Conker's Bad Fur Day for the N64 is one of my favorite games of all time. So when Rare announced it was remaking the crude squirrel's riotous adventure on Xbox, I was as happy as a schoolmarm at detention. Following requisite delays from Rare, Conker: Live & Reloaded is only two months from release exclusively on Xbox. There seems little reason Conker won't splash down in June as the new build Microsoft sent us features a fully functioning multiplayer and the complete single-player campaign. While the multiplayer certainly looks fun, I wasted absolutely no time in playing straight through the single-player adventure. How does it stack up to its N64 cousin? What's been added and what's been taken out? Read on you f@$&ing twat.
Though Conker's single-player is greatly revered by those who experienced it on N64, Rare is very clear that the multiplayer was the primary focus. Very minimal extra content was added or altered from the original single-player. In fact, when booted up, it even let's you know you're playing Conker's Bad Fur Day. Though the content is almost identical, the graphics have been improved to a degree unparalleled by any previous Xbox game. Why the hell do we need Xbox 2 so soon when it's clear Xbox 1 (you know, the one you already shelled out $200+ for) has not yet reached its potential? The sound was also redone and, more importantly, the gameplay and camera were tweaked and improved.
But, before I get ahead of myself, there are plenty out there who know little if anything about Conker. So let's ease into the improvements in just a moment.
Conker is a hedonistic squirrel, the ultimate male who cares for only three things: Money, booze and babes. Saving the world, protecting the innocent and sacrificing himself are not on the agenda. As such, Conker's motivations through his adventure are atypical. This is one of those rare adventure games where the hero is not a hero. He's not saving the world. That's right, the world is not in danger at all. Your goal in Conker is to get cash, ogle babe and find a way home.
Conker: Live & Reloaded is an utterly foul game. There's an unending stream of curse words from Conker and those he meets, though all of these are bleeped. Originally Microsoft had called the remade game, Conker: Live & Uncut, but wisely changed the name because this is not in any way an uncensored version of Bad Fur Day. In fact, the N64 version actually had some un-bleeped swearing. Sure, the F-bomb was always censored, but every now and then a s--- would get through, which made things even funnier. Here, Microsoft has upped the bleeps as almost nothing makes it through safely, not ever "twat," which I didn't even know was considered a curse word by even the most modest of people.
Don't cry over the lack of swearing, because the bleeping actually makes things funnier. Cute animals cursing up a storm is a downright riot and the bleeping only furthers the feeling that this is a Saturday Morning Cartoon gone horribly wrong. Plus, there's a lot more to be horrified over than just the swearing. There's an excessive amount of poo jokes -- enough to make even the Farrelly Brothers blush. Thanks to the brilliant graphics, gamers can now witness the true horror of diarrhetic cows and the brilliant sheen of the sun reflecting off a poo ball being rolled up a hill.