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[–]lebookworm 1829 points1830 points ago

I always wait by the toaster, and yet am always scared when the toast pops up.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 2211 points2212 points ago*

[–]RedditNoir 2342 points2343 points ago*

The seedy underbelly of Reddit is covered with novelty accounts, latched on like sucking leeches. They feed off of the attention and the karma, but they know it's killing them inside. Constantly spouting one-liners over and over again, knowing that they could do so much more, but they're hooked. They need the karma, and they'll do anything to get it.

It was unusually dark, which is really sayin' something. The streetlights made glowing bubbles in the hazy rain. The dark clouds covered the moon and the stars; not that you could ever see the stars here in the city. As I strolled down the sidewalk, these novelties came crawling out of their holes and alleys, hands outstretched for upvotes. "Get off me, you filthy polecats." I looked down disdainfully as they grasped at my heels. I may look like one of these mugs, but I at least had some dignity left.

"Who you kiddin', Noir" one of them shouted back at me. He held a torn cardboard sign that said "Will watercolor for orange arrows!" The lettering was smudged and smeared; I couldn't tell if he was sloppy, or if it was just part of his act. "You're a novelty, and that's all you'll ever be". I stopped and glared at him. His eyes had that hungry look of someone who hasn't made the front page in a while. Someone who's been replaced by newer accounts, but can't deal with their irrelevance. He looked like the type who'd just go into a thread and reply to anything and everything, as long as it netted him a few upvotes. Without a word, I pulled the cigarette out of my mouth and buried it in the middle of his sign. The damp cardboard hissed as it curled away from the heat. "This city deserves better content than this stale bullcrap, and I'm gonna give it to 'em."

Edit: if you enjoy noir-style writing, join us in /r/Askredditnoir! Thanks for reading; this is fun!

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 2544 points2545 points ago*

[–]RedditNoir 2265 points2266 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour handed me a dirty piece of paper. I look down and saw the vague outlines of a person, a door, and a typewriter. It was blurry, like a 5 year old trying to paint between the lines. Rain dripped from the gutters onto the piece of paper, but the new smudges fit right in with the ones he had painted.

For the first time in a long while, I grinned "Is this supposed to be me?" I scoffed. He just sat there, looking at my pockets; I could see the saliva dribbling from his chin. He was waiting for upvotes, like a Pavlovian dog. What could bring a person to the brink of desperation like this? He'd been hooked on Reddit for so long that he expected karma for any smeared piece of shit he turned out. I took a long drag from my cigarette and slowly blew the smoke, right in his face. He didn't even flinch; he was still waiting for his fix.

I took pity on the soul. If this was all he had to contribute, then who was I to kick him while he was already down? I tossed the orange arrow in the trash-clogged gutter and he dived on it like his life depended on it. QuotesBlazzingSaddles crawled out of the shadows and growled at Shitty_Watercolour. I guess his gimmick was so uncreative that he had to feed off the scraps of others. I sat, bemused, drinking from my flask. This was like watching dogs fight over scraps of fat in the alley behind /r/meatporn. I'd stumbled through there once or twice looking for the more * ahem * nsfw reddits. A man has needs, you know? The dames don't exactly swoon for 3-day old accounts very often.

Shitty_Watercolour hustled off into the night, with nothing but a brush, paper, and a desperate need for someone to actually pay attention to him. A few lesser novelty accounts followed nonchalantly, knowing that he was one of the best at sniffing out the dolts who upvoted novelty accounts.

Just another day on the dirty streets of Reddit. Someone had to clean this mess up, but tonight wasn't the night to start.

[–]JustCarthy 172 points173 points ago

Read it with this and this in the background.

[–]rook2pawn 14 points15 points ago

[–]synonimical 28 points29 points ago

that rainy website?/...............fucking thank you :') so much

[–]Degi3000 18 points19 points ago

[–]Slow_and_Steady_Lost 13 points14 points ago

Slow and Steady uses Rainymood.com

Slow and Steady uses Getclassy.net

Slow and Steady casts sex on girl.

