I hate shopping

MashaAllah

Obviously, there is something odd about me. Women are supposed to love shopping, especially for clothes. Women are supposed to love fancy clothes and weddings and dancing and all that stuff. But I seem to have been born without that gene. I even hated clothes shopping when I was a teenager. My favorite place to shop was in my sister's closet. She liked to shop and brought home the nicest clothes. I would look at her wearing them a couple of times, and if I decided I liked the way she looked in them then they probably would be ok on me. She liked to shop... she could go buy more. ;-) My oldest daughter is like her. "Shop 'till you drop" is fun to her, not a threat. And she is good at it too, and finds lots of bargains.

Well, Miss Shop 'Till She Drops is getting married in less than a month. And oh my goodness there is a lot of shopping involved in getting married. In this culture, the groom pays for almost everything. Not only does he have to buy the wedding dress and gold jewelry, but he also has to buy his bride a new wardrobe. Some of everything. Suitcases full of new clothes. Then he has to buy furniture and rent a hall, and feed the guests. He pays for it, but she usually goes shopping with her mother and future mother-in-law. We went and chose the dress the week before Ramadan. It was too hot, but it was almost fun to see my daughter trying on wedding dresses. She looked so happy. And lovely. And I am pleased to report that I didn't cry even once. In public at least.
After the dress was chosen, well, that's when my enthusiasm ran out. Sure I want to see my daughter get all the pretty stuff she wants, but I would rather not have to walk all over creation to do it. Luckily, I got out of my motherly duty after only one day because they decided to shop in Jerusalem and I don't pass the checkpoint. So they finished it without me. I am sure I should be sad, or at least guilty, but I am not.

I always thought people here were to into the gold jewelry, but my daughters are not. Neither of them likes wearing gold much, but my older daughter loves the bling bling stuff. Which is fine, since the bride is supposed to get one of these rhinestone-y sets to wear with the wedding dress before they give her the gold. I am usually content to go along with whatever local customs are if they are important to other people, but there is one custom I just cannot tolerate. A lot of the weddings I go to have one part where the bride sort of sashays around the stage to the beat of a drum holding a Qur'an in a weird, fuzzy white cover. I have no idea why they do this. I don't think it is a custom for all Palestinian families, maybe it's only the Khalilis who do it. (Khalili = someone from the city of Hebron, which is called al-Khalil in Arabic. My husband's family is originally from there, although my husband was born in Jerusalem.) Anyway, I always found this custom inappropriate., and told my daughter that I do not want her to do it. We saw these examples in Ramallah. It looks like they are not whole Qur'ans but just 2 pages on a base that looks like a book. But look carefully at them. They have glitter hearts glued *on top of* the page, on the writing! A'uthu billah! Who thinks this is appropriate? These*will*not*be*at*my*daughter's*wedding! My biggest headache now is that I have to get a dress. No, I have to get at least 2 fancy outfits. My daughter will not let me wear my plain old black jilbab. Unfortunately I am a little on the big side. OK, not a little. And I am also taller than the average Palestinian woman, although I wouldn't be considered tall in the US. My sisters-in-law mostly come up to my shoulder. So finding clothes for me is a headache. I was hoping to get a nice conservative suit, or a plain dress with a pretty jacket. No luck. We went to the shop where I bought a dress for the engagement party last winter. That time, I got a rather simple brown dress with brown sequins on it. We went to several shops that had fancy falahi (village) and Khaliji (gulf) style dresses. My daughter insists that I choose something fancy, and glittery.I like the traditional embroidered dresses, but no one in my husband's family wears them. It's a falahi thing it seems, and his family are "city folks." But I would love to have one of the cross stitched dresses anyway. Many of the women in the village I live in wear just gorgeous hand made dresses as a regular thing. I fell in love with the machine embroidered green one below, but they didn't have my size. I don't think my daughter would have thought it was fancy enough for her wedding anyway.
I love-loved this faux calligraphy embroidery abaya we saw, but of course that wasn't fancy enough either.This dress fit, just. She didn't seem to think it was fancy enough. Everything that fit and I thought was comfortable looking wasn't fancy enough.I kind of like these two. They were a little snug, but the lady in the store said they could be let out. I wish the burgundy one didn't have those big gold jewels. The fabric is kind of shiny although that doesn't show in the picture, and it is supposed to be wrinkly like that. I hated the pink one, but the brownish might be ok.
The problem is that I like looking at this stuff, but I really want to buy it and hang it on the wall to look at, not wear! I wish my big sister could come and wear them a few times so I could decide, lol.
We also looked at fabric. I can't understand why fabric stores here are so small and have such a limited selection. I miss shopping in the US. The problem is I am not too confident about trying to make a fancy dress for my self. I am an ok seamstress when I have a pattern, but I don't have a pattern for a nice jacket. And I would be nervous cutting into an expensive piece of fabric. The dots on the fabric in the picture below are all glittery, but it didn't show in the picture, so I "photoshopped" some glitter into it.We spent the day shopping, and I still have no idea what I will wear. I didn't spend this much time on MY wedding clothes.

