This morning I am in Florence, Alabama for the funeral of the father of a close friend.  Last night at the funeral home, there was "visitation" for two different families.  Many, many people were coming and going.  There were long lines for both families.  Throughout this funeral home, one could hear lots of conversation. 

Now who are you?

Oh I wouldn’t have recognized you!

I haven’t seen you in years!

Now where are you living?

As I was waiting in line, it struck me that everybody in that place just wanted to be present.  After all, when someone dies, there is no fix.  Yes, he was a Christian and has "gone home to be with the Lord."  Yet, there is no way to ease the grief or take away the sadness of such a change in their lives.  The best thing friends and family can do is just be present.  There is something to be said for just "showing up".  How many people do you know who are really present with you through life?  How many people do you know who are really engaged and connected with you?

Years ago, a man told me about losing his son in the Vietnam war.  When news came that his son had been killed, some friends made comments that made the occasion more difficult than it already was.  One man said, "Another flower for God’s garden."  (Uhhhhh)  Others made comments which suggested that in some way, they were trying to explain this tragedy.  This man became very disgusted with all of this.

The night of visitation at the funeral home, many people were coming and going.  Finally, a man came into the room where the family was.  He was the grieving father’s fishing buddy.  He was wearing a pair of bibbed overalls.  When he approached his friend, he said:

I come to grieve with you.

With those simple words, he sat quietly near his friend, in that funeral home, for the rest of the evening.  He was present.

No matter the occasion, there is something to be said for really being present in one another’s lives.  Being present may have to do with listening or it may mean being a part of significant moments. 

Yes, most of us are going to experience times when we are just not present (either emotionally or physically).  On more than one occasion, I just wasn’t emotionally connected with the situation at the time.  Yet, I try to live with the intent to be present.  That intent may be the first step to being present.

You’ve met them before.  There are people whose walk with God is always "Wonderful!"  I remember a guy who used to always tell everyone that he was doing "Super!."  I know another guy, quite a bit older than him, who always said that he was doing "Marvelous."  One woman used to always reply to the "How’s your day going?" question by saying "Fantastic!" 

OK…I don’t want to knock those replies.  After all, those are often very fitting answers to the question, "How are you doing?"  They may very well fit the day.  But ALL the time?  I don’t think so.  At least that is not my experience in walking with Jesus.  Some days are wonderful.  Others maybe painful, hard, and difficult.

I have some days when I seem to say all the wrong things to the people I love most.

I have some days when my thoughts seem silly, trivial, or just downright sinful.

I have some days when most, if not all, of my attempts seem to result in dead ends.  At the end of the day, it all feels futile.

I have some days when I feel defeated.

So–I am so thankful for the Psalms.  In David’s life, everyday was not a wonderful, super, fantastic day.  In fact, David also had some very rough days:

To you I call, O Lord my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down into the pit.
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place…
(Ps. 28:1-2)

I come away from such a Psalm remembering that my walk with Jesus does not mean that I now only experience positive, joyful emotions.  There are also the tough emotions that I will experience at times.  So I want to pray with David in Ps. 17:8:

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings…

The sign said, "United States Penitentiary–Leavenworth, Kansas."  We were living in Kansas City, Missouri at the time.  A prison ministry group had asked me to speak at Leavenworth one Sunday evening.  I have visited a number of people in various country jails before.  I had never spoken at a Federal Penitentiary. 

A group of us would be going into the penitentiary together.  First, we had to get through security.  We removed rings, wallets, belts, shoes, etc.  We passed through a highly sensitive, security screen. Next was a photo ID.  Then we passed through another security area.  Some electronic iron doors opened.  We went through  and then they closed.  A very sobering moment.

A chaplain approached me and said we would be going to the chapel.  We came to the back of a large auditorium.  It was dark and was full of inmates watching a Charles Bronson thriller.  I followed the chaplain as he walked along a side wall.  I was nervous.  600-700 federal prisoners in this large, dark, room.  On the screen was the familiar face of Charles Bronson, gunning someone down in cold blood.

We finally got to the chapel.  It was a small room but soon filled up quickly. About 125 African-American, Hispanic, and White, male prisoners had gathered.  I spoke from Genesis 3.  I retold the story of Adam, Eve, and the serpent.

I had preached earlier in the day at our church but this was so very different.  There was an energy in the room and an alertness that was quite different from what I saw in people’s eyes that morning.  Normally, I speak to people are totally silent during sermons.  They rarely if ever say anything back.  However, this evening would be different.