It's super effective!

[–]ScreamWithMe 4 points5 points ago

I tip my snifter of brandy to you!

[–]de_dust2_420 0 points1 point ago

fuck yeah!

[–]hazelmayy 2 points3 points ago

listen to the voice over with these things. its perfect

[–]christmastiger 4 points5 points ago

saving this

[–]destatica 2 points3 points ago

thanks

[–]cworker 4 points5 points ago

I'm replying to this to save it. perfect.

[–]FeelLikeANathan -2 points-1 points ago

Good idea. I think I'll do the same thing.

[–]top_gear446 1 point2 points ago

As will I.

[–]FoxxMD 3 points4 points ago

FUKKEN SAVED.

[–]ScreamWithMe 1 point2 points ago

the rain makes me think of Portland Oregon

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 2138 points2139 points ago*

[–]RedditNoir 2073 points2074 points ago*

He came back with another drawing. Like a stray animal, novelty accounts will never leave you alone if you feed them just once. I took the drawing out of his hand, crumpled it up, and threw it in the gutter. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but even 4chan denizens would have understood that this meant I wasn't interested anymore.

It didn't phase him in the least. I whipped out my flask and took a drink. This was going to take a while. I grabbed him by the ears and shouted into his lifeless face "You need to do something better with your time on Reddit! Get it??" He just stared at me with those dead eyes, hand open. All he could focus on was getting that karma. The rain had started coming down a bit more heavily. The clogged gutter, stuffed with the trashy 'products' of these other novelties, filled quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the crumpled ball that had been Shitty_Watercolour's latest attempt float away.

I let go of the poor son of a bitch. He slumped as though he had been relying on my grip to hold him up. He looked tired and haggard, but those eyes were still filled with that greedy hunger. Though he looked ready to collapse, that hand never wavered. I brushed past him and continued on my way. There was no hope for him. I discarded my butt and lit up another cigarette; chain smoking was bad for me, but it wasn't as bad as getting that karma addiction under my skin like that guy.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 2020 points2021 points ago*

[–]Calamus_Dash 633 points634 points ago

This is the greatest novelty war I have ever seen

[–][deleted] ago*

[deleted]

[–]Gemini00 153 points154 points ago

Begun, the Novelty Wars have.

[–]lefthomerow 60 points61 points ago

/r/noveltyaccountwars....it's time.

[–]scott28w 11 points12 points ago

This is NOVELTY!

[–]aesu 8 points9 points ago

Boy. You ain't seen nothin'...

[–]the_mentor 372 points373 points ago

Plot Twist: Shitty_Watercolour and RedditNoir are the same person!

[–]lothlaurien 240 points241 points ago

Or...they're both AndrewSmith1986.

[–]openToSuggestions 185 points186 points ago

Ok M. Night.... don't get any ideas here...

[–]shark_puke 68 points69 points ago

which are actually POLITE_ALLCAPS_GUY

[–]JonnyBrah 47 points48 points ago

You've just been Shyamalaned!!!

[–]aesu 14 points15 points ago

And they're both ghosts!

[–]YouListening 3 points4 points ago

I wouldn't be surprised.

[–]CrypticChaos 1 point2 points ago

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

[–]MajesticTravesty 0 points1 point ago

Good try Shamanlan, that's not working here.

[–]RedditNoir 1904 points1905 points ago

I sat in my chair, picking at the cracked leather. A cold bologna and ketchup sandwich sat on my table, looking as unappetizing and boring as it had been the last few times I had that for dinner this week. Being a private eye on Reddit isn't the most lucrative of career choices. Looks like the majority of my meal was going to be scotch yet again. I clutched the snifter and leaned back in my chair.

Out the window, I caught a glimpse of some poor sap standing outside my office in the rain. The streetlight was busted, but I could see that he was holding up a piece of paper. I sighed and took a gulp of booze. It must be that wretched novelty account I'd run across earlier in the evening. They say this is the site that never sleeps, but come on: when would this guy take a hint?