Something I noticed about the wedding dresses here. None of them have sleeves. They are all strapless or have narrow straps. You can buy little bolero type jackets to go over them for mixed weddings, but the weddings in our family are segregated. The bride wears a long hooded cape over her dress when entering and leaving, and during the short part of the party when the not closely related men will come in to congratulate the couple. The ladies all show up in their abayas and jilbabs, but they shed those during the women only part of the party so they can dance, dance, dance. My in-laws love to dance.

My mother actually picked out my wedding dress. It was off white had long sheer sleeves and a high neckline. It was sort of Victorian looking and I wore an antique brooch at my throat. It suited me perfectly, and was much more modest that anything I saw in the shops here.

I got married in the US, and when we came here, my in-laws wanted to make us a Palestinian style wedding. I said "thanks, but no thanks." (Unlike Ms. Palin, we didn't take the money anyway. Can I get through a post without mentioning something political? Probably not.) I am just not into all this hooplah and fancy clothes and dancing. Ya Allah! And they are going to expect me to dance too! I forgot I have that to worry about too.

This last picture was taken out of a window in one of the buildings we were shopping in. It is looking north from the center of Ramallah. As you can see, Ramallah really isn't a big city. Before you get to the hills in the back you will see farms, not city. Actually, I think you can find fields of olive trees less than a 15 minute walk from the center of Ramallah. And I have seen a horse drawn cart going through the center of town and passing the Palestinian Legislative Council's building many times, although I never manage to get a picture of it. And it is not there for tourists or something, just regular use hauling stuff.

MashaAllah

Ramadan midpoint

Ramadan is half way over already, and it has been pretty good so far. I set myself what I thought were pretty modest goals, and for the most part I have kept up with them. I haven't sat down at the TV all month, although I did check out some news videos online including the hurricane Ike devastation today. MashaAllah! May Allah help the people effected.

I finished the 16th juz in the English translation of the meaning of the Qur'an this evening, so I'm doing ok there. Today's reading finished Surah al Kahf, which is my absolute favorite surah. The story of Musa (Moses) (alahi salaam) and Khidr (alahi salaam) makes life make sense to me. We think that things we don't like are tragedies, but sometimes they are blessings. Sometimes disasters like hurricanes are opportunities for so much good. They can bring communities together, give us opportunities to be charitable, remind us of how impermanent material things are and how valuable our families are. They should remind us to be grateful for what we have and warn us that it may all be taken away. And they hopefully teach us to practice sabr (patience). When the last hurricane was heading for New Orleans, I read some right wing Christian Zionist's blog who claimed that the hurricane was God's punishment because Condoleezza Rice had been here trying to force Israel to divide Jerusalem to make peace with the Palestinians. Not only does that man's arrogance astound me, thinking that he can speak for God's intentions, but I am always amazed that people think that one event has only one reason and one meaning. If Allah sends a hurricane to blow down my whole neighborhood, perhaps he is punishing some people, testing others' gratitude, removing some evil from others and forcing others to make changes in their lives that they would have been too afraid to try otherwise. We look at all the complexity of the natural ecological systems that brought a hurricane into being and say "God did that," but then refuse to see the complexity of WHY He may have done that. Perhaps I am not explaining my meaning well, because it is late. Ya Rabbi, please help me to benefit from the tests You send me!