I began to preach and these prisoners began to talk back:

Adam and Eve were in the garden when the tempter in the form of a serpent approached them.  Yes sir!  Look out!   Uh oh!

The serpent told them that if they would eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would not surely die.  The serpent lied and they bought it!   Watch it!  Oh Jesus have mercy!!

They bought the lie and then they thought they could hide.  Do you know what it is to feel as if you have to hide?  Do you know what it is to not be able to be honest and open?  The shouts became louder with– oh yes! mercy yes!

Back and forth we went.  It was an energetic evening.  More than that it was evening where God was obviously present.  The message ended and I had conversation with many of these people.

So–what if Jesus had a church?

If Jesus had a church (and yes I know he does.  Not referring to my bunch or anyone else’s.  I don’t mean that in a sectarian sense at all).   I wonder what kind of people might be attracted to it.  What kind of people would want to be a part of this church?  The Gospels are helpful in answering this question.

For now, I suspect that many of them would be located at places like Leavenworth Penitentiary.  On that Sunday evening, forever etched in my memory, they had a hunger for God.

Last summer, I was in Nashville and picked up a very fine little book by Erwin Raphael McManus entitled, The Barbarian Way.  I bought  the  book because I had already stood in the bookstore for fifteen minutes reading it.  It was very interesting. That night, I read the remainder of the book.

I love this paragraph from McManus’ book:

…To belong to God is to belong to His heart.  If we have responded to the call of Jesus to leave everything and follow Him, then there is a voice within us crying out, "Fight for the heart of your king!"  Yet, Christianity over the past two thousand years has moved from a tribe of renegades to a religion of conformists….Jesus began His public ministry with a simple invitation: "Come, follow Me."  His closing instructions to His disciples can be summarized in one word, "Go!"  A quick survey of the modern church would lead you to believe His invitation was "Come and Listen," and his closing mandate would be summarized in the one word "No!"  The tribe of Jesus, above all people, should rightly carry the banner, "Forward."

Now I like the sound of that word.  "Forward."  Unfortunately, I think far too often McManus is correct about today’s church.  Instead of being a tribe of renegades, we too often become conformists.  For many of us, "forward" is not our word.  For many of us, "conform" is our word.  Think about how often this is played out among us:

We conform to our fears.  Consequently, we don’t think like many of the early Christ-followers such as those you might read about in Acts.  We think low risk.  Instead of praying with boldness to God, we fret and worry asking, "What if this or that happens?"

As a result, many of us have come to expect following Christ to be a safe, non-threatening, bland lifestyle.  Low risk seems to be normal  Does this sound like the life of one who is serious about the kingdom of God?

We conform to our desire for comfort.  What about pain, discomfort, or suffering?  Could it be that these comfort disturbers might just be a part of our lives if we thought more in terms of kingdom living?  Could it be that faithfully following Jesus might just mean that I live on the other end of comfort?  Those of us in the United States know what it is to live in a very affluent nation.  For many people (and for many Christians) life seems to be about buying bigger and better toys.  Yet, is comfort what the call of Jesus is about?

We conform to our desire to be praised by others.  Jesus warned of this temptation in John 5.  Yet, far too many Christian people, including many  Christian leaders, place the applause of people above the applause of God.  This is seen over and over in churches of all flavors as church leaders place an inordinate amount of energy dealing with unhappy church members.  Far too often, we do not seriously wrestle with the question, "Is Jesus pleased?"  Instead we seem far more concerned about the latest criticism.

We talk with our children about "peer preasure" but fail to admit at times just how much pressure we may be under to please people.  Some of us may feel no pressure at all.  We may be so used to living for others’ applause that it seems "normal."  Yet, when I place gaining someone’s approval above the approval of Jesus, I have begun to sell out.

We can either choose to pursue comfort or we can choose to go forward.  How we grapple with this may reflect how serious we are about following Christ.

In the last few weeks, I have heard through e-mail from some great people who I haven’t heard from in years.  A few of them had stumbled on to this blog.  A couple of others found my e-mail address through other friends.

What made this particularly special is that all of them were from years spent working with a church in North Alabama (1982-1990) and teaching part-time at a small Bible college.  Each year, for seven years, I taught a class called "Christian Ministry".  As I think about those years, one of the great blessings was preparing for that class (which also humbled me as I realized how little I knew).  I was also learned from the interaction with some very fine people who took that class. 