I shut the blinds and tried to choke down my sandwich. The rain pelted the windows, pitter-pattering between gusts of wind. I turned my back, trying to focus on my case, but I just couldn't concentrate. I downed the rest of my glass and lit a cigarette. That always managed to take my mind off of things and helped me think. POLITE_ALLCAPS_GUY and his gang were killing off up-and-coming users, and I needed to prove it. What I really needed was a mole in his organization...

I was struck by a sudden burst of inspiration. This is why I was the best PI in the city! I opened up my window; a bit of cracked paint on the frame flaked off as the old wood struggled to slide up. "Hey Shitty_Watercolour" I called out, "I've got a job for you!"

[–]IshotAbeLincoln 1152 points1153 points ago

This is the best day of my life.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 1855 points1856 points ago*

[–]zmansman17 32 points33 points ago

Truly a Day on Reddit to go down in History.

[–]GgMc 188 points189 points ago

If you wrote a book in this form, just dialogue from a 1920's PI, I'd buy 10 copies. Jus' Sayin'.

[–]ILikeReddit_ 33 points34 points ago

Is it just me or is Shitty_Watercolour's paintings getting less and less shittier as the war progresses?

[–]watchmyfeet 800 points801 points ago

Is it bad that I'm only looking at the watercolor paintings?

[–]fel0ni0usm0nk 20 points21 points ago

This is the greatest war since the Pillowmen vs. the Blanketeers. So since Tuesday, but still.

[–]uneditablepoly 64 points65 points ago

Damn. Trail ends here.

[–]Sublixt 18 points19 points ago

You two need to write a book.

[–]goaway_baitin 3 points4 points ago

Go away 'baitin

[–]nagro 23 points24 points ago

bologna and ketchup?

[–]firewallfail 2 points3 points ago

This is fucking incredible.

[–]Bassie93 9 points10 points ago

Dude, this is really awesome. You've got some talent there.

[–]crotchmonkey 38 points39 points ago

I'd really like to see i_only_say-lol jump into the middle of this.

[–]TheNr24 18 points19 points ago

It's as if I'm really there. You could make a living as a writer. Or do you?

edit: now it's just waiting for the moviedeal.

[–]kandowontu 5 points6 points ago

I...really need to hear the rest of this story. Following patiently. OP always delivers, I'm sure he will.

[–]Hufftey 0 points1 point ago

This is fucking amazing. Holy shit.

[–]Goodtimee -3 points-2 points ago

I can't help but think that these paintings don't hold the full story to all of this context.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Shitty_Haikus 118 points119 points ago

No one just wins wars.

The blood from the crossfire

Will leave no victors.

[–]bowlss 36 points37 points ago

that haiku wasn't so shitty.

[–]yoshpet 6 points7 points ago

"In war the onle victor is death"

[–]HAIKU_rocketship 4 points5 points ago

Wars accelerate
the wide spread use of rockets
and get us to space.

[–]MysteryRapist 40 points41 points ago

It's like a picture book!

[–]10moreminutes 28 points29 points ago

Waiting for RedditNoir to stroll out of a steamy alley in a trenchcoat and flash us with another cigarette fueled novelty rant.

The panel has SW ahead 29-28 through 3 rounds.

[–]TrepanationBy45 15 points16 points ago

Waiting for RedditNoir to stroll out of a steamy alley in a trenchcoat and flash us

Fixed that for us.

[–]Hungry_Alcoholic 18 points19 points ago

Have you thought about selling all these shitty watercolors. Some are really nice. The man and the typewriter is perfect. It symbolizes loneliness and purposelessness in a human being. The line light makes me believe it is the "less than bright" future. Idk, just saying.

[–]Geminii27 11 points12 points ago

I've honestly seen worse things on the walls of art galleries.