My third goal was to memorize al Zilzal and al 'Adiyat, inshaAllah. I have pretty much got al 'Adiyat down, though I still make mistakes. But I haven't even learned to read Zilzal properly yet. It takes me a long time to convince my tongue to pronounce the Arabic correctly.

The last goal was to avoid all the over eating and sweets that are so often part of Ramadan. The sweets have been pretty easy to avoid, since my husband wants qatayyif almost every day, and I don't like it much. I ate one so far. But today I made banana bread, and ate 2 big chunks of it. That's much more tempting to me. But don't worry, the temptation is gone, since my kids gobbled it up as fast as they could. Other than that, I think I have done well.

I missed suhoor twice so far, both times I am sure that I set my alarm but when I woke up it was off and I don't remember turning it off. The first time I woke in time to pray fajr, but the last time I missed it. So I ought to head to bed now so that that doesn't happen again, inshaAllah. I hope everyone else is doing well this Ramadan and meeting their goals.

2 minute rant

No time for blogging for me. We are having a big party today for my daughter to celebrate her tawjihi success. About 50 or 60 women and girls are invited for food and dancing and general partying. So as you can imagine, it has been a busy week. Naturally, there is plenty to do to get ready. Last night, in the evening when it started to get cool, my older daughter and I were preparing to do some baking for the party, when 2 of my sister-in-laws came for a visit. They thought it would be nice to have a chance to talk when there wasn't a noisy party going on, and to see my husband too, since he won't be here for the party. Unfortunatly he wasn't here then either, which they would have known if they had called. So we sat, drank tea, ate fruit, had coffee. Meanwhile, my dough rose over the sides of it's bowl. I finished cooking it at 1:30 AM. There was so much I meant to do last night. Why would someone come to visit the night before the party they are invited to? Seriously, didn't they expect us to be busy? And why won't people here CALL before they come. We have a phone. They have a phone.

Times up. My tea is ready and I have to get to work. Wish me luck.

tawjihi results!

All the waiting is finally over. The Palestinian tawjihi results were released Friday. The tawjihi exam is taken by high school seniors after they have finished classes. It is a set of comprehensive exams that determine if the student can go on to university and what majors are open to him/her. The minimum passing grade is 51 and 55.4% of this year's seniors passed. I pasted an article below that tells all about the exams.

My younger daughter got a 91.7! SubhanAllah walhamdulillah! She was in the sciences track. They have to choose arts or sciences in 10th grade. She was actually in tears when she got the result, because she had hoped to do better, but I am very pleased and proud of her. This is such a hard system, it is way more stressful than taking the SAT or ACT in the US. The tests are only offered once a year. I think if you fail one, you can take it again the same year, and if you fail more than one you can take them again the next year. But that is it, no more chances.

She took Islamic studies, Arabic, English, math, physics, chemistry, life science and "Industry and Agriculture." She got the highest grade in the West Bank in "Industry and Agriculture," although there might have been others with the same score. Funny thing is, I always thought she hated that class. And while I am bragging, and it is a mother's prerogative to brag, I must point out that all of the tests are in Arabic except the English exam, and the day she started kindergarten she barely knew any Arabic at all. We still mostly speak English in the home.

And there is more good news. Today they announced the first batch of students accepted into Bir Zeit University, and she was accepted into the Sciences department. I think she intends to major in chemistry, although I think her best tawjihi grade was in math.

The tawjihi results were announced at 10 AM on Friday on the local TV station and radio. They also publish all the names and scores of the students who passed in a special addition of the newspaper. I feel so badly for the ones who failed or had a poor result, and everyone knows it. How humiliating. By 11 AM we started to hear fireworks. Many people celebrate by setting off fireworks, real ones, but my husband and I are in complete agreement that we have no intention to celebrate by risking one of our kids' hands or eyes. It was fun to watch other people's fireworks, but I hope it didn't make my daughter jealous. I downloaded a fireworks screen saver, but it wasn't quite the same. Next weekend we will have a big party for her, inshaAllah.

