God bless you and your marriage and the beautiful witness it is to all who are blessed to experience it.  Happy Anniversary.

“Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.”
~ Psalm 127:1

My sister was in a very troubled marriage for 18 years.  She is a devout Catholic and a daily communicant.  Her spouse was unfaithful and verbally abusive to her.  She would have stayed married to him for the sake of the children, but one day her spiritual director quoted the above psalm to her.  No matter how hard you may try, if God does not build the house, you labor in vain.  A true marriage is a meeting of minds, hearts, body and soul to become one.  It is not one person doing all the work to save the day.  I’m not advising to chuck your marriage, but a toxic marriage is no good for anyone.

Shannon,

All the replies below your post were for an anonymous commentor who asked for stories about marriage that made it thru abandonment, infidelty and mental illness.  That post got deleted so now all they all appear under your post.  Just wanted to mention that in case others were wondering why all these comments are under your post.  God bless your marriage with many more years—what a gift you describe.

Beth, thanks for clearing that up about a poster that has been deleted…I didn’t know what was going on.hehehehe

I don’t know anyone very well who is in the situation you describe.  That said, my mother has a friend whose husband and mother-in-law are both mentally ill.  They have been married for decades & as far as I know things are working fine for them.  I don’t know any details—just that there is mental illness (bi-polar) going on & she appears peaceful & they remain married.  I wish I could offer you more encouragement.  I am sure there are nightmares involved in situations like these that I know nothing about.  I hope you will be able to find others who can encourage you in this very real & deep suffering & discouragement you bring up in the forum here today!!

My aunt and uncle’s marriage was repaired after his infidelity and alcoholism.  So there is certainly hope for marriages in serious trouble.
But I feel, given some of the stories shared here previously, of which you may be one, that I should also say: the end of a marriage isn’t necessarily the end of the world or a recipe for total lifelong misery.  Certainly, God didn’t intend for marriages to be so troubled that they end.  But, in a fallen world, sometimes that’s what happens - and it can be the best thing for all involved, depending on the problems that led to the end of the marriage.  My godmother, whose marriage ended due to alcoholism on my godfather’s part, raised a lovely daughter (on her own as godfather wasn’t interested in maintaining any relationship with dd) and is at a point where she can say that, while the end of her marriage wasn’t a good thing in itself, she is at peace with it b/c she is at peace with the person she has become through those trials - and she wouldn’t be that person without the totality of the life she has had. 
I know that in one way that isn’t very encouraging to say that some marriages can’t be put back together - but it’s true that you can only change you, you can’t change your spouse and some people refuse to make needed changes.  So, not knowing the details of your story, I just wanted to offer encouragement on both sides: yes, some deeply troubled marriages do work through those problems and come out stronger on the other side and I’ve seen some of those (even, in one extreme, with a woman I met at a conference who used to leave her sons and husband at home asleep while she went out to s&m dungeons - God really can redeem even the most hopeless).  Other marriages don’t survive - but that doesn’t mean God has abandoned you or your kids and that life will be ruined forever, even if it seems that way at the time.  God can bring good out of anything, even if it’s not the good we are looking for or so deeply desire.  Crushing defeat, with God’s grace, really does end in the Resurrection.  Prayers for you!

Sorry you’re going through this!  I’ll pray for you tonight.  My parents had a very stormy troubled marriage as I was growing up.  Alcoholism, anger, abuse, etc.  No infidelity as far as I know, but some pretty horrendous treatment that I remember, and probably some that I don’t know about.  When I was 20 years old, my dad went to confession for the first time in his married life.  Shortly after that, my parents conceived my youngest brother at ages 45 and 48.  That was the first time I remember my dad being happy about a pregnancy and not giving my mom the silent treatment for 9 months.  Things improved from there. Now, dad is still dad, but he’s trying, the pressures of small children are gone and he’s a great grandfather. Hope that helps, Anon.  There’s always hope!

There’s a great book out there called Marriage 911: How God Save Our Marriage (and Can Save Yours Too) by Greg and Julie Alexander.  Here’s a link to their website: http://www.thealexanderhouse.org/  Prayers!

“But I feel, given some of the stories shared here previously, of which you may be one, that I should also say: the end of a marriage isn’t necessarily the end of the world or a recipe for total lifelong misery. “

I agree with the above poster.  It can be very tricky giving advice online.  We could all easily say stick it out no matter what.  However, there are situations where divorce or separation are the best options.  There are situations that God does not want you living in.  I hope you can find the support and counsel that you need to get you thru whatever difficulties you are experiencing.

I have stories of couples who survived great hardship and those whose marriage did not survive and it was for the best.  If your situation is one that can be healed I pray that you have the courage to hang in there.