[–]narcey 0 points1 point ago

You just reminded me of a pic/meme thing I saw the other day, but I cannot for the life of me remember the wording that was on it to find it again :/

[–]pseudophant 6 points7 points ago

looks totally like every picture in a roahld dahl book!

[–]BoernerMan 7 points8 points ago

RedditNoir FTW

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]The_Shrike 2 points3 points ago

This one is actually pretty damn good.

[–]scaryblackguy 3 points4 points ago

you're actually really good at shitty drawings...like you shadow really well etc etc

[–]redlinezo6 4 points5 points ago

I f'in love you both......

[–]checkavailability 1 point2 points ago

You're getting better.

[–]G-Pain 0 points1 point ago

Ouch...

[–]QuotesBlazingSaddles 109 points110 points ago

Now who can argue with that? I think we're all indebted to Gabby Johnson for clearly stating what needed to be said. I'm particulary glad that these lovely children were here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed a courage little seen in this day and age.

[–]DATERAPE9000 2 points3 points ago

Oh blow it out your ass, Howard.

[–]ThisNameWorks 9 points10 points ago

This account checks out, carry on.

[–]afcagroo 18 points19 points ago

"faze", dammit. If you are going to start talking about phasing humans, you'd better be writing Star Trek fanfic, not noir.

I had Shitty_Watercolour behind on points, but this is a clear violation and grounds for a judges' ruling against RedditNoir. Match goes to Shitty_Watercolour.

[–]Hon_Judge_Reddit 28 points29 points ago

Overruled. Match is still in progress, and I'll remind the court that the outcome will be judged not by popularity, but by effort and cleverness.

Let the record show a clear typo in paragraph 2.

[–]afcagroo 12 points13 points ago

I defer to the Hon. sir.

But for the record, I would like to point out that misuse of a word is not a typo, any more than having intercourse with a mistress is an accident. When one puts a thing in completely the wrong spot, it is not just a fumble of the fingers.

[–]yorko 2 points3 points ago

A judge is the embodiment of the court, so a judge does not remind the court. In fact, judges never offer reminders, they just say how it is.

[–]hocevar_ 6 points7 points ago

I applaud you sir, this is by far the best novelty account I've ever seen. I hope we see more of you.

[–]bowmana614 1 point2 points ago

*faze

[–]Lono37 1 point2 points ago

Faze. Thanks for playing.

[–]jiynx 1 point2 points ago

Jesus Christ, speaking of pathetic desperation...

[–]petrichorified 1 point2 points ago

Make up your mind! Are the eyes filled with greedy hunger or dead? I can't follow this narrative!

[–]Khien 1 point2 points ago

this is awesome

[–]TheChrisRich 7 points8 points ago

What the heck.. for someone who's shtick is reading into a microphone you seem very ill equipped. Picture how much better your recordings would sound without the mic popping and burping as you try to set a tone/mood.

[–]Ireadyourpoststoyou 8 points9 points ago

im broke unfortunately.

[–]MaskedMexicanWrestlr 0 points1 point ago

Adds a little authenticity to the Noir

[–]Ins0mniak 2 points3 points ago

Awesome! But you need corny 60's jazz playing in the background. Maybe improv sax or a muted trumpet.

[–]Spudsman 5 points6 points ago

I tip my crumpled, dirty hat to you, as I take the last pull from my three dollar bottle of scotch.

[–]zem 1 point2 points ago

'faze' - if you're going to have a writing-based novelty account, do it right!

[–]Mr_UR_MOM 0 points1 point ago

Ha Ha YOUR MOM

[–]Feb_29_Guy -1 points0 points ago

Match goes to RedditNoir!

[–]BFizixM 0 points1 point ago

Reading everything in the narrator voice of Bastion, DAMN THIS IS EVEN MORE AWESOME

[–]godspresent 0 points1 point ago

He slumped as though he had been relying on my grip to hold him up.

awesome line

[–]matty0289 129 points130 points ago

NOVELTY FIGHT!

[–]Aeokus 53 points54 points ago

My money is on SW.