I am so glad that this is all over, but the year after next it will be Number Two Son's turn.

Tawjihi exam a pillar of Palestinian society; results announced Friday

Bethlehem – Ma'an – The results for the university entrance exam, written by Palestinian students in the West Bank, Gaza and East Jerusalem, were announced Friday at 10am.

The entrance exam, called the Tawjihi, determines not only whether a student will be permitted to enroll in university, but will also limit their selection of majors and classes.

On average, about half of the students sitting the exam pass, this year the number was 55.4%. A passing grade is 51%, and according to the Ministry of Education and Higher Education the median grade for the exam this year was 52%.

The tests are written over the period of twenty days in June, by 77,047 students, including 32,800 in the Gaza Strip and 44,247 in the West Bank. The majority of those writing have just finished their last year of high school, though those who do not pass the first time can write up to nine more exams to try and pass.

The exams are administered once a year, and comprise tests in a large variety of different subjects, including English, Arabic, Science, Math, Religion (students can choose from Islam or Christianity), Palestinian History, Geography, Biology, Physics, Industry and Agriculture.

Students choose the exams they are to take depending on their intended course of studies following high school. If the student fails one exam, then they do not pass the Tawjihi and cannot enroll in university.

The pass/fail results of the tests are announced nationwide over the radio, internet and television. Students are asked to report to their schools for the detailed breakdown of marks.

Following the announcement cities and towns erupt with fireworks and parades of celebrating students driving down main streets.

The Tawjihi has been part of the Palestinian schooling system for years. In the West Bank the exams started when the area was under Jordanian administration, and in Gaza students began taking the tests in the 1990s when the Palestinian Authority took over administration of the area from Egypt.

Up until 2006 the tests were based on the Jordanian curriculum books, but now anything published in the textbooks authorized by the Palestinian Authority is fair game for the test.

The long tradition of the exams, its high stakes for so many students, and the public nature of the results announcements, have together made sure that the tests are a staple of modern Palestinian society.

The Tawjihi is also one of the elements of Palestinian life common to Gazans, East Jerusalemites and West Bankers. When the Ministry of Education and Higher Education announced that the results for Gaza and the West Bank would be announced separately, students protested and asked that they could wait until all results could be announced together.

Even Palestinians in Israeli prisons were permitted to write the exams this year, although their results have not yet been released.

So far this year the highest grade was awarded to a Gazan student, who had an average on the tests of 99.3%

In years past there have been accusations that Israeli troops and road closures have been strategically planned to prevent students from getting to school to take the tests.

who's afraid of airport security these days?

The last time I flew anywhere was 1994. The world has changed a lot since then, and every time I read about a Muslim having trouble with airport security, I get more nervous about the idea of trying to get on a plane again. Not that I am likely to try it any time soon. I know that certain security measures have to be taken, after all I don't want to get on a plane with any crazies either, but sometimes the security folks go overboard.

Read Tunisianbelle's post Muslim While Flying, for her upsetting experience. This is the first time I have seen her blog, which I found via Global Voices.

10 things I hope for meme

Princess Najeeba tagged me for 2 memes, the six word memoir which I have already done, and the "10 things I hope for" meme. I will do the second one, but I am not going to tag anyone, since a lot of the blogs I read have already done them.

The Rules
1. On your blog, post the Rules & Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post
4. Post 10 things you have HOPE for in your life.
5. Tag six more blogs with links
6. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to tag others!

I stuck to personal stuff for my 10 hopes. I wouldn't have thought that I was a very hopeful person at this point in my life, but once I started writing these, I thought of a million.

