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Previous Are Tiny Pageant Queens Too Young to Dream? Home Speak Up Next

Fight or Flight

Should we feel bad for feeling nervous?

Posted by Rachel Balducci in Family on Tuesday, September 27, 2011 9:00 AM

Here’s a funny video that actually left me with a lot to think about:

I’m guessing the point of the video is that we don’t really know who people are, we shouldn’t be quick to judge and maybe just because someone looks a certain way that isn’t who they really are. I get it. And the video is cute (and kinda sweet somehow, when all the bikers cheer them on for being brave). So not to ruin a good moment, but it did make me think.

Would I have been “brave enough” to wedge myself into a sea of bikers?

I doubt it. It’s not that I really think all those bikers are horrible people, but the sight of them would definitely leave me feeling a little edgy.

I suppose it’s because I’m a woman—but even more so that I’m a mom—but I absolutely err on the side of caution. If I’m feeling even remotely uncomfortable in a situation, I do not try to “push through,” not if I think my safety is at stake. I have too many people relying on me to put myself in a possibly precarious situation just for the sake of feeling like I didn’t judge someone’s outward appearance. (And hey, aren’t those bikers trying to look menacing anyway?).

Of course, this is where my husband is a fantastic resource—he can certainly help me discern if I’m getting in the habit of giving in to fear. I don’t want to never go out after dark, for instance—but I also don’t want to be stupid.

Thanks to the boys at Creative Minority Report for the video—and for giving me lots to ponder!

Comments
13
Filed under appearance, fear, safety, video

Comments

Page 1 of 1 pages

 
Posted by StephC on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 11:30 AM (EDT):

Rachel, have you ever read any of Gavin de Becker’s books?  “The Gift of Fear” and “Protecting the Gift” are two.  Part of his message is that we tend to socialize away our natural self-preserving instincts.  We women, especially, don’t want to be seen as rude, even by strangers, or possibly embarrass anyone or make the other feel bad, and allowing that desire to take precedence over the fight/flight instinct can be to our detriment. 

“Protecting the Gift” is a great book for parents to read & consider. (I promise, it wont’ give you nightmares about kidnappings or anything, but it will make you sit up and think about the spoken & unspoken lessons we teach our kids.)

 
Posted by Valerie on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 11:43 AM (EDT):

Yes, I think I would have felt comfortable enough taking those last 2 seats..even if I was dressed in my typically preppy fashions!  smile  And I only say this b/c I experienced a near similar situation in college.  It was both eye-opening and a good life lesson.

During my senior year, as a Poli Sci major, a controversial speaker was invited to campus.  He was a former Black Panther and was talking about social injustices, especially in the African-American urban communities. I was fascinated, at the time, and ready to change the world…so I attended.  Imagine my surprise, when my roommate and I walked into the auditorium and were the only 2 white women in the entire crowd. 

At first, I wanted to run back out the door I had entered.  I felt eyes staring at me…as I quickly scanned the room and found us a couple of seats.  Unfortunately, there was no gratuitous applause for my arrival, but I was glad I stayed for the very controversial speech…at least to my 20-year old, “white” point of view! 

Now, had I not felt safe…as Steph C refers to, I might not have stayed.  But it wasn’t a safety issues as much as a discomfort in being a minority.

I have on many an occasion, listened to that little voice in my head and avoided stepping on to an elevator by myself…

 
Posted by Patricia on Wednesday, Sep 28, 2011 9:31 AM (EDT):

I took a Black American Literature class as an undergrad. in college & was one of only two non-African American students in the class.  I enjoyed the class, but the best thing I got out of it was getting to experience what it felt like, if even only briefly, to be a minority.  There were some very interesting & heated discussions in that class about what constitutes “blackness”, as there were some biracial students in the class.  Eye-opening.

 
Posted by Liam on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 1:58 PM (EDT):

If God had wanted you in that theatre He would have made you a lemming, Rachel. Just from a guy’s point of view…I’ve met some women who have gotten themselves into just such uncertain ‘social’ situations because they think they are the match for anything and anyone. When Wonder Woman then gets insulted (or worse) it is usually her hapless male companion (husband, boyfriend, son, father etc.) who gets the snot kicked out of them trying to rescue Little Miss Toughie. Just an observation, Ladies. God Bless.

