’ve only had 3 long term relationships you are right they have all brought me to who I have evolved to today.

...but still don’t talk about your ex’s for the first few months until you find out this person you are with is a keeper. Even then don’t talk about them in way that shows you are still affected by them.

Mmmm, interesting. I agree - ex talk should be barred until you have actually reached partner status with a new beau. I dont know anyone who is comfortable hearing about someone’s ex in the honeymoon phase. If skilled it can be managed well, however it rarely is and I agree it has the ricochet affect of only making you look like a loser to have ever dated someone like that.

Something else to consider. I sometimes tell mutual friends in front of my partner about his pysco ex and what a freak he was. Does that make my partner and in turn me look bad? Perhaps. But he was a freak and some of the stories are too good to keep quiet. Like the time he threw all of his possesions out on the street and then called him to tell him. When my partner got there he literally had to fight 2 homeless people to get his own things back. Talk about a rough deal. That’s Newtown for you.

AK (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:54am)

My gf and I both have no Xs, having been each others first now for 2 years. (I’m 26, she’s 20)

So I guess I’m lucky its something I’ve never had to worry about on either side! smile

RPer (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (11:58am)
Pushcar Champion replied to RPer
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:26pm)

Your 26 and been with her 2 years and she is your first relationship - LOSER. THATS RIGHT YOU SIR ARE A LOSER. 24 before you ever had a partner. Man I hope you had plenty of 1 night stands to boost your street cred cause right now you look like a Chump grin Everyone thinks there first love is the best, til it ends and they realise how much better is out there. And let me tell you - there is always someone better out there so go out and experience life

Barx replied to RPer
Thu 19 Nov 09 (05:01pm)

@PCC - And I guess that makes you a legend.

This guy is 1 for 1 - what’s your scorecard look like? When you’ve got a 100% win streak in relationships then you can talk. The fact you had to reply to call this guy a loser exposes you for what you really are.

Pind!ck.

power ranger III replied to RPer
Thu 19 Nov 09 (05:19pm)

‘Pushcar champion’ sounds like a right chump himself not to mention douche unit. So what, the guy didn’t have a partner till 24? Big deal. Get over yourself.

Jane replied to RPer
Fri 20 Nov 09 (08:43am)

Dont worry about the jerk “Pushcar”. My aunt and uncle were both each others firsts and 35 yrs on are still happily married to their best friend.

Elytherin replied to RPer
Wed 25 Nov 09 (12:11pm)

hey man, half your luck ^^) my first relationship was actually the other way around, i was 18 and she was 24 and we both were each others first relationships, unfortunately it didnt last but we parted ways peacefully, the only real reason it didnt last was because of the inability to move to the next step lol (she lived in belgium, i couldnt move to belgium because of a medical issue and the climate and she couldnt move here because of how close and dependant her family is on her and her on them) but we are still friends.

so i guess what i wanted to say was “congratulations on finding some one you can hold dear on your first shot!”

Sorry you, your GF and God smile In some ways I agree - but I wouldn’t take back any of the relationships with any of my exes. However, if you are lucky to have met someone great from the word go - that is unreal also!  smile

Emma-Kate Dobbin
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:08pm)

I think it depends on the manner in which one talks about one’s ex....still being friends with them, appropriate and funny stories, interesting sexual stuff you may have tried....It can be all good and quite educational - done in the right open and honest relationship.
There are however the ‘my ex did this awful stuff to me...’ people, who are in fact telling you about all the crud they’re about to try on you. Or the people who just aren’t over their ex’s....

Actually, I think it’s good when people talk about their ex’s - It often provides an enlightening insight into how a person thinks, and do you really want to be dating them yourself?!!!