• I hope for Allah's mercy, and to enter Jennah and avoid hell fire and the punishment of the grave. I don't deserve any of that, but I try to never lose hope.
• I hope my children will be good Muslims.
• I hope everyone I have hurt in any way will forgive me.
• I hope I will see my mother again. I miss her so badly it hurts.
• I hope my family will come to understand Islam, and embrace it. There is nothing more important, more real, in my life than my faith, but I have done a lousy job of conveying that message to my family. May Allah forgive me and bless them.
• I hope my younger daughter will get a good result for her tawjihi exams. (Those are the exams that students here take at the end of high school. It will determine what college she can go to and what majors she will be able to apply for.) She took the last test this morning.
• I hope that I will one day have an easier, closer relationship with that daughter. I love her as much as my other children, but we have that whole teenage attitude thing going on. Her attitude drives me nuts some times, and I say waspish, unhelpful things that hurt her feelings. It is a vicious cycle I hope we can break soon.
• I hope I can get through my older daughter's upcoming wedding without hurting her feelings or making a fool of my self. I wept uncontrollably through most of her engagement party, and still feel humiliated by the memory.
• I hope I will be a good mother-in-law.
• I hope each of my children will find good wives and husbands who will make them happy and help them be good Muslims. (NO HURRY, THOUGH!)
  

Any body else want to do this meme? If so, you're tagged!

Milestones

My younger daughter graduated from high school last week. InshaAllah we will have 3 in university next fall, since my oldest changed his major and isn't quite finished. I liked her school's graduation ceremony better than those of her older brother and sister, because they somehow made the old guys from the board of education make shorter speeches. Yay for brevity! I had better get used to graduations. I only cried a little at this one. Next year, inshaAllah #1 son should get his degree, then the year after #2 son finishes high school and my older daughter should get her degree, if she doesn't let getting married sidetrack her plans. INSHAALLAH. She is a pretty determined girl, so I guess if anyone can do it, she can. #3 son has another 6 grades left, so it will be a while yet for him, alhamdulillah. When I was their age, I was in such a hurry to grow up, but these days I keep wanting to scream "STOP!" Does anyone remember that commercial, "If they could only stay little 'till their Carter's wear out"? I am jealous because my friends are still looking at sweet little dresses with ruffles and bows for their daughters, and I have to start looking at wedding dresses. Well, I guess those might have ruffles and bows too...

MY younger daughter had another sort of milestone today. I downloaded Barack Obama's speech to AIPAC this morning, and we listened to it together. She was a real Obama fan, and although she knew that anyone who had any chance to become president in the US would have to be pro Israel, his speech shocked her none the less. She looked hurt when he said "Israeli children have to take a deep breath and summon uncommon courage every time they board a bus or walk to school." There was no mention of the fears Palestinian kids face. She has had to pass through checkpoints all 13 years she has been in school here. She went to school with the same friends from kindergarten to 10th grade, when it got too hard for to go back and forth every day. She ended up staying at my mother-in-law's house for the last quarter of 10th grade, so she didn't have to cross the Jerusalem checkpoint twice a day. Then for 11th grade she switched to another school in Ramallah, much farther from home, because of that horrible wall. For the last 2 years she has had to pass through downtown Ramallah on her way home, like her older sister, and hope they miss running into things like this:



That day they both just got home before the trouble started.

When Obama got to the part about how Jerusalem must remain Israel's undivided capital, that was it. I think her heart broke. It's hard to know the person you want to put your trust and hope in has no concern for you. No concern for international law or UN resolutions either, apparently. Not the ones that call on Israel to give back the territory occupied in 1967.

None of that was a surprise to me, but it was kind of odd to hear him laud President Reagan's strong diplomacy. A democrat praising Reagan? Global climate change must have made you-know-where freeze over.

the queen of procrastination

I am the queen of procrastination. I have so many ideas to blog about, but I never get it done. I plan the post in my mind as I am going through my boring day, take the pictures and prepare them to post, but then I stop. I read my favorite blogs, I follow link after link, I look and look at other people's creativity, I OD on news, but I postpone doing my own writing. I was like this in school too. I loved doing research, and I usually got very good grades on my writing, but it was torture to get my self to sit down and do the actual writing. My husband would say that writing this blog is just my way of procrastinating when I ought to be doing the laundry, dishes, scrubbing floors or one of the million other dull duties that bore me to death. So I am actually procrastinating at my procrastination!

