I LOVED this detailed look into the lives of the Duggars! This book was inspiring, encouraging and fascinating.

It was awesome to read that Michelle Duggar herself sat and cried some days when she had all littles around her feet. It’s easy to look at their family now, all perfectly lined up with clean neat clothing and well behaved and think that Michelle probably did everything perfectly when her oldest were still small. You imagine her as the mother walking through the grocery store with 5 children under 5 and no one crying or grabbing. You assume that she schooled them all with the patience of a saint every single day and never had a day where she felt so overwhelmed that it seemed as though the world was going to swallow her whole. I’m glad to report to you that she had days where she cried… a lot (according to the book). I felt so vindicated when I read that!

It would also be easy to read about their lifestyle and schooling methods and feel completely overwhelmed and lost. Their house runs very efficiently and she has a great system going. But it would be ridiculous for me to expect our family to operate the same way- there are not 21 of us. We are just 6, and 2/3 of us are under the age of 6! A massive amount of information was provided for the period of their lives that only included small babies though. Since I hope to one day have mature teenagers who actually love their parents, I can take a peek into the lives of the Duggars and see what they did right to this end.

Here is what I picked up on:

1. They are consistent. They consistently apply their interpretation of God’s Word to every stinkin’ area of their lives: how they dress, how they do church, how (and why) they teach their children, the types of friends they have, the entertainment they allow into their home. It all lines up with no discrepancies (and the book accounts of times when they ventured off of the narrow way). They may not be perfect in their interpretation of scripture, but they are consistent.
2. They are patient. These people do not mind waiting for something good. They went one whole summer without AC in their new house because they insist on paying cash for everything. They also went that entire summer without grass for the same reason. And the Lord has rewarded their determination with some ridiculously good deals.
3. Obtaining their children’s hearts is top priority. They are quick to ask forgiveness and confess to their children if they have wronged one of them. They serve their children without complaining. They make room for each and every child, allowing them to flourish in their individual gifts and uniquely cherishing every single one of them. I cannot fathom doing that with 19 children!
4. They are humble. Period.

I’ve learned that taking care of myself is top priority, because if I’m not well, I can’t care for everyone else very well. Michelle tries really hard, bless her heart, to eat healthy. (I did get a pretty good laugh out of her confession t0hat eating a Reese’s cup a day during one pregnancy resulted in a 10 pound baby. I’m pretty sure other factors were involved. )

I’ve learned to give Brent some room to make mistakes. Jim Bob sure made some stupid ones in their early days! But it was those mistakes that caused him to be a little bit wiser and make super great choices later on.

The book is written by Jim Bob and Michelle together. Brent hasn’t read it yet, but I hope he does. I think it could be inspiring for both man and woman, no matter how many children you plan on having.

You know, I had this blog all perfect in my mind in the middle of the night. I should have just hacked it out while it was fresh.

Anyway.

Edited to Add: I remembered, again in the middle of the night, those small details I left out. Find them in italics.

It would only be fair to tell you how I first came upon this belief system, sometimes referred to as “Quiverfull”. It involves publicly macerating outwitting an unsuspecting individual. In Bible College I participated in a debate on the subject of Birth Control. (I was debating against it. And this role was assigned to me, believe it or not!)It was an unsuspecting young lady indeed who braved the very extremely short line of folks willing to go up against me. (Okay. So she was the only one in line.) She had no idea. Since this was Bible School, I turned to scripture for answers. Over a series of debates arguments were slashed, issues debated, and the battle won. I responded to all arguments in a brazenly honest fashion and by the end of it, other students eyed her in the hallways as if she were Margaret Sanger in the flesh. Don’t worry though… she became one of the best friends (and later my maid of honor) that I’ve ever had!

First of all, a huge thank you to everyone who responded to my rambling wonderings the other day! I know it’s a very personal issue, but also a highly misunderstood choice by many. People who choose not to use birth control are sometimes looked at as “self righteous” and people who do practice family planning often feel that they are being looked at as “unspiritual.” I’ve got enough people sticking their noses in my bedroom, that I might as well be honest about how I feel about it.

Brent has spent quite a lot of time examining scriptures, and once he gets it all typed out, I’ll share it. But for now, I’ll just give you a tid bit.

And it involves a white board.

Can’t see what he’s writing? Oh boy. Feast your eyes upon this. He’s goal oriented, if nothing else.

Have you figured out the scrawling numbers?

The first column is the average number of kids most Christian families are having now: 1.5, the 1.5 next to that indicates a total of 1.5 descendants. The next line indicates the number of children our children would have if they  each had 1.5 children (3.5). The number next to that (4.5) indicates the TOTAL number of descendants at that point. So, in 80 years, as the red column indicates, the two of us together would have a rather pathetic lineage of 15.75. In eighty years.

The next set of numbers indicates if we stop at four kids and each of our descendants has 3.5 kids. After four generations we would have 239 people we’ve influenced.

The next set of numbers indicates if we have only 8 children. Total descendants: 477.

With 12 children, and each of our descendants having 3.5 children, in 80 years, the total is 715! Seven hundred and fifteen people, forever changing the face of the earth. 715 souls living forever for eternity, what an impact!

