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Posts Tagged ‘japan’

Believing is seeing

Between November 3, 2004 and December 20, 2004, I wrote 251,454 words distributed between one autobiography and a YA trilogy.

As described here, it took my mom dying for me to face my inadequacy (evidenced by my “not writing a single perfect book the first time around? for shame!”) and edit one of those books.

I didn’t believe I’d ever write another book. It was, after all, only the power of Japan that compelled me!

And yet, without a single Japan in sight, I finished drafting my fifth book today.

Here, my friends, is to our spending less time disbelieving and more time doing!

(c) 2011 Deborah Bryan. All rights reserved.

Kick You in the Junk

I  mentioned in comment to Saturday’s post about depression that the title referred to a song I’d written. I wrote it in the middle of a discussion with one of my roommates in Japan, belted it out and complied when she said, “We should make a video of that!”

I wasn’t going to post this here. It’s not my best song–not even close! What it is, far and away, is my song that makes me the happiest. When I’m grappling with something, I think of this video, giggle and know imma kick some serious junk.

I would not recommend attempting to learn martial arts from this video. I would, however, recommend watching it and laughing with me. Or at me, as you choose!

The beat goes on

April 19th. It is somehow already April 19th.

Can someone explain to me how this happened? I was just wishing everyone a happy new year, and now I’ve blinked to find the year’s already waving a welcome to May.

There’s some good to this. I’ll be visiting and visited by a handful of dear friends over the next few months. I’ll meet the new lives just ushered into the world by friends. I’ll geek out hardcore at SDCC, where I’ll have the sense to buy next year’s tickets in advance. (I’m serious. None of this Ba.D.-sweating-it-out-while-clicking-”refresh”-hundreds-of-times business.)

The “ugh” comes in when I look at my April writing goals. These are virtually identical to my March writing goals. The key difference between March and April so far is that I was a heckuva lot closer to meeting my monthly goals on March 19th.

I’ve written almost 6,000 words this month. This feels shameful when I remember that I wrote 12,000 words in a single day back in Japan. Then again, I was back in Japan, virtually penniless and very much single without child.

There’s still an excellent chance I’ll hit my 10,000-word goal for the month. No way I’m calling it till May is actually here! Still, it’s eminently more satisfying to fly through the finish line early in the month and sail smooth for the remainder. It feels much more accomplished than does looking at my average daily word count and thinking, “Erm, I’d better step that up. Maybe tomorrow?”

Overall, I’m almost 19,000 words into the YA urban fantasy novel I started writing early last month:

If yeti existed, that was one thing. Only Canadians had to worry about yeti. But things like the bogeyman? Or the monsters she used to imagine lived under her bed? If she could believe in merpeople, she would have to revisit her stance on the existence of less friendly mythical beasts and monsters, too.

I’m also 13,000 words into the memoir I referenced in Saturday’s entry. The sum of those two totals isn’t anything to feel bad about, so I’m not deep into guilt territory yet.

If I find myself typing an entry like this on May 19th, though? You’re totally within rights to lob some rotten fruit at my head! Reminders are a good thing.

How are you doing with your April goals, writing or otherwise? How about your 2011 goals? This inquiring mind wants to know!

Wait, is that Kenny Rogers?

If you’re anything like me, you’ll find you sometimes look so intently at one face in a picture that you forget there’s anything else in the picture: OMG my crush is so dreamy so dreamy so dreamy. Wait, is that Kenny Rogers in the corner?!

That’s what it’s like when you edit something. You get so focused on one component of the work–the flow of the words–that you stop seeing the overall story they combine to create.

I reread my letters from Japan and Korea so many times earlier this year, I stopped seeing them for the stories they represented. I saw instead only every misplaced hyphen or run-on sentence.