Pussy's Bow (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:00pm)

It’s hard not to mention ex’s because some part of your life / an adventure/ experience was done with them. 
Don’t talk about crazy ex’s fetishes..  cause then the next one might go - “ Why don’t you send me.... “

Sarah of Sydney (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:11pm)

i’ll hear any of it.

i’ve discovered not giving a toss about past, current and future experiences involving any person who has gained my affection and someone else is the most efficient way of dealing with it.

that’s them and someone else. just like myself and other people. i don’t expect any different from them and i don’t mind hearing all the gory details included how huge it was, how long they did it for and all the wild shit they did.

what’s left after that is what is between us and that’s what i consider my main concern. they’re obviously factoring in all the knowledge about what they had with their ex’s and they’re still with me so whether i know it or not they’re still choosing me so it isn’t a bother.

each to his own, though.

geoff (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:15pm)

I have found in my expereince that men tend to bring up exes far more than women do on their first date/early stages of dating someone. I have no idea why, I just find it is more common with men. Maybe they’re comfortable with it…

I think women tend to talk about their ex stories with their girlfriends vs. their first date.  wink

AT of Sydney (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:37pm)
ironmike replied to AT
Thu 19 Nov 09 (01:34pm)

To AT,
This doesn’t make sense…
Most men are too clever to talk about the ex, because they’re doing everything they can to get a new woman naked.  Men know talking about the ex kills women’s libido.
Women on the other hand, must like seeing new men squirm, shake their heads and offer sympathy, ‘...oh, you poor dear.’
See, for women, everything is so much more dramatic…

Miles replied to AT
Thu 19 Nov 09 (01:52pm)

So, do you date both men and women then to know this??

sara replied to AT
Fri 20 Nov 09 (01:28pm)

hahahaha wink

And what happens when the limited supply of ex’s you have had are all bad. I have only had 2.5 relationships.
1. The guy who admitted on breaking up that he only dated me to get my V
2. The live in who was using my place to store stolen goods (and no you wouldnt have suspected that an ex-minister who held down a 9-5 job in a bookstore would be a theif.)
and the 0.5, the guy who after seeing me for 9 months said we were never in a relationship.

I must admit, I dont feel animosity to any of them and would only bring any of them up if I was interested in a guy who couldnt understand my desire to go slow.

However I did go on a date with a really cute guy whom I had a lot in common with that he killed by taking about his psycho ex…

Jane (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:38pm)
mike j replied to Jane
Thu 19 Nov 09 (02:28pm)

What happens is that you continue to have bad relationships because you externalise all of your faults and end up being a crazy bag lady with a lot of cats.

You perceive all of your exs being ‘bad’ when you’re the common factor in those failed relationships. Why don’t you try and learn from them, take ownership of your weaknesses and try to improve yourself so you can attract a better class of man who’ll want to keep you.

Any girl who told me she’d been dumped by all her boyfriends, or had only dated ‘losers’, would make me very suspicious.

KM replied to Jane
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:11pm)

Bloody hell, what’s with the guys attacking all the women who dare to have an opinion on this topic.

Seriously guys just because this is a blog about men does not mean that you can just berate any women who doesn’t have an opinion in favour of the man.

If you, Mike, had 3 exes who had dumped you I am quite certain you wouldn’t be saying “Hmm it must be me”. Especially not with the kind of exes that Jane described.

In the posts above one the guys are saying don’t bring up the exes to your current BF they really don’t want to hear about the boring details, however a few posts down from those a woman had a guy bring up his exes constantly and suddenly it was perfectly reasonable for a guy to have a laundry list of what he didn’t want to see in this new realationship based on the old ones.

Let’s try and be a bit more objective so it’s a healthy debate and not encourage double standards.

mike j replied to Jane
Thu 19 Nov 09 (05:27pm)

FFS, KM, it’s not a gender thing. It’s exactly the same for guys who whinge that all their exs were despicable sluts.

But Jane’s boyfriends don’t even sound that bad:

1) Wow. Guy dates girl to get sex. Somebody call the fucking Guinness Book of World Records. And he obviously had to world bloody hard to get it cos of her V-plates, so homie #1 gets a high five. He probably only threw that in her face when he was dumping her because she went all hysterical bitch on him.

2) It’s not like he was stealing from her. Homie #2 had a full-time job and the worst thing about him had nothing to do with her? I’m not saying theft is cool, but honey, Jesus is dead… lower your standards a bit.