It has been 16 years since that ministry came to a close.  I have not seen most of these former students for even longer than that.  Now, some 16 years later:

I continue to be convicted that what I am (and who I am) in Christ is more important than what I do.  How I am formed and shaped as a man or woman under Christ ought to be front and center.  There have been times when I have kept that focus better than other times.  But–my intention is to keep my relationship with Jesus front and center.

As a minister, one of the best things that I can do for a church is to be a healthy person.  I can’t begin to tell you how many churches I have seen which have been seriously damaged by immature people in leadership roles.  Far too often ministers (and other church leaders as well) carry emotional baggage from the the past into these churches.   It often surfaces in relational struggles, anger, or even immorality.

I’ve broadened my circles of friends.  I left Florence, Ala. almost sixteen years ago not having one single friend who was a minister/pastor/church leader of any church outside Churches of Christ.  That after having lived in that community for almost eight years.   I made no effort to form or cultivate such friendships.  Why?   Some of that was rooted in a deeply ingrained sectarianism.  That was also due to my not really being in the community and connected with the community where we lived.  Today, I am so grateful for such relationships.  I still have a lot to learn.

I live with less fear and less insecurity.  I no longer live with the paralyzing fear of not being like or accepted.  Of course it feels good to be liked.  But–it had become much too important to me.   What helped?  Realizing that my life is actually going to be very short.  Life really is not that long.  All of a sudden your children are grown and you have some gray hair!  Also, I have come to believe even more strongly that my identity (and sense of self-worth) is found in who I am in Jesus.  Finally, I was helped by two different Christian counselors.  (Experiencing some depression was the motivation for seeing someone).  I saw one person for a while when we lived in Kansas City, Mo.  When we moved to Waco, I saw another counselor for a short time.  These people were safe and very helpful.

Hmmm. Maybe more of this later.

I’ve been convicted twice in the last two days. 

One– I saw a friend who was full of gratitude for the way another family and another church had helped his family at a critical time.  This family had lost much of what they owned through a real tragedy.  I remember thinking, "I wish there was something I could do or our church could do."  But I soon got wrapped up in day to day life etc.  Then, the other day, this friend expressed gratitude for the way someone else had blessed them with some very practical help.  It occurred to me that while I couldn’t have "fixed" their problem, nevertheless, I could have responded in some way.  It’s about a missed opportunity.   

Second–  I heard a guy say the other day he was glad to have the opportunity to encourage some people.  Then he realized that he was actually the one who needed encouragement.  Been there.  Yet, his words encouraged me to live with a greater sense of God’s life giving Spirit being active and directly involved in my life and work.  Those aren’t just words.  I have experienced what it means to be fully alive in God.  I also know what it means to just be hanging on trying to survive. 

I’ve seen too many people in churches just give up.

• At one time, alive and passionate about a cause only to have the air go out of their balloon due to criticism and direct opposition.
• At one time, ready to take on a new task, but they kept running into obstacles from people who had no passion and no sense of urgency. 
• At one time, ready to step up to a challenge but then they were met with indifference and passivity until they finally decided that it was just not worth it.

How tragic…That is exactly where the evil one wants us to be.  Defeated and then ultimately detached. 

At the moment, I am tired.  Tired of hearing about this or that quick fix.  Tired of trying the latest "deal." Tired of committee’s, more study, more talk, etc.   Tired of making all of this in church life so complicated.  It is not that complicated.  I am really not complaining about others.  Far too often I have been right in the middle of what I am addressing.  The tragedy is that too much energy is expended for what is ultimately futile.

Having said this, I am actually encouraged.  But– it has nothing to do with the above paragraph.  I am encouraged because I realize that I possess everything I need to make a significant difference in this world and in another’s life in particular.  I possess God’s life giving Spirit.  Yes, churches are full of obstacles and negativity (from both young and old).  But all of that doesn’t determine who I am before God or anyone else.  Because his life giving Spirit is in me:

• I can move toward risk, not away from it.
• I can be fully alive regardless of what people say or do.
• I am not trapped but am free to be exactly what he wants me to be.
• I can step into my fear instead of avoiding situations that make me nervous.
• I can speak boldly instead of speaking and living with hesitation.
• I can relax, breath deep, and smile.  It’s not up to me.

There are a few days and nights that I would just as soon forget.