When my friend Sydney sent me my copy edited, properly formatted letters last night, she included this comment:

I think these journals/letters are great, your writing here is descriptive and enjoyable and they are a really informative and helpful source, I would think, for anyone interested in teaching English abroad. My friend is thinking of teaching English somewhere and I recommended these to her :)

I was startled. Oh, yeah, right! All those words combined to express an experience! Instead of just scanning the document exclusively for form, I actually stopped to look at some of what my 21-year-old self documented about her time in South Korea. This excerpt made me giggle:

We moved on to the central temple, where we were instructed to bow three times. Watching out of the corners of our eyes, we all exclaimed in surprise as we dropped quickly to our knees on the wooden floor and bowed with our hands to the ground and our heads not much behind. A woman grabbed me right before we bowed and pointed to the shirt around my waist, “Put this on!” I was wearing a tank top, so I put the shirt on so as to not dishonor Buddha, feeling profoundly and amusedly out of place all the while. After bowing the requisite three times, the older monk—the “captain” of the temple, as he described himself—wanted us to bow once more so he could take a picture of us. So we did, because what else are you supposed to say to a Buddhist monk who’s just given you a bracelet and a tour?

When I reached the final letter, I felt the melancholy of having said farewell to turbulent but remarkable times:

At night, you can hear frogs croaking from the pools covering rice paddies. By daylight, you can look out and see fields of green mixed in with those pools of water . . . the grain being grown is still young and there’s not much in the way of shade. The mountains in the background can make anything spectacular, and they did, hidden at the bases by clouds of mist; people were starting to awaken, but for the most part there was only the occasional frog greeting to keep me company. I sang while I walked, and watch the reflections of the clouds drifting by in the puddled water.

I felt the awe of remembering. Really remembering. And I laughed at myself for having gotten so caught up in the dreamboat on the left that I missed Kenny Rogers waving to me from the other corner.

New hope!

As I mention in my bio and elsewhere, I didn’t expect to enjoy motherhood. I had a special wariness in my heart toward babies, who I perceived as writhing, screaming, non-communicative balls of blubber who served no real purpose save to drive their parents crazy.

I wish I could say I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. Really!

That all changed when my son was placed on my chest. Just that quickly, the world I’d known before went out the window. The world that replaced it is a million times brighter than the one I left behind the moment I met my son.

Still, it’s fun to stumble upon mementos from my shenanigan-loving pre-parent days. Mementos like this video:

Luckily for me, there’s a place for shenanigans in parenting, too!

Elementary school vampires

Elementary-school appropriate witch? Check. Mummy? Check. Werewolf? Check.

I was excited to teach my Japanese elementary school students (shogakusei) about Halloween, which was my favorite holiday throughout childhood. A lot of that was due to its proximity to my birthday. What’s not to love about presents and candy and two consecutive days of celebration?

It wasn’t all about my birthday, though. Some of my enthusiasm for Halloween was related to my early love of horror. I’d loved the genre ever since my mom found six-year-old me sneak-watching horror flicks from our hallway. Forbidden stuff, ooh!

I couldn’t express all of this history to my shogakusei, but I figured I could get a little of my love across. I meant to print silly versions of monsters onto cards for use in class, but I couldn’t find an elementary-appropriate vampire.

I drew my own:

This dude doesn't even have a bit part in The Monster's Daughter

My kids were tickled, not just by my silly vampire but by the entire Halloween experience. Remembering just how much they loved drawing Jack-o-lanterns and learning the four basic monster “food groups” makes me giggle six years later. I love coming across drawings like this–or, really, anything that reminds me of my wonderful experiences in Japan.

I also love Ba.D.’s response when I read him my first status on GetFanged.

“I would’ve hated you at 13, wouldn’t I?”

I responded as my thirteen-year-old self would have. “Life is so dark & tragic! I’m going to be a vampire and people will FEAR & REVERE me!”

We laughed, and I took a moment to thank the universe for a life that’s as totally rewarding as it is free from being feared and/or revered. If I were to become a vampire now? I’d do it in a yellow turtleneck and a pink polka-dotted cape.

Totally.

