RAZORED ZEN

Monday, July 18, 2011

Doc Savage, Quake 4, Writing

You can download the newest issue of The Illuminata today, with articles and reviews, including an opinion piece by me on “Doc Savage: The Hero Problem.” If you’re a huge fan of Doc, try to remember that I really am a nice guy anyway. :)

The issue is: Vol. 9 Issue #3 July 2011, and you can download it as a PDF or an EPUB HERE.

Looks like a good writing day here. We’ve had four straight days of heavy, heavy rain, and though we definitely needed it we’re starting to experience some localized flooding, including some road closings. I’ve been inside a lot, playing a bit on my new video game, Quake 4, which is brought to you by the same folks who gave you Doom, my favorite video game of all time. Quake is not quite as good but is still fun. Primarily, though, I’ll be sitting high and dry in my house today, writing, writing, writing. Then napping. Wow I’ve got a good life. I hope yours is going as well.
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Friday, July 15, 2011

More Star Trek Versus Conan

Here's a bit more of that, dare I call it, "humor?" Well here goes anyway.

Many people think Chekov has an accent because he’s Russian. In fact, it’s because Conan punched him in the mouth until he could no longer speak straight.

Conan once told Q to get off his ship. Q listened.

Conan was once captured by the Gamesters of Triskelion. He made them fight each other and bet on the outcome. He won several quadrillion Quatloos on his bets but immediately spent it all on strong drink and women.

Conan once wore a red shirt for a whole year. He lived. But the same couldn’t be said for those who accosted Conan during that time.

Dilithium crystals always remain crystallized in the presence of Conan.

The warp drive was invented by Zefram Cockrane when he was running from Conan.

Conan loves Tribbles; Especially grilled over an open flame.

Tribbles are normally born pregnant but not so in the presence of Conan. Conan finds their offspring to be an irresistible hors d’oeurves and they can sense it.

Conan does indeed have a piece of the Federation’s action.

Conan has found that Picard’s bald head puts a dandy shine on his boots.

One of Conan’s wet farts became Wesley Crusher.

Conan once beat Kirk at a game of Fizzbin. He got a Royal Fizzbin with his first hand.

Conan spanked Charlie X.
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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Three Days Off

I "finished" Under the Ember Star on Friday and for the past three days have refused to allow myself to look at it, or even think much about it. I'm a firm believer that you should always put any story or book away for a while before you do the final read through. It helps you get some needed objective distance.

I also didn't want to get started on another major project until after I finished the last read through on "Ember Star," and I haven't taken many days off this summer so far, so I decided I'd take the entire three days off from writing.

Man, am I tired of my writing vacation. I would normally try to let "Ember Star" sit a few more days but I'm too antsy and will get back to it today. I'm pretty happy to have that hunger. I played video games and read for three days, and I enjoyed it, but there was definitely something missing. Writing energizes me, feeds me intellectually in a way that video games, watching TV, and even reading can't do. It's in my blood now, or my brain, or some part of me. I reckon I'll be doing this until I die.

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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Alien in the Family, at Novel Spaces

I'm over at Novel Spaces for the next couple of days. I did a post on the hybrids in literature, particularly in science fiction. I hope you can drop by.

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Friday, July 08, 2011

Conan Versus Star Trek

In the line of the books about how bad ass Chuck Norris is, I was thinking about putting together a book about Conan the Barbarian versus Star Trek. I'd probably have copyright issues in either case so I don't think it will ever happen, but here is a sample of what I've come up with for fun so far. I've got lots more. What do you think? And please do forgive the occasional vulgarity. These kinds of things aren't long on manners.

In one of their trips back through time, the crew of the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701) encountered Conan the Cimmerian. The following events happened.

1. Twenty-seven red shirts died. Fourteen others suffered severe internal injuries from wedgies.

2. Yeoman Rand got pregnant. Twice.

3. Spock attempted a nerve pinch on Conan only to experience in return the more effective and far more painful nerve PUNCH.

