Victoria Bitter

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Victoria Bitter ("VB" on Fandom_Wank) AKA Jordan Wood AKA Amy Player AKA Mr. Frodo AKA Andrew Blake AKA Thanfiction. Wank in Lord of the Rings fandom has been comprehensively documented many times (see the links), so we'll just hit the high points.

Note: VB is male, but previously identified as female before coming out as transgendered (FTM). The personal pronouns in this entry have been amended accordingly.


The Victoria Bitter True Hollywood Story

Amy Player went by "Victoria Bitter" in LOTR fandom, and was well-regarded until he began posting to his LiveJournal that he was having the dreams of Meriadoc Brandybuck. This would just be crazy if Merry had simply lived hundreds of years ago, but since he's a fictional character from the Lord of the Rings series our diagnosis must progress to wiggling our finger over our pursed lips. VB's story attracted the attention of batshit insane fans, including OrangeBlossom (Abigail Stone), for whom VB relocated to Oregon to begin a romantic relationship.

VB and OB won acclaim in the Domlijah tinhat movement by claiming to be friends with actor Sean Astin (and by extension, Elijah Wood), and using this Super Secret Fan connection to "prove" Wood's forbidden love affair with Dominic Monaghan. They created a sockpuppet journal, ostensibly belonging to the real Elijah, before revealing that it was actually VB channeling Elijah's spirit. Okay!

After that fiasco VB disappeared, returning in a new persona named "Jordan Wood" with the LJ username "misterfrodo". OrangeBlossom denied suspicions that this was VB, claiming VB had committed suicide and Mr. Frodo was her new lover. Pictures of Jordan (VB trying to look like Elijah Wood) were less than convincing. The story changed--instead of killing himself VB had begun magically transforming into Elijah Wood. (What was therefore happening to the real Elijah appears to have never been explained--maybe he was becoming a psycho fan.)

Around this time Amy Player's photo turned up on milk cartons, as his family in Virginia had been looking for him since he ran off to live with OB in Oregon.

Meanwhile, VB (as Jordan) and OrangeBlossom had moved in with a friend in California, where the Bit of Earth scandal went down. Eventually, as a result of the BoE and Tentmoot debacle, VB and OB were put on probation and had to agree never to solicit money for Bit of Earth or any other charity in the state of Oregon again. [1]

After that, VB and OB were spotted working as street performers on Hollywood Boulevard: VB typically dressed as Harry Potter or Puss-in-Boots (Shrek) and OB as Princess Fiona (in ogre form, also from Shrek).[2]

On March 4th, 2007, VB (as Amy Player) posted an apology. In it, he attributed his batshit insanity to an equally batshit childhood. And slash:

To Whom It May Concern: The Origins and Redemption of a Rare Lesbian Paladin

As a young tinhat, VB's desire to read smutty fanfics led him to create alternate online identities. He claimed he was "unusually intelligent" and "a little too good [at lying] for my own good."

At college, where he made the phenomenal mistake (mental-health-wise) of falling in with the campus's resident stereotypically bohemian Theater Group, he met the Priestess. It is unclear whether this Priestess was an actual human being (VB stated that he cannot recall her name) or a figment of a bizarre imagination, but she served as some sort of spiritual guide to young VB. The Priestess explained that VB was a Rare Lesbian Paladin, capable of channeling any number of souls (alive, dead, fictional, or real). J.R.R Tolkien hadn't actually written his books; he'd translated them. From a "single faded volume" that chronicled "a history lost to the brutal censorial axes of the post-Constantine Romans."

Thus began his life in the LOTR fandom.

Post confession, VB eventually ended up back home with his family. Of course, there were a few more little scams on the way.[3]

After posting the apology, he initially promised to repay Turimel the money he had borrowed from her, but, apparently, none was ever sent. Requests to reimburse others were met with, "I do not think it is unfair to say that many have admitted looking back that there was every indication I was unhinged. If you invest your time and money in something that is a bad idea, that's your fault."[4]

Oddly, the people whose money had magically disappeared-- or had their social security numbers used on rental applications[5]-- didn't share that philosophy.[6]

Return of the Con: Thanfiction in the Potterverse

In December 2009, LJ username "thanfiction" was identified as VB. Now going by the name Andrew Blake, he had created an elaborate and much-worshiped epic HP fanfiction called Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness (the "DAYDverse"). A "convention" apparently is currently being planned in DC, called DAYDcon. Positive identification was made from his twitter account which featured a picture, as well as a portrait of OB. Within minutes of being identified, the twitter page and new LJ were locked.

He was soliciting "donations":

I don't need money. Really, I don't. I live well, well below my means. And I not only have no need for material goods beyond what I already own, I don't want them. No. Not books, merchandise, clothes, downloads, icon space, a domain name, paid LJ time, paid DA account, DVDs, electronics, games, movie tickets, or ANYTHING ELSE. I don't even want travel at this point, because my schedule is full. Giving me stuff or money is as uneeded and unwanted as gloves for a snake.

But some of you are bound and determined, so here's what I am going to do: tonight, I will be setting up a Paypal account and the email address If you had wanted to send me something, send the money there instead. I don't care if it was a $0.99 "pint of dark liquid" icon for my profile page or a $6,000 cruise to the Bahamas. Send it there, and every single penny will be used to get people who otherwise couldn't go to the con there and help pay their lodgings if there's any left over. If you have frequent flier miles, hotel points, flight upgrades, or anything like that you want to give, send it to the same address, and again, I assure you it will be used only for daydians in need. To ensure everything is above-board, I will happily provide screenshots of any and all transactions to anyone who wants them at any time.

This went nicely with his other fundraising activities: sales of his epic on[7] and of commissioned lightly photoshopped TOTALLY ORIGINAL fanart.[8][9]

Further research indicated he claimed to have fought with several opposing Belfast militias, and speaks with a recently adopted -- but totally genuine! Really! -- Irish brogue. He'd previously been soliciting money to visit his fans, given he claimed to have a heart condition which left him with only a few months to live.

Sadly, his romance with OB was well and truly over:

Even after coming nearer than I ever have to being destroyed by a woman I loved for almost seven long years, even after she took my son from me without so much as a goodbye and left me destitute for someone she'd been seeing behind my back, I still hold no grudge against womankind.
— thanfiction's sorting community application

Yes, a tragic loss, indeed! Of a sparrow. [10]

At last Thanfiction responded: he is not VB. VB is his evil twin sister. [11]

Uh huh.

When Thanfiction's evil twin isn't causing trouble for him, he spends his time heroically rescuing innocent children from an undead shaman-wizard on the Astral Plane.

Finally, he has announced his departure from the internets forever - yet again. [12] Will he be back? Only time will tell.

List of (main) wanks

(Note: Many of VB's wanktastic activities occurred during F_W's Blurty days. When Blurty deleted F_W a lot of the original reports were lost.)



The "Victoria Bitter" alias is taken from the name of a popular Australian Beer. "Jordan Wood" is derived from Lord of the Rings star Elijah Jordan Wood. And "Mr. Frodo" is of course based on one of Wood's best known roles, the cannibal in Sin City.

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