Abused No More

Abused No More

deals with the issues of women being abused, in their own homes by their spouses and partners, in marriages and relationships, where the division of power is so unbalanced that one part may be described as an abuser and the other part as a victim.

Abused No More addresses all women who are or have been victims of domestic abuse, be it physical, verbal, or emotional abuse; women who wish to rule out that their relationship is abusive, and everyone seeking information on domestic abuse in general.

Surely I'm not a victim of abuse!

Most abused women have at some point entirely rejected the idea that their partner subjects them to abuse. They simply do not feel that they are victims of abuse and they cannot identify with the stereotype of an an abused woman. Even when confronted with the fact that they are indeed victims of domestic abuse, it may take a long time, months, even years, before the victim herself reaches the same conclusion.

In general, violent actions that may be characterized as physical abuse do not cause much confusion. However, when the abuse is of a subtle verbal and emotional nature, it is much more complex to recognize that abuse is taking place. It may be most difficult to comprehend why words and seemingly non-violent actions may be as abusive as beatings causing bruises and fractures. Too often, verbal and emotional abuse is mistaken for other relationship problems and causes immense confusion for the victim and her surroundings.

Many women who are verbally and emotionally abused do not have the slightest suspicion that they are victims of abuse. Usually they have an intuitive feeling that something is wrong, very wrong, in their relationship, but very few will acknowledge abuse or even consider it. Usually, a victim of abuse focuses on herself and her own behavior in order to discover how she may become a better wife or girlfriend. Often she spends years of her life attempting in vain to explain herself, apologize herself, improve herself, and struggling to get through to her partner in order to make the relationship work. Many women believe that the problems stem from other issues than abuse, and believe that couples' therapy may be the solution. Couples' therapy rarely has any effect, unless the therapist is skilled in the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

In abusive relationships one will often have the impression that there is something fundamentally wrong with the communication and many attempts are made to improve the communication by changing communication strategies. The problem in abusive relationships is the abuse itself, not the communication, and the bad communication is merely one of many symptoms.

The articles on Abused No More mainly deal with verbal and emotional abuse, as these may be the most difficult forms of abuse to recognize. Also, verbal and emotional abuse always precede physical abuse. While every victim of abuse has experienced verbal and emotional abuse not all victims have experienced physical abuse.