2.5) Here’s a heads-up for all the ladies: the relationship doesn’t start until we bang you. K? So if we have to put up with your shit for eight and a half months to get some cookie, then we get bored of you after two weeks, it’s not a relationship, and don’t go on about how we broke your heart, because it’s totally self-inflicted. You should have shagged us on day one!

jed replied to Jane
Thu 19 Nov 09 (07:27pm)

“You should have shagged us on day one! “

But then you would label us easy whores right?

KM replied to Jane
Fri 20 Nov 09 (11:35am)

Mike, you sound like the deluded one here.

FFS all those guys she dated sound like assholes. Plus it doesn’t say she was dumped until the last guy… If you read it properly.
In fact I think on the first one the guy would have said that as retaliation for her breaking up with him!

Anyway not the point! Everyone learns something from their relationships, just not everyone chooses to act on it. It’s not about “improving yourself so a man will want you” it’s about asserting yourself with the right kind of person.

And I wasn’t specifically attacking you, you were just an example, this whole topic is rife with similar comments from men.

*blows big fat raspberry at anyone who disagrees * wink

Crooked replied to Jane
Fri 20 Nov 09 (03:51pm)

*Holds up clear plastic spittle guard*

KM, I think you’ll find this blog is always rife with those sorts of comments heading in both directions. Did you read the one about “nice guys”?

And if mike j isn’t being inflamatory in some way, there’s half a chance it’s someone pretending, so don’t take it to heart.

Crooked replied to Jane
Fri 20 Nov 09 (03:51pm)

*Holds up clear plastic spittle guard*

KM, I think you’ll find this blog is always rife with those sorts of comments heading in both directions. Did you read the one about “nice guys”?

And if mike j isn’t being inflamatory in some way, there’s half a chance it’s someone pretending, so don’t take it to heart.

Jane replied to Jane
Sat 21 Nov 09 (09:25am)

Hi mike j, thanks for the advice, I now know where I have been going wrong. I have been making guys work to hard by making them wait till date 3 for some action.

Btw I have only slept with the 3 listed here and was a shocking 27 when I lost my V, so maybe there is some truth in the matter since dating me more than once is obviously very hard work. No wonder the genders cant work each other out, personally I would have thought a girl who went dutch on the first date is most guys ideal based on the comments in previous blogs.

And why do I suspect that all these guys who say put out on date 1 would threaten to kill the male who suggested that to their mother, sister or daughter? LOL

Wanna talk about crazy ex’s.. umm how about someone who goes text crazy and like psycho when a guy doesn’t reply, hahaha!! Oppsies cheese

aimz09 of Sydney (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:43pm)

So did you do this? Or do you just mean - women who do?

Emma-Kate Dobbin
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:45pm)

Not sure what the big deal is. I have a psychotic ex-wife, and there are obviously so many better things to talk about, so I tend to avoid mentioning her.
But other exes, girlfriends from times gone by? I am still in touch with several of them, we enjoy each others company occasionally, help each other thru hassles like divorce, enjoy each others successes… all good, and quite fine to talk about. Just not quite on a first date!

Great Exes of Perth (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:45pm)

My boyfriend talks about his ex sometimes. Whereas I keep my past in the past. 

Occassionally I wonder how I measure up or whether what we are doing is new for him.

Dash of Brissy (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:46pm)

There is NO doubt in my mind that I am at least 2 peoples ‘crazy ex’. And my crazy ex is from about 4 years ago, but I have learnt not to talk about him as it doesn’t so much scare boys off, it makes them feel sorry for me, and get all protective. That scares ME off of THEM.

When my current boyfriend told me about his psycho ex (hobbies include glassing people he’s seen with, stalking, etc...) I wasn’t so much worried that HE was a psycho, but that she would come after ME! As it turns out I met her a few years ago - before BF and I were together - and thank goodness, she doesnt hate me, and doesnt want to glass me. Yet.