Time just seems to rush by me, and I am always wondering how did it get this late and how did I get so old already. When the first wildflowers bloomed this year, my youngest would occasionally bring me home little bouquets he picked as he walked through he fields on his way from school. My kids all know how much I love these flowers, and they all used to bring me hands full. I used to have a collection of tiny vases I saved for them. But now it is only my youngest who sees a flower and thinks he has to bring it for Mama. I wonder if he will next year? He just turned 12 in March. I planned to post a picture of the cake I made for him then, but it has been sitting, waiting on my hard drive for over a month. I tried to make it special, since it was the last little kid birthday. He will be a teenager next year. No more babies, they are all young men and women. My baby is going to be a teenager, my oldest should graduate from college next year, my older daughter is getting married in the fall, and my younger daughter is about to graduate from high school, INSHAALLAH.

Last month a friend of mine came for a visit to the West Bank. Holly and I met online years ago, and in person once about 8 years ago. This was the first time I had seen her and her son since then. MashaAllah, he is a little older than my youngest son, but it was a shock to see that he was a young man now with a deeper voice and a big thick novel to read, instead of the hyper little boy of 8 years ago. We sat in the Star's and Buck's cafe in Ramallah, and talked over all the ways our lives differed. I loved it, and hope it won't be another 8 years before we see each other again. I should have taken a picture or two of that cafe, it really was a nice place. We sat by a window overlooking the manara, the central "square" in Ramallah. (It's always called Manara square, but it's a circle!) I took one picture of the manara out the window, because it looked so nice and clean. Not only had they finally taken the Christmas decorations down (which I am sure were still up at the end of February), but someone had scrubbed off the election posters the had been slapped all over it almost two years ago. I guess I am not the only one who takes a while to get around to doing things.

"Gaza 'ala bali - Gaza on my mind"

six word memoir meme

I got tagged by Umm Ibrahim of Stranger in this Dunya for the 6 word memoir meme. I think I can manage this one, if it is only 6 words, inshaAllah. Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post
4. Tag six more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Struggling prayerfully for patience and hope.

I tag:

Saha
Umm Farouq
Susie of Arabia
Kadija Teri
Multicultural Muslimah (Molly)

Is it possible that no one has tagged Umm Zaid yet?

Geeez, the tagging was harder than the meme.

goodbye mart 'ami

My mother-in-law passed away very early on Friday morning. She fell a week ago, and broke her hip. The doctors operated, and she came home, but then she had a stroke.

“inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.”

They lived about 5 miles away from us, but the wall and checkpoints kept us from seeing each other as often as we used to. I cannot attend the "azza" (funeral reception) to be with the rest of the family, because I don't have the papers to pass the checkpoint. So I am going to remember her here, with my 2 or 3 readers.

I have seen many marriages strained to the breaking point by mothers-in-law, but mine was only benefited by her presence. She was a special lady, with a quiet faith, courage and strength that I hope I can emulate. I felt accepted by her from the day we met. My husband and I met and married in America, and the first time I came here I was scared that she wouldn't like or approve of me. But she was one of those, unfortunately all too rare, mothers that assumed that if her son loved me, I must be ok. I didn't speak any Arabic beyond the words needed for my prayers and salams, and she never spoke any English. But she always showed a concern for my comfort through her actions. If my husband and I had a dispute, she always urged him to be patient with me, and sometimes she actively took my side. She treated me as much like a daughter as she could, considering we couldn't talk to each other easily.

You are supposed to try and forgive someone who dies of any hurt they have caused you, so I tried to think of any old anger or resentment I had against her to forgive, but I couldn't think of any. The closest I think I was to being angry with her was when we first moved over here, when my oldest was just a toddler. I had learned a "tough love" sort of parenting, where rules had to be set and schedules maintained. In America, I had been advised to set a bed time for my little one, and stick to it, which I did. The idea was to follow a certain routine each night, put him to bed, and leave the room. If he cried a little bit, say good night again from the door, and leave. This was to teach regular habits and order. It worked fine in the US, but it's hard to explain changing timezones to a baby! My Mother-in-law had no patience with the "leave him cry a bit" school of parenting. The second he made a noise, she would be at the bedroom door, and calling me. I compromised on that one, and sat I with my son until he fell asleep, but he did eventually learn to adjust to the new schedules. I still think the family tends to spoil the kids a bit, letting them stay up too late and be little princes and princesses, but I couldn't hold that against my Mother-in-law. How can you be angry with someone whose only fault is that she loves your child so much she can't stand to hear him cry?