The Innuendo Zone

“I’m not interested.” “Please stop.” “Back the eff off!”

One of my friends in Japan wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. Like many flirtatious folks I’ve witnessed in action over the years–usually with my girlfriends!–he seemed to think the statements above (and others like them) were the woman’s starting steps of an intricate gonna-get-some dance. He didn’t seem to get that they were actually part of a dance I like to call the Nut-punch Dance.

When words proved ineffective, I did the natural thing for any elementary school assistant teacher. A picture’s purportedly worth a thousand words, so I made him a picture:

You really don't wanna go there, buddy!

The drawing makes me giggle now, but it was highly effective then. I was hit on by this friend exactly none more times after I shared this.

Bwahaha!

In other news, it’s neither Tuesday nor Thursday but I must share something writing-related. I got the copy edited, formatted PDF of The Monster’s Daughter back yesterday:

My precioussssssssss

Here’s what it looked like before:

Not gonna miss ya. Sorry.

My son’s demanding my attention–the nerve!–so I must away. Happy Friday, everyone!

One for all, and all for all

Over the last several days, I’ve heard the question, “Why aren’t folks in Japan looting?” I dismissed the question without realizing that’s what I was doing: Because it’s Japan, duh.

What, that answer’s not illuminating?

The comments on this blog got me wondering, why is that my answer? What is it about Japan that makes it so unsurprising to me there’s no crime spree o’ opportunism? If you’d like the short form of my novella below, look for Maje’s answer among the comments.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s entry, the answer came to me in the form of a picture. I searched and searched but couldn’t find that picture, which showed progressively smaller rings of Japanese students standing on each others’ shoulders to form a tower of kids several adults high. The first time I saw a group of kids doing this on Sports Day, I shook my head in amazement and told the teacher next to me, “This wouldn’t happen in America. I see this, and all I see is potential lawsuits!”

After time, things like this came to seem ordinary to me. My students’ parents not only didn’t object to the sometimes dangerous team efforts of Sports Day, they encouraged them. How, after all, are kids supposed to learn the importance of teamwork and togetherness if their efforts are short-lived or superficial?

To me, the answer to the looting question isn’t: “Because they’re good patriots and they love their country!” The answer is simpler than that. They don’t loot or harm each other opportunistically for this straightforward reason:

They cultivate togetherness.

Cultivating togetherness

Togetherness isn’t something that just happens magically because you put classmates together once for a project. It’s the product of active, concerted effort to teach children–and the adults they become–to pull others into the fold and to see the welfare of each individual as intrinsic to the welfare of the whole. That’s not to say everything is kindness and smiles. One disconcerting aspect of this facilitated cohesiveness is that errant behavior is singled out and amplified. One of my coworkers was routinely called things like “pig-face” and “fatty.” These words, for the most part, weren’t spoken with hostility. They were just reminders that she deviated from the norm, and that such deviation made it hard to promote an image of “rightness” in young students’ minds, for there is, after all, a right and a wrong of things. How else was she to know, if folks didn’t remind her?

From the time Japanese individuals are very young, they walk together in pre-organized groups to school. They go to school together, eat together, play together, and learn about the world together. They gather frequently in and out of schools and feel the goodness of being bound together.

“Together.” This is the operative word. The Japanese cultivate this togetherness so that, in prosperous times and hard ones, it is an intrinsic part of how they relate to the world.

If you’re like me, you were often forced into a team for “group work” at school. The group work ended up, more often than not, being one overachieving student telling everything else what to do. As little time as possible was spent actually working on things together before the group concluded its project and–in most cases–never worked together in that particular formation of kids again. The next time, there’d be a different group of students for a different project in a different class. “Accountability” in this kind of teamwork setting means something very different than the kind of accountability you are held to–personally and by others–when you work with the same people over and over again, from a very young age, and learn to see their needs as interwoven with your own.