On of these occurred in Memphis, Tennessee a number of years ago.  I had just finished some exams for my Doctor of Ministry work at Harding Graduate School.  It was Thursday evening and I was going to stay over at a friend’s apartment. (We were living in Alabama at the time).  The friend worked at Federal Express.  He got off work at midnight.  I got to his apartment about 8:00 PM, I brought in a pizza and got ready to watch a football game on television.

I stepped into the restroom to wash my hands and the facet just broke off.  Water went everywhere.  I quickly looked under the sink for a cut-off.  NO CUTOFF!  OH GREAT!  Meanwhile, the sink quickly filled and then spilled on to the floor and then a river began to head toward the adjacent room.  I ran to the telephone and called the apartment office.  No answer. 

I saw a vacuum cleaner and removed the hose.  I then sat on the commode lid with one end of the hose on top of the broken faucet, catching the water and the other end of the hose pointed toward the bathtub.  One arm stretched to the right catching the water.  The other arm stretched to the left, holding the other end of the hose toward the tub.   This is just great!! 

Then someone started pounding on the door to the apartment.  I yelled for the person to come in. He opened the door and yelled something about water coming into his apartment.  He then cames into the bathroom, where I was sitting on a commode lid holding the vacuum cleaner hose.  He was drunk.   When he saw the river of water beginning to cover my friends bedroom, he screamed a string of profanities.  He went outside to find a cut-off but couldn’t find one.  So–he went to find some manager who was supposed to be in this huge complex somewhere.

Meanwhile, I was in this bathroom, sitting on a commode lid, holding a vacuum cleaner hose.  One hand holding it on the broken facet.  The other hand holding the other end as it drained into the bathtub. 

Then, the self-pity started:

• The Dallas Cowboys are playing a Thursday night game on television.
• I have a pizza in the kitchen I haven’t touched.
• My friend’s apartment is being flooded by water.
• My friend is coming home from work at midnight and he will be greeted by this river of water.
• I am sitting on a commode lid, one arm stretched to the right, the other arm stretched to the left, holding the end of a vacuum cleaner hose in each hand, depending on a drunk guy to get help.

How long is eternity?  That night, I think I found a new example.  I felt like I waited FOREVER for the drunk guy to return.  Finally, about midnight, the apartment maintenance man came in with the drunk guy following him, cussing at him for not having a cut-off nearby.  The guy turned the water off outside and I surveyed the damage.

A few minutes later, my friend, who had just got off work, walked into his apartment.  He listened as his feet made a squishing sound with every step.  "Uhhh, let me explain."  He said he had called the manager several times earlier in the week to get the facet fixed.  Now he was aggravated with the manager.

Meanwhile, I sat down to eat cold pizza that had arrived four hours earlier.  This was the end of a "terrible, horrible, no-good day." 

Over spring break, our youth group went to Slidell, Louisiana to work in the hurricane relief effort. Slidell is approximately thirty minutes away from New Orleans.  They worked with a church in that area to clean up and restore the area after the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina (winds of 176 mph with wind gusts reaching 190 mph). 

On the way back, they stopped at a McDonald’s.  You’ve been there.  As you are finishing your meal, a bus or van pulls into the parking lot and lots of hungry teens get out, heading to the restrooms and the counter to order.  At this particular McDonald’s, some of our kids began talking with a woman.  I have no idea what they said or what she said to them.  All I know is that a few days later, our church office received this e-mail from her:

I recently had the opportunity to meet some of your students while on the road back home at McDonald’s last week.  I just wanted to say what a great group of kids they are and I am very proud of the heart and drive of your youth to help those in need.

Blessings,

She signed her name but I have no idea who she is.  For whatever reason, she wrote this nice note.  I read this in our assembly and people began to applaud.  For a few seconds I sensed a quietness in our youth group (they all sit together on Sunday mornings at the front–right hand side.  They’ve been doing this for a number of years).  They seemed very clued into this note.

This reminds me that the ordinary moments really count for something.  Far too often, we think that what counts are the Roman Candle moments.  You know those moments in life that seem to have a lot of zip and bang:

• You are going on a mission trip
• You just hear a great message at a awesome conference
• You spent your morning serving the poor
• You just read a dynamite book from a world renown Christian author
• You had the most life-changing experience at this new church
• You just met a guy who seems to know the secrets to a "deeper" life with Christ

The above experiences may or may not be truly significant.  I would not dare try to evaluate that.  However, I do think it is safe to say that the ordinary moments of life in McDonald’s or Home Depot may be very significant to a person who may be in your presence. 