Mention exs on dates sure, but just dont go into too much detail, cos quite frankly, no one is THAT interested. Especially someone who’s trying to get into your pants…

Sammie-Lou (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:47pm)

EK,
I never mention anything about my ex-girlfriends and rarely discuss them when I’m asked.  They are exes for a reason.  Besides, who wants to hear about fat, religious, cheating, fragile, estranged, moody, stupid, tightass, ridiculous crazy women???
Don’t get me wrong - all my exes were awesome, but when I break up with them, I want to degrade them.
I have two special idiots I try not to think or talk about, one who piled on 12kg in three months and told me to love her for who she is, not what she looks like - yeah, sure thing fatso.
The other was 25, emotionally inept, couldn’t handle being away from me, couldn’t stop talking about her ex, who cheated on her and broke her fluttering heart.
Poor, poor baby, huh?  Like she’s the only wench in history to have experience a bout of heartache.  To combat it, she figured if she broke someone else’s heart (ladies, I do have one) it’d make her feel better.
When I do think of those two skanks with bad hair, my choice of words isn’t pleasant, so I don’t mention them to women, though I frequently degrade them with mates.  They’re worth a giggle.
Sometimes, though, when my conscience strikes, I wonder what my exes say about me, and then I realise, who gives a damn, I know I don’t.
That’s why they’re exes, though I do feel sorry for a couple who ended up in therapy.
Ladies, please don’t rag on about your exes.  Women do this so frequently, it’s like they were taught how in high school.
Talking about the ex shows a distinct lack of morality, courage and intelligence.

ironmike of brisbane (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (12:52pm)
Barx replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:32pm)

That’s why they’re exes, though I do feel sorry for a couple who ended up in therapy

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

But seriously ironmike has a point. We don’t want to know about your exes. As far as I am concerned you don’t have any, and any crazy sexual stuff you do you learned from porno.

I have had it happen twice, and I had to shut these ladies down pretty quickly, simply with a ‘Look maybe your girlfriends want to hear about your ex, but I certainly don’t. As far as I’m concerned you’re a virgin’. I think one was just doing it for the drama but it never happened again.

I have a mate whose missus will say ALL KINDS of things in front of him though - even to him. ‘This guy flirts with me at work’. ‘I used to like having sex to metal with my old boyfriend’. Unbelievable. He needs to grow a pair, I’ve even had to shut her down before right in front of him.

susan replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:42pm)

I also don’t like hearing about someone’s ex girlfriends just because I put up the comparison radar.

The more I read this column the more I am happy to stay single. It’s a harsh place out there in relationship land.

Ali replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:49pm)

So you apend your little rant about your ex’s with this choice quote: “Talking about the ex shows a distinct lack of morality, courage and intelligence”? Clearly, says more about you than about any of the women you’ve dated.

jo replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:15pm)

Yup same hate hearing about it and hate talking about them.

I mainly hate hearing about his ex because apparently (never seen her) she was model stunning hot and I’m well not model material.. it sucks..

Turquoise replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:22pm)

Jeez… I don’t think I’ve seen that side of you on the Bossy blog. Who did a number on you?

jed replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:23pm)

women do this frequently? are you sure? i think that you are mistaken, because i sure as hell dont.

KM replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:24pm)

My BF hassled me into telling him everything (even the sex stuff). Squeezed as many details out of me as he could over a period of time and one day asked just that one question too many.

I hate talking about exes with current partners because they get all jealous and shit. And that’s exactly what happend! Then he had the hide to tell me I should have known better than to tell him… I would have dearly liked to break his teeth!

Went through a crazy couple of years where the jealousy was in overdrive and we almost didn’t make it but thankfully now maturity and and common sense have kicked in and it’s all sweet. But I do think it still bubbles to the surface occasionally.

If I had my time again I would definitely just refuse to answer anything. Some men think they can handle it, others are smart enough to know they can’t.

I also know a few guys who make comments like “my ex used used to do it for me” “My ex was blonde you should go blonde” and shit like that. That is also not on!

So while I agree there are a lot of women who do rant on about their exes, there are also men who need to hold back a bit.

HiSpidey replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (04:54pm)

I never mention anything about my ex-girlfriends and rarely discuss them when I’m asked. 

Um, isn’t that what you’ve just done? Told us all about your exes?

?? replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (05:23pm)

irondude, i think you like to $h!tstir everyone on here with some of ur comments.

