Colonel Fitzwilliam Lends Darcy Both Hands, Mouth, and Various Other Body Parts
by Lissa
Darcy walked into Rosings in despair; Elizabeth Bennet had just violently rejected his marriage proposal and his heart was broken. Dejected, he ran to his room and poured himself glass after glass of brandy until he could barely stand. It was at this low point in Darcy's life that his cousin, the handsome, debonair, secretly homosexual Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam entered his room and found him.
"Darcy! What on earth is the matter with you?" he cried, not sounding at all gay, kind of like Rupert Everett in regimentals.
"Elizabeth Bennet rejected me! I love her Richard, but she hates me!" Darcy sobbed, collapsing into his cousin's strong, masculine arms. Needless to say, Richard didn't mind.
"There, there William," he whispered tenderly, caressing Darcy's hair. "All will be well. You don't need a woman. Women are weak and cruel. Wouldn't you rather lie in the arms of a strong, supportive man?"
"A man? How is it possible to lie with a man?" Darcy asked naively. Fitzwilliam murmured the answer in his ear, to which Darcy replied, "Ooh, that sounds painful."
"No, really it's quite lovely," Fitzwilliam said seductively. "It may feel strange at first, but once you get used to it, you'll be glad you gave it a chance."
"I don't know about that," Darcy slurred, drink still fogging his thoughts. "Wait, how do you know that it's lovely?" His cousin made him sit back in the chair, placed himself on Darcy's lap, and began stroking his cheek.
"Oh William… have you not guessed? I've always said I have not married because I have yet to find the perfect woman; the truth is, I never shall, because the perfect woman for me is… a man." Darcy gasped with shock.
"You, Richard? You, a specimen of manhood matched by few in this world, prefer the delights of Sodom to the sin of Adam and Eve?" Fitzwilliam nodded.
"And if you spend one night with me, you may just find yourself agreeing," he propositioned with a suggestive waggle of the eyebrows.
"Me, with you? But we are cousins!"
"Don't give me that excuse William. You know very well that relations between cousins are perfectly acceptable in Britain at this time. Why, Lady Catherine wants you to marry Anne! Come on old chap, give it a go." Suddenly, Darcy found himself caught up in a fiery kiss, the forbiddenness of it making it all the more enticing. "Richard," he moaned, breaking away for a moment, "We can't!" he said, his voice hoarse with longing.
"Why can't we?" Fitzwilliam purred, as he pressed his hard body against Darcy's. "It's not like either of us could get pregnant," he whispered before catching Darcy's mouth once again. This was logic Darcy could not argue with, especially in his inebriated state. Thus, with both his arguments refuted, he had no choice but to give in to his cousin's charms.
Darcy had been with women before, so he was accustomed to feeling a certain degree of softness in his partner's body. Instead, Fitzwilliam was all muscle, and the hardness of his body and manhood gave Darcy an entirely different sort of excitement. Fitzwilliam's nimble hands soon did away with their clothes, and the gentlemen assumed a position on the bed than any hot-blooded female JA reader would kill a charter-bus-load of babies to join. As implied by the title, Fitzwilliam generously offered Darcy use of both his hands, his mouth, and various other body parts to help soothe the pain of Elizabeth's rejection. By the time Darcy collapsed from the exertion, he had no bloody idea who Elizabeth Bennet even was.
Several months later, at Pemberley…
"Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth eyed the master of Pemberley, soaked to the bone and looking devastatingly sexy.
"Miss Bennet!" he cried in surprise. Shit… maybe I do still like women after all!
"This is an unexpected pleasure sir. We did not expect you to be at home, or we should never have invaded your privacy."
"Do not make yourself uneasy Miss Bennet. I found that I had business with my steward and rode on ahead of the party without informing anyone. Excuse me, your parents are in good health?"
"Yes, they are very well, I thank you. Mr. Darcy, please allow me to apologize to you. When I read your letter, I was overcome with guilt. Please forgive me for misjudging you and for being so terrible to you."
"Only if you will accept my apology as well, Miss Bennet. I acted abominably, and I'm sorry. I deserved your harsh words. They have changed me completely," more than you can imagine! he silently added.
"I have changed too Mr. Darcy! Do you think we shall ever have a chance to make things work between us?" she asked, pressing herself against him seductively. Oh my… she's so soft… I've grown so accustomed to having Richard's hard body against me every night that I've forgotten how wonderful breasts are.
"I think we can work something out Miss Bennet. I only have one condition…"
And so, William and Elizabeth Darcy were married and remained at Pemberley, with Richard Fitzwilliam living in the north wing to fulfill Darcy's fantasies whenever he needed loving that was manlier than Elizabeth could offer. And they all lived happily ever after!
The End