HANDICAPPING THE CONTENDERS

by BurtPrelutsky

I have now sat through all of the GOP debates and have come to a few conclusions. First, they should not be called debates. They are actually Meet the Candidates events. As such, they serve a useful purpose. But they are not debates. If they were, Newt Gingrich would have the nomination sewn up by this time. Unfortunately for the former Speaker of the House, the ability to speak quickly and coherently on a number of issues isn’t enough.

I hasten to add that I happen to agree with Mr. Gingrich that he is the smartest man in politics. He probably has more good ideas in a day than some of the other contenders have had in their entire lives. For Gingrich, the tragedy is that he carries around more baggage than the average bellhop. It’s not just that he has a checkered personal past that involves wives and lovers. There was also that multi-million dollar book deal he made with Rupert Murdoch while he was still in Congress. Nothing wrong with a congressman looking to make a few extra dollars; the problem was that Gingrich chaired a committee whose responsibilities included determining ownership of media outlets, a matter of great concern to Mr. Murdoch. When the spam hit the fan, Gingrich grudgingly gave back the money.

But from my personal perspective, money remains far too important to the man. Otherwise, why does he send my wife letters begging for donations three or four times a week, and has done so for years, long before he threw his hat in the ring? And while it’s really none of my business how anyone elects to spend his own money, I must say I was flabbergasted when we learned that the man had somehow managed to run up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany’s. The question that pops to mind is whether President Gingrich would try to pass his own stimulus bill just to cover the cost of his wife’s jewelry.

If I could cobble together a dream candidate, he would have Romney’s looks, Cain’s charm, Santorum’s values, Bachmann’s decency, Gingrich’s grasp of the issues and Ron Paul’s passionate followers. Jon Huntsman’s problems are myriad, not the least of which is that he looks exactly like every villainous politician ever portrayed on “Law and Order” whose corruption begins but doesn’t end with his having a bunch of chippies on his office staff.

The good news for the GOP is that Barack Obama, the four trillion dollar man, is the most beatable Democrat since Jimmy Carter. The bad news for certain segments of the party is that Paul Ryan, Sarah Palin, Mitch Daniels, Marco Rubio, Donald Trump and Chris Christie, decided not to run. For some, the problem is that Tim Pawlenty tried but failed. For still others, the heartbreak of psoriasis is nothing compared to the fact that Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman and Mr. Gingrich, haven’t managed to gain any traction, with the Iowa caucus looming right around the corner.

That leaves Rick Perry, Herman Cain and Mitt Romney, to duke it out. Of the three, I prefer Mr. Cain, even though I don’t believe his 9-9-9 (aka 9-0-9) plan would do much, if anything, to turn around the economy. I like him and I trust him and, of all the candidates, he’s the one with whom I could bear to spend time. That may not be the best reason for electing a president, but it’s a better reason than I usually have.

My problem with Governor Perry isn’t just that he appears terribly uncomfortable on the debate stage or that he doesn’t even speak as well as George W. Bush did. The reason I don’t believe he is presidential material is because his attacks on Romney reek of the schoolyard. I couldn’t believe it when he decided that by bringing up the old news that Romney once employed a landscaper who apparently once employed an illegal alien, he believed he had a gotcha moment that would send him soaring in the polls and straight into the White House.

Now I fully acknowledge that Romney wouldn’t be my favorite alternative to Obama, but at that moment, I felt as if I was looking at a man being attacked by a gnat and, at least in my mind, the governor’s last name changed forever from Perry to Petty.

What made the attack even more embarrassing is that the Texas governor has boots of clay. After all, he would not only have seen to it that the gardener’s kid received in-state tuition, but labeled any Republican who objected a heartless bigot.

I am willing to wager that Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee, and not just because he has the most money, the most professional organization and the best-looking family. I give the American voter more credit than that.

Instead, as I see it, he will be the last man standing because he’s taller than Perry and has more hair than Cain.

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©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Cutting Through the Political Manure

by BurtPrelutsky

When Obama insists that tax hikes will be offset by future spending cuts, run -- don’t walk! -- and hang on to your wallets. When it comes to keeping their promises, politicians are notoriously untrustworthy.

Back in the 70s, Nixon and Kissinger agreed to withdraw from Vietnam on the condition that Congress would continue supplying our South Vietnam allies with money and armaments. Congress didn’t, and as a result, the Communists massacred millions of Southeast Asians.

In 1982, Reagan signed the Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act (TEFRA), which congressional Democrats promised would lead to three dollars in spending cuts for every dollar in tax increases. Take a guess which one didn’t happen. The tax increases, by the way, were to be obtained by closing tax loopholes. (Sound vaguely familiar?)

Reagan lived to regret that deal, but it didn’t prevent the Gipper from being snookered yet again in 1986, when he signed a general amnesty for illegal aliens because the Democrats vowed to close the borders. We can all see, 15 million illegal aliens later, how well that worked out.

Reagan’s successor, George H.W. Bush, clearly wasn’t paying close attention because he pledged not to raise taxes -- “Read my lips”-- because the Democrats promised budget cuts.

I swear, the only example I can think of where one party has been sucker-punched more often than Republican presidents is America’s favorite nebbish, Charlie Brown, who kept falling for Lucy’s promise not to pull the football away when he was about to kick it.

If there are bigger dummies than those Republicans who trust liberals to behave honorably, it must be those besotted voters who proudly identify themselves as Independents.

I know they puff themselves up because, unlike those of us who realize that there are existential wars being waged between Israel and the Palestinians, between western civilization and Islam, and between conservatives and leftists, they like to regard themselves as clear-thinking individuals who are above what they ignorantly dismiss as partisan frays.

They bray that they want to see Republicans and Democrats act in concert, joining together to do what’s best for America. What they are too dumb to recognize is that there is no conceivable common ground when one side, in its perpetual trolling for support from unions and minority groups, regards tax dollars as the easiest and cheapest way to buy votes. One side believes in smaller government, the abiding wisdom of the Constitution and American sovereignty; the other side believes that the federal government should be even larger and more powerful; that the Constitution isn’t worth the parchment it’s written on; and that American sovereignty is a foolish conceit, and that American law and influence should be subordinate to the United Nations, the World Court, the ACLU, Sharia and Obama’s whims.

Having recently seen a production of 1776, I was reminded that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson couldn’t wait to get away from the Continental Congress. Part of the reason was the weather in a pre-air conditioned Philadelphia and part of the reason was that they missed their wives. For his part, George Washington turned down the crown and only agreed to be President because he put love of country ahead of his personal preferences.

Compare that to our current politicians, who must be dragged kicking and screaming from office. It suggests to me that life in our nation’s capital is far too comfy these days. Therefore, I move that we cut off air conditioning in the summer and the heat in winter. Only when Barney Frank starts sweating like a pig and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz starts whining about the cold will we see how dedicated they, along with Henry Waxman, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, are to public service.

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©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, shipping included.   Get both for just $39.90.