[–]durfsmurf 130 points131 points ago

He has the advantage due to our attention spans being so shitty

[–]UristMcStephenfire 6 points7 points ago

Yeahh... Attention spans.

[–]ZooSnooze 45 points46 points ago

RedditNoir all the way, bitch!

[–]Quotes_of_Dune 11 points12 points ago

You fight when the necessity arises - no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting.

— Gurney Halleck

[–]dhaft88 1 point2 points ago

He ain't gettin' killed; he's gettin' mad!

[–]MrWasabi 14 points15 points ago

What do you do with all your drawings? Do you keep them? Do you even write down the amount of Karma you got for them on the backside?

[–]QuotesBlazingSaddles 46 points47 points ago

Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

[–]mongoOnlyPawn 2 points3 points ago

Don't you forget it.

[–]bravoredditbravo 2 points3 points ago

This little skirmish is making me unusually excited

[–]xNidhogg 60 points61 points ago

holy shit you've only been around for three days?

it feels so much longer...

[–]nostalgicpanda 31 points32 points ago

I had to go check his account to confirm this. It feels like he's been here for weeks.

Wtf, internet time?

[–]muzfuz 26 points27 points ago

Time passes slower... on the internet...

QUICK! MUST SPEND MORE TIME ON REDDIT! WILL LIVE LONGER!

[–]tower1 4 points5 points ago

This is a new theory of special relativity.

[–]Onlythefinestwilldo 1 point2 points ago

You should alert /r/shittyaskscience

[–]black27696 1 point2 points ago

I thought I first saw him a few weeks ago. That kind of freaks me out to be honest.

[–]1ncognito 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit...

[–]Funkfest -3 points-2 points ago

That's because he copied the numerous other "Noir narrator" accounts on reddit these days. Sure, he puts some good effort into his posts, but he's by no means original.

[–]feedemall 3 points4 points ago

There are other "noir narrators" on Reddit? I haven't seen one yet that is not RedditNoir.

[–]ariheretic 2 points3 points ago

There's actually one called Noir_Narrator, I'm fairly sure. I've seen him around.

[–]dr_rainbow 31 points32 points ago

I didn't like your account at first but its growing on me.

I hope you end up creating a universe with constant developing storylines.

It would be cool to say, you and shitty water colour being forced to join together to take on something larger.

[–]Epic_Story_Time 85 points86 points ago

"Something larger", he said, the echoes of his comment wafting down the dirty roads, the rotting alleys. The faintest sound reached the ears of none other than the teller of mighty tales, Epic_Story_Time. He awoke, and rose up from the hoard of upvotes he zealously guarded. A challenge had been issued, and by the Sepulchral Netherlords of Reddit, it would be answered.

RedditNoir continued nonchalantly down the street, his lips moving slightly with his gritty, hardboiled internal narrative.

"This city is alive, and it is infected. Novelties have begun to overtake the regulars, whoring themselves for but a single upvote. These filthy streets are full of their kind, desperately quoting and drawing shitty watercolours, begging for attention. And when the streets flood, and the rivers run red, they'll look up to me for help. And I'll say no." RedditNoir continued along the sidewalk, peddling his overdone gimmick as he went.

A roar.

RedditNoir looked back. He saw the novelties covering in fear. They were familiar with the roar. They knew what it was, what caused it, what was coming for them. He stopped in tracks to analyze the situation, and something bumped into his legs. It was Shitty_Watercolour, pathetically following him for another upvote. Seeing an opportunity, RedditNoir grabbed him and shouted,

"What was that roar? Who's coming?! Tell me, damn you, or I'll downvote your shitty watercolours so hard you'll never see the light of a comment thread again!"

Shitty_Watercolour shook himself free, and grabbing his supplies and a nearby piece of cardboard swiftly sketched something. RedditNoir leaned in and saw an unbelievably shitty drawing of what looked like a drawn-out, yet epic saga, wreathed in upvotes.