We might do well to not underestimate the way God uses those McDonald’s moments.

I was checking out a book at a local library.  I was working on a series of some kind.  (At the moment, I can’t remember what).  One of the books I was checking out had to do with friendship.  The man behind the check out desk was a Hispanic man in his 40′s.  He saw the title of the book and then said aloud, "Now that’s what I need– Friends." 

It would be hard to live without a friend.  Someone to walk with you through life.  Yet, there can be an "aloneness" that many people experience that may go beyond the simple need for a friend.  On a regular basis, I talk with people who in some way express that they are feeling alone.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• The teenager who is disconnected emotionally from her parents.  They live in the same house but not in the same emotional world. 
• The man who is suffering through depression and feels like he is in a deep well and unable to get out.  In fact, at times he lacks the energy to even try to get out.
• The college student, away from home, who gets tired of the "drama" among her friends.  She feels alone at times frustrated by friends who she thought she was close to but now is not.
• The woman or man who at times feels "different" from others in his or her world.
• The new couple at church who can’t seem to break through some of the barriers at their church.  Meanwhile, they wonder how long it will take to make friends.

Now I’m not always sure that I always recognize when I feel aloneness.  I probably felt this much stronger and more often in earlier years.  Typically, this feeling would be related to my work (my ministry) in some way.  Often it would center around some kind of frustration.  (That would be true, by the way, for many, many ministers).  For other people, it may stem from their marriage, friendships, work, etc.  Some experience this when feeling when they are under great pressure of some kind.

Let me tell you what has been helpful to me:

• Nurturing significant relationships in my life.  My wife/my children.  (So often when we feel aloneness in one area of life, we begin to pull away and withdraw in other relationships.—Uhhhh, not good.
• Having friendships outside my work.  Having friends outside my work helps keep realize that my life is much larger than the church I serve.  These friendships will not all be the same but that is ok. 
• Staying connected with God.  I want to stay connected with him not because he helps me but because he is GOD.  Nevertheless, when I am grounded in the one relationship that is most important, I don’t lose my point of reference.
• Taking care of myself physically.  I watch what I eat and try to work out four days a week.  So often, when people feel along, it is easy to "let yourself go."  You eat all the wrong things, no exercise, etc.  I have found this makes an incredible difference.

What has been helpful to you?

Last night, Charlotte and I went to see Baylor play Texas (baseball).  The night was perfect for a game.  And–we had great seats.  We sat down and began to enjoy.  Can it get any better?  A hot dog with mustard while seeing two good teams play.

I normally tune out the conversations that are going on around me when I am at a game.  However, at one point, Charlotte leaned over and said, "Are you listening to those two guys behind us?"  "Uhhh, not really."  Then I began to listen.  They were obviously two ministers who had come together for a night of baseball but who were evaluating preachers.  "I heard him preach but he didn’t do much for me."  I thought, "Oh brother…I want to get away from that…." 

The game went on and I tuned them out again. 

At one point in the game, the Baylor coach approached the umpire and began to argue a call.  Then it happened— "You’re outta here!"  The coach was ejected and trotted away to the dugout and into the locker room.

Maybe we need an umpire for all of life!

• Fussy kids?  You’re outta here! Come back when you can get along!
• Slow driver on the Interstate?  You’re outta here! Come back when you drive in the right hand lane.
• Person who tries to control?  You’re outta here! I want my freedom.
• Critical, fault finding person?  You’re outta here! We’re tired of constantly hearing about people who don’t measure up in your eyes.
• Person who is late most of the time?  You’re outta here! Please respect my time as I respect yours.
• Clerk at a store who acts as if she could care less?  You’re outta here!  I buy these items and yet you act as if you could care less.

Most of us are not going to be the umpires of this life.  In fact, we live with the messiness of people.  We try to work with people.  We try to encourage.  At times we try loving confrontation. 

People who are "perfectionists" often stay very disappointed and frustrated with other people.  After all, they try hard to do the right thing.  Why can’t others? 

No I’m not the umpire of life.  But–(as I mentioned in a post not long ago).  I can learn to expect less from people and more from God.  I am learning that people will always disappoint you.  I say that not to be cynical or negative.  That is life.

Meanwhile, many of us need to adjust our expectations.   God is capable and willing to work in ways that are far greater than we expect.