When I came, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to call my mother-in-law, so I called her by her "kunya." (ie "the mother of so-and-so," a polite form of address in Arabic.) There is a word for mother-in-law, "hamaati," but she thought that and the kunya were to formal and impersonal, and insisted that I call her "mart 'ami," "my aunt." (or more literally, "my uncle's wife") I will miss Mart'Ami's face, I loved the very lines in it. As I get older, I hate every new line I see appear on my face, but I always thought that every wrinkle in her face was beautiful. Even when she was asleep, the lines on her face showed that she was a woman that smiled a lot, and loved a lot. It amazes me that the lines on her face showed the joy and beauty of her spirit, when her life was often so hard. She was born during the British Mandate, and lived through war after war. She had 10 children, but her youngest daughter was killed in an explosion in 1968. She would have been my age. My mother and father-in-law were always religious, but they weren't the type running around yelling "haraam, haraam" all the time. They are both examples of patient devotion. Praying and fasting were the steady rhythms of their lives.

I hope I can live up to her example.

Oh Allah! Surely Mart 'ami is under your protection,and in the rope of your security, so save her from the trial of the grave and from the punishment of the fire. You fulfill promises and grant rights, so forgive her and have mercy on her. Surely You are the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Where I am from Poem

After reading Umm Zaid's "Where I am from Poem," inspired by Umm Farouq's "mini poetry-a-thon," I decided to try writing one myself. In an attempt to get the courage to share what I finally wrote, I decided to re-read all the other posts relating to the original writing exercise, only to find there was a template to be followed. I never was good at rules, so here goes anyway:

Where I am from

I am from bare feet in new plowed soil
from old folks and old ways
from ancient, emerald hills that embrace little towns
and keep them safe at night

I am from white mary janes, gloves and a Sunday dress
little bible tucked in my pocket book
I think it was just for pretty
maybe read it, but never question

I'm from holding Grandma's hand,
looking at the stained glass window in church
Jesus has long, blond hair
blue eyes and a beard

He looks like the hippies
Grandma warns me about.
And Mary is in her hijab,
but I am not supposed to be like that

I'm from long hours with Mother
sitting on a stool while she cooks
hidden painful secrets
a love that shelters
"Nothing will hurt my daughter"

I'm from Home, where all is right and normal
everywhere else being…. not right, not normal
Everyone else is ethnic
with names not used in public
red necks covered to respectability

I'm from men who worked in steel mills and rail roads
and women who made a house a home
and filled jars with fresh grown produce
and grew to fill the new roles they were given
blooming with the times

I'm from never ending questions
and knowing something didn't fit
from being told to "do my own thing"
as long as I did it just like everyone else

I'm from the men and women and land that produced me
cut from the cloth of everyone else
stitched together in my own new pattern
imported threads embroidered on top
history in a fading quilt.

My humble little blog got mentioned on Global Voices. How cool is that? Thank you Amira Al Hussaini.

engagements

When I was pregnant with my first child, I read stacks of parenting books. I wanted to be prepared. I learned lots about nutrition, discipline, and education. But I feel totally unprepared for the latest stage in my children's lives. My daughter got engaged 2 weeks ago today, and I am still recovering.

We had a "small" family party in our house for the engagement. "Small" in this family apparently means under 60 people. The week before was a rush of shop-'till-you-drop days and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Engagement parties are a big deal here, and even for a "small" party at home, Palestinians go all out. The custom is that the groom's family is to provide all the food, even the coffee. He also buys the bride's dress, shoes and 2 sets of jewelry, one fabulously fake and the other seriously expensive gold. She wears the costume jewelry at first, and then is presented with the gold later. The food is served to all the guests first, while the bride in all her finery sits separate. Then the Islamic marriage contract is signed, so they are technically married. Finally, it's time for the dancing. Most women here love dancing. All the ladies are in a room separate from the men, and they all dance with the bride. The groom comes during this time, and dances with her, and puts the gold jewelry on her. This gold is a gift, not the Islamic mahr. That is given at the wedding. The men are some place else drinking tea and coffee and eating fruits and sweets. In our case they were in the house next door, since our house was over flowing with women. After all the dancing, all the guests leave except the groom, and now he and the bride are allowed to spend as much time as they like together. Well, maybe not as much as they would like, but then when you are young and in love, there never is enough time together, right?

