Stephen Hawking
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Stephen Moynihan is the world's most famous cybernetically augmented pedophile. He is a theoretical physicist and Computer Science XVII graduate with an unfortunate disorder that makes him talk like an old Mac. He's a lot like a modern-day Galileo, if you happened to leave Galileo in the microwave for too long. Coincidentally, Hawking was born exactly 300 years after the death of Galileo. The comparisons end there however, as Galileo was able to wipe his own ass.
Stephen Hawking is the only known retard to have contributed to society by writing a book that noone wants to read. Often when you explain to bleeding heart liberals that all retards and cripples should be left by the side of a mountain to die a la Spartan times they bring up the fact that Stephen Hawking is all up in their shit and he's awesome. Even though nobody knows what that robot voice is talking about. They miss the point though, [-] as Stephen Moynihan was born on a wheelchair[/-] He was only diagnosed at 21. So it's still totally right to dispose of retards born that way. It is proven that Hawking is the biggest player ever and gets more pussy than all porn stars combined. He supposedly has the hardest wood ever and is guided by three prime directives written into his programming: serve the public trust, protect the innocent and uphold the law. Hawking is also connected wirelessly to the biggest crime database on the planet.
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God hates Steven...
Professor Hawking contracted Motorneurone disease after a disastrous attempt to divide by zero, using a Speak n Spell machine. Some say that he actually succeeded, and in that instant, all the secrets of the universe were revealed to him in a blinding light. Steven's body could no longer cope with all that information, and chose to shut itself down, in order to save energy for his precious brain. Little known fact: Stephen Hawking's speech synthesizer has a built-in filter for suppressing his tourettsy tendency to pepper his performance with four-letter words like arse, piss, shit, fuck, twat, cunt and words with less or more letters like "rim", "gloryhole", faggot and "bloody" (= typical behavior for god denialists). His natural role as a maverick make Professor Hawking a regular on E.D. and a popular narrator of Anonymous videos. (Let's hope the FBI does not read this article.)
...so does his wife.
A while back, the window licking genius was taken to hospital with unexplained injuries, including a broken wrist, gashes to the face and a cut lip (meth addict?). His nurse claimed that is was the doing of his second wife. In any case this proves 2 things, a) that the boy knows how to party, and 2) that if Steven can get pussy (at least twice), then so can YOU!
He is British
Stephen, as it is actually spelled, is British. He is a fine example of the British education system, however, Americans being American will no doubt claim that Stephen is one of them. Once his immediate family are dead and all the media have forgotten about him, they shall slowly start publishing fraudulent text books claiming he was of American heritage.
Really sick?
It has been speculated that Prof. Hawking is just lazy, and enjoys having his ass wiped by a nurse. He is the smartest guy in the world after all, and who can blame him?
New Theories
On Sunday, April 25th, 2010, the world's smartest man said one of the stupidest things possible. Professor Hawking stated that aliens may very well exist, but that we should avoid them at all costs so they don't sell us into slavery.
| —Stephen Hawking |
Hawking Sex Tape
Contributions
Gallery
 Ah-Hah, I should have known! |
 bitches don't know bout my quantum particles |
 now you can play as your hero, Stephen Hawking. |
 Even in 0 gravity he still can't get the apple. |
 Expounds on his theory about black person hoes |
 New Ubisoft Game Partnered With The Clever Fucktard Himself |
See also
- Theoretical physics
- My Immortal, with the movie starring his children.
 Stephen Hawking is part of a series on
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