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Email a FriendPosted by Sarah in Ottawa on Thursday, Sep 1, 2011 10:44 AM (EDT):
I love your posts, Arwen. They get right to the heart of the issue and provide so much encouragement, too. Thanks!
Can I?
How parenthood has stretched me
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Thursday, September 01, 2011 9:00 AM
A friend of mine mentioned that her five-month-old has recently ramped up his night wakings. He’s her third child, and she’s baffled. Shouldn’t she have the hang of this by now?
I dunno, I told her. I have four kids, and I certainly don’t feel like I have the hang of things.
Later, I realized that’s both true and untrue.
Four kids in, I’ve concluded it’s impossible to “get the hang” of babies in general. Babies number three and four are every bit as mysterious to me as baby number one was. I must figure out the twins from scratch, and separately from each other. That’s a new thing every time.
And of course - contrary to some popular opinions - there is no way to force a child, even a baby, to do things like sleep through the night. Surprise! (I know, but this honestly did surprise me the first time around.) They’re little people with wills of their own, and it’s my job as a parent to work with that. But they sure do keep me guessing. No way to “get the hang” of that.
On the other hand, I do cope a little better each time around. For one thing, I have more tools in my arsenal. But more than that, I’ve learned about my limits. Specifically: just how few I’ve got.
If you have an “extreme parenting” experience - twins, for instance, or a baby in the NICU - people say, “Oh, I could never do that.”
I want to tell them, “You could too. And if you had to, you absolutely would.”
This is the grace (and sometimes the curse) of parenting: it presents so many opportunities for growth. I did my best for newborn Camilla almost five years ago, but if my then-self could see my now-self, I think she’d be shocked at what I can do. Every day stretches me just a little bit more.
This season of parenting finds me chatting with one child, soothing another, while nursing one baby and rocking the other baby to sleep. It would sound crazy to my 2006 self, but my 2011 self does it every day. I often feel like I’m being drawn - pulled in four directions at once - but that’s the opportunity. No growth without the stretch. And I know the coming years will bring more, and even bigger, of the same kind of opportunities.
It’s both terrifying and incredibly exciting.
Sounds like parenthood to me.
Comments
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Posted by Sary Stroll on Thursday, Sep 1, 2011 2:17 PM (EDT):
Oh thank you so much for this post! As a mother of four (two adopted, two biological), I feel stretched to the limit more often than not. What keeps me going is the fact that I know they will never again be who they are at this very moment so I want to savor every moment and that each day is an adventure for all of us to grow together!
Posted by PamL on Friday, Sep 2, 2011 9:35 PM (EDT):
What a great way to phrase what we do as mothers! I have to say the same thing- I think back to 2003 when we had twins and I thought that I could not be stretched any more….and now all our 6 kids are bigger and it just keeps coming! You’re right- it is exciting and terrifying at the same time!
Enjoy your time now, it won’t ever be exactly like this again! That’s one thing I keep reminding myself because I often find myself reflecting on life with lots of little ones and I realize really how simple life was then. Now that our children are ages 13 down to 5, I long for those baby days…..but each season has its bonuses and we must learn to love this time too!
Posted by Tina on Saturday, Sep 3, 2011 6:46 AM (EDT):
I think, too, that by the time you get to three and four, you realize how much of what the babies do are just phases, and they’ll pass before you know it. I can’t believe how much I stressed about every little waking, feeding, etc. with my first, when I look at her now and wonder what the big deal was! You kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel and know one day they will sleep through the night, one day they will be potty trained, etc. Certainly helps with your sanity!
Thanks for the post!
Posted by Lisa on Saturday, Sep 3, 2011 11:03 PM (EDT):
when someone asks me how i deal with the four kids, husband, house, and full time job i just tell them that it’s something i GREW into. i didn’t all of a sudden do ALL of it at once. i started with a job, added a husband, and then a kiddo every few years. it’s not something you really realize how much you’ve grown until someone else comments on your ‘crazy’ life or you look back with your own personal amazement at how far you and your family have come.
Posted by Wendy on Wednesday, Sep 7, 2011 8:08 PM (EDT):
Thanks so much for this post. I had a tough day with my 4 and for some reason I really felt like I needed to check out this blog today even though I haven’t had time in weeks—and I see this: it’s exactly what I needed. 9 years ago I had my first and for nearly 5 years due to unexplained secondary infertility he was my only—now I have 3 more blessings, 4, 2, and 17 months. They are full of beans today… 
Posted by Tiff on Saturday, Sep 17, 2011 10:26 PM (EDT):
Love the post. Just found my way to your blog today for 1st time and couldn’t agree more with the “grow into it” theory…..my 3 boys: 6, 11, and 18 and I’m still “growing”...and I smiled at Wendy’s post because fertility issues and multiple losses created our 1st “gap” which left us with an “only” for 7 years and then we had our 2nd and God’s sense of humor blessed us with our impossible “bonus” that has brought us more joy than we could have imagined despite the unexpected, worst possible timing, fears we initially panicked and…...now we embrace all our blessings regardless of timing or planning…We keep on growing (as individuals, parents, and a family) and laugh at all the craziness this amazing bunch has brought us and hope we continue to meet the challenges we have yet to face with the help of God’s grace. Thanks for your observations and candid words—a blessing for all of us in the trenches!
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