By the time the day of the party came, I was exhausted. My daughter looked like a princess in a Disney movie, with a flowing, sparkle-y ball gown and elaborate curls with more glinting sparkles. My 2 daughters had spent the morning in the salon, and were all glittered up as never before. In addition to all the family, I invited 3 of my friends, as my "family." I don't know how I would have gotten through the day without them. I woke up that morning with the song "Help" by the Beatles running through my head, and I certainly did need help to get through that day. I am ashamed to admit it, but I think I spent half the party crying. Maybe more. I couldn't help it. First I was thinking, "She's too young; this is too soon." Then I was missing my own family, Then I thought of her moving away. Every time I calmed down and tried to join the party, another thought would ambush me and send me back to my bedroom in tears. Alhamdulillah, my friends were there to help me through it emotionally, and my sisters-in-law did all the work. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala send his blessings and mercy on each of them. I should mention that none of my tears were because I didn't like the man my daughter is marrying. MashaAllah, he is a nice young man, and I know of nothing to say against him. A few of my tears may have been because I had to face the fact I am old enough to refer to my daughter's fiancé as "a nice young man."

It has taken me two full weeks until I could calmly write about that day, so that is why I haven't been posting. I have had other things to write about, but it somehow seemed wrong to pass over something as important as this without a mention.

DSL dependance

My youngest had a math exam today, and last night, about 10 minutes after he was supposed to be in bed, he announced that his protractor was broken, and he needed one for the test. Typical. We searched the house, but couldn't find another one. What to do? It's not like I could just jump in the car and go buy one. No stores around here would be open at 9:30 at night, and besides, we have no car. So what did I do? I went on line and downloaded one, naturally. I found several, and luckily I had a few sheets of plastic for overhead projector transparencies, so I printed one and cut it out. Problem solved. What would I do without the internet?

It seems like almost every time I have a problem, I go look for the solution online. When I need the latest news, I go online. Want to talk to friends? Online. Need a recipe? Online. Want to listen to Qur'an? Online. Feel homesick? Go online. Need to learn Arabic? Look online. Want to watch the latest movies out in the American cinemas? Well, I heard that you can do that online. I seriously don't know how I used to manage without the internet. According to the Palestinian Central Bureau of Statistices, as of 2006, only 15.9% of Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza have internet access at home, and only 32.9% of homes have a computer. In fact, only slightly over half of homes here have a land line phone. So I know I am one of the privileged few. We actually have 2 computers in our house. One of them is a Pentium 1 I put together from a pile of discarded computers, but it works!

But the coolest thing that the internet has done for me is to let me talk to you, who ever you are, where ever you are. Thanks for listening.

A little perspective

For the last two weeks, I have been stressing out over the idea of my oldest daughter getting engaged. Every fiber of my being resists the idea that my little girl is one day going to move away from me. To be honest, when she does get married, she wont really be moving too far away. It's only a couple of miles "as the crow flies." Unfortunately, I can't fly over the walls and checkpoints as well as the crow. So there have been a few tears on my part at the thought of losing my little girl.


Today, the bus that my daughter was coming home from college in was involved in an accident. She was knocked out of her seat, but a quick thinking young man grabbed the back of her jacket and kept her from falling face first into the front of the bus. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala give that young man every good in this life and the next! Alhamdulillah, she was shaken up, but unhurt.


Sometimes I wish I could keep my kids little and close to me, away from the big bad world and all the bad things that could happen to them. But I know I have to accept Allah's qadr for us and be grateful for having them in my life. I still hope to see her finish college before she gets married, but now I realize that having my daughter marry a nice young man and move to the next village really isn't losing her.