Jill replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (06:20pm)

I dated a guy fairly recently, who on the second date told me that he had received therapy to get through his last ex.  I did give him a third date, but he kept presenting more and more evidence that he didn’t quite have the emotional strength I look for in a man.  Not good.

bec replied to ironmike
Thu 19 Nov 09 (07:24pm)

What, the guy with like, twenty-four hundred stories about his “fired” ex-girlfriends is going to sit here and tell us that he never bags his exes?

COME ON!

Tim replied to ironmike
Fri 20 Nov 09 (12:10pm)

Bec,
Ironmike says he never talks about his exes with his current girlfriends. That doesn’t mean he isn’t allowed to bag them on the internet.
And I believe the term is “sacked” girlfriends not “fired”.

Lunch at replied to ironmike
Sun 22 Nov 09 (07:10am)

Way to go ironmike you are 99.9.% alike with typical oz blokes. A long long time ago when I was dating, my then gf got massively jealous when I took a couple of hours off work and secretly organised her birthday dinner/hotel stay over. She thought I was bonking a co-worker, which would be cute if a one off thought but it was a regular accusation with no foundation in her fertile imagination. Eventually she ‘planted’ knickers in my laundry and accused me of playing up expecting a confession, that was the final straw as it’s hard to confess when you’re innocent. I now laugh her off as a crazy ex. Mt advice to bf’s who are listening to stories about ex’s is to casually start talking about your next gf, that usually dissolves the conversation nicely…

curious replied to ironmike
Mon 23 Nov 09 (01:44pm)

@ KM - “My BF hassled me into telling him everything (even the sex stuff). Squeezed as many details out of me as he could over a period of time and one day asked just that one question too many.”

Ummmmmm - don’t let our collective imagination run wild. What was the one question too many??

Seriously, so much word to this one. This rates as one of my biggest turn offs on a first date. If you’re still talking about the, especially when we barely know each other, it just says you’re not over them. I also find it a turn off when guys refer to their ex’s as sluts, fat, etc. etc.

I think after a while of getting to know each other, when the opportunity to discuss past relationships comes up then sure, that’s fine if you both want to do it.

HonkyTonks of Brisbane (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (01:20pm)

The only exe’s I have are on my hard drive.  Eg Windows.exe, firefox.exe, and solitaire.exe

I don’t have an issue talking about them to new girls. Eg while hanging out with cmd.exe I casually typed in “f firefox.exe /s”, and she had no problem with it.

Anyways, regarding human exe’s I am 30 years old and I’m not anyones ex or current. I can’t quite figure out why.

slimsheedy (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (02:13pm)
Barx replied to slimsheedy
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:33pm)

...I’ve got a theory or two…

program blocker replied to slimsheedy
Fri 20 Nov 09 (12:05am)

I think nerd.exe is blocking nice_guy.exe from being discovered.

spot on EK.

my bf’s previous gf sounds like a complete nutter.  By his own admission she was crazy.  he said she was demanding, constantly suspicious that he was having an affair with me (he wasn’t, I only saw him once or twice during that time), pushing for marriage & a baby after only a few weeks together, and emotionally up & down.  He even said that he saw a tv ad about insanity and thought of her!!

The whole story of their relationship makes him sound weak, pathetic, manipulated, used, and like a total walkover, none of which he is.  So I wonder why he tells me this stuff?  Loving a crazy person, and still thinking highly of her, just makes me think badly of him.

Keep crazy to yourself people!

missk (Reply)
Thu 19 Nov 09 (02:26pm)
Miles replied to missk
Thu 19 Nov 09 (02:45pm)

I like that, you said the ex was crazy because she was suspicious of your intentions with her guy.....looks like she was right!!

missk replied to missk
Thu 19 Nov 09 (03:40pm)

haha no!! sorry should’ve said, she was suspicious of me because he told her about me!  (he had previously liked me and told her that).  I was unaware that he liked me still, hardly saw him during his relationship with her (never met her), and only got involved with him later on.

whoops.  hope that makes it clearer! grin

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Emma-Kate Dobbin

Emma-Kate Dobbin

Journalist Emma-Kate Dobbin tells you what she’s learned about the workings of the male mind and the opposite sex.

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