I love my country. I am proud to be an American. As I read news about how women are treated in other countries, I think, I’m pretty damn blessed to live in a country where I can openly criticize my government without fear of retribution. I am afforded so many freedoms simply for having been born in the United States of America! One of those freedoms is, of course, the freedom to single-mindedly pursue my own liberty and happiness, which I do with great fervor. By and large, the folks around me also pursue these things enthusiastically. Each of us knows that if something bad befalls us because of another person’s slip-up, we’ve got access to a thousand lawyers happy to represent us for a cut of any settlement or judgment. This knowledge is born of and contributes to the individualism that made me look on Sports Day activities that first day and go, “Lawsuit. Other lawsuit. Other lawsuit. OMG, they’re letting that happen?! That’s the biggest lawsuit of all!”

Folks in Japan aren’t avoiding looting and crime in the wake of last week’s disaster because they’re patriots, or because they have different–or better–hearts than Americans do. They’re not doing those things because to do them would be inconceivably inconsistent with the principle of togetherness they are taught and teach each other to strive toward from almost the moment they can walk. That principle isn’t always perfectly realized, but it’s the driving force in almost every decision, every day.

How will what I’m doing impact the people around me? How will they look on me at the end of the day if I do this horrible thing?

In the United States, the land of the free to do whatever the hell we want–beautiful or conniving–as long as no one’s looking, it’s hard to imagine these questions being determinative in virtually our every single decision, in an ordinary day or a day of catastrophe. Here, I feel like we’re more inclined to ask the question, If making decisions that improve Harry and Lou’s well being means I’m out a million bucks, do I really favor their well being more than I care about my million Washingtons?

In Japan, by contrast, the question would more likely look like this: Do I want to spend a lifetime knowing Harry and Lou, and their kids, and their grandchildren, lost out because I wanted a little more money, or screen time, or booty?

When we’re asking such different questions–when, indeed, we’re trained to ask such different questions based on our assessments of the import of self versus others–can it be any wonder we come up with such different answers, and such different end results in practice?

Again, I love my country. I love that I’ve been encouraged to do and be whatever I dreamed, and that I have so many tools to help get me there. But I love, too, the land of Japan, and its peoples’ attentiveness to the needs of other people. I cherish each memory–and there are so many!–of strangers offering me rides, umbrellas, or money for the train when I found I didn’t have enough; of strangers walking me a half-hour to where I needed to go because I couldn’t understand their directions; of people around me seeing me in times of distress and ushering me through them. I was blessed countless times that each of these beautiful strangers and friends felt it more important to see me to where I needed to be than to catch their own train on time, or meet their friends, or . . . there are dozens of “ors” here, one for each individual who took the time out to help me.

It was jarring to come back to the states and see the way people thoughtlessly disregarded others: not paying attention in a parking lot because they expect others to stop for them, not bothering with an “excuse me” after bumping into someone else (shouldn’t they be watching where they’re going?), not stopping their kid from kicking someone else’s airplane seat because it was their kid’s God-given right to do whatever he wanted as long as it didn’t involve cutting off someone’s arm. This thoughtlessness, I saw, was seldom born of malevolence, but rather of a distinct, cultivated weighing of someone else’s needs as less important than one’s own.

Now, if I can take a step out of the way to avoid someone else having to go eighteen steps out of the way, I try to take that step. I don’t always get it right, but thanks to what I saw in Japan, I at least try to be mindful of others. Small demonstrations of care are often greeted with large amounts of gratitude, after all, and that’s something I see more often thanks to my time in Japan. We’re all interconnected, after all, whether or not we can see it at the moment.

The Japanese people struck by disaster aren’t looting and/or beating each other up because they know–more intrinsically than do we in the United Sates, with our very different history and set of values–that the health and safety of each individual is necessary to the health and safety of the whole. That whole, in the end, is comprised of all the individuals who will raise their arms to shield you from the rain as you walk through trials that might very well overwhelm you . . . if you were forced to walk them alone.