 
Posted by Donna L. on Wednesday, Sep 28, 2011 9:53 AM (EDT):

Thanks for writing this, Liam.  I have observed those women who perhaps feel “more cool, with it” or whatever, who seemed compelled into diving headlong into situations that they ought not to have.  I agree with what Steph wrote above, as well, about how we are often brought up ignoring our natural signals for safety, to avoid losing face. There is one thing to be in a group of people with different biological/racial backgrounds, and quite another to find yourself in a group who hold different moral values.

I’m with you Rachel, but I think my husband would feel like he *HAD* to wedge us in there, just to show that he was the man!

 
Posted by Brother Paul on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 6:18 PM (EDT):

I would have gone in with my Habit on. Except that I do not go to the cinema!

 
Posted by Beth on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 7:07 PM (EDT):

Your post rang true for me, after I wrestled with an ethical dilemma on the way home. I’ve been living in Detroit for 1 month. Driving home, in the pouring rain, a man came up to my window asking for money…because he’s hungry.  Now, I didn’t have cash, but even if I had,  I doubt I’d have opened my window.  And, on the Feast of St. Vincent de Paul, this rang in my ears as pretty lame. I could argue that its’ better for me and better for them if I just give to an organization that helps.  But, I’d be kidding if I didn’t admit that part of my response was fear of reaching out, of stepping out of my comfort zone, and of becoming vulnerable or harmed.

 
Posted by Christine on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 8:26 PM (EDT):

I saw the men trying to be protective of the women they were escorting.  One usually goes to the cinema to relax.  I don’t see the comparison of being in a minority based on skin color.  Scary-looking men are not the same as regular minority men.

 
Posted by Dawn on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 10:20 PM (EDT):

Assuming that the theater isn’t in some know high-criminal or seedy area of town, I so would’ve walked right in that theater and taken my seat, aggressively meeting any stares head on (like it’s a contest and I’ve got to win—that’s how people who think they can intimidate others back down anyway).  This post makes me realize I am a pretty aggressive and competitive, especially for a woman.  However if my husband were with me I’d feel hesitant because if anyone said anything lewd or disrespectful that’d put him in the awkward position of having to “defend my honor.”  Great ad!

 
Posted by Cay Gibson on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 10:36 PM (EDT):

Makes me think of a Flannery O’Connor type story setting… grin

 
Posted by Michelle on Tuesday, Sep 27, 2011 11:59 PM (EDT):

Everyone is different with what their own conscience can handle and I firmly believe in listening to the little voice inside of me when I feel uncomfortable.  I don’t mind bringing that uncomfortableness into prayer and asking if it’s a proper attitude after the fact, to try to grow and learn.  But, I strive to always, ALWAYS obey that little voice now and go with my conscience and let a more thorough examination later determine if I’m wrong.  I was raised to question that little voice always and I got myself into a lot of bad situations always thinking: I need to be brave, don’t listen to the little voice…stupid!  I try to always, within reason, allow my children to set their own limits now in those regards.  No forced hugs, no forced conversations or greetings, etc…and definitely no sitting next to scary bikers in a dark theater if they don’t want to!

 
Posted by a on Wednesday, Sep 28, 2011 12:28 AM (EDT):

I couldn’t agree with you more!!  And I think it is an act of respect to allow our children to discern the own comfort levels for themselves.  We can discuss with them afterwards why they may have felt uncomfortable or what a more socially suave way to handle the situation might have been… but I NEVER address those things in the moment in front of a stranger or whatever (not even to say, “say thank you!” or “what do you say?” etc.)  If my child is not comfortable thanking the person, I thank the person & will talk with my child about the situation later.

 
Posted by Jennifer on Wednesday, Sep 28, 2011 8:43 AM (EDT):

That’s awesome.  We ended up in South Dakota during the Sturgis bike rally a few years ago and it certainly was an eye opener, but everyone was very friendly!


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