The Funky Kitchen

Dear Spammers from Poland,

I’m really touched that you are showing so much interest in my website. I certainly appreciate the prolific nature of your attention; but leaving spam messages every four minutes for days on end has been starting to wear me out. After spending some time on poltran.com, a Polish to English translator, I’ve learned that the majority of your messages have to do with pharmaceutical products. I thank you for the information, but I hope that in the future you might try to keep what you have to say more on topic.

I would hate to have you feel as though you are not welcome here because really, everyone is, so I bring this offering of bread. It’s one of those foods that is universally comforting and welcoming. I am very pleased that you are here, but I wonder if you’re actually reading, or if you are just here to advertise about pharmaceuticals. I offer this bread because I would like to continue to coexist here together, but all I ask is that you stay on topic or at least limit yourself a little bit. A spam message every four minutes is a little bit much.

Please consider my position. Enjoy the bread.

Dana

Rye Bread with Dill and Cottage Cheese

9 grams yeast

1 Cup warm water

1 tsp honey

1 tsp salt

2 Cups flour

1 Cup rye flour

1/4 Cup 9 grain cereal

2/3 Cup cottage cheese

1/4 Cup dill, minced

Directions

Stir the yeast, honey and salt into the warm water. Allow to sit for a few minutes for the yeast to wake up and start to bloom. Incorporate both the flour and rye flour, and then knead until the dough is elastic. Add the cottage cheese and minced dill, and continue to knead until the bread dough becomes uniform again. Put the dough into a bowl and cover with a damp tea towel, allowing it to rise until it has doubled in size. Punch the bread down (my favorite part!) and allow it to rise to double it’s size once more. Form the bread into a loaf shape, and allow to rise a few minutes before cutting some slits into the top to allow it to expand in the baking process. Bake the loaf in a 375° oven for about 40 minutes, until the crust is brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped.

Bread baking is such a joy, and I love to share home made bread with those around me. I have one friend who took to treating himself to toasted slices of this loaf when he came to visit us at the house. I hope that my prolific Polish spammers would enjoy the offering too. This loaf is nicely nutty tasting from the 9 grain cereal and rye flour, and the dill flavors are rounded out by the cottage cheese. All in all, quite an enjoyable bread.

Mr was a little bit less than enthused about the bread, because of the 9 grain cereal, he doesn’t really appreciate particulate matter in his bread. In his words, “They invented the millstone thousands of years ago, why can’t we grind up all of the grains? Mr also says: Be careful if you make this bread, because the crust can get too crunchy.

Last Thursday we jetted off to Osoyoos for a birthday party at a vineyard for one of Mr’s aunties. It was quite a weekend! We stayed right along the Similkameen River, and in addition to a smashing success of a birthday in a picturesque landscape, we got to: float down the river in kayaks and dinghies, eat fresh local pears, make pizza in a wood burning pizza oven, and taste some fantastic wines at the Forbidden Fruit Winery. We came home with some of the Impearfection, which is truly delightful.

After a scenic drive through the mountains, we got to spend a day in Vancouver (and the Greater Vancouver Area), in which we took in some more of the sights and paid a visit to Granville Public Market.  It made me pine for my kitchen, or at least to have enough time before flying home to cook with some of the amazing produce. Not unlike a child in a candy store told that no purchase will be made, it was a little bittersweet to see the splendor in front of me but know that there was no time, nor a kitchen available, in order to put it to use. I did have a splendid hot pastrami sandwich on rye from the market, though, crusts shared with the birds.

Ultimately, though, it was a fantastic trip. Good weather, a beautiful location, fantastic people and well prepared food can’t really go any other way.  I hope I get to see beautiful British Columbia again soon.

Roasted Tomato and Goat Cheese Tart

1 sheet of puff pastry (Remember your all butter promise?)

4 oz goat cheese

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

2 sprigs thyme

3-4 sage leaves

4 tomatoes

Directions

Roll out the puff pastry, using a rolling pin, into a roughly 13′x9′ sheet. Remove the thyme leaves from the twigs and chop them finely, along with the sage leaves.

Using a fork, mash the herbs, salt and pepper into the goat cheese.

Spread the herbed goat cheese over the rolled out puff pastry, leaving a half inch border clear around the edges.

Turn up the edges, perpendicular to the pastry surface, so that they will help to hold in the tomatoes. Slice the tomatoes into 1/4 inch rounds, and arrange in rows over the goat cheese.

Bake in a 375° oven until the tomatoes are puckered, and the pastry is puffed, golden and crisp. Allow the tart to cool, and then cut into pieces.

Consume the tart quickly, it disappears faster than you’d think. This one here disappeared so quickly I didn’t even get a chance to take a picture of it after it came out of the oven. It was a truly pretty tart, but I guess that you’ll just have to take my word for it. Fresh tomato season is coming to an end for some of us in certain parts of the world, that this is a great way to celebrate the beautiful fruit.

Mr says the tart was super light and flaky, with all the fresh flavors of summer.

This time last year: Kettle Corn

Our house is one hundred and two years old this year. We have had it for just under a year, and have been living here only since Christmas. Yay for renovations! Less than 1% of the time this house has been standing has it been ours. I wonder about the people who were here before us often.

Did they love our awesome little house as much as we do now? Have any previous occupants been as scared of the basement as me? What were they thinking when they drywalled over the window in the bathroom?

We find hints about previous people living in our house often. When Mister checked out the attic we found a stack of ladies magazines from the 50′s (recipes from which will one day follow). Someone at our house must have enjoyed a game or two of marbles, because when we pulled off the deck, which was in a mostly decrepit state, we found a gaggle of marbles underneath. Mister jackhammered out and pulled up the cement sidewalks around our house, because they all channelled water towards the house rather than away, and we found some very interesting objects used as rebar, including two chairs, a trailer hitch and electrical stove elements. The people who lived here before us certainly were resourceful, but also must have been at least a little bananas. Drywalling over windows, partially converted knob and tube electric systems, amputations to support beams and patio stones sandwiched between layers of concrete using furniture for support have not made fixing up the house easier, that’s for sure. What were they thinking, who were they, where are they now?

It was a stupendously hot day the day that Mister and a few friends got most of the sidewalk removal done, so I got out our ice cream maker and made them a treat. This is a recipe from the veritable ice cream queen and fellow intrepid culinary adventurer, Trish.

Banana Ice Cream

(recipe from Trish)

3/4 Cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp lemon juice
3 bananas
1/4 tsp nutmeg
3 Cups coffee cream

• In a large bowl, mix together the brown sugar, salt and lemon juice.
• Peel the bananas and cut them into one inch pieces.
• Force the banana, a few pieces at a time, through a fine mesh sieve using the side of a metal spoon. This will be a laborious process, but it is very worth it.

• Scrape the banana puree from the underside of the sieve into the bowl, mixing to combine it with the sugar mixture.
• Add the cream, stirring to blend.
• Pour directly into an ice cream maker and freeze until desired texture is reached (~20 minutes).
• Place in the freezer for about an hour in a resealable container, so that it will harden up a bit for better scooping.