Mad worksheet skillz

So why aren’t Japanese earthquake victims looting, anyway? I’m totally not answering that question here, though this entry originated from that question.

Specifically, Ba.D. and I were discussing the question when I said, “You know, my answer to that question can be summed up in a single photograph.” I rummaged through my photo albums for the picture I had in mind, but I wasn’t able to find it quickly; when I do find it, I’ll post it here.

What I did find were a bunch of worksheets I made during my ALT (“Assistant Language Teacher”) days. Casting melancholy aside, I freed myself to giggle and remember all the joy I felt in class with my genki students. The first such worksheet was this:

Junior high verb worksheet

The real question is, when is Josh NOT fishing?

One of the junior high’s English lessons was about the question, “What’s the matter?” My role as ALT was to “bring the fun in” (a la Buffy). In this case, I used the doodles from my worksheet at the elementary school. You’ll probably recall that I taught my elementary school students eight different ways to respond to the question, “How are you?” After the fifth and sixth grade classes mastered those eight responses, I taught a slightly more complete conversation using my cards from the junior high:
Student 1: How are you?
Student 2: I’m sick!
Student 1: What’s the matter?
Student 1: I have a _____!

Behold my fabulous stick figure artistry! (The kids, of course, didn’t care how artsy anything I drew was. As long as my hand-puppet “Mr. Shark” helped to present the content, they were happy.)

OH NO cards!

Mood cards, the sequel

Further down, I found another worksheet for my junior high elective class:

A little about my bro

This worksheet might or might not have been altered to protect the innocent

My brother’s sole response to this worksheet:
“I do not like tacos, Deb.”

These worksheets are so much more powerful than words or even pictures to evoke the memory of who I was in Japan. Each of these scanned pages recalls so many moments I spent hunched over my desk, giggling while I chatted with my coworkers and daydreamed. I’ll never be Deborah-sensei in rural Japan again, but these silly worksheets remind me that a piece of my heart belongs to Japan still.

Donating in times of disaster

My homes in Japan were on almost the exact opposite end of Honshu from where last night’s 8.9 quake was most strongly felt. Nevertheless, watching this video of water sweeping over the agricultural land I love so deeply is crushing. What if that were one of the communities I lived in? I take little comfort in knowing none were mine, because they’re someone’s. There are a lot of someones suffering in countless ways right now, and my heart goes out to each of them. Even after the waters have settled, many lives will have been lost and many remaining lives irreparably altered.

I want to do something in times like these. Thanks to an article I read about funding relief efforts in the wake of Haiti’s earthquake (Don’t Give Money to Haiti by Felix Salmon), I want to make sure that what I’m doing is wise and not purely emotionally motivated. It’s so hard in times of distress to stop, take a breath and research, but it’s an important step in ensuring that what you’re doing–whether giving money or time–will go the furthest toward helping those left to rebuild in the wake of a disaster.

Salmon’s article was largely tied to Haiti, but linked to a thoughtful, articulate article about donating wisely in the wake of a disaster. Saundra Schimmelpfennig sets forth here the DOs and DON’Ts of disaster donations. One of the key points I’d highlight from both articles is the importance of not earmarking funds. Per Salmon:
The last time there was a disaster on this scale was the Asian tsunami, five years ago. And for all its best efforts, the Red Cross has still only spent 83% of its $3.21 billion tsunami budget — which means that it has over half a billion dollars left to spend. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s money which could be spent in Haiti, if it weren’t for the fact that it was earmarked.

I will be helping, but I’ll be doing so after I’ve found an organization I trust to most wisely apply my donation. I hope you, too, will consider researching before donating, for in doing so, you will likely strengthen the impact of each dollar you spend.

ETA: This care will be especially important when you consider the fact that, per nature.com, “[W]e can certainly expect a number of major aftershocks in the next weeks,” including some which “may be as large as, or even stronger than, the quake that last month devastated Christchurch in New Zealand. And chances are that another very large shock could occur to the south near Tokyo.”

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