So, Brent’s question to me is this: What sort of impact are we wanting to make on this earth? What sort of impact does God expect from us? He hopes to show me, by scripture, that the question is not of the quality but of the quantity.

So, with his white board gimmick, he hopes to approach me as a salesman.

But, he’s still a rockstar by night.

I’m still trying to remember the rest of it. Maybe if I actually sleep at night, instead of stare at the ceiling pondering these things, my memory would improve?

Is it ‘grey’, or ‘gray’?

Anyway. Recently, while commenting on this blog, an interesting thought process began in my mind.

Now, some of you will be really surprised to hear that I would ever even think of questioning my decisions on birth control. Some of you may not even know that I had any hard core beliefs. So, I must preface this posting with yet another disclaimer. I don’t claim to have it all figured out, and am certainly not naive enough to think that life always happens perfectly, even when you follow all the rules. With that in mind, I’ve got some questions.

I invite conversation on this topic, but only if you can be respectful of what others may have to say, as well as what I’ve said here. The main goal of this blog is NOT to figure out what the “rule” is in this area, but how can I/we best glorify God with our actions and choices.

Now, this was what came out of my response to Julie’s question about contraception methods:

When we first got married, we believed that we would not use any form of contraception, natural or otherwise. I think it took about four months for me to get pregnant, and we were trying to conceive. Then I believed that I wouldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding, but boy was I wrong! LOL DD1 was just 10 months old when I found out DD2 was on the way. Every single pregnancy has come while I was breastfeeding, but interestingly enough they get further apart with each one.

We have never done anything to prevent children, and between two of our babies I never even had a period, so a natural method would have been difficult anyway.

However, life with four small children is proving difficult. I squirm when I think of adding a fifth *right now*. And honestly, sometimes struggle with BOTH mindsets…

• The mindset that believes that children are burdens and so I really just want a girl and a boy and a big house and lots of time to myself…

AND

• The mindset that seems to proclaim that if you don’t have as many kids as possible, you must not believe that children are blessings. So my question is: Can’t I have four kids, believe that they are blessings, and glorify God in that?

Because I believe that the chief end of man is to glorify God. So, I normally answer questions by reflecting on whether or not God can be glorified through that action. KWIM? =D

What was once a very black and white thing has turned a slight shade of gray for me right now. DH and I are praying about it. We would never do anything permanent, such as a vasectomy. Then we might be tempted to justify our natural birth control measures by saying “Well, if God wants to bless us again, maybe He can, despite our using Natural Family Planning”. But then if THAT is the way it is, why try to prevent at all? If God is only going to circumvent our actions and force His will anyway?

Which THEN brings me to question: Does He force His will? Are there children that some people could have been blessed with, that they missed out on because they wanted to choose their own timing? God says in Jeremiah that BEFORE he was formed in the womb He knew Him. Before. Before conception?

Can God lead a couple to avoid conception because that is His will for their life for a period of time? And what is the best way to do that? Of course scripture says that the only time we are to withhold our body from our spouse is during periods of prayer and fasting. What does this all mean?

These are hard questions, aren’t they?

I just want to please God. I want my life, my actions, my choices, my thoughts…. all of it, I want all of that to glorify Him and point others to Him. How can I best do that in this area?

Maybe the answer to that question doesn’t look the same for everyone.

Hybrid Dieting. This is the term that I have given to define my current status: DIETING WITH PMS.

It occured to me that this was going on just now when I felt guilty for eating THREE…no, wait FOUR cookies. I did not feel guilty because of the sugar or chocolate, but because of the wheat. The sugar and chocolate were merely a means to get through my crampy afternoon. The whole wheat was purely unnecessary (and I’m not supposed to be eating any wheat right now, per diet rules.)

Some of you have asked how I’m doing with the whole “no sugar thing.” For five weeks straight I ate no grains or starches, and no sugar. (I was allowed two “cheats” per week, and you better believe I used them!) I’ve been using Xylitol instead of sugar, in my coffee, and really just being hungry for lack of the grains (no brown rice, no oats, no wheat, no spelt, no NOTHIN’). When you take out all that stuff, all that is left is meat and veggies and fruit.

And I lost 14 pounds.

Then I gained one, but that could have been from water retention and bloating that led up to the most current events.

So, now I am an angry, hungry, hormonal woman and I must have chocolate and anything chewy or I will indeed turn into a fire breathing dragon. I’m just trying not to GAIN weight right now, and when this has passed (in about 4 more days) I will resume trying to LOSE weight. 

It’s so funny how sometimes God gives us what we want to our own detriment. I just don’t lose weight after I have a baby. I gain 50 and lose about 30 and then I’m stuck with 20. So, 20 x 3 kids is SIXTY! Yikes! I was fearful that after the next baby I’d find myself EIGHTY pounds overweight, and also worried about what might happen during pregnancy if I were 60 pounds overweight. SO, I set my goal to lose 25 pounds before I got pregnant again. (I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will not be able to attain my pre-baby weight any time soon.) 

So, I said a lil’ prayer and asked the Lord to give me time to lose weight. And He graciously has. 

Only now I have had to deal with FOUR months of PMS! 

I think I’d rather be fat and pregnant.