"What is this? Another novelty? A vastly overqualified AskScience comment?"

Shitty_Watercolour shook his head, flipped the board over and drew something else. Despite the unbelievable shittiness, RedditNoir could see he had tried to draw some kind of vast cathedral, or a tower, or something along the lines.

"Who is this? ChurchPewPew?"

Watercolour shook his head, his greasy, unkempt hair whipping back and forth.

"Is it another novelty? Something meant to be epic?"

At the sound of "epic", Shitty_Watercolour leapt up and nodded ferociously.

"So it's an epic novelty? That doesn't seem too bad..." RedditNoir's flipped the cardboard over again.

"And it's a ...story?"

More nodding.

"So this roar was caused by a novelty called Epic_Story?"

Shitty_Watercolour grabbed the cardboard, and underneath the shitty watercolour of a story he drew a clock. Understanding dawned in RedditNoir's eyes.

"Epic_Story_Time? Is that it?"

Shitty_Watercolour recoiled at the sound of that name, and the very Earth trembled. Novelties of all kinds, quotes and references and trivia looked up in terror as the earthquake ceased. Far in the sky above, the silhouette of something vast approached. The novelties turned tail and fled as one, scurrying into the shadows and sewers and alleyways of Reddit, fleeing from the approaching beast.

The creature landed. The ground shuddered. RedditNoir and Shitty_Watercolour looked up at the beast. Its form was indeterminate, constantly shifting from one thing to the next, but each form was awe-inspiring, majestic, and in every sense of the word, epic. Epic_Story_Time had arrived in the thread, and there was about to be a smackdown.

[–]pederpe3 24 points25 points ago

All I can say is this

[–]narcey 0 points1 point ago

lmao

[–]rollin904 8 points9 points ago

Ohhhhh shit. Time to clear my schedule.

[–]ShameSpear 4 points5 points ago

I am looking forward to this.

[–]DriftedPlanet 3 points4 points ago

Despite the self-glorifying storyline I was pretty intensely following the tale. Bravo.

EDIT: fixed the wording.

[–]Epic_Story_Time 5 points6 points ago

The self-glorifying is probably overdone a fair amount, but I'm trying to carry across an image of "something larger" that RedditNoir and Shitty_Watercolour have to fight against, as per dr_rainbow's request. I don't actually have such an inflated opinion of myself, and I'm well aware my storytelling skills are average at best.

[–]DriftedPlanet 1 point2 points ago

Alright thanks. Also thanks for choosing to break character to explain it unlike the many other novelties that will not.

[–]cuppincayk 3 points4 points ago

I'm sad that RedditNoir did not indulge us :(

[–]DBOWNIZZ -2 points-1 points ago

THATS CAUSE HE GOT OWWWWWNED!

[–]MakesYouReReadThings 6 points7 points ago

So much better the second time you read it.

[–]Hcortezz2 0 points1 point ago

i completely forgot what it was that i had originally clicked on... had to go back to check

[–]SomethingWonderful 1 point2 points ago

Redditor for 10 days

Bit of a Henery Hawk aren't you?

[–]Feb_29_Guy 5 points6 points ago

To be fair, RedditNoir has been around for 4 days. Let them fight it out.

[–]wiskey_tango_foxtrot 1 point2 points ago

/r/needadvice needs you to help flesh things out. People are way too vague with their postings there.

[–]Not_Korean_Enough 1 point2 points ago

And we have a winner.

[–]rnjbond 1 point2 points ago

:popcorngif:

[–]super_awesome_jr -1 points0 points ago

... nope.

[–]ElenaxFirebird 2 points3 points ago

Listened to this along with JustCarthy's suggestions.

It's amazing.

[–]Ireadyourpoststoyou 2 points3 points ago

any criticism you have about my voice would be welcome.

[–]ElenaxFirebird 1 point2 points ago

Your recordings are too quiet, you need a better mic, and you read it a little too fast.

