Parentists and parents alike are just big old meanies. External Delivery is science!!! It just is okay? Parentism is just a theory!!! You need to consider other possibilities, too. Big poopie-head meanies.
In this episode of ED the Future, we take a look at the bullying movement of late last century and how it drew direct inspiration from parentist belief systems. The bullying movement was no fringe effort, but was supported and practiced by many of the most popular older kids and espoused by those in both the fifth and sixth grades.
This week we interview sixth grader and two-time spelling bee champion Sally Smith about why she has signed our Problems with Parentism list. According to Sally, parentism is simply unable to explain the origins of Christmas presents, and the only satisfactory conclusion we can draw is that of external delivery.
We also discuss the case of Mrs. Dover refusing to give Wally Fitzmillen a detention last week when he shouted out his parentist beliefs in the cafeteria where the first graders were eating lunch. She wouldn't even listen to our pleas to make Wally tell the first graders that parentism is simply his opinion, and that external delivery is an equally valid theory. This is just another clear case of older kid and grown-up bias, and their unwillingness to even consider the evidence in support of external delivery.
Be sure to join us again next week, when we look at some famous parentists throughout history, and how their beliefs led them to behave.
In this inaugural episode of the ED the Future Comiccast, we introduce the theory of external delivery, and discuss problems with the alternative theory of parentism.
Join us in future episodes, every Monday up to and including Christmas Eve, as we further explore the issues surrounding this controversial scientific debate.
What is External Delivery?
External delivery refers to a scientific research program as well as a community of older kids, teachers, and other adults who seek evidence of external sources of Christmas presents. The theory of external delivery holds that certain features of how Christmas presents are delivered each year are best explained by an external source, not an internal source such as your parents.
Through careful study and analysis, Sexternal delivery proponentsists are able to determine the distinct features of presents that don't come from our parents, such as those given by strangers, and then seek to find similar informational properties in Christmas presents. By applying this scientific method, older kids have identified many irrefutably external structures in Christmas presents.
Is External Delivery the same as Santa Clausism?
No. The theory of external delivery is only concerned with empirically testing whether Christmas presents are delivered by an external agent, or an internal agent such as your parents. Santa Clausism typically starts with the premise that Santa Claus is delivering presents, and then seeks to fit the evidence to that theory. The theory of external delivery has developed strictly from objective interpretations of the empirical evidence.
Do Any Older Kids Believe in ED?
Yes. While it is true that the prevailing opinion in the higher grades has traditionally been parentism, a growing number of older kids and adults are breaking away from that paradigm. More than 700 5th and 6th graders have signed our Problems with Parentism list, and more names are being added all the time. New evidence is constantly coming in that challenges the parentist model, forcing older kids to reevaluate their outdated beliefs and embrace the theory of external delivery.