4. Scotty finally met someone who could drink him under the table. Until Scotty passed out, the two of them got on well. They even moved past “It’s green” to “It’s liquid.”

5. After bumping into the drunk Conan, Bones retorted, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor not a punching bag.” He was wrong.

6. Kirk couldn’t act his way out of getting his ass kicked.

7. Uhuru learned a lot about alien tongues.

8. Sulu discovered that swords aren’t toys. It took him a long time to get his rapier out of his ass.

9. Conan was accidentally duplicated in a transporter accident. Both his sides were bad ass.

10. Conan tried Romulan ale and thought it was for pussies
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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

CAPSULE BOOK REVIEWS, APA 94, 95

I’m so close to the end of “Under the Ember Star” I can taste it, and I’ve been writing myself out on that so I don’t have a lot of energy to blog. Here’s a few capsule book reviews.

I recently read two books in Ed Gorman’s Sam McCain series, a private eye series set in small town Iowa in the 1960s. These were Breaking Up is Hard to Do and Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool. Both were very good and very easy reads. I’ve already ordered more.

Do read Michael Connelly’s The Narrows. This is a serial killer book but it was quite well done and persuaded me to get some of his earlier works.

Read Koontz’s The Good Guy. Although Koontz has written out most of the darkness within this one hearkens back in some ways to his older work. It has one of the strongest beginnings in recent memory.

Read Rumble Tumble by Joe Lansdale. This is a Hap and Leonard book, and if you don’t know what that means then you need to find out. Email me if need be and I’ll explain. These books are suspense but I wouldn’t call them “straight” suspense. There’s always some pretty weird shit in any Lansdale book. Rumble Tumble is the good stuff. A quick read, and very brutal.

Probably you shouldn’t bother with The Forty Fathom Bank by Les Galloway. Galloway, who is dead now, attempts a Hemingway riff and doesn’t quite pull it off. I really didn’t like the main character, who is a whiney little bitch, and the ending is telegraphed very early. But I did admire the prose. It’s a novella of 108 pages. Galloway wrote it when he was 72 so that was kind of cool.

Of interest to early paperback readers, Pocketbook Writer: Confessions of a Commercial Hack, by Charles Nuetzel. Nuetzel wrote a few ERB type books back in the 60s, as well as a lot of other stuff. This is his autobiography. It includes an interview I did with him years ago.

A very good book is In the Courts of the Crimson Kings by S. M. Stirling. This is the first in a proposed Martian series. It was far superior to The Sky People, the first in a proposed Venusian series. Stirling did an excellent job updating the Sword & Planet genre here. He created an interesting way for the Martians to express themselves and kept it up throughout the whole book. There was plenty of action, as well, and quite a twist ending. Check it out.

Maybe, if you want, read Ice Prophet by William R. Forstchen. I’ve liked every other book I’ve read by Forstchen, especially his Lost Regiment series, but I didn’t really care for this one. I believe this is one of his first, written in 1983. The idea is good, a future ice age world where religion rules and ice ships sail the glaciers. It has similarities to Ice Schooner by Moorcock, but is not as good. Forstchen spends too much time on the development of the society and less on the characters and action. The ending is pretty cool, though.

Another very good book is Nightblood by T. Chris Martindale. An even better book by him, however, is Where the Chill Waits, which I read a few years back. Both books are excellent horror novels, and I also feel that Martindale writes with a style similar to what I used in Cold in the Light.

As for Heart-Shaped Box, by Joe Hill. If you like Stephen King you’ll probably like this. Joe Hill writes much like his pappy. The book started out good, then slowed way down in the middle. I almost put the book down then, but am glad I didn’t because the ending was a real roller coaster ride and was very good.

The Rocket’s Shadow and The Lost City, by John Blaine. These are two YA books, both written in 1947. This is a Tom Swift/ Tom Corbett kind of series but I didn’t think they were as exciting. “The Lost City” had a neat twist in that the “city” in question turned out to be a hidden Mongol city where the actual grave of Ghengis Khan was hidden. I would have loved these books when I was in my early teens, but they were a bit much of a sameness for me now.
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