[–]Ireadyourpoststoyou 1 point2 points ago

yeah my mic is shit, and i wasnt drunk enough to read correctly when i recorded that

[–]nerdfighters 1 point2 points ago

You need to relax more -- slow down and reduce emphasis/emotion in the words.

Listen to something like this and you'll probably get into rhythm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znJGiSqfbas (link copied from a suggestion above)

[–]hazelmayy 1 point2 points ago

OH god. Now THIS made my day :P

[–]Veyrontarga 1 point2 points ago

So when are you going into the voiceover business?

[–]Ireadyourpoststoyou 5 points6 points ago

when i can afford a decent usb mic and get some good sounding demos recorded =P

[–]dE3L 1 point2 points ago

dude. get a good mic, pop filter, vocal preamp and keep doing this. you have nice reading to voice skills or whatever it's called, telepromptering maybe?.

edit: posted wrong spot. idiot.

[–]thisdadisCRAZY 6 points7 points ago

IS THIS WHERE THE LOLCATS ARE?

[–]_The_Highlander_ 4 points5 points ago

What year am I in?

[–]jimmypopali 12 points13 points ago

And the streets of Reddit are safe again. But for how long?

[–]witty_account_name 26 points27 points ago

Excellent writing. However, your continuity could use a bit of work. In the previous post, you are putting out your cigarette on Shitty_Watercolour's sign. Then, in this post you are taking a drag from a cigarette, but there is no mention of ever lighting a new one. It is all about the details, man.

[–]DukeSpraynard 46 points47 points ago

This has been covered. Noir is a chain smoker. A new cigarette is always lit, but only mentioned when it adds to the story.

[–]litkedeep 3 points4 points ago

BUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[–]sarpedonx 3 points4 points ago

This is fucking awesome

[–]natholomew 1 point2 points ago

It's like an actual 1,000 words vs. something worth as much (except, notably shitty)

[–]Scythe_of_the_Celtowes kk his first born 2 points3 points ago

I LOVE you! Step into my warm my embrace! Ignore my throbbing member!!

[–]justplainlovely 9 points10 points ago

I have you tagged as "owes kk his first born" for some reason.

[–]hazelmayy 5 points6 points ago

so do i? i really dont understand reddit sometimes

[–]NDecisive 3 points4 points ago

I don't even have RES and he's tagged for me. O_o

[–]hazelmayy 0 points1 point ago

neither do i

[–]CRAZEDtypo 5 points6 points ago

As do I... I don't even know what...

[–]Kwizi 1 point2 points ago

it's his flair

[–]OminousLatinWord 1 point2 points ago

I do too. Please explain.

[–]Scythe_of_the_Celtowes kk his first born 1 point2 points ago

Para bellum?

[–]Los_Plantanos 1 point2 points ago

why do i have you tagged as "owes kk his first born".

[–]EvanSei 1 point2 points ago

Also wondering the same thing.

Edit: because it isn't a RES tag.

[–]slumberday 1 point2 points ago

What if this entire comment was made into a video?

[–]slumberday 0 points1 point ago

well played sir... best game ever at the time. And that cheat code is awesome...

[–]harrihu 0 points1 point ago

I would really like to see that!

[–]dhaft88 4 points5 points ago

The dames don't exactly swoon for 3-day old accounts very often.

@.@

^ 4 day old account

[–]dmox -5 points-4 points ago

noob

[–]alton-brown 1 point2 points ago

/r/meatporn Good Eats.

[–]slyg 0 points1 point ago

a bit late, but it thought let you know

like a Pavlovian dog rat in a skinner box.

FTFY

[–]Inky_musty 0 points1 point ago

There was never any mention of a Skinner's box...

[–]slyg 0 points1 point ago

maybe "skinner's rat,' but "rat in a skinner box sounds' works and sound better

Pavlovian = classical conditioning, Skinner = Operant conditioning (renforcement etc.)

[–]Z0bie 0 points1 point ago

Hint: if you put a \ in front of the asterisks it'll let you type *ahem* properly.