Ironic American Protestors
Although my Occupy Brothers have faded from the headlines as of late, with only a couple days left before my departure to Mexico to embark on my around the world adventure (aka Operation Steal Back American Jobs), I felt reminiscent of my American comrades fighting the man. Long has America been known to protest with the best of them. After all, when our American women in the 1960s fought the good fight, against the misogynist swine who scorned the idea of women wanting to do something other than house work. American Housewives 1950sWhat did they do? They protested. They protested like only Americans can. They burned bras and trail blazed a feminist revolution. The hippy movement in the 1970s shunned corporatism and “the Man”, and fulfilled their moral obligation to fight righteously against the wrong doers with powerful sit ins, large musically inspired gatherings, and even trying the forbidden fruit, just to prove just how much they cared. During the Vietnam War era, my virtuous brethren upped the ante once more, and marched – on college campuses, town halls, and major cities- in unity, against those with fire hoses, states’ national guards, and even on Washington itself, by the millions.

But now. Now is the true test of America’s ability to protest. We must be more daring than ever before to show our true backbone. We aren’t some weak-sauce monks in Nam, prying for attention. We aren’t some allegedly oppressed country in the former USSR bitching about some fence. No. We are the 99%. We are the embodiment of our feminist movement, our fight against segregation, and our unjust war(s) protests. We are our nation’s testament to what can be accomplished with a good sit in. We deserve 500 HD tv channels and on-demand like the rest of the world.

But wait just there America. I think we can do more. We can do more than sleep in tents, pee on public property, and put small, locally-owned businesses out of business by deterring patrons with scary looking homeless people shouting obscenities at them. No. We can do more. Yes…We…Can.

American Occupy Protestors vs. Ukrainian Protestors

The difference between how Ukrainians protest and how Americans protest

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    Traveling Jobs what to pack
    Anyone that ever says to just “pack light” for a big trip is obviously not interested in any kind of long, drawn out conversation about your forthcoming vacation. They know, of course, that it will lead to a myriad of highly unlikely, what-if scenarios and their ear being talked off. The problem with my pending departure to Mexico, unlike my previous escapades, is that I don’t know exactly what jobs I will have yet. It is difficult to pack everything from a tacky Hawaiian shirt I would wear if I were working as a hula coordinator in a Polynesian hotel, to bringing an apron and a skillet if I am going to work at Pablo’s Krab Shack. I just don’t know. So I will probably end up packing everything. The other really difficult thing about packing for long-term travel is the seasonal changes. A couple years ago in Eastern Europe, I froze my balls off because I only had summer and fall clothes. I was forced to wear my entire bag daily, resulting in a loss of my cat-like agility.

    Yet packing remains the one unavoidable chore that accompanies any trip. It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a year long around the world trip with 4 different climate zones, or a romantic getaway weekend with your love bunnie. Packing, in its purest form, usually involves giving a time out to the logical mouse who runs the cage in your noggin, and letting his irrational, mildly-retarded cousin turn the task of throwing a couple of pieces of underwear and a few shirts in your bag into the biggest chore of the century. Brain surgery often requires less debate. Invading another country involves less planning. For me, the real trouble begins when the fantasy scenarios start to play out in my mind.

    They usually involve me in the Mediterranean on the top-deck of a yacht, sipping high balls with some new wealthy, partying on a yachtand influential friends who decided to invite me along because I am such a ” wonderful conversationalist” and addition to the party. Their poor friend Olga who has recently broke off her engagement could use the company. Of course this affair would require that I pack some nice penny loafer boat shoes, so that I could maintain a firm footing on the deck, while at the same time upholding the class and refinement of the moment.

    But then there are other scenarios. Like meeting a beautiful single girl and wooing her with my Italian skills. Maybe her parents own a cattle ranch and winery in Argentina. How could I possibly not bring a pair of leather cowboy boots for our dusk riding sessions across the ranch?

    What about that jaunty hat, goggles, and scarf I would need for a ride in the English countryside in a classic MG that would somehow be bestowed upon me? Or maybe I might need a full business suit with 6 different ties and 4 shirts of different shades of white, because you never know when a business deal with a wealthy, Colombian farmer might arise.

    So what’s the solution to these packing woes? How does one combat these internal quarrels and fits of irrationality and pack the essentials for a vaction? Easy.

    I just wait to start packing an hour before my flight.

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      Merry Christmas from the Guest of Honor

      Although my seasonal odd job as a Christmas Tree Associate has come to end, my affection for the trade remains unwavering. Cheers to the trees who make this holiday possible. Every button clicked saves a kitten. Tweet

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        The End of my tenure as a Christmas Tree Associate

        In a morning just like any other, I get a call from my boss at the usual time for last minute subbing. Mark: Hey Turner…What’s happening? Me: Not much (eating breakfast, thinking, ah yes another day of deliveries and crisp Jacksons in my hands). Mark: Just wanted to call to let you know we are [...]

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          Ridin’ Dirty

          DAY 12 So today I finally gotta taste of the Christmas Tree Sales Lot holy grail: Deliveries. My boss was feeling the Christmas cheer today and decided to spread the holiday love around. So instead of loitering around the lot in the cold for hours waiting to show customers 20 identical trees with a shit-eating [...]

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            Supporting Jack during the Holidays

            DAY 10 I keep getting morning wake up calls asking me to come in on my days off. I see the beauty in asking me to work more shifts. They know I am here just for the sake of working during the holidays and need the dough to support my bar habit. Actually I am [...]

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              Training for the Big Christmas Tree Weekend

              In case you were curious as to the kind of training we undertake on the Christmas tree lot before the big weekend, here is a little sample of what it takes to make it in this game. Every button clicked saves a kitten. Tweet

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                Employee Bonding on the Christmas Tree Lot

                DAY 4 I find myself popping ibuprofen like tic-tacs. My body is so stiff in the mornings that I feel like I am approaching my 70th birthday. I guess all these years of avoiding manual labor are finally coming home to roost. But looking at the glass half full, hopefully my body after these 30 [...]

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                  Every Office has a Water Cooler

                  DAY 3 So I am learning that even in the Xmas tree slanging game, there is still no way to avoid office politics. I am only going into my third day and already co-workers are conniving and gossiping about each other. Case in point. Me: Hey have you seen Mark by chance? I have to [...]

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                    Proper Christmas Tree Lot Attire

                    DAY 2 So I woke up today with my body feeling like it was in traction. It’s 6:25 am and I can barely move my arms. Luckily, Christmas has come early and I don’t start until 10:00 am, however, unlike my first day, Seattle weather has decided to peak its head and now there is [...]

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